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77: Chill (Patreon)

Published:
2020-01-05 06:00:01
Edited:
2020-02-02 20:17:52
Imported:
2020-09

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Edit: I'm back.

Fixed a bunch of typos in this one, plus took some suggestions. Thanks everyone. Please let me know if I missed anything. 

Working on the typo backlog for the other chapters. Please hold.

Comments

Anonymous

Why did Ameliah not like that guy after he said nice lady? Also please add someone to rains team where he does this pasiveist build for them, need to see those blue boxes.

Ziggy

Rain showing off winter and not listening to Rankin was even more satisfying than I thought it would be. Side notes. One point you have "led by the Jacks" instead of "led by Jaks". And while you have Rain mention he's "concerned" while confronting Rankin, it doesn't feel as... genuine? Like even though Rain is tired of being meek, he's pretty non-confrontational with people up until now. I feel like there'd be a more obvious indicator of his nervousness of doing so, even if only slightly more so than "concerned". A more emotional response. Maybe a line about ignoring his beating heart? Or his nervousness at addressing the crowd/crowd staring at him/confronting Rankin while he pretends otherwise. A sense of nervousness and simultaneous elation or giddiness at being able to rip Winter full blast without having to fret about it or hiding it anymore. Just some suggestions. Enjoyed the chapter!

Ziggy
>>30770985

She doesn't react well to being hit on or being singled out for being a lady. He's kinda doing both. Any time Carten did that she flat out ignored him. I'm sure she's grown up with a TON of people hitting on her. Used to being around adventurers, she's a high silverplate and pretty, she's a catch. And with that crowd? That shit would get old soooo fast.

Ziggy
>>30771023

I could totally see a line about Rain taking a deep breath or otherwise prepping himself as he's upping winter. Then literally laughing or a sense of obvious glee or pride or satisfaction from everyone's reactions.

Anonymous

Please, please, please tell me that we are back on a 2 chapters per week schedule?!?!!?

Anonymous

Also, sooooooo satisfying to read the scene where Rain tells off Rankin, and Rankin can't do anything about it because Rain's technically doing what he needed the adventurers to do.

Ziggy

So when we're shown the scene with Rain after Ameliah, It's never mentioned or explained Rain is using Aura Focus. We only know he's using it when he "drops winter" and the watch is there. Makes the scene a little confusing. I was assuming he wasn't going to be willing to leave himself fully vulnerable and dead to the world like that and was just hanging in the tavern fully aware of his surroundings for most of the scene. Might want to toss in that he's using aura focus and/or what his winter settings are at so people understand he has 0 knowledge of what's going on around him. Though also might want to put in he lets everyone know he's going to be out of it? Otherwise Lamida has potentially been sitting there for two hours. Or has he not been using aura focus the whole two hours?

tibbish
>>30771314

I think if the author edited it so that Lamida was just walking up and sitting down when Rain turned off Focus that scene would make more sense. Otherwise if Lamida had been sitting there for over a hour while Rain was ignorant of it due to Focus I'd bet she'd be pretty pissed.

Anonymous

Kind of confused why he's so explicitly helpful of Rankin rather than any kind of 'gruding help'. Like, showing Winter and then blacklisting Rankin & Co. from it. I'm also confused as to why he went sensory-depravation when in a public space, seemingly without even Val around to watch over him. The city is only barely not 'hostile territory' imo; losing your situational awareness seems like a terrible idea.

Ziggy
>>30772688

The part where he's trying to stop a riot from happening makes sense to me. He doesn't like Rankin but this is about helping where he can, not that jackass. Yeah I don't get the aura focus in public bit either, though. Rain is pretty lackadaisical at times but even he has shown hesitance with using aura focus in public for more than extremely short bursts. Wouldn't think that would change when the city is MORE dangerous.

tibbish
>>30774353

Most all the serials are cliff prone or become so after a while. Not sure why but there isn't much you can do about it other than grin and bear it.

Satya Prateek

The update makes it clearer that he was using Aura focus. Nice. Though you'll also want to edit the line later where he says no one bothered him, because they did in the newly added lines.

Mike G.

The changes look good. Thanks for the diff file, great idea!!!

Ezio Azrael

You fixed most of the mistakes, but a few more were made, mostly with properly continuing the sentences after the fix. The biggest example is the opening line but besides that is a great chapter. I like it a lot more than the previous ones.

Anonymous

No need to specify every skill used it's easy to infer tbh

payforthat

Speculation time. Lamida and the watch are undoubltly there to establish where Rain lies politicaly. Maybe to put some pressure on him to make sure he understands they are still a power. If they like what they hear they might become allies of some form. Velika's noble organisation is going to misbehave. They will be disoganised currently - with diverse goals. Some, will just be bullies seeking power. Types who push people around on threat of Velika if they dont get the "respect" they deserve. Sneaky Lord Arta Rill types, hmm. They will want to establish rules that favour themselves. Pushing what they can force the Guild and Watch to do for free - how much they can tax and what else they can grab control of. I wonder how unified the sneaky lot are? does Rill have enemies within the group?. Rain is going to have a run with them at some point. Maybe with one of the bullies and Mlem in the trade area? Or maybe orders to control how and who gets his recharge?. Rains daily rechage only happening in the guild tavern, would be an intresting statement. What limits will the guild put on "requests" in regards to this? Might be an important point establishing limits of Lord Arta Rills groups power. Rain is probalby one of the few people who can cause Velika to pause and think.

Pyrefiend

It would be cool if Rain could leverage his ability to solve half the city's problems himself to get permission for blue hunting in the lair.

Darastrix

When the author says his back, does he mean that we'll have more regular releases?

Anonymous

Hrm. After checking through the changes...I definitely think my complaints as to the latter end are quite curtailed. It explains things in a way that makes sense to how he just stayed in Focus.

Ziggy

I dig the adjustments. Rain's emotional responses in the guild make it feel more true to character. A lot more turmoil over doing something he's not used to, while still enjoying the results and freedom of it. Surprisingly the line I liked best was "it felt good" before the scene change. Gives a sense of satisfaction that acts as a good bookend to the scene.

Ziggy
>>30782347

Glad the constructive criticism didn't suck! Your story, though. Feel free to tell us to shove off if you think we're wrong lol.

Ziggy
>>30777964

I think you're close but less "understand they're still a power" and more "Hey juice us full of that sweet mana while we subdue lady V. Do it now. RAWR! Also we'll give you some levels in the lair after we depose her." The watch wants lady V gone in no uncertain terms. They are piiiiissed. Rain's skills are amazing at buffing groups, they want those sweet buffs. Gonna be a hard sell, though. "Oh you want me to go against the lady that causes sonic booms by running? Yeah, sure. Oh, have you got a knife on you? Okay cool I'm just gonna kill myself now and save her the trouble."

Anonymous

Are the chapters still going to be published once a week sunday? No pressure, I'm just curious. Really love the story.

Thenais

"Let’s do this." Leeeeeeeeroy Jeeeeeeeenkins !