The Second Archon War: Carmen Die 1 (Patreon)

Carmen Die 1: Tales of a Tone Deaf Bard

Trash blew in the wind, and the stink of stale beer and piss filled the air as Capri backed down the alley, brandishing her guitar like it was a weapon instead of an instrument.

“Back the fuck off!” she snarled, pointing her precious baby at the skinheads advancing towards her. That all had the damn pins of the Land and Social Labor Reform party on them, but everyone knew what they really were.

“What’s a gypsy like you doing, thinking you can play at our bar?” one of the Nazi bastards asked, flicking out a knife as he slowly edged towards Capri.

“It’s a free country,” Capri spat, but that only earned her dark laughter from the thugs.

“It’s a free country for the Master Race. Not for you,” the middle punk cackled. By his hairy neck, multiple chins, and pushed in nose with overly large eyes, the only mastering his family had done was of their siblings.

“My friend is waiting for me! When they see I’m not coming, they’ll get you all! We have a gun in the van,” Capri lied. She backed up a little more, and nearly tripped, stumbling against a bundle of rags on the ground.

Then, to her surprise, the rags groaned, and a bit of trash fell away as they stood, empty wine bottles rolling away. “Oh, my head. That hit was harder than I thought.”

“Watch out!” Capri hissed, feeling her stomach drop. Great. Now she had to protect some bum from getting her ass beat or worse.

The lumpy rags stood up, and to Capri’s surprise, turned out to be much cleaner and better dressed than she’d thought. The stranger’s clothes looked fine, if a little worn and travel stained, though they were in good enough repair. They seemed to be hand crafted of all things, looking more like something she’d seen with her HEMA friends than anything else. A green cap with a somewhat bedraggled flower pinned to it, a drooping bow pinned to a white, brown, and green tunic, with green shorts and white hose.

As for the stranger, she had two dark braids with the tips dyed a bluish green, sparkling green eyes, and was rather cute, honestly. There was a glowing green gem at her waist, and she was clutching a lyre of all things.

“Just stay behind me, honey. Don’t worry, I won’t let these assholes get us,” Capri growled, shuffling to keep her poor guitar pointed at the thugs.

“Hey, lookit that, a pretty one,” Right Thug sneered, licking his lips and showing he didn’t have a full set of teeth. “Why don’t you leave the gypsy and come have some fun with us girl?”

“Girl?” the stranger laughed, and plucked a few notes on his? instrument. “Why, don’t you recognize me? I am the most famous bard in all of Mondstat, or so I like to think.”

“The fuck is Mondstat?” Left Thug growled, prompting a discordant twang from the stranger. “Wait…are you a boy?’

“Doesn’t matter if they’re a boy or girl. They’re pretty, and with their lips around your-”

“Gentlemen, gentlemen! While all are free to love as they please, really, don’t you think you’re being too aggressive? Why, by her posture here, I would think this lady has no interest in your affections.” The stranger pinched their nose, and made a face. “And by your odor, I don’t think I’d be interested either.”

“She’s not a lady, she’s a fucking gypsy bitch! And you’ll shut the fuck up and ally with your race if you know what’s good for you!” Center Thug snarled.

“Hmm.” The stranger turned to Capri and sighed. “Well, I’d hate for a fellow musician to damage their instrument, so why don’t you let me handle these three?”

“Uh, I don’t think-” Capri began, but the stranger strummed a merry tune, and sasshayed between her and the nazis.

“Well boys, if you’re going to insist that we play, I suppose I can take all three of you at once. You’re big strong men, right? You can take little ol’ me!”

With a snarl, the center thug attacked, slashing artlessly with his knife for his opponent's face, only for the stranger to lean back and to the side. Somehow, their legs got tangled, and the thug ended on the ground with the stranger stumbling away.

“Ehe, oops! Clumsy me! Well, I don’t suppose-”

“Fuck you, twink!” the right one growled and swung, even as his buddy brought out a gun.

