Legend of Galactic Zeroes, Chapter 16 (NSFW version) (Patreon)

Commissioned by Shaderic

Beta’d and edited by Dr_Feelgood and The Grand Cogitator

The party was over, and Kazuma had half nursed a hope that Darkness would meet him back in her lavish bedroom for his agreed upon reward. Or at least some heavy petting.

But no. They were in that stupid command bunker again.

“We’re already getting reports from across the system. Attacks by the Space Devil King’s forces at the capitol of Natsume are being repelled by Prince Jatice, but Brindle is taking heavy losses, as is Elroad, with the enemy making planetfall on both. And various other smaller conflicts. We’re being pressed hard everywhere but Axel,” Duke Ignis said, still in his tuxedo and leaning tiredly on his cane as he sat at the head of the command table.

Kazuma was tempted to say something along the lines of “And how is this my problem,” but one look at Chris and Aqua told him that wasn’t really an option.

“Do we know where Vanir is?” Chris demanded, standing at her seat and glaring towards the display that showed the conflicts across the solar system.

“He’s not shown his mask yet, though that’s hardly a surprise. Since he was here, he couldn’t have traveled to another world yet,” Ignis said with a slight shake of his head.

“Well wherever he is, we’ll find him and punch him in his stupid face!” Aqua huffed.

“The main problem we need to deal with is much closer, and more pressing,” Ignis said, and nodded to Admiral Harrington, who stepped up and gestured.

“Axis Station on the nearby ice moon of Alcanrettia is under assault by Hans the Poison Slime and his forces,” Harrington pointed to another moon that orbited the same gas giant, this one much smaller than Axel, and a white pearl to Axis’ dusty brown megacontinent amidst a blue sea. Hans himself turned out to be some boring looking guy, which made Kazuma wonder about his name.

Harrington continued, “If they manage to taint that moon, the water supply for half the system will be in grave danger, including our own. While we have a stable source of water on the surface, without water for our forces in space, we’ll be stranded and become sitting ducks for the Space Devil King.”

“Could we build facilities to send water into space?” Darkness asked the advisors.

They shook their heads. “We’d need massive desalination plants. What little fresh water we have we need. Combined with having to construct a way to affordably get that much water into orbit…it would take years.”

“Alcanretia’s gravity is half that of Axel, which means there would be additional complications in even getting payloads into space,” Ignis agreed. He sighed, rubbing his temples. “Our forces are still recovering, and we can’t afford to send them off and leave ourselves defenseless. Which means-”

The door to the command center was kicked open, and a masked man sprang in, causing Kazuma to let out a yell and jump to his feet.

“BEHOLD! IT IS I, HIROPON, FIRST CAPTAIN OF THE CRIMSON PIRATE CLAN, AND HE WHO WILL AID YOU IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED!”

Behind the man, Kazuma saw an overly endowed young woman with the red eyes and black hair of the clan make a face that screamed “embarrassed teenage daughter,” then scurry into the room as the flamboyant leader of the Crimson Pirate Clan swaggered in.

On closer inspection, Kazuma saw that it wasn’t a mask so much as two eyepatches, which raised the question of how Hiropon could see a damn thing. He was dressed in what could only be described as the most stereotypical pirate outfit Kazuma had ever seen: a (fake) peg leg, red and black pinstripe trousers, white and black striped shirt with a red leather vest over it, a bicorn hat with a red skull and crossbones, and of course a red bandana under that. There were more belts that were strictly practical, into which were shoved several knives, a cutlass, a variety of pistols that sure looked like flintlocks, what had to be a worn old treasure map, and of course, more eyepatches just in case.

Behind the pair three squealing pirates swarmed in and grabbed Megumin, sweeping her up in an embrace.

“My daughter! We’re so proud of you,” said the first, which was a man wearing what looked an awful lot like a pirate version of Joseph Joestar cosplay.

“We were so worried about you!” a woman who looked like the pirate version of Tifa Lockheart if someone had let the air out of her self inflatables said, rubbing her cheek against Megumin’s. “And you found a suitable partner! When can we expect grandbabies?!”

“Big sis, I saw the ‘splosion from space! I knew you were the coolest!” the world's youngest and most adorable version of Anne Bonny squealed, clutching on to Megumin’s arm.

The young woman from before hung back, still looking embarrassed, while Meguimin looked rather mortified herself.

