ALLCAPS COOKBOOK BONUS EDITION PRESENTS: THE DARTH BABY (Patreon)

Darth Baby

As we’re all stuck home not allowed to go to brunches or breakfasts at pretty cafes or anywhere but into our DEEPEST DARKEST FEARATORIUMS, I thought I would share with everyone of every tier an extra recipe for this month. It is a breakfast food, but it is also a dessert. It is egg-heavy, but light on flour, which is the hardest thing to get in America right now, it seems, and WOW AMONG THE SENTENCES I NEVER THOUGHT I’D WRITE AS A PRIVILEGED CHILD OF THE HEGEMONY HA HA ALL THE FLOUR IS GONE.

So yesh.

I’ve been obsessed with Dutch Babies for awhile, though they are naturally neither Dutch nor Babies. They are so easy they were actually the first thing we had to cook in 7th grade home ec. We used a loaf pan, though, rather than a cast iron frying pan, which you can do if you like, it just makes a super thick version, almost like a loaf of bread so moist it’s just this side of a milkshake. STILL GOOD.

But I came across this version on Smitten Kitchen, my go-to food blog, and I can’t believe I’d never thought of it before. As usual, I’ve added a few tweaks of my own because I am incapable of leaving well enough alone.

This thing comes out dark and chocolatey and amazing. If you have GOTH AF KIDS or jsut kids who like their food to look weird and cool, I highly recommend. It is DARTH VADER’S FANCY BREAKFAST. The picture above is the color it gets when you forget to use dark chocolate and just use regular, that’s how dark the proper version gets. And if you use a little black cocoa powder, well…it might just get up out the pan and start singing Morrissey songs. 

And finally, to answer a current hot debate on Twitter definitively, here, where I am in charge and no one involved will see it, NO YOU FOOLS, a Dutch Baby is NOT a Yorkshire Pudding. They’re a completely different form factor, for one thing, and also a DB has more eggs, less flour, and sugar (unless you make a savory one). A Yorkshire pud also is fried ideally in roast drippings, where a DB takes butter, thank you very much. YPs are much more absorbent, for mopping, where the ideal baby-topping is jam and ice cream, or at least whipped cream. (Raspberry goes very well with the chocolate, as does marmalade.)

HARUMPH I’M RIGHT.

LET’S GET EMO ON THIS PANCAKE

Ingredients

4 big af eggs

3 tablespoons sugar 

1/4 teaspoon coarse/kosher salt

6 tablespoons flour

3 tablespoons dark chocolate unsweetened cocoa powder OR 2 tablespoons +  1 tablespoon black cocoa powder

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

OPTIONAL: 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (only if you want cinnamon flavor, you could  put a bit of chili powder in for some SPICY DARING ACTION)

1/2 cup whole milk

3 tablespoons butter

TOPPINGS: GO NUTS. Jam and powdered sugar, jam and ice cream, chocolate shavings, fresh berries and whipped cream, maple syrup and bacon, chutney, I don’t know, anything you can think of!

I HAVE ALTERED THE RECIPE, PRAY I DO NOT ALTER IT FURTHER

This is just the standard Dutch Baby preparation, so don’t even sweat it. Making a regular dutch baby is just all of the above but no chocolate and just 1/2 cup milk to 1/2 cup flour, everything else is the same.

Heat oven to 425 with cast iron or other oven-safe skillet inside.

Whisk eggs, sugar, and salt in a large bowl. Add flour and cocoa, whisk until mostly smooth. Pour milk in slowly while whisking all the while.

Remove skillet from oven, put knob of butter in pan and swirl to melt, allowing it to coat the sides as well. Pour in batter, bake for 15-18 minutes until it’s all billowy and awesome, rising out of the pan, and the edges are crispy. Don’t let it go too long or it will come out dry.

SERVE TO THE REBEL ALLIANCE