Endbringers Hate Paperwork Part 28 (Patreon)

Myst summoned Harry from just after he used the save orb, causing a messy haired toddler to appear out of thin air wearing light blue pajamas covered in animated broomsticks. "How are you doing?"

"Better than I was," Harry replied as he walked/stumbled over to the stack of books in front of Hermione, not used to walking on sand as a toddler. He picked up the spatial ring on the top of the stack of books and slipped it his ring finger, glad that the rings adjusted size. He grabbed the first book off the stack and opened it, causing his temporary Wandless Magic skill to change into a Wandless Magic skill that included Telekinesis, Color Changing and Teleportation. "Nice, my Teleportation skill upgraded my Wandless Magic to be permanent."

'It's just a conjured book,' Hermione reminded herself as she pulled her attention away from the small pile of ash that was already fading away. "I'm going to want a copy of that."

"Same," the older Harry agreed with a grin. "What's the difference between Apparition and Teleportation?"

Harry pulled the skill up on his skill page. "Looks like distance and splinching. Teleportation is measured in hundreds of miles rather than miles and there's no chance of splinching. It's also not blocked by apparition wards."

"Meaning we could ignore most wards," Harry mused, curious if the wards on Gringotts would stop him.

"Do you think the skill would work for the rest of us?" Taylor asked hopefully.

Harry conjured a spell book for his Wandless Magic skill and floated it over to Taylor with his telekinesis. "Worst case, it fries your brain and you get banished, right?"

"No, worst case, something goes wrong and I can't control my magic," Taylor complained, not wanting to get stuck with a magical trigger in her head that would result in unpleasant or dangerous things happening if she thought about it too much.

Hermione shook her head. "You should be fine, the books have safety features."

"Don't worry about it, you'll get a warning message if there's a problem with the skill," Jen assured her, having already checked to make sure they'd be safe.

Taylor turned to look at Jen. "Thanks."

"No problem," Jen replied with a grin, happy to help.

Taylor opened the book and smiled when a translucent floating window appeared showing a description of the Wandless Magic skill. "I don't see any warnings," she mused as she hit accept and picked up the new skill. She dusted the ash off her hands from the book then used her new skill to pick up a handful of sand. "I could get used to this."

"It's certainly useful," Myst replied with a grin as he turned his attention to the demon on the other platform. "Noelle, how do you feel about wrestling a demon?"

"Why?" Noelle asked with amusement.

"Harry's going to need a strength boost," Myst replied as he pulled the giant dildo club out of his spatial ring.

"What the hell is that for?!" Ginny blurted out.

"Increasing our strength," Myst replied with a grin. "If you kill something with it that's stronger than you are, you get a permanent boost to your strength. Unfortunately, it's a bit floppy."

"Not to mention squishy," Amy added, trying not to snicker.

"Let me try something," Hermione mused as she pulled her wand out of her inventory.

"Sure," Myst replied, not particularly worried about the club since he'd already learned the enchantment and he had a couple of swords in his spatial ring with the same enchantment.

Hermione waved her wand over the giant dildo. "That should make it rigid."

"I have so many questions," Harry teased.

"I found it in the library," Hermione replied, ignoring Harry's teasing as she'd found the spell in a book in the restricted section.

Harry smiled when he noticed the fact that she wasn't looking directly at him, which probably meant the source was slightly questionable. "I must have missed that one."

"Same," the younger Harry agreed as he went back to devouring the collection of books.

"Do we have an actual plan once Harry finishes the stack?" Taylor asked, curious if anyone had an actual plan.

"Are you saying that having a toddler beat a demon to death with a magic dildo isn't a viable plan?" Myst asked with amusement as he pulled the magic girl ring out of his pocket.

Taylor shook her head. "Not particularly, I doubt he'd be able to grab the handle."

"That's fair," Myst admitted as he tossed the ring to Harry. "Worst case, you can transform back and we'll try something else if it doesn't give you the strength boost in your normal form."

"Works for me," Harry replied as he put the ring on. He quickly finished the last three books then activated the transformation.

Taylor watched the sparkles spread over Harry's clothes before he changed into an attractive teenage girl with crimson hair and a short blue cotton dress with animated witches on brooms flying around on it. "Nice."

"Thanks," Harry replied as he opened his character sheet and looked at his strength. "I'm going to have a hell of a time killing the demon with one point of strength."

Hermione pulled a minor strength potion out of her inventory and handed it to Harry. "This should give you an extra five points of strength for ten minutes."

