Chapter 9: Frankfurt (Patreon)

I drove to Frankfurt and booked a room in a hotel, as I needed to complete some tasks. It was time for lists.

• Raise my Gate Traveler level.

When I checked the map, there were many gate markers.

• 17 Gates in Europe

• Over 30 in the UK

• 23 in the Americas

• 4 in Australia

• 6 in the Middle East and Central Asia

• 9 in India

• 7 in the Far East

• 12 in China

• 21 in Africa

• 1 on each of the poles

• And another 8 Gates spread between various islands

I quickly decided to skip the Gates in the Middle East and Central Asia. There was one Gate in Israel, but the rest were in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Saudi Arabia. I had no intention of flying there for just one gate. The islands and the poles were also not an option—I didn't want to spend days in the air or freeze my butt. A black circle featuring a red skull and bones marked the UK Gates ominously. I made a mental note to check later in the Archive for clues.

So, my total was 93 Gates. I was sure that some of them would be either inaccessible or the threat level would be too high to go through. Still, it was a lot of Gates. I had no doubt that I could raise my level nicely. My primary goal was to reach level 10 so I could explore the new possibilities that would open up.

• Figure out my mana and health.

Not knowing how it worked nagged at me. Given my constant need for understanding, I realized I needed more LitRPG "manuals." I decided to explore books about people traveling to different worlds, confident that they would provide me with valuable insights.

• Handle all my financial and legal issues, and sell my house.

• Make lists of what to take on my travels.

I needed to delve deeper into the Archive to gather recommendations for personal comfort, sellable goods, gifts, bribes, and other items. Also, do research on the internet about camping, hunting, hiking, etc.

The easiest point was the books, so back again to the forums to look for book recommendations. In the past, my Kindle was full of professional literature and biographies—now, it looked like I was a teenager again.

After another week of reading, I figured out that my health was Vitality + Constitution : 2 x 100, or that my Vitality and Constitution added 50 points each, one or the other. But I still couldn't figure out my mana. It didn't make much sense that my mana was linked to the Strength or Constitution stats, but those were the only stats that didn't go up once I discovered my mana.

Suddenly, a thought struck me, and I facepalmed. When exploring my information, I reached the abilities list, got excited, and never continued. Maybe the answers were there all along.

I poked my mana line, and nothing happened. Poked 56, and got a reaction:

Current mana level

Not helpful.

Poked 3000 and got a message:

Maximum mana capacity

Still not helpful. I tried poking them again, separately and together—the same two messages over and over.

Maybe my stat categories will have the answer?

I poked Strength and got a BIG surprise:

Strength

Physical: This quality determines the intensity of force or power—how hard you can hit, how much you can lift, how much opposite force you can exert against another object.

Mental: This quality determines how effectively you can deal with challenges, pressures, and stress in life without breaking down or giving up.

I've never seen anything like it in any of the books! My "manuals" were missing vital information!

Agility

Physical: This quality determines quickness and ease of motion, as well as how well you can control your body, speed, flexibility, and balance. Your physical reaction time.

Mental: This quality determines your ability to think and draw conclusions quickly; your ability to change your mind based on new information; intellectual acuity—your mental reaction time.

Constitution

Physical: This quality determines your body's ability to withstand fatigue and physical hardship, as well as your resistance to diseases, trauma, and harsh conditions.

Mental: This quality determines your confidence and mental resilience. Your ability to stay true to yourself and your ideals.

Vitality

Physical: This quality determines your energy, vigor, liveliness, and activity level. It also determines your longevity—how much life you have in you, and your physical appearance—how young and vibrant you look.

Mental: This quality determines your feeling of aliveness, participation in life, and enjoyment of life, as well as your sense of wonder and excitement about life.

Intelligence

Physical: This quality determines your body's ability to detect and actively manage the balance of critical chemicals and hormones for optimal health. Your body's ability to know how to engage muscles, effortlessly maintain good posture, and learn new movement skills; the speed at which something becomes muscle memory.

Mental: This quality determines your ability to learn and understand new knowledge, retain and apply it in practice. Deal with new or trying situations, perceive or infer information, and solve complex problems. It determines your mind's ability to understand principles, truths, facts, or meanings. High intelligence helps you learn spells faster.

