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Hey Guys, I took a day to think over what you guys mentioned in chapter 276 since the feedback was much more negative than normal. That isn't a slight against you guys or anything; I want your sentiments and ideas. In general, I think that a lot of you guys may have jumped to narrative assumptions about what was going to happen. On the other hand, many of you pointed out very valid points about the Phil POV section. I'll be splitting my overview up between three different general responses because of that.

1. The Phil arc is predictable, and we don't want him to become a big side character.

| My response | So first off, I only intended for Phil to be a showcase of how Elysium ran their camps. He wasn't supposed to become a major character, and his POV was made to show the inner processes of how Elysium works. That was it. Now while writing the chapter, I did make try and make it exciting, but I can see that you guys aren't interested with exploring those options, and it's making you guys dread reading his POV. That won't be a problem because of the following point.

2. The Phil POV showcases a few plotholes.

| My response | Yes it does. In fact, this went entirely over my head, and in all honesty, this is likely the most plotholes I've ever introduced all at once. I aim to fix them. This kind of mishap was inevitable. I've been writing for years, so big mistakes are bound to happen. I'll be elaborating on a few of these points you guys brought up(Thanks for doing so).

a. Phil saw the streams, he knows their on Earth, and he'll tell Elysium. At the very least, someone might tell Elysium, and that means that they will learn where the guild is.

Yeah, this completely true, and I'll likely be scrapping this entire plotline because of this point. I never intended for this to be a huge section of the story or anything, so for me, this is no big deal. If anything, I should've been more restrained with the streaming portion of this. I'll likely be setting up parameters to expressly state what the joining process involves, and also how their avoiding people from discovering their base's actual location while advertising their guild.

What I'm thinking at the moment is explaining exactly how someone joins a guild, what options there are for advertisement, and how the guild's location could remain secure. Explaining all that should patch these issues up nicely while world-building a bit. Thank you guys for bringing that up because I missed it

b. Why isn't Daniel helping more people?

This is less a plothole and more a point of clarification. This is the series of events that I based the progression of the story around - first, Daniel escaped Bloodhollow and was trying to survive. Second, Yawm arrived, and he had to handle the guy or else he'd die. Third, he wanted to establish contact on Giess to get rid of his and his ally's unknown statuses. Fourth, by the time he finished all that, he was wrapped up in this war. Fifth, now he's trying to make sure the rebels don't blow Earth up, and that's why he isn't helping as much.

This might not be enough for you guys, and that's fair. I know Daniel is not a saint by any means, and he makes sure that he and his loved ones are secure first and foremost. That being said, I've tried to address this with the golem creation while trying to explore Daniel's character. This might not be enough, but know I'm thinking of ways to make this happen. After all, Daniel's good will has expanded since he's moved up a tier in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

I know some people mentioned Daniel letting lots of people die on Earth while he went to Giess. This is true. That being said, remember that Althea was blown up by an assassin hunting them. That is what made Daniel's trip to Giess so immediate. That was the justification. Whether that's enough, I'll up for you guys to decide.

Either way, I'm letting you all know I am thinking about this quite a bit. I will be brainstorming a solution to address your concerns. I'll also be aiming to do in an interesting way that shows more about the characters, worldbuilding, and the plot as well. It might take a few days/weeks to get it all right though, so I would truly appreciate even more patience from you guys. And as always, feedback so I can make my story as excellent as I can.

c. This plotline seems like it's going to be pinning humanity against Daniel's guild.

I actually never intended on doing this, and I'm not a fan of arbitrary, informational conflicts like that. I prefer concrete, genuine differences that lead to real clashes instead. You guys have good imaginations though, and this would've definitely have been a possibility going forward if I'd decided on it.

3. Hey, don't bail on your vision just because you got some negative feedback! That's, er, disingenuous!

| My Response | As mentioned before, I only wanted to showcase how an Elysian camp works from a personal, detailed perspective. I also wanted to humanize the rebels some since you guys have seen the worst parts of them, but not their best aspects. By demonstrating the kind of worlds that Elysium is fighting for, I aimed to give a compelling counter example of their altruistism to humanize them.

This Phil plotline simply isn't going to work for this because of the plotholes mentioned earlier. This is by no means the end of the world, and I can fix this. If any of you guys is willing to mention the chapters where streaming was mentioned, then that would hasten how quickly this could be done for me. I rarely ask for help like this, but this kind of glaring issue needs to be addressed before moving forward.

