The Ogre 05 (Patreon)

Another day at school. Matt was standing in front of the board going over this year’s club offerings. He always avoided joining clubs but with how strange our school life had become, a hobby would be a nice distraction.

“Hmm….. I’m not sure if I should join the journalism club or the supernatural investigator club… hmmmm….” Matt said rubbing his chin. “I could join the comic club, then we could be in it together!”

“Together?” I asked.

“Yeah, we all know you are going to join like the good nerd that you are.”

“You’re also a nerd!” I yelped, the insinuation cutting deeper than I thought it would. “Weren’t you just talking about joining the supernatural investigator club? Besides, I was actually thinking of joining the karate club this year.”

“Ty, your frail body would last a single karate session. You were bone with glass bones and paper skin,” Matt had a depressingly satisfying laugh at my expense. “Besides, karate wouldn’t protect you from Holly. You’d need a Lantern Ring or Hulkbuster Armor at least.”

“Do you have so little faith in me?”

“Come on man, we know the pecking order. Guys like us don’t get into fights. Best way to survive is just keep being her pet. Look at it this way! As long as you are underneath Holly’s heal, no one else will dare screw with you. That’s an overall decrease in bullying, the numbers don’t lie.”

“Yeah,” I said heaving out a sigh so big it felt like my body was going to fall apart. “I suppose there’s a silver lining to this slavery cloud.”

“And hey, your nickname has changed too,” Matt said, pulling out a notebook. “In the official bimonthly Ty’s nickname poll…”

“There’s an official poll?” I interjected.

“Not the point. In the official poll, “Noodle Arms” came in third followed by “Earthworm Ty” and finally “Donkey.”

“Donkey?”

“Yeah, get it?”

I shook my head with wide eyes like a dear in headlights.

“It’s a Shrek reference.”

“Oh GODDAMNIT-“

“It was only a matter of time man,” Matt shook his head and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. Somehow, it still felt like he was mocking it. “It was only a matter of time.”

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The bell rang and the lunchtime ritual continued as usual. I brought Holly her daily tribute and joined her in her special place. We usually ate in complete silence but, for some reason, I decided to open my fool mouth today.

“So… H-Holly. Are you joining a club this semester?”

“Clubs are for nerds,” she said dryly. Why did I expect any different.

“There are some clubs that aren’t nerdy, like the sports teams….”

“I don’t want to be in a club and the clubs don’t want me to join. We have an understanding.”

“What about wrestling, you-“

“You’re too talkative today, insect. What’s this all about? Did you join one?”

“Well,” I said pausing to think. “I usually join the comics club. We read the latest trade paperbacks and sometimes even try to draw and write our own.”

She laughed to herself through bits of sandwich in her mouth. She put her fingers in a familiar shape on her forehead. “Loser!”

“Hey, that wasn’t my only option. I also thought about signing up for karate. I figured-“

“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Another interruption, this time with absolutely raucous laughter. She stopped, wiped some tears from her eyes and looked at me again only to… “BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA Oh my god it’s too funny. Why? Why would a weakling like you want to join a club like that? Thinking of taking me on?” She said punching me in the shoulder in a way that I’m sure was supposed to be playful… but which left a large discolored bruise that made it hurt to move my arm all day.

“I could never beat you… it’s just that… I don’t know I guess I want to defend myself, you know.” Things were silent for a long time. Holly looked at me with a puzzled stare.

“You’re really strange , you know that. You have a pretty sweet gig now. Nobody will touch you. I’ve made that clear. Only I can touch you. If you get any bruises or broken bones, they are mine to give.” She stood up and stretched her arms, an almost malicious smile flashing across her face. “But if that’s what you really want, I can oblige. I’ll teach you how to defend yourself. That way you can still go to your stupid nerd club.”

“A-are you serious?” I said in shock.

“Yeah. Might be fun to train a weakling like you.” She loomed over me smiling in a way only villains do in anime. “Of course…” she said in a terrifyingly soft voice, “I might just break you… Are you willing to take that risk?”

I swallowed hard and said “Yes…” only because I was too afraid to say no.

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Holy told me to meet up near an abandoned shed in a lot near the school. There was a hole in the grate that let me get in. First lesson and I was already breaking and entering.

Surprisingly enough, the place wasn’t as dirty as I expected. It was huge, with construction equipment and raw materials lying everywhere, but it looked as if someone had been taking care of it. Standing in the center was Holly, wearing a tight sports outfit and lifting two giant metal I-beams.

“Ah, worm! You’re here.” She threw a beam to the side and it landed with a heavy clang, shaking the entire shed with its impact.

“This place… is really something,” I said looking around.

“Yep, this is my personal gym, one hundred percent owned and operated by me. It’s a great place to work out in private. No prying eyes. Just me and the metal. It’s a good place to get away from things when I don’t want to be at home.”

“Wow. It’s so… spotless. I would have thought there would be bums and drug dealers and gangs around here.”

“There were,” she said wiping off her hands. “I through them out. It was a good fight. Enough gossip though, show me what you got bug!”

I took off my hoodie, exposing my toothpick arms and stood before Holly. She was a tower of muscle and curves, a practical skyscraper of a threat looming over me. She cracked another smile.

“Hit me…”

“What? You want me to-“

“HIT ME!”

“I would never do that and…”

She grabbed me by my collar suddenly and violently. “HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL STICK YOUR HEAD UP YOUR OWN ASS!”

I screamed in fright and wildly threw a haymaker right into Holly’s stomach. She didn’t even flinch.

“Ty, come on… hit me seriously. I’m not here to waste time OK?”

It was… bizarre hearing her call me by my name. “Uh… I did…” I said pulling back my arm. My knuckles were bruised and I think I sprained my wrist. “That was all my strength.”

Her eyes went wide and her face actually went a bit pale. “Oh my god. You really are the weakest human being on the planet.” She laughed and put her head in one of her hands. “OK, we have a lot of work to do… Now… Hit me again…”