ALLCAPS COOKBOOK: Lamb Meatballs with Spinach and Orzo (Patreon)

Lamb Meatballs with Spinach and Orzo

I’ll be honest about where I got this recipe. I’ve altered it some, as I literally can’t make anything the way the tin tells me to because FUCK YOU TIN YOU CAN’T KEEP ME DOWN, but the idea to make such a thing, to go to the store and grumpily pay for ground lamb (I guess lambs are made out of gold and frankincense and printer ink these days because god damn, it is pricey. You could do this with beef or pork as well, even ground chicken or turkey, but I do think the lamb makes it something special) came from this amazing story of horrible people.

I think we all can admit that amazing stories of horrible people are a bit of a guilty pleasure. Because of course we are not horrible, no, no, we are well brought-up and full of bunnies and frosting and manners. So it’s nice to watch a moral situation from the outside, secure in the knowledge that they suck and we do not. 

In this case, a couple bringing home a new baby informed their neighbors on NextDoor that, as a baby is hard, they would like said neighbors to give them any baby items they had, volunteer to drop by and, without bothering the couple with such annoyances as socializing, clean their house and cook for them and give them a break. The couple also allowed that there was a cooler in front of their house that random strangers from their neighborhood should fill with homecooked meals from an included list of approved, organic, whole-food recipes, including this one.

Read the story. There's so much more. It's truly a delight.

And I confess, in the midst of laughing at these people for expecting their neighbors, to whom they are not close, to do all this work for them, when indeed I have spent the last eight months struggling to figure out how to life when baby is hard, I was like mmmm that recipe actually sounds really good. Ha ha jerks. But for real though.

And it IS really good. It’s SO good. Man, orzo should be in more things!

But the recipe as written has a couple of issues from where I stand. 

The first is that, if made according to OG instructions, this thing would be greasy AF. I poured out half the fat after the meatballs cooked instead of incorporating all of it, because it’s just too much and it came out perfect. 

The second problem is this bad boy needs acid.

NOT THE FUNTIME THAT LAMP IS NOW THE HEAD OF STEVEN UNIVERSE KIND.

With heavy dishes like this that are mostly fatty meat and carbs, an acidic component is really important. It brightens the dish, makes the flavor pop and become more complex, and all around balances everything out so you don’t feel like you’re eating this to instantly gain a sheath of manatee blubber against the winter. It has no acidic component as originally written. I suspect they think the mint does it, but NOPE. I added a generous squeeze of lemon juice and a drizzle of pomegranate molasses and it was excellent but not quite enough. So I would recommend two teaspoons of lemon zest added at the baking stage to really make it all work together. I also added the rest of the spinach I had on hand to the pasta rather than only having spinach in the meatballs. The bitterness really helps liven everything up. So in the end, this is not my recipe, but I altered the plan, pray I do not alter it further, so it is kind of mine now.

And as always, there is literally no reason not to add cayenne pepper to this, my dudes. 

Entitled Millennial Ingredients

1-1.5 pounds ground lamb

9 ounces frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed dry (I used fresh, sliced up thin like herbs. I feel strongly it is the superior choice. 1/2 bag goes in the meatballs, howevr much you like of the rest goes in the pasta)

1/2 medium red onion, finely chopped (about 1 cup)

1/2 cup feta cheese, plus more for topping

1 egg, beaten

1/2 cup Italian-style bread crumbs

2 cloves garlic, very finely chopped

3 teaspoons grated lemon zest

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 tablespoon cumin

1 teaspoon cayenne (less if you don’t think the spice must flow)

1 1/2 cups orzo

3 cups low-sodium chicken broth

2 tablespoons chopped fresh mint

Pomegranate molasses, lemon juice, or the acid of your choice. Even a dash of vinegar would do.

JUST PUT IT IN THE COOLER AND LEAVE, LOSER

Preheat the oven to 350°F

In a large bowl, gently combine the lamb, spinach, onion, feta cheese, egg, bread crumbs, garlic, 1 tsp lemon zest, 1 tablespoon of the olive oil, cumin, salt and pepper until well mixed. Form the mixture into 1½-inch meatballs, being careful not to squeeze the mixture too vigorously (working gently ensures tender meatballs).

Heat the remaining 2 tablespoons olive oil in a deep saucepan over medium-high heat. When the oil is shimmering, add the meatballs and cook, turning, until browned all over, about 10 minutes. Remove and set aside.

Tip out approximately half the fat because you don’t need fat soup here. Lamb produces a lot of fat and you already have oil in. It’ll be fine, trust me.

Add the orzo, cayenne, and remaining zest to the pan and stir to coat with the oils in the pan. Stir in the broth, then return the meatballs to the pan.

Cover the pot and bake until the orzo has absorbed most of the liquid, about 30 minutes. Uncover, stir in remaining spinach, and continue baking until the orzo is completely tender, about 10 minutes more. If it doesn’t look like the liquid is totally absorbed but the orzo is well done, give the pot a gentle stir to incorporate the liquid.

Serve warm, topped with some feta and the mint, along with lemon juice and pomegranate molasses to taste.

A NOTE ABOUT POMEGRANATE MOLASSES.

First, it is the best. Second, you can get it in any middle eastern grocery, or, often, the international section of your grocery store. I live in Maine and my big chain grocery carries it next to the Indian food so yours probably does too. 

If you can’t easily buy it, there is an easy way to have some. Because it’s not actually molasses in any sense. Just get a bottle of POM and reduce it in a pan with a squeeze of lemon juice and like a teaspoon to a tablespoon of sugar until it forms a syrup. That’s all. I put it on practically everything. It’s tart and sweet and sour and boss.