Wisdom

Physical: This quality governs your body's ability to interpret the input from your senses—how fast you let go of a hot stove or a sharp needle—and your body's ability to recognize its needs: whether its need to move, vitamins, sun, rest, or anything else it needs to thrive, and its ability to communicate its need in a way that can be interpreted.

Mental: This quality establishes your capacity to apply pertinent knowledge intelligently, particularly in circumstances that differ from the context in which you gained it; your capacity to decide based on a blend of knowledge, experience, and intuitive comprehension; and your capacity to learn from both your own and others' experiences. High wisdom helps you adapt spells, combine spells in new, innovative ways, and invent new spells.

Perception

Physical: This quality determines your body's awareness of the elements in the environment (heat, cold, humidity, or dryness); it determines the function of your sensory organs (how sharp your eyes, nose, or ears are) and the integrity and health of the sensory organs.

Mental: This quality determines the range and acuity of your senses, not only the sensory organs, but also the other senses, such as a sense of danger or the intuitive knowledge of an opportunity. It also allows you to perceive more than meets the eye in personal interactions—to understand intentions and feelings, as well as the ability to perceive and understand different viewpoints.

Wow, just wow!

There was no mention of mana, but I wasn't complaining. This was amazing.

Wait!

Vitality mentioned longevity. Did this mean I'd live longer if I'd keep raising it? Affects physical appearance?

I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror, and I stared in shock. I always looked much younger, and in my thirties, people thought I was a young adult or even a teenager. It created some uncomfortable situations in the ER, but mostly I enjoyed the fact that I looked young.

During the year that I stayed home to take care of Sophie, and after her death, all the pain and hardship left their marks on me. The difference was so pronounced that I actively avoided mirrors, refraining from shaving, averting my eyes from the bathroom mirror, and turning my head when passing a reflective glass, as I didn't want to be reminded of what had happened. I had bags under my eyes, deep frown lines, and forehead furrows. My skin looked gray, and my eyes looked dull. I appeared to be at least forty years old.

IT WAS ALL GONE

My skin looked smooth and tight, and I didn't look a day over twenty-five, or maybe even younger. I just stared.

And then the tears came. As quickly as the laughter had seized me, an unstoppable flood of tears replaced it. Big, loud sobs wracked my body, pouring out of me like a dam that had finally given way. All the pain, all the sorrow I had buried deep inside, erupted to the surface. My mother's death, the way her family had cast me aside, the lonely years in foster care, enduring abuse from other kids and some of the foster parents, the isolation and bullying in high school, the cruel taunts and name-calling. My in-laws' hatred, Sophie's illness, and her death. The relentless pain of losing her, the aching void she left behind. The overwhelming despair that had made me eager to leave this world and never look back, convinced that life had only ever been cruel and unforgiving to me. Everything. It poured out of me with racking sobs, shaking my body again and again in relentless waves.

Tears streamed down my face, mingling with snot running from my nose, but I was beyond caring. The pain had me in its grip, shaking my body with the force of my sobs, each one more intense than the last. My emotions overwhelmed me like a storm, preventing me from stopping or finding any anchor in the sea of grief. I cried and cried, letting it all out, letting it all go. With every sob, I was saying goodbye to this place, even if I hadn't left it yet.

It was cathartic.

After what felt like an eternity, my tears finally stopped, leaving me with a hollow but strangely comforting emptiness. The storm had passed, and in its wake was a calm I hadn't known in years. I needed that release, that purging of emotions. I felt lighter, as if I had lifted some of the heavy burdens I had carried for so long, or at least reduced their weight. There was still pain, still a deep well of sorrow within me, but it was better, more bearable.

I washed my face, the cold water soothing my swollen eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. Exhaustion settled over me like a blanket, and I went to sleep feeling a sense of relief, a sense that I had taken the first step toward healing. The emotional and mental burdens were still there, but they had lessened, their edges dulled by the catharsis of my breakdown. For the first time in a long time, I felt a glimmer of hope, a sense that maybe, just maybe, I could move forward.