Demon of Lust in the Land of Water 1 (Patreon)

Commissioned by Kejmur

-VB-

Demon of Lust in the Land of Water

Chapter 1

-VB-

“HAHAHAHAHA-!”

“Okay, you can stop laughing. I get it, it’s funny.”

“-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-!”

“Come on. It’s not like I died while pooping or got shot while pooping.”

“*snrk**cough cough*Ha … ha…. Oh my, you … you …”

“I know. You don’t have to say it.”

“You died having sex!”

“... Yes.”

“HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA-!”

I sighed.

I couldn’t even go to Heaven quietly.

-VB-

After what felt like half an hour of the sexy brunette goddess - glowing, halo, golden sparkles, and toga - laughing her ass off, we finally got to have a conversation.

She smiled mirthfully at me.

“Well, you’re exactly the candidate I have been looking for.”

I blinked. “You didn’t bring me here to fuck and toss?”

She huffed. “Give me some credit! I’m not like that bitch Slaanesh,” she objected curtly. “No, I am something far more sublime to humanity. I am Aphrodite, the goddess of love.”

“... Finally.”

“Huh?” she looked confused.

“You’ve answered the age old question: Venus or Aphrodite? It’s fucking irritating having to tell people that since Aphrodite is the name you first came to life with, it’s Aphrodite that your name is! I don’t get why people keep changing the names of the gods! Like for Jesus, it’s “J”esus in one place but J”e”sus in other, and let’s not forget the places that omits the J entirel-”

“Shush.”

And my lips zipped itself.

“Hmm?!”

“That's better,” she cooed. “I like having lovers, but I didn’t bring you here for that or … whatever it was you were complaining about.”

But that’s important!

“No, I brought you here as a candidate.”

… Right, she did say something about that. Candidate for what?

“You see, part of the reasons why we gods are losing influence over the world is very simple. Why stay in a world that no longer cares for us?”

Made sense.

“Many of us ‘old gods’ have left humanity and earth in search of other places that will be amenable to us and our ways,” she said before lightly stroking my chin before pulling away. “That’s when I found your world. It wasn’t good to me, but I found you.”

“Someone who died while having sex.”

“Someone who died while making love,” she corrected. “Don’t think I don’t know what you two were like. Both of you loved each other. It’s sad that you had to kick the bucket so … abruptly.”

“Well, I was over fifty.”

“Love doesn’t care. She’ll just be very sad. Oh, speaking of which. Congratulations! You put another baby in her!”

“I did?!”

“Yup.”

“Huh.”

“Love … goes on.”

I stared, deadpan, at her. “Did you have to use that quote? It doesn’t even apply here.”

“Well, you should’ve gotten married to someone older if you didn’t want to leave your thirty-something year old widow with another baby.”

“I’m not the one who jumped my dick!”

“Yes, I know~”

“Ugh. Fine. What is this candidate thing about? Is it like champions like you Greek gods used to have?”

“Indeed, and I think you make for a really good champion for me.”

I blinked and stared at her. “Wait, for real? Me, the guy who died having sex?”

“Why not? It’s only appropriate that I choose someone who died showing love to another and can be easily transported to another world.”

“... So guess this is really it, huh? I can’t see James get married to his high school sweetheart, can’t be there for Jerry’s high school graduation-”

“You left nineteen point eight million dollars behind with one million given to per child upon reaching majority. You did just fine.”

“-can’t see Jessica-”

“Are you seriously going to do this?”

“-Jeremiah-”

“Ugh.”

-VB-

“So where exactly do you want to send me?”

“This place.”

I looked, somehow, at a world that hadn’t been there before in this featureless void, and saw …

“Ah, hell no. That place looks like a goddamn war zone 24/7, 7 days a week, 12 months a year, and every year!”

“It is. It also lacks any other significant deities who might stop me.”

“.... So this is your easy win scenario?”

“Hardly. Just as there are no other deities to stop me, the lack of worship and other deities also mean that I will have a harder time influencing this world directly. So I need a champion to go down there and be the ‘indirect’ source, if you will.”

“I haven’t even agreed to anything yet.”

She quirked an eyebrow at me.

“I didn’t choose you randomly, Eric. I chose you as a candidate because you would have agreed, and then champion because you would do a good job.”

“And that’s one of your … powers? Domains?”

“My domain is love, and anything related to love becomes an accessible place for me.”

“And?”

“You see, when someone researches someone else of the opposite gender for whatever reason, all kinds of things pop up. Like the fact that you are descendent of a mage bloodline.”

And this conversation just took a weird turn.

“Sorry, can you repeat that again? Mage? Bloodline?”

“Not everything is as it seems.”

“You like quoting.”

“It’s one of my ‘loves.’”

“You mean smartass.”

“Be careful, Eric. I can make your new life hell.”

“Okay.”

“Good boy.”

“... So what does that have to do with being your champion?”

“You see, as much as I hate to admit it, there are forces that align with me. Like Slaanesh.”

“Warhammer40k’s real?”

“It isn’t real in your world, but yes, there are a few universes where it is real.”

“Damn. It must suck.”

“Your universe is a boring save template universe. You guys are boring.”

“... Save template?”

“Because of your bloodline, you can call upon … well, you can either enslave or form contracts with demons, and the succubi and incubi are one such demonic race that align with me.”

“... Huh.”

“You can, of course, go without doing so, as your bloodline allows you to essentially rise to godhood.”

“And become like you?”

“Where do you think you came from, descendent?”

I blinked.

“Whut?”

She rolled her eyes. “You are so much like Ares sometimes that it’s stupid. Just like him.”

“Okay, I’m not stupid-”

“It took your wife literally jumping your dick with her pussy for you to actually look at her.”

“... Okay, I have a bad track record.”

She huffed.

“... What do you think?”

“Hmm?”

“Would getting a contract be better or going at it alone?”

“Well, you have me to guide you if you want to brave the waters, but be warned, dear, you might not win. There are a lot of fates that lie that way, and death is preferable to some.” She shuddered. “Especially if you attract the attention of the Elders.”

“Eldars?”

“No, the Elders. I am to them what a petroleum is to you.”

“A resource.”

“Let us not talk about them. They can be summoned merely by mentioning their name. Back to the matter at hand, what do you wish for?”

“... You won’t just send me down there without anything else, though, right?”

“Oh no. As my champion, you will gain some powers from me, but it will cost you.”

“Like?”

She smiled coyly. “Oh, I am a Greek, honey. I love my tragedies.”

Her words did not soothe me at all.