There are plenty of ways to do this in a different way as well. The team being sent down to infiltrate the Elysian camp could show how the camp operates. I could also explore other characters you guys would be more interested in, like Other Hod, Amara, Isa, etc. I mean, there's plenty of ways to make this fun, interesting, and cool. I'm not limited here, and the sky's the limit.

That's about all I have for my thoughts. Let me know what you all think.

I'm not the kind of author that ignore's his audience and keeps going forward. I'm willing to take a few steps back for the long term success of my stories. This is one of those moments. Thank you all for helping me do this and for being so engaged with the narrative.

I'll be active in this comment section for sure, and sorry if I came across as defensive in the previous post. I took a day just to make sure I was calm and level headed. It's easy to take slights at my story as personal, as any author can atest to. I know that will hold me back, however, so I'm here to listen.

I'll let you guys know when I have this fixed, and I'll get back to posting after the monthly video summary where I'll let you guys know what my solution is.

Comments

Valintus

You just keep being awesome and healthy bro, I'm just here for the ride. Honestly I thought you wanted Phil to tell on Daniel. So you could force Dan and co into another conflict and show that Daniels new found prowess with the elemental furnace is enough to hold big lizard boi back but not kill him. Anyway I'm really enjoying your book mate nothing else makes me feel like I'm reading Doom in book format.

Sebas Tian

Thank you very much! I don't remember exactly what chapter mentioned the streaming but one of them was right after Daniel first used his orbital bombardment move.

Alex R

They should know where Daniel is from because of where Yawm was killed.

Zachary Smith

I didn’t consider any of those points of contention. I was oblivious haha didn’t realize that there was plot holes. So good on the other readers out there, and good on u monsoon for taking it seriously and correcting them.

Anonymous

I love the rather quick and well-thought-out response you gave. Owning up to mistakes and just staying on track are absolutely amazing qualities for an author and simply necessary for a great one. I was honestly not thinking into things that deeply, but I really appreciate your dedication to improve the story based on feedback. Big ups mate.

Dominic French

The easiest fix I can think for the streaming issue is that he simply kept being a human under wraps for everyone outside of his guild. He also isn't alone I don't know exactly what a large portion of his guild has been doing but I would imagine they have the resources to assemble a few strike teams to help around on earth pretty easily since Daniel is was indisposed that also might be a good pov and and alternative to him expanding his guild super wide.

Stephen B.

Hey there, I just wanted to say - you are awesome!! _Very_ few of the authors I read would have reacted this calmly and informatively to audience criticism, and I don't think you came across as defensive at all. I don't have a dog in this fight at all (my only 'complaint' about the previous chapter was "dammit, I already finished it"), I just wanted to tell you how cool you are :)

Tatsu

I have to say, great reaction to the feedback from your audience. Taking a step back and viewing everything from an objective angle before giving us your take on the matter. I for one would be much more interested if one of the known characters explores elysium. Maybe Amara would be best with some system hacking 101 to make it spicy. As for the streaming plot hole, I strongly suggest to take your time and patch it up how you see fit. Thank you for the good work!

Code Reed

I honestly wasn't expecting such a response. Awesome to know the Author takes there fans seriously. So many other would have just soldiered on, some without acknowledging the criticisms at all. Nice to know he's in this for the long haul.

Monsoon117

Daniel doesn't really look human, and none of his top guildmates are human either. I don't think it's much of a stretch for everyone to assume he landed on Earth to prove himself, like the breakers.

Ashrothe

I noticed the plot hole with the streams, but figured you already had a work around that would be delivered later. Otherwise didn't really have anything negative in regards to the story so far. Already figured the golems were his help humanity project, just lagging a bit from how busy he's been.

Azuolas Korsakas

Im not sure how much og a solution it might be but we could always just say that the streaming platform might have been restricted for earth for not being included in schema for over x amount of years, or the world not yet having been able to unlock that privilege. Ofc pirating and stuff might excist but again there is always a solution. Another thing might be amara unintentionally or intentionally bigging/ hacking the streams or the streaming platform to make earth untrackable. Really up to you. So instead of taking the streaming parts away, just retouch and add more layers to the plot so it seems more convoluted than it is

Bobby B.

