New Code of Cozy Conduct for the Discord Server (Patreon)

This is the new Code of Conduct for the Discord Server--please read it and if you have any feedback or comments or even adjustments you want to suggest, do so in the comments here or in the Lounge discussion on the server.

The Cozy Code

This document is a place where we attempt to make explicit the behaviors we expect from members of the Cozy Cult server.

Preamble

This server is a safe space for sharing everything from a love of Cat’s work to pictures of that one dish that you still haven’t perfected to stories of what your kids got up to last week. In order to keep this place cozy and safe, we follow The Cozy Code. The most important rule on our server is “Don’t be an asshole,” but as everyone’s definition of being an asshole differs, we’ve tried our best to be explicit about what we count as being an asshole.

We’re not asking you to study this list in depth, or to swear an oath, or anything like that. Just be a conscientious participant. We are happy for people to drop in to the server and participate without studying the code in depth or passing a test, but we do ask that everyone on the server conduct themselves in the spirit of the code. If you feel you can participate conscientiously without reading the rest of the code, feel free to do so. But if you're interested, or if you're part of a conversation that has been asked to check in, then please do read on.

The Cozy Code is informed by our backgrounds, our experiences on the server, and by other similar codes (such as https://www.contributor-covenant.org/version/2/1/code_of_conduct/).

The Cozy Code is a living document that evolves as the server evolves. We have done our best to be complete, but we recognize that we can’t cover every situation. Try to consider the spirit of the code along with the specifics: rules lawyering is not cozy.

The New Rules

1. Don’t be an asshole.
2. Don’t be an asshole. Being an asshole includes, but is not limited to…
   1. Bigoted behaviour such as racism, homophobia, ableism, transphobia, or any similar expressions of hatred against marginalised groups.
   2. Harassment, uninvited flirting, intimidation, and/or bullying.
   3. Continuing to direct-message someone who has asked you to stop.
   4. Ignoring requests to stop or slow down a discussion, or to add content warnings/spoiler tags.
   5. Talking down to people and/or non-apology apologies.
   6. Ranting in positive spaces and/or providing unrequested advice in ranting spaces.
   7. Making ad hominem attacks or insulting individuals, whether server participants or not. This includes sharing derogatory memes or descriptions of politicians and other public figures.
3. We assume and act in good faith. This means we…
   1. Respect each other and do not tolerate hate.
   2. Assume good intent and ask for clarification if we are uncertain.
   3. Keep an eye on our conversations to make sure they are still relevant to the channel's stated topic.
   4. Choose the kindest words we can.
   5. Remember that there is a real person on the other end of the internet.
   6. Recognise the power of our words and try to be as clear as possible, particularly when talking about complex topics.
   7. Tread carefully when discussing heavy or emotionally charged topics.
   8. Accept criticism of behavior, not identity or traits, regardless of political or ideological alignment. This extends to politicians and other public figures.
4. We respect each other. We are comfortable disagreeing, but it’s imperative that disagreements be respectful and constructive. When we disagree with another member’s post or opinion, we think about what we want to achieve with a conversation about the disagreement. We don't shut down conversation by dismissing each others' feelings, opinions, or shared content. We offer different perspectives respectfully and with a tone appropriate to the conversation or channel topic. We have a history of constructive conversations where people keep an open mind - conversations are not about winning.
5. We recognise that self-deprecation and venting can have splash damage. Venting is totally OK, but when venting in a public channel, consider using content/trigger warnings.
6. When we share news-related content, we provide either context (e.g. “from my doctor friend” or “distilled from media coverage”) or a direct link to the source. This is especially applicable to the Opt-In channels and to Mad-Virology-Lab.
7. We are a diverse group, and not everyone shares the same background. While we love a joke based on an obscure reference, we strive to be inclusive. If we make a pop-culture reference that might not be understood from the text alone, or to someone without appropriate context, we tag it with an emoji, or a link to the necessary context under a Spoiler tag.
8. We recognise that sometimes the best next step for a conversation is for it to take a break.
9. We practice ethical necromancy. As our members are based around the world, we’re very happy to revive a thread or return to a previous conversation. However, in doing so, we strive to be constructive - we don’t revive a disagreement in bad faith or a disageement that we’ve given a time-out. We don’t bring back topics just so we can “win” the conversation.
10. The Cozy Code is most important when things are heated. If a conversation gets heated, any member of the server can “Tap the sign” if they feel comfortable doing so. Only the mods are “required” to moderate; everyone else is permitted to, but not required.
11. We recognise the rights of members to set their own boundaries. We have a volunteer moderator team who have agreed to take on the work of maintaining the Cozy Code when interventions are required. We expect that the Mod team and the Mod team alone handle interventions. This means we don’t support people reaching out directly to Cat or to anyone not on the mod team to plead their case or call someone out, and it means that we don’t expect anyone not on the mod team to do anything beyond tap the sign.
12. We do not utilize third-party bots or similar code on this server. We follow this restriction in order to preserve the confidentiality and Coziness of this community and Cat’s work.

