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The Grand Prize, part 3: Behind the Coke Machine (Patreon)

Published:
2020-12-01 01:01:01
Imported:
2023-02

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Content

Yeah, so here's some more. It might not be short yet, but it is shorter. I may pause this one for a little bit to work on some other stuff, including other commissions, but I'm not done pumping this well of fun yet, rest assured. In the meantime, happy Monday, and more to come!

Comments

WDB

Y'know, it's easy to see Kirsten as some one-dimensional villain, but she's so much more than that. Like, here we get to see her as a caring friend, looking out for Olivia's reputation. A heart of gold, that one!

WDB
>>48679634

This is maybe not a popular opinion, but I'm used to that. Speaking of unpopular opinions, I've always enjoyed how *difficult* it is for Conner to enjoy himself. He's constructed from equal parts Guilt, Suspicion, and Fear, and we get to see all of those on display in this new chapter. So much of what made Conner's story appealing to me in TIOS was that he second guessed himself constantly, assumed he was flawed, shameful. The journey he went on to recognize his needs as acceptable, to view pleasure as more than something to regret or obscure... I really like that, as a story. I like that he doesn't just throw himself into MC shenanigans, despite how much some readers would've preferred he had. I like that there's a clear sense of terror when Conner senses something good happening. It makes for a more meaningful resolution if Conner has to struggle to reach it. Which, obviously, thank god for Amanda, amirite? She's my favorite partner for Conner, because she *gets* him, way more than any of the other girls. (I mean, she *is* him?) She knows that, if there's going to be sexy shenanigans involving Conner, she is going to have to engineer an inescapable trap so he can't wriggle loose. She's the best, and I feel like we already got a couple avenues in this chapter for her to get what she wants/deserves/needs. Also, holy shit, funniest fucking chapter yet.

Anonymous

this rules a lot; would NOT be upset if there were a bunch more of this. women throwing themselves at a dude in increasingly creative ways is a surprisingly fun premise

Ferrum1

So we're at the third installment and I still can't get into it. The first chapter was intriguing and set the hook. By the third chapter, though, I'm still not seeing much that's exciting, tittilating, etc. The almost-sex-scene in this chapter was so interrupted that there wasn't much heat to it, and the second "scene" cuts off right out of the gate. I know it was supposed to be a cliff-hanger, but it kind of fell short of that because, well, Connor's a simp at the best of times and always worried about one thing or another. In the last chapter, it looked like things were heading towards Connor getting with whatsername when they got together that evening. Then it looked like Connor was going to bang the hottie when they got ISS. Then it looked like Connor was going to bang the goth chick. Honestly, it's tiresome to see Connor almost do a lot of things. Jordan gets things done. That was one of the reasons his Sex Ed and Faculty Meeting side stories were so entertaining. I had high hopes for this tale, but it's basically reminding me of what I hated most about TIOS. I can understand why Jordan dislikes Connor so much because I want to punch the kid in the throat, too! Maybe once this whole tale is told it'll be fun and interesting. Right now, though, it's a jumble of so many characters and story arcs being introduced that it's a tough read. I'll wait until a dozen chapters are up before I tune back in.

WDB
>>48740369

y'all are so down on the kid from tios with a character arc and it's breaking my heart a little

Ferrum1
>>48740369

What character arc? So far, Connor hasn't changed one bit, and doesn't look to be changing. He's the same do-nothing character as in TIOS, always reacting rather than being proactive, caught unawares and getting nothing done. He just had a hottie all to himself in the ISS yet couldn't manage to pull off anything substantive. Or, if he did, I lost it in the jumble of everything else going on at the time. Then there's the other three arcs that are taking place concurrently, but which don't get fleshed out, leaving the reader to wonder what's going on with them. I'm all for character development and such, but it's a tad bothersome when each chapter is so short. As soon as we get into what's happening, IB wraps things up and ends with a cliffhanger. Next chapter drops and we're in a whole new scene that has to be developed just so it can end in a cliffhanger. The "suspense" is always there, but the resolution is left lacking to some degree. Every time a chapter drops, we hope that it's a continuation of the previous chapter, only to find out that something entirely knew is getting started and there's no mention of some of the elements from the previous chapter. To be fair, I have this same problem with a lot of stories that I'm following in "real time" because these long breaks between the chapters are like commercials in a television program. The problem is that I can't just fast-forward to see what happens with the character arcs I'm interested in. Like a lot of tales, they are best read in full once they are completed. Otherwise, I tend to get my hopes dashed. :(