“Watch out! He’s got a-” Capri shouted, but what happened next was almost too odd to believe.

The wind picked up again, and a greasy old food wrapper blew up into the gunman’s face. He fired wildly, and the ricochet hit him in his own leg, sending him down to the dirt with his friend. The last thug advanced, throwing punches, and the stranger backed away, looking frightened.

“Ha! I’ll fuck you and the gypsy bitch both!” the man snarled.

“Dear me, I can’t help but wonder what happened to the friendly people of Mondstadt! If Jean caught you using such language, you’d be in real trouble!” the stranger laughed.

“What the fuck are you-OOOF!”

The man had launched another haymaker the stranger had avoided, leaving him off balance. Which was when the stranger’s leg shot up, right between the bastard’s legs. He folded like a cheap plastic chair, and lay on the ground, moaning with his friends.

“Oh my, you seem injured. Let’s just help you with that,” the stranger said, ripping off the moaning thug’s jacket, then using it to expertly bind the wound. “There you go! Well, I hope you’ve all learned a valuable lesson. Come, my new friend! Adventure awaits!”

Capri gingerly stepped over the men, keeping her guitar high and out of danger. The three idiots just lay there moaning, and she hastened to catch up to the stranger, who had wandered out into the road, and was looking around.

“Well, I don’t remember this place. I must have sold that punch from Rosalyne better than I thought! Hmm, I don’t think this is Mondstadt at all,” the stranger mused, gazing up at a flickering streetlight.

“Uh, no, this is Munich. I’m not sure where Mondstadt is,” Capri said, glancing behind her again to make sure they weren’t followed. “Thanks for saving me back there. My partner is down sick and, well…they cornered me. I’m Capri Lakatos.”

“Not a problem, not a problem! You can call me Venti, the most Famous Bard in all the land!” This was followed with a flourishing bow, and a saucy grin and wink.

“You’re…not from around here, are you. Do you work in a show or something?” Capri asked, frowning. She was pretty sure Venti was a man, but, honestly, it was sort of hard to tell.

“Why, wherever I go the most splendid show of all is performed! I know every song, every verse, every tale upon the wind!” Venti bragged, strumming the lyre in time with the words.

A car roared past them, splashing some of the cold water from the gutter onto them. Venti froze, watching the car come and go, his jaw open slightly. He closed it slowly, and lowered his lyre, putting a hand to his head.

“Hey, are you OK?” Capri asked, hurrying over. “You said you got hit? Did you take a blow to the head?”

“Yes, I think I did,” Venti muttered, putting a hand to their head. “Uh, you did see a horseless carriage just race by here, right? It wasn’t just me?”

“You really did take a blow to your head,” Capri sighed. She glanced at the bar to her left and grimaced. She didn’t really want to go back in there, but… “Come on, let’s sit you down. Hopefully you don’t have a concussion, but if you do we’ll call an ambulance.”

Venti let Capri guide them into the bar, which was a somewhat seedy place, but it had been a paying gig. The bartender saw her and raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything as she sat Venti down at the bar. The stranger was looking around, eyes open wide, mouth hanging slightly agape.

“What’ll it be?” the bartender growled.

“I…I need a drink,” Venti said, closing their eyes as if they were in pain.

“Just water,” Capri said to the bartender.

“No, something much stronger. Two beers,” Venti said, holding up two fingers.

“I’ll just have water,” Capri sighed.

Venti opened one eye, and gave her another saucy grin. “I’m having two beers, I don’t know what you’re having.”

“Har har,” Capri said, rolling her eyes, but the bartender, Stefan, just nodded.

“What kind? We’ve got this on top,” he gestured to the wide board, then to the bottles on display. “That also.”

“As a man of wealth and taste…I’ll take your cheapest kind,” Venti said, batting his eyes. Well, at least Capri was pretty sure Venti was male now.

