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Commission: The 10-54 on Hemlock Street (Patreon)

Published:
2019-08-23 19:17:03
Imported:
2023-02

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Content

OK, so here's something new, and it's really something kind of New. Finally someone has sought a commission that wasn't more alternaTIOS, and not only is it something original, but it's maybe a first foray into an adjacent genre. This story, per request, is less erotica and more romance, so bear that in mind as you head in. It's not sexless or anything, but it's noticeably distinct, I think. It begins with a police officer being asked to check a house for a dead body, but he finds something else altogether...

Anyway, there it is. My next project, I expect, will be the beginning of my next Big Thing. I *think* I have a pretty cool idea with a lot of potential for fun and shenanigans. We'll see. Have a great weekend, everybody. More to come!

Comments

WDB

Jesus, what a sweet story. I could read a hundred more of these. Thanks!

WDB
>>26088007

I've got a discussion topic I want to run on the Community tab in a little bit, about whether a greater amount of sexual content corresponds to the "success" of an erotic story (quantity vs quality essentially, or something like that, it's difficult to explain), so it's funny that this story should drop now. It's not the hottest story, but it's definitely still what I'd call "MC erotica". There's the MC-ish control element and the eager-to-please babe, both staples of the genre. But, yeah, it's not there a ton. It's definitely not what the story's *about*. And, I don't know, I didn't care? It was a really good story that used MC tropes to tell me something about two damaged, angry, frustrated characters, and how they could find something of themselves in each other that might make them whole. That's not a small thing! I don't know how other fans feel, but I think I'm more a fan these days of "Ice Bear the writer" than "Ice Bear the MC erotica writer". I like the way he constructs stories, the way he writes dialogue, the way he grounds the story in character psychology. That stuff is way bigger to me than genre. Stories like this weren't what made me become a patron, but they're definitely what keep me as a patron.

Anonymous

Its a nice change of pace that's welcome. Great story! :D

Anonymous

Wow, I completely missed that this story came out. Notification was in my email but it never popped up on my phone, SMH. I found the story to be ok. From the intro I was kinda hoping that there would be more detective work/sleuthing in the story, but this was ok too. The friendship between Barry and Graham was the best thing about reading it, actually. I love buddy cop stories! Emerald wasn’t particularly interesting but the “formatting” concept was cool and IMHO has a lot of potential. One minor thing that nagged at my brain was that formatting in terms of a computer isn’t *wiping* your disk, it’s changing the structure of the disk’s filesystem. The data isn’t actually lost. It’s still there (until overwritten by something else) but because the file system was changed you can’t easily access it anymore. Of course, it makes sense that a cop wouldn’t quibble with the technical details but I just wanted to mention this simply because this mechanism is more interesting for me, personally.

Anonymous
>>26088007

I can’t speak for other people, but for me personally I don’t particularly care about the amount of sexual content one way or the other. The quality that I look for in a story, at least in terms of sexual content, is hard for me to put into words but I guess the best word for it I can think of is… a sense of “cohesion”? Basically I am happy with a story when all the different components come together in a way that makes sense (to me at least). Like in the “Friendzone” series, it’s all about Todd’s crazy sexual antics so the detailed mechanics of his hypnosis, the deeper psychological and emotional aspects of his relationships with the girls, and the ramifications of his actions on their regular lives and careers are unimportant details that are rightly ignored. This kind of story calls for a lot of sexual content because that’s kind of the whole point. Then you’ve got stories focused on one specific relationship like “My New Girlfriend”. This story called for a decent amount of sexual content between Drew and Courtney, because they were a highly sexual couple. I guess Erika as well, since she’s kinda in the loop for that relationship as well? I thought the scenes with Morgan and “midriff” were not strictly necessary. Like, I don’t mind they were there but if they weren’t it would have been fine too. I also felt that the stuff with Arman could have been kept more vague. I didn’t need to read about the details of his drugs. A story like TIOS, to me, actually calls for the least amount of overtly sexual content. I felt that the whole point of this story was the novel MC mechanism and I would have been happier with less sexual content and more detail on TIOS and its mechanics. It feels now that I misread the point of this story which ultimately hurt my ability to appreciate it. So for this particular story, the focus seems to be on Graham and his relationship with Barry. I don’t mind that there’s not much sexual content in it. If there was one thing I would have liked more of, it’d be a deeper exploration of Emerald’s impact on Graham’s psyche. What was he thinking when he finally decided to cut his relationship with her? What reasoning led to him making the decisions he did? It would have been nice to have Graham drop off Emerald personally in the end too, so that they could have talked face to face.

