December 2022 Story (Chapter 3) (Patreon)

When Pawel returned unscathed from Baba Bosh’s gas, Jacek and his men were in disbelief. It was only when his account was corroborated with the other prisoners that they finally believed him. Moretz was about to give him some respect when Jacek nudged him with his elbow.

“You’re still a greenhorn,” Jacek said. “From now on, you will only be on duty feeding the prisoners.”

For some reason Pawel didn’t think of that as a bad idea. He became roused by the thought of seeing Baba Bosh again, but he gulped and kept the sentiment a secret. He then asked, “So…was she ever a spy for Zavesh?”

Another guardsman laughed. “No, you imbecile! It would have just been funny to have her fart on you!”

The guards all laughed, and finally Pawel saw and understood that they always meant to trick him. He felt a little embarrassed, especially when Jacek grabbed a broom and jutted it into Pawel’s hands. “Here. Sweep the entire floor and then the dungeon while you’re at it. Make yourself useful.”

Pawel sighed and began sweeping. At the very least, he was alone with his thoughts in the dimly lit corridors of Castle Ludwig. There was a lot on his mind that he wanted to ask the old lady in the dungeon. She must have seen and heard a lot in her time. Pawel’s mother always wanted to shield him from bad news and the outside world. Pawel’s mother also probably would have hated to hear that he spoke with a woman like Baba Bosh. The idea of speaking to her candidly broke so many taboos that Pawel blushed thinking about it.

The next morning, Pawel woke up in his quarters on time to feed the prisoners. He saved Baba Bosh for last. It made sense anyway since she lived on the lowest floor of the dungeon. She was walking around her cell when he arrived. She smiled at him and said, “I have never walked in this corner of my cell before. It’s so strange to think that I have been here for so long without being able to go in the corner.”

Pawel’s heart dropped. He started to really feel sorry for her. He brought her breakfast, this time real food. No more goulash. He brought her sausages, bread, cheese, and milk. When he set the tray down, Baba Bosh’s eyes lit up at the sight of it, but she acted reservedly and ate the food as if it were no big deal.

She downed the milk and afterwards casually let off a hefty belch. She continued eating nosily without excusing herself.

Pawel chuckled. “How are you so…unashamed about bodily functions?”

Baba Bosh spoke with her mouth full. “Life is too short to hold anything back.”

“I suppose one does not care anymore with age.”

She shook her head. “No, I’ve always been like this. Ask the girls at the whorehouse, if it’s still there that is. I was one of the more unpopular ones. I can belch songs. Want to hear?”

“Er. Sure.”

She smacked her lips and stared at the empty tray. “I need more milk though. That stuff gets me going. I’m allergic to it, but it’s delicious!”

Pawel nodded. He went upstairs and fetched a pitcher of milk for her from the kitchen. A few cooks eyed him suspiciously as he left without explaining anything.

Baba Bosh’s eyes lit up at the sight of the pitcher of milk. She drank it and gasped with satisfaction as if it were an elixir of life. “Oh yes. That’s good. I have not had milk in ages. Thank you.”

Pawel stared in amazement as she chugged the entire pitcher in seconds. She realized he was staring and laughed. “You should have seen me in the pubs. Five liters of ale - gone before you could shear the wool off a sheep!”

Then she belched loudly, with such intensity that Pawel swore he saw some bits of food fly out of her mouth. She patted her belly and said, “Not long now. Give it a moment.”

Pawel watched with increasing excitement. Baba Bosh leaned back against the wall rubbing her belly, seemingly becoming more uncomfortable judging by her wincing. She then drew a deep breath and belched the Walchan Anthem out loud. Her voice echoed across the dungeon, reverberating against the walls. She swung the empty pitcher like a beer mug as she sang, each word she belted out made a deep guttural sound.

As she ended the song, Pawel laughed and clapped. Baba Bosh still had some more gas left in her, so she belched to relieve the pressure.

At the end she went “Ooof!” and patted her chest. “I haven’t done that in a long time but I still got it!”

Just then, Jacek’s voice cut through the hallway.

“PAWEL?”

Pawel shot to his feet, heart racing. Baba Bosh stood up and hid the pitcher underneath her skirt.

Jacek, eyes furious, marched down the hallway.

“What in God’s name is that sound? We thought a dragon had broken in! What are you doing?”

The captain stopped some feet away from the two of them. Pawel knew he must have looked suspicious, but he kept his calm. He stood straight, saluted, and said, “The old hag broke wind again, sir!”

Jacek continued to eye the two of them, scrutinizing every detail. He then said, “The cooks said you left with a pitcher of milk. Where is it?”

Pawel hesitated.

Jacek barked, “Where is it?”

“Right here, my lord,” Baba Bosh said. She leaned against the bars of her cell holding the pitcher out, twirling it innocently in her fingers.

Jacek went up to her and snatched the pitcher. Baba Bosh belched in his face. Jacek reeled, wafting the air with his hand. She cackled. He then chastised Pawel again. “She’s only allowed scraps. SCRAPS! Do you not understand?”

“Don’t be so harsh on the boy, my lord,” she said. “You know he’s easy to fool. He has a lot to learn.”

Jacek grumbled and left without a further word.

Once he left, the two of them sighed. Pawel turned to her and said, “Easy to fool, eh?”

Baba Bosh shrugged innocently. “You didn’t want to get into trouble, did you? I had to make it sound good.” Then she smiled. “But you are a little foolish.”

Pawel grimaced. He stared down at the stone floor, a bit embarrassed.

She then added, “But nice. Don’t get me wrong. You are indeed a very nice person.” After some hesitation, she quipped, “And good. There are not many good people in this world. Don’t let the guardsmen ruin that for you.”

Pawel picked up the tray and nodded at her.

“See you at lunch,” she said.