Gif: A FISHY WISH (Patreon)

He: I've always dreamed of being in the Olympics... so I wish for you to make me the fastest swimmer in the world.

Fairy godmother: Okay!

She waves her wand, sends a whoosh of pink energy his way, and he turns into a beautiful mermaid. He immediately loses his balance and hits the floor with a heavy thump, landing on his sparkling, golden fishtail.

He: What the hell?

Fairy godmother: As a mermaid, you'll swim much faster than any human!

He: But... this isn't...

Fairy godmother: Enjoy life unda da sea, little mermaid!

She waves her wand again and vanishes. He swishes his tail irritably for a moment and sighs.

He: Well, on the bright side, I don't suppose the Olympic committee has specific rules forbidding mermaids...