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If you are someone who has dark thoughts please read this (Patreon)

Published:
2023-03-31 03:28:43
Imported:
2023-03

Content

I had to stop reading my comments on my personal video to stop and say something—

Don’t ANY of you EVER dare think of taking your lives.

This is something I refuse to compromise on.

You might say “well it’s natural if you’re depressed that thought might enter—“ NO. Like Geonwook says: “Just erase that thought altogether”.

When you have these moments, just think of what I’m about to say:

I have attempted to take my life more times than I can count, even while doing this YT thing. A lot of it is because I could not accept who I am.

I have wanted to get tattooed on my body all the people who I lived for:

  • Every child from Sandy Hook
  • Jonghyun
  • Sulli
  • Hara
  • Lee Thompson Young
  • Robin Williams
  • Trayvon Martin
  • Sandra Bland
  • Mike Brown
  • Philando Castile
  • Ahmaud Arbery
  • Breonna Taylor
  • George Floyd
  • Paul Walker
  • Chadwick Boseman

I have lived MY LIFE trying to live on for all the people who have either taken their lives, were unjustly killed, or their lives were tragically cut short.

Living for them was my drive but when you carry death in your heart for that long… Even if it’s for others—it drains you.

I’m letting go of this now too. I actually decided this before my video but didn’t feel a need to mention this.

But I’ll say this. My new drive, not my dreams, my FUEL to live is to LIVE for you.

I will always perform my upmost best, show only my best face like any other idol or celebrity, so that none of you have these dark thoughts.

I’m not saying feeling ashamed or deny your depression. No, it’s important to work through it but NEVER kill yourselves or I will travel to the afterlife to scold you.

None of my fans, my audience, my viewers—NO ONE is going to Jill themselves. EVER. Not on my watch.

That’s my promise to everyone—I will stare down my dark thoughts, be unwavering and unflinching and simply say NO.

If you do not have the strength to do that, watch my videos or imagine me—by your side with my hand on your shoulder. And I will tell that dark thought “BACK THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY PEOPLE”.

That is all. Have a nice day (:

Comments

Giselle

I think one of the most poignant thing I've read was that "If you could not find the strength to live for yourself, than let others selfishness be your anchor. Live for them so that they might have a chance to show YOUR future is worth living for". It's from a fcking Naruto fanfiction of all things, Kakashi time travelling to the past to save Sakumo (his father). I took that to heart. And it has always stayed with me and it carries me forward.

Belle Christina

thankful to say that you’ve helped me with these kinds of thoughts numerous times in the past few years. when my childhood cat of 19 years was dying in 2020 and through my severe social anxiety struggles at university since 2021, your videos have given me comfort and make me feel like i have a friend when i’m completely alone. thank you PD❤️

formoftherapy
>>105286230

That’s not a feeling. I don’t work myself to the BONE so you FEEL like I’m your friend 🤭 I think true friends don’t need to know every little thing about each other. It’s about heart. I work my ass off so that you AREN’T alone. I’m always here working 24/7 because of all of you. Because I want to. So no matter what the heck you do in life just remember there is someone dedicating their life to make YOU feel less anxious and less alone, and in hopes of making you feel happier than you ever have been (:

Irieezy.

Sending love, PD!! Been going thru some shit the past year and I've become numb to most of it. It's so bad I now just laugh at all the shit that comes my way lol. Honestly I'm so happy I found your channel and thank you for your content. I'm the only kpop fan in my family so it gets lonely sometimes, but your channel makes me feel like I'm not alone. Plus, the whole community is so supportive. 🩶 hope you get to to go that boys planet showing this month! Fighting! ✊🏽

ian

I've talked 2 family members out of taking their lives when I was about 16, now 22, so I understand the importance of simply talking to someone when they're in a time of need. It may seem like no one is there for you or no one cares for you but simply talking to the right person is all it can take to change that. Know that there is always someone willing to help you through dark times and never feel like you're a burden. I'm glad you're still here as well PD, I've been here since about August 2022 and I've been able to come here just about everyday to escape and heal, and I'm sure many other patreons can relate. Thank you for everything you do💛

