Xander and the Bottle Part 3 (Patreon)

Roland raised an eyebrow when Tony Harris walked into his office. “I thought you’d passed on.”

Tony bit back his initial sarcastic response, knowing that most of the Elders lacked a sense of humor when it came to sarcasm. “No, just cursed to stay within the boundaries of Sunnydale.”

“How did you break the curse?” Roland asked as he summoned Tony’s file, curious why someone hadn’t rescued him.

Tony glanced at the folder the elder had summoned, curious how the Elder was going to spin leaving him on the Hellmouth for twenty years. “I got ‘killed’ by a corrupted werewolf. I’m guessing the warlock or demon included something in the curse about staying in town until my death.”

“Do you have any idea who cursed you?” Roland asked as he scanned over Tony’s file, surprised that there wasn’t even a mention of him going inactive. “Whatever the curse was, kept your file from being updated the way it was supposed to.” 

“No,” Tony admitted, a bit surprised. “I stayed well away from Wilkins and most of the demons on the hellmouth couldn’t cast their way out of a wet paper bag, much less affect the files.”

“Considering Wilkins died over a year ago trying to turn himself into an old one, I doubt it was him…” Roland trailed off as he glanced at the section of the file that listed Tony’s family and realized that he had a son. “You have a child?”

“Considering he’s a demon hunter and an adult, I’d hardly call him a child,” Tony said with a proud smile.

Roland frowned as he tried and failed to summon Xander’s file. “Your son doesn’t have a file.”

“He was born on a Hellmouth, what did you expect?” Tony asked a touch sarcastically, not particularly surprised that Xander wasn’t in their archives, considering his mother was a warlock which probably put him outside of their purview, if being a genie didn’t. Not that he was planning on mentioning that little fact unless they asked the right questions. He found life was much simpler when the higher ups were ignorant about his actions.

“Are you sure he’s your son?” Roland asked absently as he summoned the files for all of the witches on the Sunnydale Hellmouth.

“Yes,” Tony replied with a glare as he glanced at the single folder that Roland had summoned. “Tara Maclay, she’s a nice girl.”

“You know her?” Roland asked in surprise, finally glancing up.

“She’s friends with my son,” Tony explained, rather proud that his son had ended up defending humanity like a true guardian angel, even before he came into his powers.

Roland opened Tara’s folder. “Aura reading…” he trailed off when he saw the name of her whitelighter. “This says that your son is her Whitelighter, that shouldn’t be possible.”

“He looks after his friends,” Tony replied with a shrug, trying to suggest the files may be inaccurate without saying anything directly.

“Her records are out of date,” Roland complained, rather annoyed that the hellmouths made keeping track of things nearly impossible. “You know, we’re going to need someone to go down there and scan for witches and keep an eye on things,” the elder suggested, seeing a way to allow Tony to continue his ‘mortal’ life since his wife was still alive and marriage vows were meant to be kept, as well as avoiding being forced to reassign someone to cover the area, something difficult to handle for the majority of angels. 

“I’ll take care of it,” Tony assured him, figuring that would give him time to train Xander before he got into too much trouble or at least anything the boys upstairs would take note of.

“Thank you,” Roland said absently as he went back to reading, finding Tara to be a rare bright soul, considering how much darkness she’d had in her life.

Tony resisted the urge to smirk as he left the elder’s office and headed for the records department, curious if Glory had any weaknesses they could leverage.

0o0o0

Jessica smiled in satisfaction when the liquid in her cauldron turned the proper shade of purple and gave off the familiar herbal aroma that she remembered from her younger days ‘helping’ her mother in the kitchen. “That went better than I was expecting...” she trailed off when the doorbell rang, letting her know that someone had ignored the no trespassing sign. “Great,” she muttered as she set the timer and turned the stove’s burner down so that the potion could simmer for ten minutes.

Jessica stalked into the living room and over to the door. She forced herself to smile when she opened the door and saw the five young men wearing slacks and dress shirts. “Can I help you?”