The bartender grunted, and poured two half liters from the tap, and set them in front of Venti. The rate at which they vanished into Venti was astonishing, and she shook her head. “If you’re actually hurt, you shouldn’t be drinking like that.”

“Nonsense! I find that when you’re hurt, drinking is the best way to forget about it!” Venti laughed. “Another!” Taking his third beer, Venti looked around the room, eyes hooded. He watched the TV for a bit, which was showing the evening news, some local interest stories and the weather.

“So…seems like it will be rainy the next few days, a bit cold too,” Venti commented, sipping his beer.

“It’s fall. Always like that,” Stefan grunted. The bar was mostly empty now, people had cleared out when it looked like a fight was going to happen. Capri thought about going up to finish her set, but no one seemed to care and Stefan wasn’t complaining.

“Ah, but it’s cold in the winters as the wind blows, you have to have enough firewood, right?” Venti mused.

“If you live like a bumpkin, maybe,” Stefan said with a snort. “I use gas, like sensible people.”

“Costs are going up with the Red Gauntlet taking over some of the wells,” Capri said, shaking her head. “The price of petrol is too high these days.”

“Really? What’s it up to?” Venti asked.

“Last I checked, one and a half marks a liter. Gas is too much as well. My bill was 93 marks this month,” Stefan muttered. “Got to do something about the prices. It’s too high.”

“Makes you wish you had a pyro vision, doesn’t it?” Venti sighed with a shake of his head.

Capri and Stefan both wrinkled their brows. “A what?”

“Oh, you know, a way to make heat on your own,” Venti said with a casual wave of his hand. He drew out his green bauble and set it on the counter. “Like this, only red.”

“What is it?” Capri asked, frowning at the thing.

Stefan, however, paled and took a step back. “I do not want trouble. That is tinkertech, yes?”

“No, no, just an anemo vision!” Venti laughed.

“It looks like the thing those electrical capes carry around,” Stefan said, sounding uncertain.

“No, those are purple. And besides, it’s not tinkertech. It’s just something that gives them their powers or whatever,” Capri said, shaking her head. She peered most closely at Venti’s ornament, and saw that there were swirls within it, as if a wind was blowing inside. “What is it, a lava lamp or something?”

“Ah, just something pretty to look at, like me!” Venti laughed, and made it disappear. For a moment though, Capri thought he looked rather disturbed.

“You really don’t look so good. Should I call an ambulance?” Capri asked uncertainly. “Or a cab? Can you get home?”

“I…well, I was staying at the Angel’s Share, but I don’t suppose you know where that is, do you?” Venti asked, sounding amused.

“Angel’s Share? What is that, a church?” Capri asked.

Stefan snorted, apparently having decided that Venti wasn’t a cape. “Only fools visit the churches now. What good did they do when Cologne was destroyed?”

“Prayer makes some people feel better, besides, you never know when the gods are listening,” Venti said with a shrug.

“Gods? You’re not one of those pagans, are you?” Capri sighed, rolling her eyes. “Or worse, one of those Japanophile nutjobs.”

“God is dead, and has been for some time. If we want to save ourselves, we have to be strong. Reclaim our land,” Stefan growled.

Capri glared at him. “Oh, so is that why those bastards were hanging out here?”

Stefan shrugged. “They drink, they talk. They pay. The boss didn’t think about hiring a gypsy musician. Me? I don’t care. Your music was good, but-”

“Fuck off!” Capri snarled. “Give me my damn pay.”

Stefan glared at her. “You played only half the night. You get half pay.”

“Fuck you, pay me, and be glad I don’t call the police!” Capri growled, standing and glaring at Stefan. The bastard had probably been going to pocket her money!

Stefan glared at her, his eyes flicked to the doorway, and went wide.

“YOU BITCH!”

There was a gunshot, and Capri dove for the floor as Stefan hid behind the bar. She caught a glimpse of two of the thugs from before, one with his leg heavily bandaged, brandishing the gun while the other had a stained hunk of wood and was looking murderous.