“M-mom! T-that’s not- Look, what’s important is I have defeated Wolbach, and secured my place as the foremost genius of the Crimson Pirate Clan!” Megumin said, trying to wiggle out of her parents embrace.

“YAR-HAR-HAR!” Hiropon laughed, coming up and slapping Megumin on the back. “You have done well, Megumin! We were all a bit worried when you got kidnapped again, but you’ve proven yourself to be a true and worthy salty space dog!”

The little girl turned to Darkness, smiling up sweetly at her. “When there’s the wedding, will there be lots of cake? I like cake!”

“I, er, um, well, you see-” Darkness said, looking utterly flummoxed.

“Of course!” Ignis declared, hobbling over and bending down to smile at Megumin’s sister. “You’re cute as a button, you’ll just have to be the flower girl!”

“F-father! Now is not the time!” Darkness spluttered.

“Oh, don’t worry, Sylphinia can be a flower girl too, there will be enough roles at the wedding for everyone,” Ignis said, giving Darkness a wide smile.

In response, she put her head in her hands and groaned softly.

Kazuma slunk away from the group, hoping to dodge getting swept up in whatever that was. He was about to attempt to exit stage left out the door, when he heard the other Crimson Demon girl mutter, “This is just so embarrassing…how can father be so cringe?”

“You said it,” Kazuma agreed fervently. He glanced at the girl, who in contrast to the cosplay getup, was wearing a rather functional looking jumpsuit with a red eye insignia on it.

The girl glanced at him, then gasped, extending a shocked finger. “Y-you! You’re that man who kidnapped Megumin!”

“Woah! I did no such thing!” Kazuma said, raising his hands in protest.

“Yes, you did! You escaped from our prison and dragged her with you!”

“Uh, well, OK, I did do that, but it wasn’t a kidnapping! More of a, ah, hostage situation?”

“T-that isn’t any better!”

“Ok, fine! We did, but she could have left weeks ago! She just decided to stick around because she wanted to fuse with me!”

That made the other girl blush, her eyes darting towards Megumin, who was still being fussed over by her family. “Um, I thought…i-isn’t she marrying Lady Dustiness? I-I thought…well, um, I guess I’m glad she’s happy…”

“Look, you’ve got it all wrong! This is MY harem, not Darkness’! I’m the one all the girls are fusing with, thanks to my awesome mecha, the Lagan!” Kazuma protested. As an afterthought, he added, “Not that I’m opposed to a little yuri side action, mind you. Megumin with Darkness would be pretty hot.”

“W-what?!” the girl gasped in horror, her hands flying to her mouth. “You mean…Megumin is cheating on her fiancee?!”

“Eh, it’s more of an open relationship I guess?” Kazuma said, trying to remember what he knew about open relationships aside from what he’d read about in the worst kind of doujins and harem manga, which is to say, absolutely nothing.

“Oh! Uh…um…S-sorry for, um…My name is Yunyun!” the girl suddenly bowed to Kazuma, blushing mightily. “I, um, I’m Megumin’s rival…”

Kazuma frowned at that. “Her rival? Are you like, enemies or something?”

“N-no! Um, well, maybe? W-we have competitions, and um, compete to see who is more powerful…I-I was really worried when you kidnapped her…she, um, she isn’t being held against her will, is she?” Yunyun asked nervously.

Kazuma glanced over to where Megumin was trying to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment while her mother talked to an equally mortified Darkness about wedding dresses.

“-and it’s fine if one of you is pregnant, I know how to make a dress that doesn’t show! Or both of you, really!”

“MOM! I didn’t- Wait, you were pregnant when you got married?!”

“Do the math, dearie.”

Megumin muttered something when counting on her hands, then groaned and really did try to slide under the table.

“Wow, Big Sis, do you have a baby in your belly already?!”

“NO! Komekko, I haven’t even-” Megumin made several strangled noises, then managed to half hide under the table.

“We’re just so happy,” Chris said, dragging Megumin out to face humiliation like a woman. “However, we simply can’t dream of a wedding while the Space Devil King and his minions still roam free, right, Megumin?”

That got frantic nods from Megumin. “Yes! Absolutely! No way we could ever marry before the enemy is defeated, right Darkness?”

“Yes, absolutely! I, uh, have vowed to not rest until Vanir is defeated and his minions destroyed, and peace restored to the spheres!” Darkness agreed eagerly.

Both Ignis and Megu-mom looked incredibly disappointed. “But, well, you could still have children before then, right?”