“Have you heard the word?” the blond haired man in front asked as he held up a miniature bible.

Jessica shook her head, trying to look apologetic. “I’m sorry, I’m too busy to read your holy books to you.”

“What?” one of the other young men asked in confusion.

“That’s why you’re here, right?” Jessica asked, trying not to laugh at their confusion.

“No, we’re here to share the holy word,” one of the men said arrogantly.

“Wait, are you telling me you can read?” Jessica asked in mock surprise, trying hard not to laugh at the expressions on their faces.

“Of course,” one of the other young men said, looking more than a little offended.

“Great, then you can explain why you ignored the no soliciting sign over the door,” Jessica ordered as she gestured at the sign over the door.

“We’re not soliciting, we’re trying to save your soul,” one of the other men said earnestly.

Jessica glanced down the street, slightly annoyed that several of her neighbors were out and about, which meant cursing the idiots would attract more attention than she wanted. “Tell you what, if you want to strip and dance around while explaining the virtues of your religion, I’ve got like nine minutes, if you don’t, piss off and go bother someone else.”

“Are you trying to get us arrested?” one of the guys demanded, confused while another slapped his friend’s hands away from his shirt buttons.

“Not particularly,” Jessica replied as she shut the door on the five idiots that were probably going to get themselves killed if a demon or vampire invited them inside. “I’d explain but they wouldn’t believe me,” she muttered as she walked back into the kitchen, grabbed the phonebook from the counter and carefully ripped out the page with the map of the town.

She glanced at the timer on the stove as she took her necklace off. “Eight minutes should be plenty of time.” She set the map on the kitchen table and held her amethyst pendant over the map. “Hopefully she doesn’t have spectacular wards,” she muttered as she started swinging her pendant in a slow circle over the map. 

“Magic calls to magic, darkness to darkness, show me the location of the one called Glorificus, goddess of the mad and the damned,” Jessica chanted as she continued spinning her pendant over the map. She let go of the pendant as it jumped in her fingers, a touch surprised that the so called hell goddess hadn’t warded herself against scrying spells. “That was almost too easy, it’s like she wants to be found,” she muttered as she studied the upscale location her pendant had pointed to. “Or she’s just arrogant enough not to care.”

Jessica sighed as the doorbell rang again. “Seriously, get a clue people,” she grumbled as she stalked back into the living room and opened the door, ready to scream at a couple of idiots that couldn’t take a hint. She raised her eyebrows when she saw a man in his early twenties dressed in jeans and a t-shirt standing on the front porch that practically radiated corruption and malice. “Can I help you?”

“I hope so,” the man replied pleasantly, his smile just a bit off as he sniffed the air. “I’m looking for my dog, he’s rather large and ill-behaved.”

“A bit shaggy and rather large?” Jessica asked as she stepped away from the door, wanting to give the werewolf a chance to come inside.

“Yes, have you seen him?” the man asked, knowing that his packmate had come here as he could smell his scent.

“Yeah, I’d left my door open,” Jessica took a step back as the man stepped into her house, trying to look a bit scared as the stranger stepped into her home and looked around like he owned the place. “You can’t just barge into people’s homes, you know,” she complained as she took another step backwards.

“Where is he?!” the man demanded in a low voice as he took another step forward, seeing no point in getting the neighbors involved yet.

Jessica gestured and lifted the man off the ground by his neck using telekinesis. “He’s in the freezer; werewolf meat fetches a decent price in certain demonic markets,” she explained as she gestured with her other hand and shut the door.

“What?!” the man gasped out, barely able to talk with the pressure on his neck.

“That’s the problem-” she stepped to the side and let the blast of tainted magic hit Tony’s favorite chair then gestured with her free hand and pinned the man’s arms to his sides. “None of that, you might actually hit something I like. Now, you’re going to explain why your idiotic friend decided to attack my son.”

“No clue,” the werewolf managed to say once the pressure on his throat eased up. “We were following a pack, maybe he smelled good...” the man trailed off as he realized that Jessica was kinfolk. “You’re folk!”