Marco Gennuso

Before doing my own YouTube thing, I always watched your videos and loved your content. Your knowledge and expertise really made me appreciate your stuff, and I realized every time I tuned in that I wasn't just tuning in because of the artists I loved, but because of YOU. I was tuning in to see YOU. To hear what YOU had to say and what I could learn from YOU. I don’t ever skip a second of your videos. To be able to move people like that is something of value, something of worth. I have been hurt for so long and for so often that I couldn't even begin to describe how it's been...how it still is. But I have to say, "Form of Therapy" is literally the best title one could ever come up with because that’s exactly what this all is; our love and appreciation for music, for these artists, for the craftsmanship that goes into making these music videos and performances and costumes and recordings and everything and all of it....it is truly what brings so many of us together. We take all that away by ending it for ourselves. And that is why I think it's so incredibly important to find the joys in life and finding things to look forward to is a way of doing that. Without anything to anticipate and get excited about, life ends before we know it. It becomes boring and dull and stale. I think getting excited about upcoming movies and comebacks and concerts makes me feel alive and active and joyful...and I would hate to give all that up. And just to be clear; it isn't just the artists that I look forward to with new content, but all the other people who will share their thoughts about all that new content, as well. People. Like. YOU. Thank you for everything you do, PD. I will continue to go on this journey with you 💜🙏🏻

formoftherapy
>>105289786

This was very meaningful to hear and one of the more thoroughly appreciations I’ve received. I had to stop looking at my metrics years ago because it genuinely hurt my feelings that 80% of my viewers check out after my first reaction watch through. Just like how one hate comment feels like a thousand, one comment saying you watch every second and try to take something away… that feels like a thousand compliments. Thank you Marco! I’ll work harder to help inspire you as much as you’ve inspired me!

Dee

PD I’ve watched you for years and don’t usually comment but you’re honestly such a kind kind soul! I hope only good things come along your way! To more success and happiness for you and everyone this year 🤍 lots of love from someone who really does care all the way in New Zealand x

mack 🌸

PD, i’ve been watching you for so so long now. you have always been my safe place. whenever i feel down i turn to your channel to see our happiness shared in things we both like and it makes me feel so much better when times are rough. thank you so much 🥰

BE

This is really, sweet, PD. 🥺 As someone who has struggled with this, your words means so much. I also think of the people we lost from time to time in hopes of being able to live for them. Thank you, PD. Also, thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us ❤️

Anonymous

Thank You PD!!! Your videos, energy, and whole vibe always manage to put a smile on my face as i’m sure it does everyone else here as well. Reading this made me teary eyed cause i’ve too had dark thoughts but fortunately have never “tried to do something” because of them. Just wanted to say thank you for being a source of happiness and love for everyone!!!!!!

yayasiimsx

would also just like to say if you are suffering through dark thoughts and anxiety you should start meditating and getting more connected with your spiritual guides. I was having a major anxiety attack today and good days by sza came on shuffle during it (i always meditate to this song) it felt like my spirit guides were telling me that i needed to meditate and clear my mind

Rachael Tie

Thank you pd. This actually sent me to tears. Came during a dark day.

comfy.cosmos

I always read everything but I almost never comment because I feel like I'm bad with words. But this time I just somehow wanna express how touched I felt reading that & how it gave me that really warm feeling of beeing somewhat cared for. Like I know that you didnt need to say that, no one would have looked down on you if you didnt. But you did, you embraced such a big responsibility. (Lemme say a trigger warning for the next part if u dont wanna read smthn heavy/sad pls dont read the following okok? <3) I lost my dad to cancer a few months ago and a few weeks after him both of my grandparents passed. I have struggled to feel any sort of joy ever since. I had to quit my studies cause I couldnt keep going & moved back to my mom. I felt like a failure and just wanted to dissapear. I find you very impressive and feel very motivated by your way of doing things recently. And frankly you make it possible for me to not feel alone with my excitement about my favorite thing. I've finally started to receive professional help and I feel better day by day. You helped me have little moments of joy during this time. It rly had an impact to watch ur reactions. So let me just say a plain good old ✨️thank you✨️ And I mean that one. Very much. I'll keep in mind what you said when my days become dark again and my grief takes over.

Neeko

PD i gotta tell ya, your videos got me through one of my first bouts of depression earlier this year. i just could not shake it but i would watch your reaction to Starship Game Caterers on repeat because i was just having so much fun. Doing much better now and searching for a new purpose in life but thank you for all you do! And if anyone needs a friend or someone to vent to, I'm always here even tho we don't know each other YET.