“NO!” both girls cried in unison.

“Uh, well, about that,” Megu-dad said, coughing slightly. “Traditionally, the bride’s family pays, but, uh, since they’re both women…”

“Oh never fear, I’ve always dreamed of planning a big wedding for my daughter, I wouldn’t let anyone take away my chance to spoil her,” Ignis chuckled.

Megu-dad looked very relieved by that, but Komekko said in a loud clear voice: “Does that mean there’s no cake?”

“Goodness no! We can have cake right now, can’t we?” Ignis said, clapping his hands. “Bring us cake!”

“With sprinkles!” Komekko added eagerly.

And so, a great big sheet cake was brought in (with sprinkles) and Kazuma found himself going back over to the table instead of booking it. He was a bit hungry, and who could say no to cake?

“So, did you really just come here to embarrass Megumin and do wedding planning?” Kazuma asked around a mouthful of food.

“Oh, no! That’s not why we came at all,” Hiropon laughed. “We came to offer our services to crush the forces of the Space Devil King once more!”

“We, um, won the battle, but ah, well…we used up a lot of supplies and ammunition, and most of our mecha and the Crimson Dream were damaged in the fighting. W-we need repairs, and well…those are expensive,” Yunyun added.

“Sadly, there isn’t much money in piracy these days,” Megu-dad said mournfully, and Hiropon nodded.

“Too right, not enough villains with loads of treasure you can take, just law abiding citizens. How is a pirate to make a living that way?”

“So…let me get this straight,” Kazuma said. “You’re not willing to rob innocent people? What kind of-”

Darkness and Ignis kicked Kazuma under the table at the same time, with Ignis going the extra mile and poking Kazuma with his cane to boot.

“I understand. We’d be happy to extend the Crimson Pirate Clan’s mercenary contract,” Ignis said, shooting Kazuma a death glare.

“We’re not mercenaries!” all the Crimson Pirates cried, except for Yunyun, who slid Ignis a stack of paper.

“Um, if you could just call it a Letter of Marque…we’d really appreciate it…”

“Wait, there is one thing that should be added,” Chris interjected. “Take us along too! We’re going to put an end to Vanir!”

“Isn’t the real threat the Space Devil King?” Kazuma asked.

“No, he’s just a Freaky Alien Genotype,” Aqua told him. “Vanir’s actually a demon.”

“Really? Not a devil? Are we like, operating under DND rules where devils are lawful evil and demons are chaotic evil? Because if we are, he's more of a devil,” Kazuma pointed out.

“Regardless, I agree with Chris. We shall go with the Crimson Pirate Clan, and ensure our continued water supply,” Darkness said. “Is that acceptable to you, Captain Hiropon?”

“Of course! We shall plunder the booty of the Devil King together!” Hiropon decreed.

“I just wanted to plunder some booty tonight,” Kazuma complained.

There seemed to be a lot more to talk about and haggle over after that, but with the initial agreement reached, Darkness stood. “Well then, my companions and I have had an exhausting day. If we are to go away again soon, we will require rest. Ah, Megumin, will you be staying with your family, or…?”

“Nope! Let’s go to bed!” Megumin declared, shooting straight up out of her seat.

“Yeah, I’m bushed,” Kazuma agreed, yawning and stretching.

“I suppose we should rest. What about you, Aqua?” Chris asked.

“I wanna know about my ship! What did you Crimson Jerks do to her!? Where’s the Axis Queen?!” Aqua demanded.

“Let’s just go before she really gets into it,” Kazuma said, and hurried off before Aqua remembered he was the one who brought her and her useless ship on this mission in the first place.

Darkness led them to a servant’s door down the corridor, then up a set of narrow winding stairs. “I used to sneak through these as a girl. They’re still a good way to get around when you don’t want to be bothered by anyone.”

“As long as we get away from my mother and your father,” Megumin said with a shudder.

“I, er, um, well, while I do think it’s a bit soon to be talking about marriage…I am open to the idea of, um…being with…you. Um, all of you,” Darkness said, giving Megumin a nervous smile as they trod up the steps.

Megumin suddenly sat down and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know how I feel about it! The idea of unlimited funding is exactly what I want, and it is somewhat interesting to be a consort to a noble, and you’re all my good friends, I don’t know! I wanted to fuse with Kazuma and make big explosions but now my mother thinks I’m going to have Darkness’ babies!”