“Yeah, which is why you’re going to die,” Jessica replied as the man changed into his crinos form and tried to reach for her. She tightened her telekinetic hold on the beast’s neck. “Skin this creature of flesh and bone, to give me a rug of my very own,” she chanted as she fed magic into her spell, causing the beast to let out a guttural howl as he was skinned alive.

0o0o0

Buffy glanced between Amelia and Xander. “You’re okay with your cousin running around killing demons on the hellmouth?”

“Not particularly,” Xander replied, worried about her running into Glory.

“I can take care of myself, I have my pack,” Amelia argued.

“I wouldn’t even question your abilities if Glory wasn’t around,” he assured her.

“She can rip apart reinforced concrete with her bare hands, which is seriously unfair,” Buffy complained, “and that’s not even taking into account her Flash impression.”

Amelia snorted. “I’m not planning on going anywhere near that creature, I’m crazy, not suicidal.”

“In that case, Giles can give you a quick overview of the types of demons we don’t attack and Xander and I can hit the road,” Dawn spoke up, wanting to get out of Sunnydale before Glory tracked her down, not to mention remove Xander from the presence of another hottie, who regardless of what she’d said had checked him out.

“Sounds good,” Amelia agreed, always interested in learning more about the various types of supernatural creatures.

“I’ll get my notes,” Giles said as he headed toward the back room to grab his journal.

“When are you coming back?” Anya asked, as she glanced between Dawn and Xander, knowing that someone had to keep the two out of trouble and that they’d probably be okay looking out for each other as Xander could teleport, which she made a mental note to take advantage of later to do a little shopping overseas. 

“As long as it takes,” Xander replied as he held out his hand for Dawn. “Ready?”

“Of course,” Dawn replied as she grabbed his hand, trying not to sound too happy about having Xander all to herself for a couple of days.

“Keep her safe,” Buffy ordered, knowing Xander would do his best, but worried that Glory would manage to find them all the same.

“Will do, I promise.” Xander orbed to his parents’ house with Dawn before Buffy could change her mind. “Mom?” he called out, glancing around the livingroom.

“In the kitchen,” Jessica said as she put the last of the potion bottles she’d just finished filling into her pockets. She turned and smiled at Xander and Dawn as they walked into the kitchen. “Have you figured out where you’re going on your date yet?”

“It’s not,” Xander said at the same time Dawn replied, “Not yet.” 

“I’d offer some suggestions, but I haven’t been out of Sunnydale in twenty years and most of the best places were demon bars,” Jessica said thoughtfully.

Xander shook his head. “Yeah, I can’t see taking Dawn to a demon bar going over well with her sister.”

“That reminds me, I have a power stealing dagger for you,” Jessica said as she reached over and grabbed the athame from the counter.

“You’re just giving him a power stealing dagger?” Dawn asked in surprise.

“It’s a warlock thing, some of the older magical families know how to make weapons that steal active abilities from witches, warlocks, and demons,” she explained as she handed him the dagger, handle first. “Just for the record, that particular dagger won’t work on your bloodline, so don’t bother stabbing your father,” she joked.

Xander laughed. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on it. What’s the difference between a witch and a warlock?” he asked, figuring it wasn’t just a gender thing as his mother had called herself a warlock.

“That depends on the type of witch, but generally speaking, the witches the Elders supervise are good, while the warlocks running around are evil or at least willing to get their hands dirty,” Jessica explained.

“Let me guess, you’re on the pragmatic side?” Dawn guessed.

“Pretty much, outside of one really annoying witch that I ended up duct taping to a flagpole in high school, I’ve never had a problem with witches.”

Dawn shook her head. “What did she do?”

“She kept pranking a friend of mine, so I… gave her a taste of her own medicine,” Jessica replied with amusement.

“What did she do to get you back?” Dawn asked, knowing there had to be more to the story.

Jessica laughed. “She sent me a thank you card.”

“Huh?” Dawn asked, not sure why anyone would thank someone for taping them to a flagpole.

