Concerning Recent Events on the Discord Server (Patreon)

When I created a Discord server for members of this Patreon a year ago, I didn’t truly know what to expect. Mostly, I thought no one would care too much.

Instead, the Cozy Cult server has become an extraordinarily lovely, inclusive, and to my mind, precious space, a clearing in the wood the ugliness of the internet at large does not touch. We have all made friends, learned things, shared memes and advice, had laughs and tears and processed world events together. It’s a place I have encouraged people to join, even to subscribe to the Patreon just to have access to it, because it is so rare to have anywhere so…well. Cozy.

One of the first things said on the welcome and rules channel is: don’t make me moderate this space. Be good, don’t be an asshole, and there will be no need for it.

And for the better part of a year, that has been enough. It has stayed wonderful with little to no need for the usual business of forum administration, because the people here, and there, are truly so special.

Unfortunately, that time has now passed.

It has come to my attention that over the last several months, a user has engaged in a pattern of behavior that has distressed a large number of other users, to the extent of their leaving the server in order to feel safe. While I understand that passions can get high when discussing current events or controversies, this pattern by far exceeded normal heightened arguments.

This user was warned directly approximately three weeks ago, and has continued the same behavior after that warning.

This is completely unacceptable. Not here, not now, not in any place over which I have the slightest control.

And this is a place where I have a great deal more than slight control.

Which is why, before I get into what has been, and is still being done to mend the damage, I owe everyone an apology.

Between some issues in my personal life I have not discussed with anyone, the server’s historical ability to police itself, and my having taken a new writing gig that has consumed a huge portion of my mental bandwidth and time, I allowed myself to get complacent. This toxic behavior went on far too long. While part of that is sheerly how many people had to, very bravely, compare experiences they assumed were isolated to see the size of what was going on, and part of it was my own empathy and openness being exploited to manipulate my perspective on these issues, ultimately, it is my server, and my responsibility.

I am deeply sorry for having allowed this to continue and curdle the way it has. I should have been more diligent; I should have been more pro-active; I should have been more aware. I am profoundly sorry for the emotional distress so many of you, my best beloveds, have been dealing with due to what’s happened, and I’m sure there are more who have not yet spoken up to me directly. I apologize to all of you. It isn’t okay, it isn’t minor, and it isn’t just “how it goes on the internet.” The whole point of the server has become that “how it goes on the internet” is not how it goes here. I will do better in the future. It is my responsibility, and usually my delight, to protect the little world represented by this Patreon and its associated server, and I let you down. I will not again.

This user has now been banned. There will be no reconsideration of this decision. I said from the first rules that the process would be a warning and then a ban, and now this has come to pass.

A delicate point I want to make clear: this user is not a stranger to me. I have engaged with them privately and publicly on the server; I considered them at least a digital friend.

And it does not matter.

Friendship, digital or actual, with me is no shield to hide behind to harm others and break the rules. I have no issue enforcing those rules even for people I know and care about: nothing matters more than preventing harm to others. If you continually cause pain and anxiety for other people in my space, you cannot be in my space. Period. Everyone will be treated the same, there is no special treatment, nor will I allow any connection to or interactions with me to be misrepresented for the purposes of isolating and distressing anyone, at any time.

This is the first user to be banned from the server. I hope they will be the last. But in case they are not, several changes have been made, and will stay in place going forward.

We will now have a full moderation team, whose names will be announced shortly. Volunteers are welcome, especially those who could help out during non-US regular hours.

We have a full and official Cozy Code of Conduct, which you can read in pdf form in the Announcements channel. Feedback is also welcome. I will be available in real time on the server for the rest of the evening to field any immediate concerns. The procedure for future violations is laid out there.

There will likely be some pruning of channels to prevent harassment flying under the radar in corners with fewer users.

It is my hope that these steps will show the level of transparency I intend for the future. I hope they will restore the coziness of the server and bring it back to the terribly special place it has become. I also hope that those who left will feel safe to return, although I understand if they do not, or if it takes some time.

If anyone has been suffering without speaking up, about the actions of this user or any other, now, in the past, or in the future, please contact me and feel welcome and safe to bring these issues to me or any of the mods directly.

Lastly, I want to express unimaginably huge gratitude to John Peacock and the team of interim moderators who stepped up immediately when I could not, to understand, track, and determine a methodology for fixing this issue. You are all heroes and rock stars and should feel so very proud of the work you’ve done for the sake of safety and kindness. Nothing can ever repay the organizational skills, initiative, and interpersonal delicacy you have all brought to bear on this little server. Thank you so much, for always. Con drinks on me in perpetuity.

With these new structures in place, I still invite all of you to join us on Discord and participate in the fabulous community we’ve built. In the end, we made it almost a year with zero issues, and that’s actually something to be at least modestly celebrated. We are a good little collective group of mammals, and I suppose as our numbers grew it was inevitable that rules would not be able to stay as lax as they began.

Nevertheless, my apology stands, and I hope all the way down to my bones that this statement represents a closure of this awfulness, and a very nicely illustrated new chapter of unadulterated coziness for years to come.

All my love, and regret, but love above all,

Catherynne Valente