I honestly never made that connection, that Henry(the bat guy?) Knows daniel is on earth, and would tell them, personally I wouldn't tell them anything on the belief they'd nuke earth to hell and back to kill Daniel's support bloc

Bobby B.

Also, super disappointed! I got excited thinking that this was a random ass new chapter.

Kevin Ramos

Well, I honestly didnt see th plot hole until it was pointed out and I thought this was the proper direction we were going.

Terry Stevens

Hey mate. Honestly, for me, I tend to skip these bits if they seem a bit disinteresting. Phil’s POV didn’t do anything for me last time around, so tend to pass over it. Maybe instead, write a different POV, on a different world, where the plotholes don’t drop you in the shit. But keep up the good work, stay safe, and DONT DIE!!!! Or if you do, pull a Torix please.

s476

Props for being so open. My feedback to the feedback: I at least do not expect daniel to be a saint. I think he has a good heart, but is extremely practical, and priorities himself and his next over the others. So I do not expect him to risk any of that to save more. Put himself in a predictable danger, yes. But not beyond what you can expect from the next person on the street with a good alignment.

Anonymous

I personally do enjoy the POV and think it’s a smart way to give readers info in the story. I never saw him as a potential MC, the only work around was him giving away guild location but I figured once Elysian came to Earth they would know This was Daniels homeworld just not where he set up camp. I thought they would try to turn his home world against him by “saving people” Daniel ignored. Earth civil war, two systems collide, type plot. Otherwise the hole “why is Daniel not saving earth?” Question came down to, he doesn’t have the resources to take responsibility for the planet...yet. Also why is it just his responsibility, he would get less than the transactions he’s doing now that set up the resources and long term benifit that after he gets to saving earth would help develope it. If he saved earth right away he may make it so less die but if he can’t develope it then others will just swoop in and solidify their territory’s. There are other guilds taking earth territory. Well these are my thoughts. I’ve been enjoying the story and will stand behind whatever decision the author decides....unless it doesn’t make sense, then I’ll bring it up.

Tom sawicki

Bring Phil in later after you have done more development with the rebellion. Maybe you can bring him back mid-camp life. I think some of the difficulty is the abrupt shift while some of the threads of build up are still unresolved. I appreciate that you take reader comments to heart and want to make the story the best it can be! I have really enjoyed the ride so far and I think you have so much left to write!

Sebastian Prue

Honestly what you said has addressed a lot of concerns I had and I can't wait to see what you do with it moving forward 😊

Anonymous

Might be a bit late to introduce but I've been thinking about the POVS for a while now. They are a really cool story element but with how infrequently they are used they always seem a bit jarring. Like it'd have been cool to have a pov from yawms right hand in the yawn arc before we even met him. And if Phils arc had being going like all the giess arc and he'd started where he is now before maybe being recruited by elysium (maybe making him an espen would make it easier if you didn't want to have the adairs find earth yet) and then have him slowly get brought into the rebel. Work his way up. Have the story interconnect indirectly for a while to some sort of conclusion. Anyway having Povs be a more common think might make them smoother. Lean more into them. I get you just wanted to showcase elysium but if your not tying a character in for multiple reasons they can feel sorta stale

Atlas Dwarf

Honestly glad the streaming element is being removed cause I never thought Torix sneaking a camera in Daniel sat well relationship or story wise. No concern about being able to tell when it's recording, camera getting hacked, fight clarity with all the destruction going around, and how it hasn't ever gotten destroyed despite the catastrophic power Daniel deals with (heat, body getting smashed in, etc.). Advertising wise you could have the Sentinel or other portal experts still record the fights from stray portals around the attacked area and then broadcast them after the fact. That would allow Daniel to advertise his Guild's prowess off without leaking conversations or anything about him being human. Also about Althea/Daniel getting bombed on Earth in their base, I'd be surprised if the perpetrator (Breaker sniper?) never leaked the location. If it was the sniper maybe you could throw in something like Schema has been censoring a lot information about/around Daniel cause of his knowledge of the cipher.

