The App 12 (Patreon)

The App

Chapter 12

-VB-

[300AegeanTurds]: Look, friend. U no I cnt afford that much for what ur askin.

[Dohdohdoh]: I’m just a farmer who needs to pay his bills. It’s not my fault that your country’s more fucked up than the Turks.

[300AegeanTurds]: oi, it ain’t my fault that people who I didn’t fucking vote for fucked up the country. Can’t ever fking trust the gov.

[Dohdohdoh]: agreed.

[300AegeanTurds]: what’s it gonna take? I only have 1mil drachma.

[Dohdohdoh]: and official conversion rate for drachma to USD on Mel’s OM is 260 to 1. I really don’t want to take drachma if I have to, mate. Cmon, i know you can offer me something better than that. Or the corn’s going to someone else.

[300AegeanTurds]: ur just gonna let ppl starve?

[Dohdohdoh]: you want my family to starve?

[300AegeanTurds]: how about $4.50 per bushel? That’s a good, right?

[Dohdohdoh]: let me crunch some numbers.

[Dohdohdoh]: I can maybe work with $3.81. I’m only getting 15% profit. Before you cuss me off again for your poverty, I’ll tell you right now that that 15% margin is the lowest among my STATE. I’m from Iowa, buddy. If you think you’re going lower than that, then tough, you really are too poor to buy from us.

[300AegeanTurds]: how much for potatoes?

[Dohdohdoh]: you’ll have to talk to [TavernPotatoCooperative] over in the Potato Cooperative Tavern Channel. Sorry if you really can’t.

[300AegeanTurds]: thanks. Not ur fault.

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[TavernPotatoCooperative]: look, 300, I know that the situation over there is not good, but I’m in charge of a farmer’s cooperative, not a charity. Right now, the market price for potato is $0.97. U have to thank mel for the tavern because we don’t have to worry about shipping cost, at least from all of the farmers to you.

[300AegeanTurds]: that’s still BS. potato used to be $0.70 per kilo in January!

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: i know, 300. I work here, and I’m the one who has to haggle everyone for potato if they want it from the cooperative. But you know why people come to us.

[300AegeanTurds]: because ur the cheapest.

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: because I am the cheapest. If you are already on Tavern, then you are already looking at the cheapest price that the world has to offer. There is no tax, there is no shipping cost, and there is no tariff. Mel has ruined people trying to impose any of those three. I don’t think I need to remind you why your here and not buying from local market?

[300AegeanTurds]: no. shits I didn’t vote into office ruined Greece by trying to attack Mel.

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: wait, that’s what happened? Holy fuck, I thought it was just corruption.

[300AegeanTurds]: that too.

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: yikes. Mel didn’t go easy on your government, huh?

[300AegeanTurds]: Mel told everyone what the gov ever did. People are pissed.

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: I imagine. Look, I can drop the price by 0.01 cent per kilo. That’s my cut for this transaction, but that’s still 0.96 per kilo for the potato.

[300AegeanTurds]: I wanna kill some politicians. Corrupt ones.

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: I get you, man.

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: actually, there’s a tournament happening right now. One of the selectable rewards for it is the [Crown of Rains]. It’s kind of useless for you in Greece… but it’s kind of important for us here in USA. If you can get that for us…? The market price for something like that should be in the millions. We’ll trade that much of whatever food u want.

[300AegeanTurds]: link?

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: THIS tournament.

[300AegeanTurds]: I’ll get it for you. You better have all of the food I want to trade it for.

[TavernPotatoCooperative]: We have a lot, don’t worry.

-VB-

Tavern News (2010 October 4):

Sparta, Greek hero from Athens, sweeps the Tournament of Waters.

Mel strikes again! Endbringer attack predicted! Prediction: Nov ‘10, Munich, Behemoth

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Sparta, Greek Hero from Athens, Sweeps the Tournament of Waters
By Amanda Torrents (Verified NBC)

Standing atop a mountain of corpses, Hero Sparta proudly proclaimed his victory. As the tournament came to a close, Mel promptly asked our hero what he wished from the list of items on offer. Everyone’s favorite, Stat Booster, was also on the list of items Sparta could choose, and it was the expected choice for the hero who regularly fights against overwhelming number of gangsters and villains.

However, he did not choose the Stat Booster and instead chose the Crown of Rain. Crown of Rain, a misnomer for a circlet, has been described by Mel as an item that could, once a day, create rain over 625 acres of land for roughly 10 million gallons of fresh water.

So why did a hero choose an item with no defensive or offensive use?

Well, according to Sparta himself, it was because he intended to trade the circlet for food.

Greece is the latest country to earn our dear Mel’s ire. They threatened to put import and export tariff on all transaction that happens using Mel’s new service, Tavern’s Open Marketplace, and Mel retaliated by unleashing any and all details of corruption that was happening within the Greek government!

This happened at the worst time possible as well because Greece, along with the rest of the Balkans and Turkey, has been suffering under an intense drought. With the government collapsing and people rioting, farmers and villages in the rural countryside haven’t been getting the help they need! Crop failures started getting reported in August and have been in full swing as of October. Food prices have spiked in some areas, reaching as high as 10,000% increase within the capital itself!

Sufficed to say, Greece is currently suffering from famine.

Sparta took part in this tournament specifically to save his people. As of right now, Sparta is trading the Crown of Rain to the USA based Tavern Potato Cooperative for food to feed his people.

Is this not what a hero does? He went on an adventure, found a treasure, and traded it for food his people needs!

Sparta is a leader for all Greek heroes to look up to!

Greece is still, however, in a famine. Go to the Tavern Channel HERE to donate anything useful for the people in need there.

COMMENTS

Top Comments

Bagrat (The Guy in the Know) 10/3/2010
Look, I get that a lot of you think that Sparta was stupid for trading away the crown for food, because you can make food if you have rain, right? That’s not the case right now. Food is needed right now for the people in Greece. People are starving right now. Food takes a long time to grow, and on top of that, Greece is not a good place for growing food in the first place. They were importing food even before the current crisis, and the current disruption of trade because of government fuck up is just another barrier, not the one and only cause.

Terresmania_xXx 10/3/2010
I don’t know all of the details involved, but I see a hero trying. That’s more than what I can say about most people out there. Most of you aren’t even helping someone else, so maybe all of u keyboard warriors should stfu and do something instead of just typing discouragements to a man who did something? Mel made it possible for all of us to do something so all of u have no excuse to do nothing.

Xx_Void_Cowboy_xX 10/3/2010
I donated my Pouch of Snacks!

Olodango 10/3/2010
Bruh, Void Cowboy did something and it actually isn’t cringe.

FreeIsrael 10/3/2010
He hasn’t been cringe for a while. When the boy goes around crushing boar heads with his arms, he isn’t cringe. When the boy without parahuman powers ranks in the top 10,000,000 fighters from around the world, he is dangerous. He still has some baby fat on him from what little we can see of his face, so we can tease him about being a baby. So instead of calling him cringe, we call him “good boy” for donating something.
Good Boy Void.