"Which should be enough to get the job done," Myst said cheerfully, looking forward to seeing how far they could push things.

"Thanks." Harry drank the potion and frowned when the bottle vanished. "Shouldn't the bottles stick around now that I'm not in a game?"

Hermione gave Harry a smile. "It's fine, they're conjured by my alchemy set."

"Nice," Harry replied, wondering if they could use the save feature to copy the set or if that would just screw things up. 'Probably not worth messing with.'

"How strong do you think we'll be able to get?" Ginny asked, trying to get an idea of the scale of the monsters.

"It shouldn't take all that long before we're stronger than Hagrid," Myst replied, not actually sure how long it would take or how many demons they'd have to kill as the game was a bit inconsistent when it came to feats of strength. "The weakest character in Disgaea can pick up nine of their teammates and toss the entire stack at least ten to fifteen feet. It shouldn't take all that long before we're stronger than actual giants."

"Let's get started." Noelle jumped to the other platform, easily covering the thirty five feet. She smiled when the demon punched her, not moving an inch thanks to Taylor's durability boost. She slipped behind the demon and pinned his arms before forcing him to his knees.

Harry stared at the large gap between the platforms. "There's no way I'm making that jump with six strength."

Taylor created another flying cloak and handed it to Harry, touching his hand in the process and giving him invulnerability. "The cloak should let you fly and I gave you invulnerability which should cover physical damage."

"That works," Harry replied as he equipped the cloak, looking forward to racking up a bunch of levels.

Myst handed Harry the club. "Have fun."

"Thanks?" Harry replied as he flew up into the air then over to the other platform, ignoring the insanity of beating a demon to death with a giant sex toy. 'Could be worse, some of the crap I had to deal with in Potions was revolting, this is just annoying.'

Amy nibbled on her bottom lip as she watched the magic girl try to beat the demon to death with the rubber club, rather amused at the absurdity of it. "We're going to have to figure out a way to increase our durability or we're going to have problems when Taylor isn't around."

"It's on the list," Myst assured her as he watched Harry flail at the demon. "We're going to have to teach him how to fight."

Taylor glanced at Amy. "Do you think you can upgrade the buttplug to include weapons?"

"It's worth a shot," Amy mused, ignoring the look of confusion Ginny was giving Taylor.

"Do I want to know?" the older Harry asked.

Myst pulled the glowing buttplug out of his spatial ring and tossed it to Amy. "It basically imprints a new martial art into your mind every time you get into a fight while using it."

Harry stared at the sex toy. "You could have just said no."

"Where's the fun in that?" Myst asked with amusement as he went back to watching Harry try to kill the demon.

"Is that a muggle torture device?" Ginny asked warily.

"Yes," Amy lied as she checked the toy with her upgrade ability. "No luck, probably because the enchantment deals with giving people knowledge. Do you think the skill books would cover martial arts if we let Hermione use the plug to organize everything?"

Hermione weighed the benefits against the embarrassment of her friends knowing she'd used the sex toy and decided that she didn't really care. "Is there a reason you haven't copied the enchantment to something else?"

Myst shook his head. "I'm not a gamer and the world I got the enchanting skill from only gave me the basics."

Amy handed the sex toy to Hermione. "We also just picked up the ability to identify something with a decent amount of accuracy."

"Thanks," Hermione muttered as she stuck the sex toy in her inventory, wanting to equip it when no one was paying attention.

"Can I get a cloak?" Ginny asked.

Taylor created another flying cloak and handed it to Ginny. "Here."

Harry frowned when he glanced back over at the demon and realized that Harry wasn't making any progress. "This is going to take forever."

"Stick the club in its mouth and choke it!" Amy called out, figuring that was about the only way Harry was going to be able to kill it.

Noelle grabbed the demon's jaw and forced it down when the demon tried closing its mouth.

"Please tell me we're not going to have to do this with every demon," the older Harry complained as his alternate stuffed the giant dildo in the demon's mouth and down its throat.

Jen grinned as she pulled one of the nearly indestructible swords she'd enchanted with the strength stealing enchantments out of her spatial ring. "I've got you covered."

"Is there a reason you didn't give Harry a sword?" Ginny asked in a whisper.

"He currently has six points of strength and the demon has supernatural durability…" Jen trailed off as the demon died and the level changed, causing Harry and Noelle to reappear next to them on a rocky platform.