Anonymous

I like the fact that you read our comments and care enough to address and fix these issues. To be fair though its easy to sit and nit pick potential plots holes and a hell of a lot harder to come up with an incredible story such as this like you have done. So props to you for that. Take your time to fix what you need to because I'm sure the story will benefit in the long run. I know I had a fair amount of criticism last chapter but I only bothered to post because the story has become something that I really enjoy reading. Nothing personal was ever meant and I for one am excited to see this story further develop. Keep on doing your thing! Also I do think it would be really interesting to know more of the inner workings of Elysium. Especially how they come across to their own members. Do they all know about the atrocities or do they try to down play them as much as possible? A lot of interesting stuff could be learned. Can the ends justify the means?

Qrystof

The big issue with retconning the streaming is how Daniel's universal image/brand will change. He became famous and started to put pressure on the Empire because of showing off his strength during the streams. Would schema use him as a PR piece? See what new races can achieve by working hard in my system? IDK. I think the rebels just showing up on his planet feels too contrived and too sudden. Who/how would they even get there? Landing a ship? Can't teleport right? Schema owns those warps. Wouldn't let rebels through. Does schema have no planetary defenses around his planets? I'd go towards having them land on the planet Daniel is going to in order to fight the next Ruhl. The rebels want to approach it to join them due to it's knowledge and ability. Daniel has to stop them from joining hands. Diplomacy, subterfuge, action, etc. Thanks for listening and sorry for shit formatting. On my phone.

Monsoon117

This is also how I thought about it, but there were several comments with very high agreement to the contrary. I think a lot of people are underestimating the scale involved with controlling a planet. It's just not something an individual can do, and it isn't like a planet is locked down once someone's gained control of a territory. It can shift on a moments notice.

Monsoon117

Phil served several narrative purposes. The most important of those was showcasing the standard hardships developed from Schema's system. Not everyone is in such an awful situation, but quite a few are. That being said, Phil did more than that. He also was supposed to showcase how a normal person would adapt to the system, along with expose different parts of Elysium. That's about it really, but those are important worldbuilding details people have been asking to see for a while.

Monsoon117

These are good ideas, and I'll definitely take them into consideration. That bit about Schema doing what he can to protect Daniel as a resource is a deft way of manuevering around this.

Monsoon117

It's almost impossible to explore those elements without a fresh perspective since a deep relationship with the team that's attempting to infiltrate the camp would likely expose who they are and what they're doing. Thanks for letting me know what you're thinking though.

Monsoon117

I don't know about this issue. Regardless of Torix's streaming and advertising efforts, Schema would 100% still use him as an icon. The guy rose through the ranks rapidly, regardless of what race or situation he came from. That's a valuable tool to use as a motivator for other people. As for the contrived nature of landing on Earth, the rebels are expanding out towards dozens of planets across Schema owned space. They're aiming for worlds that lack a real, solid presence from Schema. Since Earth hasn't been through the initial no guild landing period, Earth is a very easy place to establish a presence. This is also why the camp isn't large or expansive. It's an initial colony their establishing just to see if things pan out with the native species. I have explanations for how they did all this as well and, man. This feedback thing is weighing me down at this point.

Anonymous

Just in and amongst all the critisim (constructive hopefully) I just wanted to reiterate how fantastic and unique this story has always been for me. Even just the way Daniel approaches life is inspiring. And I'm constantly hooked into every aspect of the story: fighting, training, crafting, planning, talking etc. Phil was 100% a good idea and does a fantastic job of filling out the world and humanising the adiars rebellion more. Props to writing in a manor that allows real time feed back and making use of it. With that said your own creations are always fantastic

Anonymous

My big plot hang up is 2B. As a 4x grand strategy and RTS player I always default to *AQUIRE MOAR RESOURCES* and the fact that Daniel isn’t consolidating a place of power bothers me. But I’m paying to read this and I refresh every day to see if you have posted so I’m here either way

Alex R

Daniel isn't really running his guild though, he gave that responsibility to Torix and we know that he is the slow and steady type. He wants to solidify his power before expanding. They are slowly expanding their base, don't want to expand too quickly and have some powerful eldritch get missed.

