Weirder Than Normal (Patreon)

Life has been a hell of a lot weirder than normal for most of us this year. I would say all, but I try not to use words that generalize. 

It hasn't necessarily been weird in a bad way for me, but certainly uncomfortable overall. With the downtime we've had, I've been able to realize A LOT about myself and this week has been no different. 

A couple days ago, I made a post on Instagram voicing my annoyances with what social media has become to me. It started out as a fun app to share what I was doing, which turned into a place to share my modeling portfolio, then some selfies, then a bit of my life, but not much. Once Snapchat became a thing, and then stories on Instagram, it really began to consume much of my day, every day. There was a constant pressure to be updating followers with what I was doing and once I moved into beauty blogging and influencer work, it led to A LOT of anxiety. Over the last month, I've realized that I think the reason I developed anxiety was because of social media. I never felt it before 2015/2016. I know it was a combo of being extremely busy too, but I'd been busy before and handled it as normal stress. For those who don't deal with anxiety, I can only describe it as a constant "oh shit-ness" of sorts. That constant surge of adrenaline putting me into fight/flight/freeze is not fun and I'm really ready for it to get outta my life. 

After talking with JD about how I've been feeling overall, mainly with social media, I've decided to take a different approach. No more carefully curating my feed to be more attractive to brands or followers. No more negotiating with brands who want to low-ball me. Social media is going to be my space to share what's on my heart and continue connecting with people. I hadn't realized how much my self-worth had dropped largely due to being told constantly that I'm not worth being paid a fair rate by so many brands. I've talked to a couple friends who are in the same field about this and how hard it's been and it's been so nice to hear that they felt it at times too and made changes that helped them feel so much better. 

These changes won't really affect anything here on Patreon, but I may adjust some of the about section or some of the tiers at some point. Right now, it seems to be working well so I think I'm okay with how it is for now, but I'd be happy to hear your suggestions if you have any.

My mind wonders often how long some of these realizations would have taken had we not had a pandemic this year. How much longer would I have kept on plugging away doing things that bring me so much stress? All that matters is that I've realized these things now and thanks to therapy, I know how to adjust without freaking out. ;)

Love you all lots and I hope you've had a nice week!

Xoxo, 

Annalee