Color - Leena’s New Look (Patreon)

 Text: @MyLifeisaRpf

Hey guys. Recognize me? Yeah. I’m trying something different. Went through a lot of changes. Me and my girlfriend broke up. Getting a lot of medical problems fixed. Plus there’s still that whole pandemic going around. So I figure, what better time to try on a new me.

This? Well, I was always kind of infatuated by the punk/goth aesthetic, so I’m dabbling. Cut my hair short. Been painting my nails black. I usually have to clip them down because they are naturally sharp, but I’m leaving them a bit sharper these days. Wearing collars and chokers. Couple of my friends say I look good with them! Got my leather bracelets too. Cool weather’s coming so the hoodie’s coming out of the closet and I had to look long and hard for a pair of high heel boots that would fit my feet. Smiling a bit brighter these days so people can see my fangs too. In fact, I’m leaning into the spider aesthetic a bit. Ever seen spider-print leggings?

I mean, I’m not trying to look badass or anything, but for the past few years I’ve tried really hard to uphold the “perfect girl” image. I think its cause, well, people were scared of me. I mean I’m a six foot four inch spider girl. I laugh a lot like everyone else and tell everyone I’m just a normal girl, but I guess I can come off as intimidating. 

And you know, I was so worried about being scary and unliked that I stopped being true to myself. Cause like, on the inside I’m a nerd who grew up in the 90s and… well there’s an aesthetic to that. Guess what? It’s not the cutesy aesthetic. 

So this is me now. It’s how I show up on stream, how my co-workers see me in zoom meetings, how the people outside see me when I take (responsible socially distanced) walks, and how people at the store see me when I pick up milk and pop-tarts. And… yeah. A lot more people give me looks, even in mutant heavy places like New York. But, you know, that’s fine. This is me, and I feel more comfortable like this… for now. Maybe I’ll change things up again as time goes on, but right now this is putting a smile on my face.

So uh… yeah. Let me know what you think!