Idan tal

The only problem is how to prevent the Big Bad Lizard from blowing half of earth.. if there is a way to do that for enough time for Daniel to get stronger and achieve some of his goals then there are no plot holes.. It’s never been said out loud that he is from earth and all the other big shots in the guild aren’t. Changing two sentences of Phil and continue as you please 🤩

Anonymous

Oml almost forgot! The burning question I've had since the start of the series! What the hell is Agony?! Schema doesn't give you new abilities it just enhances you. Most extra abilities are explained by magic, sci-fi tech or eldritch experimentation. The auras now can be put down to dimensional status. But he got Agony before the armour or anything so how the hell do we explain it? The only thing I could think of would be that bahl dahg ruhl hacked the system and gave him it but that makes no sense coz it works as a weapon against his 'children'

s476

Hey ja hope all is well :) any eta for the next chapter? No pressure, just asking, just ignore if you dont know yet

Monsoon117

Man, I'm thinking about it everyday. I've tried writing, but I've got all anxious and nervous now. I'll probably just steel myself so that I finish. As is, it makes my stomach sink to even think about it.

EvilGodAsura

Just stick to your vision. The most important thing is that you finish it and that makes you better than most writers.

Bobby B.

Thought to keep the Paul perspective, why are you going to sell out your hometown hero? All well and good to get a different “cable provider” but selling out the “local kid who made it big”? Idk,

Code Reed

Now that you mention it.. That could be interesting. It's easy to blame Daniel for not being on earth. They have no context for WHY he's out there after all. It's equally easy to see that Elysium is a horrific threat that can't be left alone. He could go the double agent route. Instead of blaming Daniel, he blames Elysium for keeping Daniel from earth by starting that war. At the same time I don't get how they don't already know he's from earth. I can't remember how the people of earth know he's human. Maybe he's said it, not to mention the whole Yehm (I forget how to spell it) incident. It's a famous event right? Someone must have put together that giant scary armor man that beat Yehm and giant scary armor man that's fighting Elysium are the same? Idk, if have to re-read this whole thing to pin down those details.

Anonymous

Hey monsoon! Wanted to show my support on here, let you know that every creator goes through something like this! You're an incredible author and ive read through this 3 times just to make sure lol! You can write past this, untangle this little knot here bt drawing that string out with the story and the unravel it later. Daniel is a capable character, he has capable people around him and I think the people of earth are also capable of seeing through the ugly truths the Adairs are trying to weave to see that they're monsters. Most earth peope see how hybrids are made, I dont think they'd appreciate them 'protecting' their kids.

Anonymous

Are we getting a new chapter soon?

Brent Thomas

Monsoon117 love your work but, what's going on? When is the next chapter coming out?

Anonymous

Hmm, hope for the best Monsoon

Anonymous

You got this man! I do not know what is keeping you away, but you got this.

Anonymous

Dear diary

Anonymous

Day 23 still no new chapter I don't know what happened but I will wait.

Bobby B.

Day.. 26? The long night continues, the doubters have struck a blow to our Kings heart. Their recovery is long and cold. Hunger has led many, myself shamefully included, to poach along the Royal Road. The pickings are slim. Disease ravages the masses. I am forced to see a connection to Our King Monsoon, 117th of his name, and the attempt on His life. I hear movements in the dark. We are not alone out here, in the grim darkness of this long night, there is only hunger. -excerpt from survivor's journal.

EvilGodAsura

Everything was going fine and BAM another great story dies because the author starts doubting themselves. I gave the money JUST LET ME HAVE ANOTHER GOOD STORY FINISH INSTEAD OF DYING LIKE THE REST

Wrath

I'll continue to wait because I know he's more than likely be back with a bunch of chapters I feel like maybe he's revising a few of them and making sure to bring the best experience to us readers he can.

Tom sawicki

Do you think you will be back soon?

Anonymous

Fuck man, sounds like you spent money cause you're impatient rather than investing in the man behind the created world. Get out of here with you're whiney bs. This story, this world he created, is HIS world mind you and he can do whatever he damn well pleases

Joshua

I don't believe you can humanize a force of people who commit genocide. Like yeah if a species is utter evil it might be necessary but here they are literally mind raping, murdering assholes. There system doesn't work as one day lehesion will escape and with the ability to broadcast to everyone you can say to anyone who sides with them that "if you become too powerful or ohhbhhh you are a naturally strong species get exterminated and mind raped for our army. Yes they will have supporters but they simply have no argument for how they created there foundation. How can they assure someone they won't be next. Also scenma has some faults but overall I think he's done pretty well with what he was given.

Joshua

Sorry bad spelling but you get my point but still one the greatest novels I have ever read