Myst cast his comet spell, wanting to steal everything the monsters had before they started killing them. "Pass out the strength stealing swords, it's open season on the demons after the comets finish thinning them out and stealing their items."

Harry closed his character sheet with a smile, extremely happy about the twenty three points of strength that he'd picked up from the demon. "Works for me," he said as he traded the club for a sword.

Myst collected one of the swords then charged at one of the surviving demons, glad that the new level was bare rock rather than sand. "For pony!"

"For pony? Is that a muggle thing?" Ginny asked in confusion.

"Not that I know of," Harry replied then charged one of the other demons.

Myst smiled as he cut the critically injured demon down and felt a rush like he'd just consumed a bag of sugar. 'I could get used to this.'

Hermione equipped the buttplug while everyone was distracted then grabbed a sword from Jen and ran at the closest demon that didn't have anyone fighting them. 'At least it shouldn't be too visible.'

Taylor smiled when she noticed the light coming through Hermione's jeans and watched the rest of the group charge into battle, knowing she'd have plenty of chances to increase her strength since they had a bunch of levels to finish.

0o0o0

"Starlight Cannon!" the Item King shouted as she waved her magic staff at the group of people challenging her, causing a massive eldritch cannon to appear in the sky and blast one of the platforms, causing it to explode with half of the invaders on it.

"Fuck!" Myst cursed as he grabbed Hermione and teleported a second before the second blast obliterated the platform they'd been standing on. He tapped Noelle's power and made a clone of the busty pink haired Magic Girl of Destruction, teleported right in front of her and grabbed her staff then teleported away with the staff, leaving the clone free to blast her. "Kill her!"

Noelle teleported out from under the rock wall that had fallen on her then teleported behind the Item King and punched her in the back of the head, causing her to stagger forward. "Fuck!" she cursed when she realized the girl wasn't dead and didn't even look significantly injured.

"Necrotic Flames!" the Item King shouted as she spun and gestured at Noelle, causing black flames to wash over her and start ripping her apart.

Noelle screamed in pain and shock when the fire easily punched through her invulnerability and started consuming her. She lunged forward and grabbed the girl by her throat, intent on taking her with her if she was going to get banished.

"Starlight Cannon!" the clone shouted as she cast her best spell, creating an eldritch cannon in the sky that promptly turned and blasted the Item King, destroying the platform she was on and sending her into the abyss with Noelle.

Myst sighed in relief when a message popped up asking if he wanted to continue, mostly because it meant the boss was dead. 'Fuck it, they're destroying the platforms and tossing us around like ragdolls.' He carefully touched the return icon and sighed in relief when he reappeared in the warehouse with Hermione and the clone.

Hermione stared at the coins that were raining down on the floor then looked over and noticed that Jen was already sprawled on the couch. "How did you get over there?"

"I was already here, if you try to jump to the world you were summoned from, you basically reappear where you were grabbed from," Jen explained as she twisted around so that she was sitting up. "That went better than I was expecting."

"We lost most of the group," Hermione complained, glad that Myst had already explained how the summoning worked so that she wasn't freaking out about it.

"I think Amy and Taylor got caught under a wall," Myst mused as he walked over and flopped down on the couch next to Jen. "What did you think of your first run?"

"It was nice to cut loose," Hermione admitted. "Is Noelle going…" she trailed off as Noelle, Amy and Taylor appeared out of thin air. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Noelle assured her. "My regeneration would have saved me but I wanted to make sure the boss died."

"We got caught by a wall then we had to make sure everyone was settled," Taylor grumbled, pissed that she hadn't thought about teleporting until she'd 'woken' up in her dorm.

"Next time we'll teleport," Amy assured her. "This is why we practice."

"I'm just glad no one got permanently injured," Taylor admitted.

Myst focused on the younger Harry. "Should I summon Harry before he has a chance to abuse the alchemy lab or after?"

"Is he freaking out?" Hermione asked.

"No, he changed back to make sure he could then saved his game and ran to the alchemy lab to look through his mother's notes," Myst replied with a grin.

"Grab him when he's done," Hermione replied, looking forward to seeing what he'd learned.

"Sure…" Myst trailed off when he skimmed forward to find a good point to grab him and caught a scene of a man in a black robe burning to death with a familiar looking black flame while thirteen stuffed animals hugged him. "What the fuck?" he muttered as he took a better look at the scene, trying to figure out what the hell Harry had done. "Harry might have mental issues," he complained.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"Because he charmed two dozen stuffed animals to scream 'I love you!' at Voldemort then animated them to hug the first person through the front door that wasn't one of his parents or Sirius and charmed them with a version of the Necrotic Flames spell," Myst replied, almost feeling sorry for the bastard.