“Well, I mean…I do like you, Megumin, and, well, I guess I’m going to be fusing with the three of you…and it could be in and out of the Lagaan,” Kazuma suggested.

Megumin lifted her head to glare at Kazuma. “You are not helping right now!”

“Yeah…I guess we do need to talk.” Chris sat down next to Megumin, and made shooing motions to Kazuma and Darkness. “You two go figure yourselves out. I think maybe I should talk with Megumin.”

“But I-” Darkness began, but Kazuma grabbed her arm.

“Hey, you promised me a reward. Megumin can collect later, but I’m tired of talking.”

To Kazuma’s delight, Darkness melted, shivering slightly. “Oh, to be bossed around in my own mansion by this brute of a man! I-I will not let you harm my people, b-but if you would force yourself on me-”

Darkness let herself be pulled along, as Chris put her arm around Megumin. The dark haired girl leaned on Chris, and began pouring out her various mommy issues. “She’s always pressuring me! She hated when I ran off with Wolbach, and always said my mecha designs weren’t practical! That I should settle for a mere gatling gun or laser sword! Well, just because SHE let herself get roped into a boring life with my father as an inventor of dumb things like antimatter reactors or electromagnetic deflectors doesn’t mean I have to-”

Kazuma decided that was something he could address later. He’d have to figure out how to defuse or live with the Megu-bomb later, but for now, he was tired. And horny.

“W-wait,” Darkness called after Kazuma had marched up like a billion stairs. He was getting winded, and his legs were sore, but dammit he was getting what he deserved tonight!

“Don’t try to talk yourself out of this! You said you wanted to, and you promised,” Kazuma gasped, pausing to catch his breath.

“Yes, but-”

“And if it’s about Megumin, or getting married…I’ll be honest, right now, I don’t care. I just know you’re going to drag me into a bunch of insane battles! I’d rather lay around and play video games at home, but if I’m going to risk my life, I want to at least get laid doing it!”

“T-that is shockingly crude! How could you be so base!? But no, I mean-”

“And yeah I mean Chris did give me a handy, but she seems really gung ho on this harem ending and dammit, I want the golden ending! So are you up for this or not?!”

“I-I am, but, what I am trying to say is-”

“Well then stop stammering and spit it out! What is it!?”

“Um, you passed the landing to our room…”

Kazuma paused, then glared at the blushing Darkness. “Well, why didn’t you say so?!”

“Y-you wouldn’t let me…”

Muttering under his breath, Kazuma turned around and led Darkness through the correct door, into a hallway near her room. He paused, suddenly uncertain. Was he really going to just drag a girl to her room?

“A-aren’t you going to force me into my room, bind me to the bed, and force me to perform all sorts of denigrating acts?” Darkness asked, sounding more hopeful than anything else.

“I couldn’t force you to do anything! You’re basically the princess of this whole moon! I’m not some dope who has to ask for consent every five minutes but come on, this was your idea anyway!” Kazuma snapped.

Darkness blushed, looking down. “Could…could you pretend to force me?”

“That’s the hottest thing you’ve said all night,” Kazuma said, and pulled Darkness into a sudden kiss.

Despite the fact that she was taller and in heels, she sank to her knees so that Kazuma was pressing himself onto her, melting against him.

After half a minute of tongue hockey, they broke apart, Darkness clutching at him.

“Y-you fiend! Now will you debase me and ruin me for marriage forever?!”

“Well, if you ask so nicely…”

“Y-you cur!” Darkness giggled, but stood up and followed Kazuma into her room.

Once inside, Kazuma looked around the expansive space nervously for a moment, uncertain of what he should do next. He glanced at Darkness, who was fidgeting. Throwing caution (and sense) to the wind, Kazuma pointed a finger at Darkness. “Look, you might be the big bossy noble or whatever outside, but if we’re going to do this, then I’m the man! I’m the one in charge when we’re alone, you got it?”

Darkness moaned, and leaned against Kazuma. “T-that’s the best thing anyone’s ever said to me…”

“Uh, well, good. So…if I’m going to have my way with you…”

Darkness looked up eagerly, a bit of drool leaking down the corner of her mouth, which she hastily wiped away.

“Then, uh…strip!”

Kazuma couldn’t really think of anything else, but Darkness seemed happy enough at the order.

“Oh, to have a man force me to bare myself to him, even in the sanctuary of my own chambers!”