WDB
>>26088007

Yeah, I think Graham's thought process, the reason he left everything behind, could've used a bit more detail. As a reader, I felt like there was enough groundwork done before that for me to fill in the gaps (maybe it was his inability to look past Emma's flaws that triggered more guilt about his role in Barry's injury, leading him to fail Barry again?) so that I could make up my own reasons why it happened. But, yeah, that part could use some expansion.

WDB
>>26295052

It's an interesting point, how much the story improves from emphasizing Barry and Graham's friendship. "Male friendship" doesn't feel like a thing MC erotica does a lot of. Leastwise, it's rarely the focus, as far as an emotional consequence for the story. I wonder why? It could be writers view it as a distraction for the reader, that the story should be focused on the male MC protagonist going after a variety of women. Or, I guess another male character could be seen as competition for the protagonist and his (usual) quest to collect all of the women in the story. Like, the other man is innately viewed as a threat by the protagonist and/or reader. Weird. I don't know, just a thought.

icebear
>>26088007

Per the outline of the person who commissioned it, the idea was supposed to be that Graham was gradually overwhelmed both by his survivor's guilt from the attack on his partner that he chickened out of preventing; subsequently, by guilt at being party to human trafficking. The execution of that intent was what it was, but at least the idea was that watching these two broken people and being somewhat responsible for it/profiting from it eventually got to him. As I don't expect any continuation of the story, that exposition is about all the expansion we're gonna get. :)

WDB
>>26088007

Fair enough, that's pretty much what I figured from the story. Thanks! ("The execution of that intent was what it was"... man, come on, I think you communicated it pretty well! I didn't find it totally mystifying or anything. Don't beat yourself up about it.)

icebear
>>26088007

Oh don't you worry - I didn't have a lot of emotion invested in it. I just didn't want to sound defensive. Now if people start hating on New Project once it's more public, then yes, I shall go from 0 to seppuku in about 3 seconds. (Just teasin'. Criticize and praise as ye may, folks!)

Anonymous
>>26088007

I pretty much understood the basic idea. I just would have liked to read Graham's thoughts when he went over the edge from feeling guilty to actually taking concrete action. What was the "straw that broke the camel's back"? Had he been thinking of doing what he did for a while, or was it something he came up with on the spur of the moment? Was he torn between saying goodbye to Barry directly and leaving a note? Did he stick around long enough to see how his "package" was received? Was Emerald any better at getting pizza? None of these details was really necessary... but they would have been nice to know. As for the "new project" I'm already excited to purchase it directly and deny Bezos his cut, LOL.

Anonymous
>>26295052

IMHO there aren't enough MC stories that explore how the main character's normal relationships are affected by the mind-control. This is one example where the main character gets a mind-controlled woman without meaning to, and we see how the guilt eventually became unbearable for him. More than this kind of scenario, though, I often think about the more typical one where the main character actually sets out to take control of the people around him. Like, would they be able to maintain any normal friendships and relationships at all? Would they be forced to hide their abilities from their close friends? Would they lose their perspective of what normal relationships are like? Would they retreat from society out of fear that anyone contacting them is just out to exploit them? Would they end up hiding in a secluded compound, surrounded by fawning slaves and yet feeling kinda lonely? Would they end up warped (like Purple Man from Jessica Jones)? --- This topic actually reminds me of an MC story I read years ago, but can't find anymore. It was about a dude whose uncle turned out to be a mind-controller, and inherited the MC "technology" after the uncle's death. It turned out that his uncle had been grooming him to be the successor for years, and even left him a kind of "harem starter pack" mother-daughter duo. I remember being really curious about the nature of their relationship. I wondered why his uncle valued him so much, and concluded that their relationship might have been his uncle's last remaining link to normal human interaction. Man I wish I could remember the title of that story. Would love to re-read.

WDB
>>26295052

Aaaaahhhh, I feel like I know the story you're talking about, but I can't dig it up on the EMCSA. It's killing me! To what you're saying though, yeah, the kind of stories where mental powers exist AND the character still has to maybe work a job or buy groceries or whatever, the mundane details, that's a kind of fleshed-out world you don't see very often. It's nice when an author goes to the trouble of building out those details.