Marcel Wannieck

Not really related to this but I have to share this with you and the other patrons somewhere. You might have heard that Jaden Jeong has signed former Loona members Heejin, Kim Lip, Jinsoul and Choerry to his new company. Apparently it was the Loona girls themselves that reached out to him and wanted to join Modhaus. And now they're already recording new music! Can you believe it? A new Odd Eye Circle album might be on the horizon! They won't be part of tripleS but LoonaXtripleS collaborations are very possible! And Jaden has brought up the option of returning to La Maison, the album that was initially scrapped when he left / was kicked out of BBC. Loonatheballad lives! But for me the most important thing is this quote: "In my personal opinion, LOONA as a whole shine the brightest." This might be one hell of a dose of copium but maybe he already has the contracts for the rest of the Loona girls ready for when they win their injunctions against BBC! Here's the full article: https://www.nme.com/news/music/loona-modhaus-heejin-kim-lip-jinsoul-choerry-jaden-jeong-plans-future-3423740

Rebecca Le Minh

I still think that it's crazy, this relationship we have with you. I have watched creators for a long time but I have NEVER stuck around for as long as this. I started watching Form of Therapy in 2018 and became a Patreon in 2020 and ive been here since then. So it's been FIVE YEARS. That's as long as an irl friendship and that's never happened to me before. Considering that I'm 21, that's also a big part of my life and my youth. I think ultimately I've stayed around for that long because you have always been passionate about what you do and we have always been able to find comfort in your art and your work. This channel was here in my darkest times - it's reassuring to know that for us, people who go through similar things and face mental health hurdles, kpop has been our solace and spoken to us and healed us more than anything else. Anyway, thank you for the comforting words PD! Have a great day everyone 🌸✨️

EmmyD610

Hi ! I usually prefer not talking personnal lives on social media but I want to use my professionnal point of view this time around. As a health professionnal working with children and mostly adolescent, I really support your message and I want to add, please do not hesitate to seek professionnal help ! Talking to someone, anyone, who does not know your or your story, but is willing and prepared to listen to you with a kind and not judging ear You might think it is worthless but there really are some people out there willing to help you

WiseSmellyLegs
>>105296979

This relationship is truly special! Not just with JaeHyuk PD, but lately with his life situation and these update videos, I feel like the community here opened themselves as well and I see this patreon as a special place to come to feel safe. I also read comments of others much more than I used to and it is interesting to get to know about their lives as well!

Rebecca Le Minh
>>105312298

Same for me!! I usually like to read comments but it's more about content, now I feel like this patreon has become a safe place to express personal things as well. Like, on most socials and with most people we know in real life, we only ever show the parts we want to show, but here I feel like I can be honest about my struggles a lot more ; maybe it's because we share the same passion ? Because having this in common also means we share the same values ? Ive always felt that people I meet through kpop here are more open and tolerant. Anyway, it's precious and the fact that Jaehyuk PD created that is ♡♡♡

Anonymous

PD, thank you so much for sharing. This is... not easy to share. I am so excited for your future. This is a huge step in letting go of your past, your burdens. We're going to be here and will support you through all of this. So many amazing comments were left here, so I'll leave a more lighthearted one. The E/I convo was fascinating as I always thought you were an extroverted person that reacted feelings first and then made sense of your initial feelings. You also seem to really understand the feelings and emotions idols pour into solos, especially those that are more introspective and personal. I'm so happy to hear that you've been really finding your true self every day (: I'm so happy to be a fellow friend of yours on this shared space here on Patreon. Keep doing what you're doing, we'll support you each step of the way. I'm looking forward to the future Yoo Jae-Suk that you will emerge to be. <3

Anonymous

thank you for being here. <3

Ayamee Soyaaa (edited)

Comment edits

2023-04-04 09:04:21 that made me tear up but also laugh lol. thank you PD <3
2023-04-04 06:37:55 that made me tear up but also laugh lol. thank you PD <3

that made me tear up but also laugh lol. thank you PD <3

Cédric

Thank you for caring about us, i never thought that you would be such an amazing human being, thank you for your words, help, joy, inspiration that you give me.