Darkness managed to get out of her dress, though it turned out she was not wearing a bra underneath, which was rather exciting. She kicked off her shoes, one of which sailed towards a very valuable lamp, knocking it over with a crash and tinkle of expensive glass.

“O-oh no! I-I have destroyed the furniture!” Darkness cried. Kazuma was about to comment about that killing the mood, until she got down on her knees. “A-aren’t you going to punish me for being so clumsy?”

“I don’t know if I’m into the S&M bit,” Kazuma said dubiously, earning him a wounded look from Darkness.

“But that was pretty stupid of you. Seriously, can’t you even take your shoes off? It’s not that hard!” Kazuma took off his own shoes, bending over to undo the laces. When he looked up, still holding them in his hands, Darkness had turned around and was presenting her posterior to him. White panties though? He’d have to get her to wear black next time.

“B-be gentle, I-I am a delicate flower, who cannot take much pain!” Darkness panted.

“Delicate my ass. You’re an overly muscled thug who can take a punch better than I can!”

“Y-you fiend! How can yoooOOOOOO~!”

On a whim, Kazuma  used his shoe to smack Darkness' rear. She seemed so delighted by that fact, he did it again, then a few more times, Darkness getting even more excited all the while.

“Alright, that’s enough of that,” Kazuma said, tossing his shoe over his shoulder. There was another crash and tinkle, and he winced. Hopefully, he could just blame that one on Darkness the klutz if anyone asked.

“Get up! On your feet,” Kazuma ordered.

Darkness complied, blushing and making to cover her breasts with her hands, blushing and looking rather shy for someone who’d practically been begging for a spanking.

“None of that,” Kazuma ordered, smacking Darkness’ arms down and earning a gasp of pleasure. “Now, stand still. It’s time for my prize.”

“W-what do you-? KAZUMA!” Darkness cried, as Kazuma yanked down her panties. She let out a yip as he tried to get them off her, but they weren’t ripping, and her legs were rock steady.

“I’m stealing your panties! Now lift your leg so I can get them off!”

Despite the blushes, she complied, and Kazuma held his prize up to his nose, taking a sniff. He made a slight face, as the odor wasn’t all that he could have desired. Apparently, girls farted too. Which made sense, even if it was kinda gross. Nevertheless, he pocketed his prize, before kicking off his own pants.

“Now, on your knees! Do as your master commands!” Kazuma cackled.

Eagerly, Darkness knelt, then blushed when confronted with Kazuma’s own underwear. “Um, K-Kazuma, while you may want my own undergarments, I, er, do not wish to acquire yours…”

“I know that! Just, you know, take them off,” Kazuma huffed.

Darkness frowned, noticing the rather obvious tenting. “Won’t that get in the way?”

Then, she flicked Lil’ Kazuma.

Pain exploded in Kazuma’s head, and the next thing he knew he was doubled over, retching and gasping for breath with Darkness supporting him.

“I-I am sorry! I did not mean to hurt- are you alright?! I know that area is sensitive for men, b-but I did not think- I am sorry! I wish to receive pain, not give it!”

“I’m OK,” Kazuma gasped. “J-just…help me sit down…”

Darkness picked Kazuma up in a highly embarrassing bridal carry and brought him over to her bed, tenderly setting him down. She hurried over to her minifridge (because of course she had one) and brought Kazuma a sock stuffed with several ice cubes. He gratefully set it on the injured organ, after Darkness carefully peeled his underwear off.

“Thanks. Ow. Never do that again,” he moaned.

She nodded, tears leaking down her cheeks.

“You’d better be sorry,” Kazuma muttered. Then he sighed. “It’s OK. I probably don’t know enough about, uh, your anatomy to know what will and won’t hurt you…”

“Y-you should find out the things that will hurt me, then do them!” Darkness urged.

“Well, I’ve heard the nipples are sensitive, so if I pinch you-”

“Ah! That hurts!” Darkness gasped, and instinctively Kazuma lowered his hand. Only for Darkness to grab it and put it right back. “Do it again!”

After about the mildest S&M play you could imagine, Kazuma sighed and lifted the ice bag. To his disappointment, the pain and cold had caused him to shrivel right up.

“It’s smaller,” Darkness mused, peering down. “I-I had heard it worked that way, but I did not realize it could change so, um, much…”

“Yeah, well, I’m still a bit sore,” Kazuma muttered.

A mischievous twinkle entered Darkness' eyes, and she purred, “Should I kiss it better, Master?”

