ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Cast Iron Pepperoni-Bacon Pizza with Three Sooper Sekrit Twists (Patreon)

Most of what I’m going to say in this recipe is pretty basic.

Making your own pizza is awesome.

You do not have to make your own dough or sauce if you don’t want to, it’s okay, nobody is judging you, we are all very busy people.

It’s all about the cheese and the toppings anyway.

Cast iron pans are neat!

The sekrit is at the end.

So the deal is that cast iron pans can give your pizza a chewier texture in the crust and a nice billowy effect you will ABSOLUTELY not see in the photo above because SOME KIND OF KITCHEN GOBLIN AND/OR TOOL SPRIGGAN stole my rolling pins, BOTH OF THEM, so I had to use my hands, a withering stare, and a vodka bottle to roll out my dough for the test kitchen version and I AM NOT OVER IT. 

Yours will be better because I will tell you how. And I will tell you how in a way that ALL THE DANG CAST IRON PIZZA RECIPES I READ do not, because there is some kind of GODDAMNED DISCONNECT between recipe-writing and good English that messes with people as soon as they put a fraction in a column and suddenly forget important details and also how to use prepositions correctly. This illness also infects knitting patterns, if you were curious. Especially the prepositions. AROUND and BETWEEN are NOT THE SAME, KNITTERERS. 

Ahem. Sorry. Moving on.

Obviously you can put whatever toppings you want on your pizza, I’m not the boss of you. This one was pepperoni and bacon with parmesan and basil. The basil is almost always a good call if you have it, because pizza tends to be pretty dense and rich, and the pop of fresh herbal flavor complexifies the palate really well. 

If you want thin crust, this is probably not your gig unless you have a PHAT cast iron pan that’s way wider than a usual skillet. A regular old 10 inch pan is only ever going to give you a ten inch personal-size pizza (although we found that with enough toppings, one was plenty to fill two of us). One ball of store-bought dough will make two of these. But it is not a particularly deep crust either! Unless you wanted to make it one by using the whole dough ball. THERE IS A LOT OF PERSONAL LEEWAY HERE. 

I basically have three secrets to a really impressive pizza and I’m going to list them here before the ingredients so you can just take the knowledge into your future pizza-making schemes and adapt at will

1. If you use any kind of cured meats, but especially pepperoni or bacon, or brined veggies like olives or artichokes, or any kind of cheese other than mozzeralla (ie asiago, parmesan, etc) DO NOT add any additional salt at any point in the process. You can put some on after you take a bite if you feel like you want it. All these ingredients have a fuck ton of naturally-occuring salt and it is WAY TOO EASY to end up with a Gourmet Salt Pizza Topped with Salt, Salt, Crowned with a Dollop of Mashed Salt, Macerated Salt, Distressed Salt, and then Drizzled with a Salt Reduction.

2. Add a little sharp white cheddar to your mozzerella. I’m not talking half and half. Maybe a 1 to 4 ratio. It just deepens the glop of cheese and makes it a little brighter and more toothsome without overwhelming it. My favorite brand available in America is Old Croc, if you don’t live in America, you have many excellent choices we do not.

3. This is the big one, and it goes especially well with the big savory-carb-bomb of homemade pizza. 

Drizzle something sweet on top. Balsalmic vinegar reduction is great, so is pomegranate molasses, or even just a dark honey. I used date syrup a friend brought me from Israel and it was perfect. It just makes pretty much any pizza (except Hawaiian, which already has the sweet part included) in the contrast between rich meats and cheese plus acidic sauce, or acidic sauce, cheese, and then more acidic veggies on top. Not a TON. Just a light splatter of something tart and sweet. Trust me.

OKAY LET’S MAKE PIZZA ON THE STOVE TOP!

Ingredients

So small, barely any, amount of olive oil

Spoonful of cornmeal

1 ball store bought dough or make your own (making your own is not that hard BUT it is time consuming because of the rising process)

1/4 cup store bought or homemade sauce, more if you like tons of the red stuff

1-2 tablespoons pesto

3/4 cup shredded mozzerella cheese 

1/4 cup shredded white sharp cheddar (how much cheese is SUPER PERSONAL, only you can decide these cosmic matters for yourself. 1 cup total is what I would call a lot of cheese for a 10 inch, but I’m not a mega cheese monster. Grate extra and use your judgment)

Optional: 2 tablespoons teensy parmesan bits (like the stuff you get in the green canister, only go to where the nice parm is in your store and they’ll have bags of it in that consistently that are actually cheese and not some kind of exotic dust product)

Toppings of your choice! I used about 15 slices of pepperoni (get it sliced thin) and 1/8 crumbled freshly cooked bacon (if using bacon, always cook it 3/4 to your preferred crispiness before you put the pizza in the oven. Pizzas don’t take long to cook, so it’s not quite enough time to do the bacon on its own, plus the grease would melt out all over the cheese, yuck)

2-3 large leaves of basil, cut into fine ribbons

Pepper and chili powder to taste

Balsalmic vinegar reduction, pomegranate molasses, date syrup, maple syrup, or dark honey to finish

ITS A ME, PIZZARIO

Preheat oven to 450

Get out your cast iron pan, brush on just the BAREST shimmer of olive oil. If your pan is well-seasoned, you can and should skip this step. Only do it if your girl is looking a little dry and parched, because the oil will seep right into the pizza. Scatter a small amount (like not even a spoonful, half of one) of corn meal and sprinkle a bit of flour in the pan. Set aside.

Cut your dough ball in half. Put one half back in the fridge. Let your dough ball come up to room temp, about 10 minutes. Then roll it out on a floured surface WITH A PROPER ROLLING PIN BY GOD. Keep in mind that while the crust will rise, it will not expand much. So roll it out to just a little bigger than your pan so that the crust can go up the sides a little and not shrink in toward the middle. Basically: pie crust rules.

Arrange crust in pan.

Spoon sauce onto crust, leaving about 1 inch at the edges. Spread until evenly coated. Repeat with pesto. (Add extra or even roasted garlic here if you like mmmmm). Add 3/4 of the cheese. Arrange toppings on the bed of cheese, then sprinkle the remainder, plus parmesan if desired, on top.

Turn on stovetop to medium-high and cook just until the crust begins to crisp up on the bottom. 

Transfer to oven for 10-12 minutes. Check pizza, add basil, cook for 3-5 minutes more depending on how brown you like your cheese (I like mine very brown but that is not everyone’s taste and again, I support all your life choices.)

Remove from oven, then from pan. Finish with a couple of grinds of black pepper and drizzle with Sooper Sekrit Pizza Perfecting Sauce and serve hot.

Repeat with second dough ball (or more if you’re cooking for many), brushing a TINY bit of olive oil on the pan between pizzas.