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Reflection, mindfulness, and more (Patreon)

Published:
2024-02-23 12:29:47
Imported:
2024-02

Content

Hello,

I just wanted to give an update on my personal status.

After suffering from crippling anxiety, I tried various coping mechanisms based on your suggestions (I’ll be trying out even more of them tomorrow) and based on the encouragement of a handful of people, I chose to go live for the first time in a long time.

What ensued was a fun, sometimes emotional, and deeply therapeutic 7 hour livestream.

It is 4AM but for the first time in a long time I feel as though I can go to sleep with some ease and rest.

I want to thank you all who left comments, came through the livestream, and those that stuck around for the long haul. All of you reminded me why I started all this in the first place, 8 years ago (DAMN).

I also want to thank any and all supporters, and I apologize that my carelessness over the past year and a half has put me in this position. I had a plan when I started all this 8 years ago, but growing up got in the way, and apparently that’s something we all have to do at some point, and so I’ve been taking steps to face myself head on, and the livestream only helped encourage that journey.

I don’t take any of your support lightly, and I will be seeking professional help and guidance to help me navigate myself to be a healthier and happier person, and in turn become a better and more reliable consistent artist and creator.

I’ll be sleeping and evaluating my moves after reflecting upon myself, my thoughts tonight, all that I’ve learned, and how I want to move forward with the timing of my day tomorrow, and an appropriate update will follow promptly.

Thank you, have a good night or day. And let’s all do our best to be a bit more happier today than we were yesterday ✌🏻

With love,

Jaehyuk

Comments

Marco Gennuso

I watched your live then fell asleep with it on...when I woke up you were still on live and I had no idea what was happening 😭😂😂 I thought I was still dreaming haha. It was great to see you chit chat about whatever though! 🙏🏻

Victoria

Hello, I was here during a part of the livestream you made earlier and I wanted to write comments, but I’m not a good enough English speaker to react live (putting down words on paper/keyboard is a big thing in the end, even if it has become more banal - it’s a place to think more deeply about what we really want to say and especially - here - to give) ; so I apologize for not being « there » as much as I wanted to be. It was the morning for me (in France) and I kept thinking about you during the rest of the day - not just you of course, it sounds weird, but about what you were dealing with and exposing. I especially though about the « being present » thing (I prefer this expression over the « being in the present » we hear a lot, because once you’re ARE in the present it’s done but if you are present there is more to it, you have to be present to something or somebody, this is not just about you anymore. Maybe it’s a triviality, but I thing words are essential as well as being precise when trying to help - not just you, again, everybody including me, because we are all dealing with those things even if it does not take the same aspect for everyone). When we are dwelling on the past and on mistakes/wounds/regrets, we can’t reach the present, it’s like running endlessly behind a train that we fail to step in and the more we fail the more we blame us and our mistakes/wounds/regrets, etc. In the end, we turn in circles inside our heads and nothing can enter, it’s like not being able to get out of ourself. And it makes the world looks so tiny and others so far away. When it happens to me, I walk*. Not to be in the present and say to me « ok, I’m out on the city/the mountain/everything you want, I’m in the present, I’m here », but to be present to everything that’s going to come to me - people/stories/maybe a song/the mountain itself/the sea/etc. That’s a lot, today it is almost a bold thing to do!, I am aware that it’s not easy at all. What I’m trying to say is that today we have the feeling that we must give things, proofs, non-stop (proofs that we are not useless, that we deserve what we have, that we are responsible,…) and it put us on a place where we have to DO, there is a need of results. But DO is quite often the opposite of BE ; that’s what the society we are living in is about, where time is almost economic stakes, where love and emotions are wonderful but-must-at-least-be-a-fertile-ground-to-create-something-efficient-and-useful. We are not made to be used, it’s a strange way to think about human beings, but it is what neoliberalism do. I’m not here to talk about politics or economy, but we are politic people - getting up in the morning in such a world is a political step ; and if we are here (I mean Patreon creators and viewers) it is because we love (and need) art - and art is the worst nightmare of efficiency!! It’s hard to get out of ourself because it makes us vulnerable ; but it’s the only way to welcome what people/mountain/sea/art have to give to us. I have always find it delicate to accept a gift ; maybe « welcome » would be better that « accept ». I’m a theater player and one of the biggest thing I have learned is that if you want people to be with you and the play, listening to you, to the text, you can’t force them, you can’t tell them to listen - you have to BE and not DO, to BE there, present to everything, you have to let them in; and then you can go through and touch their hearts. It’s the same movement for feelings, for love, for art, for I think everything that matters. I’m very sorry. I look up at my words and I find it confused, a little extravagant, not very well written. What I wanted to say is : we are not alone and even if being present to people/things/feelings is a very difficult move, in the end it helps us getting out of our circle of mistakes/wounds/regrets. I love being alive and I am so grateful for art to be a thing and for humans to continue on making art, looking for art, believing in it, because it creates links between us that are not ruled by efficiency! Yeah… I wanted to say thank you for your work, Jaehyuk, and above all for being this passionate (and very interesting too!)! Thank you for art and for human beings. Luckily I had an evening free for writing this comment, I really am a slow writer in English!! I hope it is intelligible. Have a great night or day ! *and sometimes I watch a live performance of Taeyeon’s Gravity (!).