“Uh…yeah! Yeah, make it better, slave!”

Darkness set to it with a will, and Kazuma groaned, grabbing at her hair as he stood to attention even faster than he’d shrunk at the pain. It felt good, so good in fact that-

“Oh!” Darkness gasped and sat up, blinking and wiping at her face.

“S-sorry. I, uh…I guess I didn’t last very long,” Kazuma admitted.

“It’s fine, I just…hmmm.” Darkness licked at her face, even going so far as to use her finger to wipe it off and stick it in her mouth. “The flavor is milder than I had imagined…perhaps slightly salty?”

“You…like it?” Kazuma asked, caught off guard.

Darkness nodded, bending back over and making as if to kiss Kazuma again. Her touch caused a dull ache, making Kazuma cry out. “Too soon!”

“O-oh…”

Darkness looked disappointed again, and worried that she’d hurt Kazuma. Groaning, he sat up. “It’ll take at least a little while for me to recharge. Though I suppose…I’ve read about this, mind, but don’t expect anything incredible OK?”

“Read about what?” Darkness asked, confused. Then he pushed her over. She clearly let him topple her, thudding into the feather mattress and looking up at Kazuma, excited and eager. He spread her legs, reaching down between them.

“Like I said, I read about it, and, well, I experimented a little with Chris, but don’t be disappointed, OK?”

“I-I would…Mmmm, h-harder!”

While Chris had wanted Kazuma to be gentle with her, and, well, had been much smaller, Darkness demanded more and harder. Kazuma even experimented with his own kisses, though he had to actually bite at Darkness before she was satisfied. At first he was worried he was hurting her, until he realized that was probably the point. He kept at it for a few minutes, with Darkness moaning and bucking her hips so hard she smacked his nose more than once.

In the end, he collapsed next to her, exhausted from the day’s labors and his efforts.

“Just…just let me catch my breath…then…then I’ll ride you like a chocobo,” Kazuma panted.

Darkness only snuggled up next to Kazuma. “That was…nice. I-I do wish to be ridden though, that was not…not nearly…”

Kazuma nuzzled Darkness’ breasts. They were nearly as big as his head, and he half wondered if he could suffocate in them. That was his last conscious thought before he passed out.

Groggily, Kazuma opened his eyes. His head was on a very soft pillow, but the rest of him was on some sort of rock hard surface. It wasn’t even flat, which was going to do all sorts of things to his back. He opened his eyes and turned his head, only to realize he’d fallen asleep on top of Darkness. He poked at her abs; she didn’t quite have a six pack, but she was certainly toned. “Overly muscled gorilla.”

“D-don’t call me a gorilla!” Darkness squeaked, and Kazuma rolled off of her.

“Guess I fell asleep,” Kazuma admitted, giving Darkness an abashed grin.

She blushed and nodded. “Um, I did too…”

A slow grin spread over Kazuma’s face. “Well, I’m awake, and so is Lil Kaz. So, if you’re up for it, we can-”

There was a moan, and not from Darkness. Both of them sat upright in the bed, eyes wide.

“Do you think it’s Vanir?,” Kazuma whispered, but Darkness was grabbing a blanket and wrapping it about herself with one hand and pulling a decorative sword off the wall with the other. Actually, on closer inspection, that was just an actual sword someone had hung up for decoration.

Swearing under his breath, Kazuma struggled into his underwear, hopping after Darkness across the room.

“Who dares-” she began, but then she made it to the couch and stopped, sword raised high.

Kazuma hurried over as well, then a delighted smile spread over his face. “Oh ho.”

Megumin was trying to glare up at them and cover herself with both hands at the same time, while Chris grinned, wiping her mouth off as she finished pulling on her shorts, still topless. “We were finished anyway. Good morning.”

“Uh, good morning,” Kazuma said, swallowing. “So, uh, you two were-”

“None of your business!” Megumin snapped, then flushed. “Or, um, well, I guess…? Uh, Chris was persuading me about weapons funding last night, and, well, we had a bit to drink, and then I sort of don’t remember…”

“And I told her this morning if she wasn’t going to remember the fun, we should just do it again!” Chris laughed. She leered at Darkness. “And did you two have fun last night?”

“I, er, well, um, K-Kazuma and I-”

“Yeah, and we were going to have more until you two interrupted,” Kazuma said, not bothering to wipe off the lecherous grin. “Have I mentioned I’m a big yuri fan?”