Before they could get all the way inside though, Venti floated up into the air on a current of wind, a very elaborate bow appearing in his hands. He fired an arrow, and a vortex appeared where it struck the wall, sucking both the nazi bastards in and pinning them to the wall. The gun fired again, but the bullet went right into the second nazi’s ass, causing him to scream in pain as Capri looked on in astonishment.

“I guess some people are just slow learners,” Venti sighed, walking over to the two trapped thugs. He snapped his fingers, and the gun flew out and into his hands, where Venti looked at it curiously. Then he shrugged, tucking it away into a pocket. “Well, since this is our second meeting, I guess you’ll have to take a bit of a longer nap now. Good night!”

The thugs were both slammed head first into the ceiling, then dropped insensate to the floor where they lay in a pile of tangled limbs. Capri stayed where she was, heart pounding in her chest. Venti seemed alright, but…well. Capes in Munich did not have a good reputation, not among the Roma especially.

“Well, I think that’s enough drinking for tonight,” Venti said, shaking his head. He took out a couple of wallets, opening them and frowning. “Well, that’s odd. No mora in here. And what are these?” Plucking out a debit card, Venti held it up, frowning at it. “Can I pay with this?”

“No need to pay, just go!” Stefan called from behind the bar. “Please, no fighting! I don’t need this kind of trouble on my shift!”

“Well, that’s the best kind of beer then!” Venti laughed. He came over and offered a hand to Capri. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“Uh, fine, thanks,” she said, slowly getting to her feet. She glanced at the unconscious thugs, then at Venti. “Don’t like Nazis much, do you?”

“Well, I’m afraid I’m not really sure what a not-see is, but if they have manners like those two I can’t imagine we’d be good friends,” Venti said with a shrug and a wink.

Capri’s eyes narrowed. “How on Earth could you not know what a nazi is?”

“Well, I’m afraid I’m not really from around here. There’s a lot of things I don’t know much about. Ah, but the night is young! Come, I’m sure we can find another establishment without such low companionship!” And then he strummed a merry tune on his lyre, making Capri shake her head.

“Yeah, fine. Let’s go. But first.” She went over to the bar and glared down at the cowering Stefan. “Pay?”

He pulled out an envelope from the cash register and thrust it at her. “Take it, and go! Don’t come back! We don’t want that kind of trouble here!”

As they walked out of the bar, Capri checked the envelope. She was short ten marks, but she wasn’t going to go complain over it. She glanced at Venti, who was eyeing the money curiously. Wait, was he going to try to rob her? “What?”

“So, this…” Venti pulled out a stack of bills from the wallets and held it up. “These are…marks, right? Hmm, that’s odd, it seems like it’s just parchment of some kind.”

Capri paused. She didn’t want to talk smack to a cape, but… “Uh, ha ha? Funny?”

“Ehe, yeah, I’m afraid I really don’t know how things work here!” Venti said, rubbing the back of his head. “Well, thanks for the drinks! I guess I’ll just find a nice alley to sleep in. Won’t be the first time!”

Venti turned to walk off, and Capri sighed. She was stupid. So stupid. There was no way she should do this. “Hey, uh, it isn’t much, but um…if you need a warm place to sleep…and you don’t mind Naomi snoring…you can spend the night in my van.”

“Well, that sounds better than an alley! Lead on, Miss Capri!”

Sighing, Capri slung her guitar case across her back and led Venti through the dark streets to where she was parked. She kept her hoodie up and had her hands in her pockets with her head down to avoid the looks from the few passersby, but Venti had his head up, and was looking around with interest, smiling and waving to those they passed, which caused most of them to shy away.

“Well, I suppose it is an unfriendly time of day, but everyone seems rather miserable. Are times really that bad?” Venti commented.

Capri snorted. “Where are you from that things are so peachy?”

“A land far away, called Mondstadt. It’s the land of Freedom, where the winds always blow,” Venti said, playing a few chords on his lyre. He actually was pretty good.