"Huh," Hermione muttered, shocked that Harry had managed to kill Voldemort with stuffed animals.

"Did he end up at the Dursleys?" Noelle asked.

"Let me check." Myst watched the scene of Lily and James following Harry through a vanishing cabinet in the closet then jumped to the next Harry scene which involved a five or maybe six year old Harry waking up in a room with a number of quidditch posters on the only wall that wasn't covered by bookshelves. "I doubt it, the wall has quidditch posters and they're moving."

"That rules out the Dursleys," Hermione agreed.

Myst smiled when he noticed that he was wearing a familiar gold ring. 'At least I don't have to screw things up,' he thought as he summoned the older Harry five seconds after he got banished. "Welcome back."

"What the hell hit me?" Harry asked, giving the pink haired clone a wary look.

"Starlight Cannon, it's a great spell when you want to destroy bunkers or mechs," the clone replied cheerfully.

"I'll keep that in mind," Harry replied. "Is she safe?"

"Reasonably sure," Myst replied with a grin, making a mental note to take a few minutes to cover the rules and expectations with the dangerous magic girl, mostly because he wasn't sure how sane or how much she knew about the modern world.

"Don't worry, I'm a good magic girl. Besides, Myst is the boss and I have villains to smash!" the clone said cheerfully.

'At least she's attractive,' Amy mused as she checked the attractive girl out, making a mental note to find someone to train her before they ended up with missing sections of the city.

"Where's Harry?" Harry asked, wanting to change the subject since he wasn't sure about the clone's sanity.

"He just finished killing Voldemort," Myst replied with amusement as he summoned Ginny, causing a mostly naked Ginny and her cloak to appear. "Welcome back, sorry about that."

"What happened?" Ginny asked as her cloak moved to cover her.

"Myst was just about to tell us how Harry killed Voldemort as a baby," Harry replied with a grin, rather amused that the other Harry would actually deserve all of the fame this time around.

Ginny stared at Harry. "How the hell?"

"I think I'll let Harry explain," Myst replied with amusement as he summoned Harry two seconds after he saved his game, causing a five year old in pajamas to appear. "Congrats, you're insane."

"I'm aware," Harry replied with shit-eating grin, rather proud of himself for managing to kill Voldemort without getting blamed for it.

"How did you kill him with stuffed animals?" Hermione asked, not coming up with anything that would do enough damage to get through his shields.

"Stuffed animals?" Ginny asked in disbelief.

"With style," Harry replied with a grin. "I used the book I stole from the boss to enchant a bunch of stuffed animals so they'd burn anything organic that they touched with Necrotic Fire, then I charmed them to animate and hug anyone that walked through the door that wasn't my parents or Sirius. I hid a few over the door, a couple behind the umbrella stand, a bunch behind the chair and several under the coffee table. I scattered the rest of them around the room, making it look like a child had too many stuffed animals. Then I talked my father into reading me a story so my parents wouldn't be downstairs when he burst in."

"I'm surprised your idea worked," Hermione admitted.

"I'm not," Noelle complained, thinking about the dark fire that had cut through Taylor's durability boost and was almost nasty enough to keep up with her regeneration. "That spell is nasty."

"It worked better than I was expecting," Harry admitted as he glanced around the warehouse. "Did you figure out how I'm supposed to escape the game?"

"I got distracted and I forgot to look," Myst admitted. "I'll take a look next time, what did you get for loot when you used the opening volley?"

"Two dozen skimpy outfits, a bunch of amusing weapons, a book of spells, three magic girl transformation items that might be useful for your project along with a mirror that lets you change your eye color and makeup," Harry replied as he started pulling the items out of his spatial ring. "Where do you want them?"

Jen snapped her fingers and conjured a folding table. "Just stack them on the table, we should probably go through the entire collection while we're thinking about it. I have a feeling we're going to need the armor."

"Wouldn't hurt and we have gear we can break for dust." Myst started sorting through the items he'd grabbed and setting the outfits on the table so the girls could pick through them. "Can I talk you into conjuring some pizza?"

"Your wish is my command," Jen replied with amusement then snapped her fingers and conjured another table and a couple of boxes of pizza along with several bottles of soda.

0o0o0