“Pervert,” Megumin muttered, though she didn’t sound as angry as she was acting.

Before there could be further commentary, there was a loud knock on the door.

“BIG SIS, ARE YOU AWAKE? I WANT TO HAVE BREAKFAST!” Komekko’s muffled voice called.

Megumin let out a horrified squeak, and dove for her clothes, hopping around as she hastily dressed. “Yes! I’ll be out in a minute! Don’t come in!”

“It’s locked,” Chris said in a stage whisper.

“Yes, and Komekko is a Crimson Pirate!” Megumin hissed as she pulled on her shirt.

“So?” Kazuma asked.

There was a rattling sound, and the door knob turned slightly.

“Any halfway decent Crimson Pirate can pick a lock!” Megumin said.

Swearing, Kazuma put on his own clothes, with Darkness and Chris dressing in record speed as well. Just in time, as Komekko let herself into the room, the precocious little menace looked around with interest.

“Were you fighting? There’s broken stuff everywhere,” Komekko commented.

“We were, uh, sparring! Yes! You know your big sister, always training!” Megumin laughed, kicking a pair of black panties someone hadn’t gotten on back over the couch.

Kazuma caught them and pocketed the pair. Score another one for him!

“Training can be fun, but I’m hungry! Let’s get breakfast!” Komekko declared.

His stomach rumbled, and Kazuma sighed. “Yeah, I guess we could eat.”

Darkness took the simple expedient of ordering breakfast to be brought to the small dining room adjoining her rooms, and they all went to recover from their night of debauchery with pastries and strong coffee. Normally Kazuma would have had tea, or better yet a Red Bull, but coffee would do.

As they sat, Komekko leaned over and poked Megumin’s belly. “Am I a big sister yet?”

“N-no!” Megumin said, grabbing Komekko’s hand. “Besides, you’d be an aunt, not a sister!”

That made Komekko wrinkle her nose. “I’m only six, I don’t wanna be an auntie. But I could be a good big sister! I had you as mine, so I know how!”

“Well aren’t you the cutest little pirate,” Chris laughed. She patted Komekko on the head. “Don’t worry, what your sister has gotten up to won’t make you a big sister yet, but we’ll see if we can hook you up before too long.”

“Yay! Make sure it’s a girl! Boys are weird and smell funny,” Komekko said, then dug into the stack of pancakes a servant set before her.

“Uh, yeah. So, anyway, we’re going back into space already?” Kazuma said, taking some hard boiled eggs. “Damn, no rice?”

“We don’t normally serve it at breakfast, but if sir would like some, a dish can be sent up,” a servant murmured.

“You can’t have a meal without rice! Hook me up, Sebastian!”

“Er, my name is Tony…”

“Sure, whatever. Rice please!”

“Me too!” Komekko said, her face smeared with syrup and crumbs. She let out a loud burp. “I like rice too!”

“Komekko! Manners!” Megumin said, swatting her sister lightly on the back of her head. Kazuma noted Megumin was talking around the two slices of ham in her mouth, but figured if he got rice he wouldn’t need to call anyone on the carpet for their hypocrisy.

Wiping her mouth with a napkin, Darkness nodded. She, at least, swallowed before talking. “Yes. What I said about not resting until the Devil King is defeated is true. I spent too long amusing myself in the wilderness. I had not thought the Devil King was so grave a threat…I…I feel rather guilty now, seeing the plight of the people…I cannot let this happen again. Before I can rest, he must be defeated.”

“I might be willing to retire from being a goddess, but not before I see that damn devil six hundred and sixty six feet under,” Chris said, her lip curling into a snarl. “He’s a menace that has to be stopped!”

“I signed up to showcase my genius with the Wave Motion Explosion Cannon, and I will not be denied a chance to show off my power!” Megumin agreed.

“Well, someone’s gotta merge with you idiots so you can win,” Kazuma sighed. Then he perked up. “Oooh, my rice! Here, you gotta try some. Really goes with breakfast.”

“Thanks, big bro!” Komekko said as Kazuma spooned some rice onto her plate.

His heart suddenly swelled. With tears in his eyes, he looked at Megumin. “Let’s get married.”

“Seriously? Three beautiful women isn’t enough? You’re in it for my twerp sister?” Megumin sighed.

“Hey, you have your reasons, I have mine,” Kazuma sniffed. But he grinned.

He was on the Golden Route, alright.