“So, you’re from America then?” Capri said, rolling her eyes. “Land of the free, home of the fatties.”

“Hmm, nope, never heard of it! This is the land of Munich, right?” Venti asked, peering up at a street light. “Huh, that’s electro, isn’t it? Interesting. I’ve seen that before in Khaenrian machinery. Heard of it?”

“Look, I’ve heard of a lot of countries, but not Mondstadt or Khanra, or wherever it is. And we’re in the city of Munich, in Bavaria, which is in Germany,” Carpi said, frowning again. “How do you not know all this?”

Venti made a silly face and wrapped a knuckle upside his head. “Ehe! Silly me! Well, as long as the fatui aren’t around, I should be fine! I wonder how Aether and Paimon are doing…”

“Fatui? Is that a cape group? You’re a cape, right?” Capri asked. Well, obviously, he was.

“I have a very fine cape, if I may say so myself!” Venti said, twirling to show off his green and white cloak. “But I think you mean something else? I’m terribly sorry, but would you mind explaining for little old me?”

“You…you have powers, don’t you?” Capri said, her brow furrowing. “What you did with the wind, and that bow…where did it go?”

“Oh, that? Why, that’s nothing unusual! You saw my vision, didn’t you?” Venti said, holding up the green bauble. “I can call the winds of course, but really I’m just a bard. As for my bow? Pshaw, that old thing? I just tuck it away for emergencies. I’d really rather solve my problems with a little song and chat!”

“Uh…” Capri blinked again. “You…really hit your head hard, didn’t you?”

“Ah, it wasn’t the first time! Just a little run in with the fatui,” Venti said, but he seemed to be studying Capri’s reaction.

“Well, I haven’t heard of them, but if it’s a cape fight, I want nothing to do with it. I’m just a regular person,” she said, shaking her head. “Anywhere, my van’s just here.”

She was parked in an empty lot that had several other vans and tents, with a tarp set up for the communal shower and toilet connected to the city plumbing. Most of the other residents were travelers or refugees, though there was one Roma couple that kept their distance from Capri, and she from them. Too many bad memories there.

She knocked on the rear door. “Naomi? It’s me, I have a guest…”

There was a sneeze from inside. “It’s OK, you can come in…”

Capri opened the door, and gestured to the interior of the van. “Welcome to our humble abode.”

Venti stuck his head in, and Naomi waved from where she was lying on the mattress above the storage compartment that held her drumset and the rest of their possessions. Her pale face was flushed and sweat stained, and her frizzy red hair formed a halo about her head. “Uh, hi. Sorry, I’m not feeling too good. Um, I’m Naomi. And you are?”

“Why, I’m Venti! Bard extraordinaire! I happened to meet my lovely new friend here when some not-sees so cruelly interrupted me from my sleep in an alley, and she valiantly defended me with her life and instrument!”

Capri rolled her eyes as Naomi gasped. “That wasn’t what happened at all. Though what were you doing in that alley, anyway?”

“Honestly, I’m increasingly uncertain about that myself,” Venti admitted. He shrugged and smiled. “So sorry you're sick. Here, I have a remedy made famous by Sister Maria! Let me just mix it up for you real quick.”

“It’s fine, she has cold medicine,” Capri said, but Venti had pulled a cup and some herbs out of his cloak.

“Do you happen to have a stove? I’ll brew up the famous cecilia lily with sweet flower tea!” Venti said.

Naomi looked curious, and nodded, pointing to their camp stove. “Sure, I wouldn’t mind some tea and to hear your story.”

“You should be sleeping,” Capri grumbled, but she got out the stove and set it up, and in a moment Venti had his brew going. She also got out their two chairs, one for Venti, and the other for herself, though Naomi climbed down and snuggled up in the seat with her. Capri glared at Venti, daring him to say something, but apparently he either didn’t realize the implication or was actually a decent person.