“My friend rescued her and they ended up a couple,” Jessica explained. “She was a lot less annoying once she was getting some on a regular basis.”

“I can see that,” Xander said, thinking about how much easier Anya was to get along with when she was… relaxed.

“So, what brings you by?” Jessica asked, as she glanced between Xander and Dawn, knowing they hadn’t stopped by for the hell of it.

“I wanted to check in before Dawn and I leave for the weekend, Anya mentioned you’d stopped by the shop.”

“I needed some potion ingredients. Is there a reason that she was twitchy when I mentioned being a demon hunter?” Jessica asked.

“She used to be a justice, erm vengeance demon,” Xander admitted, seeing no reason to lie as she wasn’t a demon anymore.

“How is she still alive?” Jessica asked, rather surprised that Xander’s girlfriend was still in one piece, considering what she knew of D’Hoffryn who empowered that particular type of wish granting demon.

“Her amulet was destroyed in another timeline because of a wish that Cordelia, my ex-girlfriend, made which restored Anya’s humanity. Her boss refused to restore her powers and she’s been human ever since,” Xander explained. “Well, she’s still a witch, but long out of practice.”

Jessica winced as she realized that giving Anya powers would likely result in her death or worse if her ex-boss decided that she wasn’t suffering enough. “Which just means her boss is probably waiting until she builds a life for herself before he rips everything away.”

“Entirely possible,” Xander agreed. “I don’t suppose you know how to kill demon lords?”

“I usually avoid dealing with greater demons, too much risk, but I’ll see what I can find out,” Jessica promised. “Now go, have fun, be safe, condoms are a dozen a fiver as I recall.”

“Mom!” Xander exclaimed embarrassed and quickly orbed out before she could say anything else embarrassing leaving one gaily laughing witch alone in her kitchen.

0o0o0

Xander looked around the rocky scenery in confusion. “I was aiming for LA. This doesn’t look like anywhere in LA I’ve ever heard of, not that I’ve ever been there.”

“And I was aiming for here,” Dawn said smugly as she gestured at the picturesque scene in front of them.

“Where are we?” Xander asked as he looked out over the edge of the butte onto the forests below.

“The Devil’s Tower in Wyoming,” Dawn said proudly. “I saw a documentary about it on the discovery channel and thought it would be neat to visit.”

“It’s beautiful,” he admitted as he inhaled the brisk mountain air, enjoying the first place he had been to outside of Sunnydale since his road trip that hadn’t gotten past Oxnard. 

“We may be a bit underdressed,” Dawn admitted as a cool breeze flowed over her skin, “but I don’t feel cold.”

“That’s because I gave you my resilience,” he reminded her, “it’s more than just being able to play tag with small cars, it also means you can ignore little things like sunburn and frostbite.”

“Cool,” Dawn said, pulling his arm to her chest. “Let’s look around, we can teleport to Denny’s if we get hungry.”

“Well… Glory sure as hell isn’t going to find us here,” he admitted. “Fine, but next time I’m driving.”

“Next time,” she agreed.

“You know crossing your fingers isn’t nearly as sneaky when you are holding my hand,” Xander said, amused.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Dawn lied with a grin, “and I certainly wasn’t thinking of teleporting us to a cozy cabin in Alaska that rent out by the week hundreds of miles from California either.”

Xander opened his mouth and paused. “That is a lot safer than LA,” he said thoughtfully.

“They have fireplaces and provide wood for each cabin,” Dawn said, ‘not to mention have only a single bed and no central heating.’

“They’re probably cheaper than LA too,” Xander said, “we’ll just have to hit a grocery store on the way and maybe a secondhand store for some luggage so we don’t look too suspicious.”

“You should rent the cabin and I’ll orb in so they won’t know I’m there,” Dawn said.

“That’ll keep them from asking a lot of inconvenient questions,” Xander agreed. 

“Good, now let’s go see if we can find any mountain climbers to confuse as to how we got up here,” she said with a grin, making Xander laugh.