What is Happiness 6.2 (Patreon)

What is Happiness?
Arc 6 Chapter 2: Changes 2

-VB-

Having children in the family was different from having lovers and wives.

For one, the children were wholly dependent on me for even the smallest actions. Two, the focus of the family shifted.

The children became the focus of the family.

“Coo coo kaa kaa!” I crooned as I loomed over my two children.

I have become … a dad. This came with all sorts of changes in myself I did not expect.

I went from a sex-crazed, bloodthirsty, and impulsive killer to an overly careful, patiently calculating, and tediously investigative father. Or was I always both of them and the latter features just popped up with my paternal instincts taking over?

‘I think a good example of that is the baby formula,’ I thought introspectively as I grinned like a loon as Joseph and Catherine giggled in their cribs.

Baby formulas are a must, even if Lisa and Taylor wanted and did breastfeed, especially after I explained to them about immunological reasons for why a mother should breastfeed. I looked at the baby formula manufacturers, their history, the ingredients, and even the factory condition and locations.

Obviously, some of these required work but that’s what money was for. Since I did get quite a bit of money from turning in Slaughterhouse Nine bounty, of which I was able to claim five, I had more than enough money to fund investigations.

Those found to be inadequate by my hired investigators got reported to the FDA. Some of their products have since been recalled. Those found to be adequate got a customer in me.

“You are such a dork,” Lisa giggled from the side fondly. “Were you always a dork?”

I looked at her and gave her faux-glare. “What are you talking about? I am a macho indulging in … baby talk!”

Taylor giggled, too, and Sabah broke out into outright laughter.

Lisa shook her head. She walked over to the side of the crib, reached in, and scooped out Joseph instead of Catherine. Taylor smiled and did the same for Catherine.

I watched with what I knew was a dopey smile on my face.

-VB-

I watched them with a silent blank stare.

The two capes below me, Caesar and Marcus of Brockton Legion, wore Roman legionnaire uniforms and fought like idiots. Completely untrained and untested, they relied solely on their Shaker and Striker effects.

Neither of which were of any use against me when I could paralyze them with pain from the getgo.

They thought they could take care of me just because they had some minion empowerment and a long range attack.

Like … what?

“What were you two thinking you could take on the Butcher, nevermind the guy who defeated him, with these measly powers?” I asked them incredulously as I crouched down. I picked up a stick and poked at their faces. “I want answers, because you two wasted my time for what amounted to jack shit.”

“I-It wasn’t jacks-shit…” Marcus, real name unknown, mumbled. I shoved the stick into his mouth. He dared not spit it out.

“You’re obviously not the smart one.” I turned to the “Caesar.” “Well? I want answers.”

“Y-You weren’t supposed to be active…” he groaned out as he curled up into fetal position. “You’ve been missing for two months now…!”

“Missing doesn’t mean dead or retired, you dumb shit. It just means I didn’t have to come out. Did you or did you not hear about me slaughtering the Slaughterhouse Nine? I got enough money to literally live the rest of my life without ever having to work. And you just made me work.”

“H-Ho the hell did the B-Butcher become … you…?!”

I kicked him in the back without superstrength, and he yelped in pain.

“The Butcher would have already killed you, so you should be grateful, no? Besides, I keep telling people that the Butcher is gone. I’m the one who killed him and took his powers.” I leaned down, making both of them cringe. “So what am I supposed to do with y-?”

I paused as sirens grew closer.

“Tch.” Though I felt annoyed, I didn’t leave the scene as I ought to. In fact, I should be killing these two to make an example out of them.

…I really did go soft in the past two months, didn’t I?

There was a blur that stopped some fifty yards from where I was. Velocity formed out of the blur, and I narrowed my eyes.

Velocity was a flexible hero. I could work with this.

“Butcher.”

I raised my eyebrow. “You guys are seriously still calling me that?”

“You-”

“Look. I live in the city, and these two idiots and their five dozen minions have been making my life harder than it has to be,” I said as I jerked my thumb at the sixty-two of them who were moaning and groaning on the ground. “I’m not in the mood to tango with you, and you certainly don’t want to visit Panacea after you fight me. I don’t see anyone else right now, so just take your blessings where you can, arrest these guys, and don’t be an idiot.”

Velocity remained quiet for a bit, but I was sure that he was receiving instructions from their HQ.

“Why now? Why did you come back after two months?”

“I just fucking told you, dimwit!” I snapped. “I’m leaving,” I grumbled as I took hold of the vectors and sent myself flying up into the air. He didn’t try to chase or stop me. Just watched me leave.

Good. I don’t want my children’s first week of life to be a bloodbath. I want it to be as quiet as it can be, and they certainly don’t fucking appreciate ambulance and police sirens around the house!