Venti regaled Naomi with a highly exaggerated and very comedic rendition of the evening's events, casting Capri as some sort of swashbuckling hero who had defeated the “churlish louts” with her wit and cunning, and Venti as some drunken sot who had just happened to have been there.

“That’s not what happened at all,” Capri sighed when the story wound down. “Look, Naomi, he’s a cape of some sort. He did save my life, and, well…you need somewhere to sleep, right?”

“A cape?” Naomi said, eyes growing wide. “You mean, you’re not with the Gesellschaft? Are you with the Meisters then?”

“Hmm, the Champions and the Society? No, I can’t say I’ve heard of them. Are they a guild?” Venti asked curiously.

Naomi blinked and glanced at Capri, but she sighed and shrugged. “He really doesn’t seem to know anything. I think he was in some sort of cape fight with a group he calls the ‘Fatui’ and got hit in the head.”

“They’re from Syneznya,” Venti clarified. Or, well, tried too, as the name didn’t mean anything to his audience. “Hmm. Haven’t heard of that either. How about Liyue? Fontaine? Inazuma?”

“I’ve heard of the Himi no Inazuma,” Naomi said slowly.

“Who?” Capri asked, frowning.

“You know, the princess of Japan?” Naomi prompted. “She’s called the Princess of Lightning.”

“Oh, right, Raiden’s ward,” Capri said with a shrug.

Venti’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Ah, then you know where Inazuma is! Well, Mondstadt isn’t too far from there, a few weeks' voyage to the North and West.”

“Uh, Inazuma isn’t a place,” Capri said, frowning. “At least not a place I’ve heard of.”

“Really? But you said you know of the Raiden Shogun, the Electro Archon,” Venti said, lifting the now boiling pot off the stove and pouring into the three mugs Capri had set out.

“Thank you,” Naoimi sighed, taking the cup and smelling it. “Mmm smells nice. Well, everyone knows who Raiden is-”

“The bitch,” Capri muttered, earning her an elbow from Naomi.

“-but I’ve never heard of the Electro Archon,” Naomi finished.

Capri shook her head. “Nah, that’s Raiden. She calls herself that sometimes, along with a bunch of other stuff. She’s crazy, thinks she’s a god.”

“But…Raiden is a god,” Venti said, now clearly confused as he sipped at his mug of herbal tea. “Though how you could know of her but not her homeland of Inazuma…I’m a bit confused. Saying Raiden isn’t a god is like saying oh, Rex Lapis, or even Barbados isn’t.”

“That’s what, King Rock and an island somewhere?” Capri asked. “Not gods I’ve heard of.”

“Well, Barbados is the 8th Spirit in the Lesser Key of Solomon,” Naomi mused. “He’s a duke of hell, if I remember right.”

Suddenly, Venti choked on his tea, sputtering and coughing. Naomi looked concerned, but he held up a hand to forestall her. “Sorry, just down the wrong pipe. But…Barbados, a demon? Really, I think that’s a bit much. I’ve heard people call the Wind Archon a mischievous spirit or a lazy god, but never a demon.”

“Um, well…I had a bit of a rebellious phase when I was younger and was into demonology. It, um, it made my parents very upset…they called the rabbi, and well…burned my books,” Naomi admitted.

“Had a rebellious phase? Your parents kicked you out and still won’t talk to you,” Capri snorted.

Naomi blushed and looked away. “Well…I still love them, it’s just…they weren’t very happy when they found out we were sleeping together…”

“Ah, your parents didn’t approve of your marriage?” Venti asked.

Capri and Naomi both stared at him, goggle eyed.

“You, uh, you realize we’re both women, right?” Capri asked slowly.

Venti shrugged. “In the eyes of Lord Barbados, all are free to choose whom they love! Why, I’ve married a few happy couples composed of ladies myself!”

“Well shit, suddenly this god doesn’t sound so bad, maybe we should convert,” Capri muttered, and Naomi punched her arm, though not very hard.