WDB
>>48740369

I get it if the slower pace of this story isn't working for you. Some folks like to binge, some folks like to savor. I'd defend the incremental pace of the various elements as the sort of narrative crosscutting that is endemic to a story with a large cast pursuing one goal. I think the tension has been nicely stoked by moving from one girl to the next, with the trap closing round Conner as each section concludes. That's clearly not working for you, and it seems like that's not going to change. The stuff about Conner, though... I don't know if I find that as subjective? I just... I don't want to get off on a rant, but I don't love how Conner's character in TIOS is retroactively disposed of by labeling him as "do-nothing". That kid spent three books juggling four women and outwitting a magical bully. I think that's pretty good! By a lot of metrics! He didn't fuck an entire school, and he saw the enforced sexual subjugation of two dozen women as *perhaps slightly problematic*, so I guess he's some pathetic beta cuck or whatever? I don't... I really don't want to get upset about this. Kid's a fictional character that doesn't need me sticking up for him on a message thread against a well-meaning fan who I enjoy talking to. But I feel like a lot of this Conner Is The Worst stuff that I spent a year forgetting about is heavily-biased at best, and revisionist history at worst. I don't think the kid people are complaining about was the one in the TIOS books. (That's mostly what I was referring to in my previous comment. Conner doesn't have an arc in this one yet; he's only been in two chapters!)

Ferrum1
>>48740369

Don't fret. You've admitted that you're on Team Taylor, so the chances of us agreeing on much aren't very good! :-) I can admit that I'm not being honestly objective about Conner. I don't know what it is about him, but he's written as a kid that I just don't like. Maybe it's because he's not the hero you portray him as. Or maybe, it's that he is the hero you claim, and I just can't get past all the little things that irk me. A lot of it, to be sure, is in how each chapter is formatted. Being as short as they are, it's really difficult for me to get into them because i know they're ending in another paragraph or two, and the ending will be a "cliffhanger" just like all the other chapters. When you go in to the chapter knowing that everything from the previous chapter will be resolved in the first 2/3rds and something new will be introduced in the last act, you also know that there isn't going to be a lot of time for anything to really develop. The chapters just aren't long enough to tell the story, create substantive characters and then get you into what's about to drop. Conner seems to have a moral compass, which is good. However, I'd like to see him relax a little and enjoy the perks of the job. Barring that, I'd like to see him go on the hunt, to be the cat instead of the mouse. When juxtaposed against Jordan, Conner looks like he's always behind the curve AND not having any fun. Granted, Jordan can be a little mean spirited most of the time, but maybe that's something Conner should learn from. I'm still waiting to see Ms.C make her debut. Is she going to be the Ms.C from the TIOS canon, or will she be something more like what we saw in Faculty Meeting? The latter seems more realistic since Jordan's had plenty of time to work his magic, but I don't think it'll be as drastic. Or maybe it will be and even Conner is blind to it. How does Amber's tinkering with the girls, making them horny for Conner, impact Ms.C? How does Jordan's tinkering come into play with the new rules/norms that Amber and Conner are typing in? Lots of ways it could go. I guess, for me, it comes down to the fact that I want to see it going somewhere. I'm all for a slow pace that takes the time to build some heat and excitement, but the current format is always a buzzkill for me because it doesn't do that. I'd much prefer zero sex in the first few chapters so that space could be better used to flesh out the characters, their inner dialogue, relationships, etc. I guess that's the issue -- jumping from character to character, arc to arc, in such a short chapter that you know is going to end in yet another cliffhanger. It magnifies all the things I don't like while keeping me on the hook with tiny little teases of what I do like.