Gentle Guidance

Use of Threads, Content Warnings, & Spoiler Tags

• Within channels we often use topical threads to contain deep conversations and sensitive subjects. Threads allow other users to mute notifications and opt-in to potentially upsetting content. Here is a link to a webpage with clear instructions on starting a thread.
• We sometimes preface sensitive subjects with a content warning and potentially spoiler tags to help everyone choose how and when to engage with the topic.
• When a content warning is requested, we do our best to accommodate for future conversation. This usually looks like adding a text warning (CW: xyz) and potentially spoiler tags (||xyz||) to images or content known to be upsetting.
• While we do not intend right now to keep a comprehensive list of content requiring warnings, the following types of topics should be considered “tread carefully”. In most cases, keeping the following to appropriate channels and threads should be sufficient:
  • Violence, war, and related tools/activities.
  • Body, health, reproductive, and related subjects.
  • Common phobias.
  • Jokes or marginalization of religions, cultures, beliefs, and practices, especially those not our own. We celebrate our beliefs here, and we do not mock others’.
  • Specific current events or topics that carry significant emotional weight (e.g. Ukraine, shootings, reproductive rights…).

How To Move a Conversation

A great way of moving channels that people don't even notice sometimes is putting your next reply in the desired move-to channel and @ing the people in the conversation. They can then click the notification and are already in the right place.

On Apologies

We understand that each of us may do things that cause harm or discomfort to others, whether intended or not. When this happens, an apology is the appropriate response. An effective apology for this community has the following elements:

1. Expression of regret that begins with“I’m sorry that I [did X]” and that does not shift responsibility to the person who has been harmed,
2. Explanation of what went wrong without excusing or defending oneself,
3. Acknowledgment of responsibility, and
4. Commitment to making it right (in the present) and preventing the behavior (in the future).

No one is obligated to accept an apology or offer forgiveness simply because an apology is made.

Examples of Expected Behaviors

Situation: You are notified that a post is bothering another person.

Negative response: Questioning or arguing, turning the request back on the person.

Positive response: “I am sorry for posting this.Thank you for letting me know. I will [remove the post / add spoilers or a content warning / revise my behavior going forward].”

(see “On Apologies” above)

Situation: A conversation gets heated or someone posts something with which you disagree.

Negative: “Doubling down” or “wall of text” or questioning expertise, etc.

Positive: “This is going [a place I didn’t intend / heated / . Let’s take a break.”

Situation: A conversation is entering “Tread Carefully” territory or is going far afield from the channel topic.

Negative:  Ignoring the intention of the channel while you say just one…ok five…more things.

Positive: “This probably belongs over in [channel/thread]. Let’s continue the conversation there.”

Situation: Someone has mentioned a thing and you feel the need to explain why the thing is A Bad Show/Game/Film Actually.

Negative: Continue doing so, risking bad feelings all around

Positive: Move the analysis to a thread.

Tapping the Sign

All members are encouraged and empowered but not required to “tap the sign” whenever a conversation becomes heated or uncomfortable in one of this server’s channels. This can be done as a reaction emoji  to a specific post or as a standalone sticker/emoji in a chat post.

To do this, simply type the following into the chat window and an image will appear when you send it.

:StayCozy:

ALL members are expected to treat this emoji as a signal to de-escalate the conversation immediately, even leaving it entirely if necessary.

Moderators - The Society for the Advancement of Coziness

The following people may be contacted directly if there are concerns about another member’s behavior. Additional volunteers, especially those able to cover non-American time zones, are welcome to contact John.

• John (ZenoParadoxus#3569)
• Cynthia (Jackelopette#2089)
• Dana (Danaoshee#5368)

Moderators and Conflict

We expect that most conflicts on the server can be de-escalated using the steps described above in the “Examples of Expected Behavior” section. In the case that they are not, the moderators are here to help keep the space safe and inclusive.

• If a member has “tapped the sign” or requested a topic be moved to a thread or behind a spoiler warning and this has not happened, or if a conversation has escalated, any member should contact the moderators in one of these two ways:
  1. Beginning a private thread and tagging @Moderator in the text of a post
  2. DMing an individual moderator.
• Moderators are empowered to take multiple steps to address conflict. These steps include, but are not limited to:
  1. Attempting a mediated de-escalation,
  2. Warning participants that the conversation will require direct intervention,
  3. Enabling Slow-Mode for a channel/thread,
  4. Muting participants,
  5. Temporary or permanent bans for participants who have breached the code (either the explicit behaviors covered in it or its spirit), and/or
  6. Reporting participants who continue to breach the Code to Discord.
• We expect most conflicts to be mitigated with minimal intervention, but we understand that certain situations may require stronger initial intervention than others and moderators are not required or expected to enact each step to mitigate a conflict.