“I will not. Rabbi Goldstein says it’s just fine, my parents are just more traditional. That’s why they moved to Israel, and I didn’t. But I still go to Synagogue every Sabbath. And you come with me.”

“Only because you make me,” Capri grumbled, but she did blush.

“I wonder if the Rabbi would marry us?” Naomi mused, then shrugged. “Oh well, it’s what's in our hearts that matters.”

“Hey, you’re sounding better,” Capri said, looking Naomi over. She put a hand to her lover's forehead and nodded. “Fever’s broken too.”

“Ah, I infused a little anemo into the tea, as a thank you! Perks you right up!” Venti said happily.

Capri blanched, but Naomi murmured her thanks and sipped her tea again.

After that, they went to bed. Venti was forced to recline the passenger’s seat in the van, while Capri and Naomi crawled onto their mattress in the back.

“I like him,” Naomi commented as they lay together. “He seems nice.”

“He can probably hear you,” Capri muttered into Naomi’s hair. “But yeah. He’s not what I imagined a cape would be like.”

“He’s a musician. Very good on that lyre. We could use another band member,” Naomi suggested.

Capri sighed. “Maybe. We’ll see. Capes are trouble, you know.”

“Ah, but Venti’s a hero, surely. I’m sure it will be fine,” Naomi said, then yawned, snuggled closer, and started snoring softly.

Capri lay awake for a while longer, but dozed off eventually as well. They awoke at midmorning the next day, with Venti still snoring. Naomi got up first, fixing a simple breakfast of porridge and coffee. “How much did you make last night? I need to go shopping today if we can afford it.”

“Not as much as I’d like. Gigs are drying up,” Capri sighed, handing Naomi the money.

“Ah! Good morning, my lovely hosts!” Venti said, stepping out of the van and stretching. Somehow, despite the cramped conditions, he looked, well, perfectly sorted, with nothing awry with his clothes or hair, curse him. Capri and Naomi were both frizzy messes, which Capri had solved by putting her hoodie up, and Naomi by wearing a beanie.

“Good morning! Have some breakfast!” Naomi said, gesturing to the porridge. “I made extra.”

“Why thank you! Hmm, what’s this?” Venti sniffed the cup of coffee Capri handed him.

“Coffee. Seriously? You’ve never heard of coffee?” Capri asked, feeling exasperated.

“Ah! I had it in Sumeru, but it’s been years since I’ve wandered that far. I suppose there are coffee houses in Mondstadt, but I prefer a beer myself. Still, this seems perfect to wake you up in the mornings!”

They ate and chatted for a bit, before Venti pulled out the wallets. They turned out to be from the thugs the night before, Venti having taken them “to teach them a valuable lesson.”

“Well, stealing is wrong, but…” Naomi bit her lip, then blurted out, “but fuck those paskudnik bastards!”

“Your mother isn’t here, you can swear,” Capri laughed. “But yeah, fuck those guys. Damn, not a bad haul. There’s about 500 marks here. We’ll sell the cards though, I know a guy.”

“Capri!” Naomi protested.

“What? They’re nazis, Naomi. Like you said. Fuck ‘em.”

“You two seem to have a lot of antipathy towards these not-sees. Are these thugs so mal-what? You’re looking at me like I’ve grown a second head,” Venti said.

Naomi slowly shut her mouth, and shook her head. “Uh, Venti…I thought you’d have figured it out, but…I’m Jewish. My grandmother lost her first husband in Dachau, and I lost several great aunts and uncles. And, well, Capri-”

“They weren’t calling me a gypsy just to be assholes. I’m Romani. I thought you’d know that from my name. And yeah, I lost family in the Holocaust too,” Capri agreed, now feeling more than a little angry. “The act was cute at first, but-”

“Hmm.” Venti suddenly floated up in the air, crossing his legs, and putting a hand to his chin. Naomi and Capri both froze, their breath catching in their chests.

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.” Venti sank back down, shaking his head. “Hmm. I think it’s safe to hazard…this isn’t Teyvat, is it?”

Mutely, both women shook their heads.

“I thought so. Interesting. Luminie did mention traveling to other worlds, and I’ve known they’ve existed for some time. Still…” Venti laughed, rubbing the back of his head. “It might be hard for you to believe, but I think I’m an alien from another world entirely! I think I have a lot of learning to do. Please, this clearly hurt you, but I don’t understand what you mean by the Holocaust. To me, that was what some called the Cataclysm where Khaenri’ah was destroyed. But, well…this seems to mean more to you than that. So please, tell me your story.”

Capri blinked a few times, then shared a long look with Naomi. “Uh, I’m not really sure what to say to that…”

“You… you’re a cape from another world?” Naomi asked, feeling a bit shocked. “I don’t…”

“I have an idea!” Venti stood up, clapping his hands and smiling. “That seems a bit hard for you, so how about this? Where’s the nearest library? I’ve always liked reading. I’m no scholar from the Akademiya, but I enjoy a good book now and then.”

“...I can show you,” Capri volunteered, shaking her head. “It’s not too far.”

“I’ll come too,” Naomi agreed, standing and folding up the chair. They had everything packed and the van locked in a few minutes, then walked to the bus station, which fascinated Venti. He seemed practically giddy to ride on the bus, eagerly looking out the window and commenting at how “fast” the painfully slow ride was.

They made it to the library before long, and Venti grabbed several stacks of books, one of which was on the Holocaust. He started to flip through it, then stopped, suddenly aghast as he saw the first picture.

“Auschwitz,” Naomi said quietly, tears coming to her eyes. “So many…”

“How…who…” Venti’s voice was raw, and there were tears in his eyes. He suddenly muttered something potent, then held his hands over the book. The pages whipped back and forth rapidly, though he paused a few times on pictures, apparently unable to comprehend what he was seeing.

“You’ll have to actually read it,” Capri said firmly.

“I am,” Venti growled, but there was something…off about his voice. Capri leaned back in her chair, and Venti held his hands over the book again, the pages whipping back and forth in the wind. Then books flew off the shelves, spinning about Venti in a swirl of wind. His eyes were glowing blue, and his face was growing cold, enraged. Capri and Naomi found themselves clinging to one another in terror, as Venti let out a snarl.

Then the books fell to the table, and Venti put his head in his hands, and cried quietly. “My people…my children…what has happened to you?”

“Venti?” Naomi asked timidly, extending a hand towards him.

Suddenly, the room seemed to darken, as a warm green light began to emanate from Venti. He looked up, even as wings began to sprout from his back, and he grew in size, his clothes melting into a white robe. He lifted his head, slowly floating up into the air.

Naomi immediately pulled Capri out of her chair and forced her head to the ground, kneeling beside her and stammered out something that sounded like, “Dabber ki somea abdeka!”

“Rise, Naomi. You are not my servant, but my friend. Now. I want you to tell me exactly why these Nazi bastards are still allowed on the streets of Germany.”

Hesitantly, Naomi and Capri both looked up, and saw the face of a weeping angel. Then Venti seemed to shake himself, and the glow faded, the air around them returning to normal.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just…well. I have not been that angry in a very long time. Not for 500 years.” Venti cleared his throat and smiled. “I don’t suppose you could just forget what you just saw?”

Capri mutely shook her head, while Naomi nodded hastily.

“Well, at least one of you can lie with a straight face,” Venti sighed. “Now. Please, explain this to me. Because clearly, whatever gods rule these lands are sleeping, or monsters.”

Naomi was the first to speak, sounding timid and awed. “Uh, well, I can’t speak to the Lord’s plan, but, ah, well…it started about five years ago with a political group called the Land and Social Labor Reform Party, and the Gesellschaft…”

Author’s Note:

And so, we enter a new chapter of this story. One where a green twink learns that Nazis have taken over his country.

But don’t worry, we have a solution: