Helluva Accountable 2 (Patreon)

Helluva Accountable 2 - (Helluva Boss, Human!SI)

Moxxie was not in a good mood.

Yes, it had been another successful mission and they got paid for the job. Enough to make Blitz forget the accident he caused earlier that day and then during the hit itself. Truth be told, Moxxie’s true gripe was not that he did something wrong in the mission- but rather that he saw how someone got killed when they weren’t the target.

And he felt bad for them.

He tried to bring this up to Millie, but his wife was just happy that the mess was wrapped up and they could focus on the next job. He couldn’t blame her, the two imps were close enough to know each other’s views of things and where Moxxie’s soft side sometimes made him reluctant, Millie was always there to coerce him to be a bit more understanding that the world is cruel.

Yet that didn’t stop Moxxie from feeling bad about what happened to the target’s husband and children. It was also true they were evil people, but maybe the kids could have… changed. They looked genuine when they said they would not bother people again and… and yet he couldn’t bring himself to be truly sad for them.

Moxxie was conflicted, and it was leaving him in a dilemma he didn’t like. So, he thought of keeping by the office even as Blitz called for an early end to the workday and everyone was quite happy to leave.

Loona tagged along with the boss, as always, while Millie had taken their card to buy a few more knives to add to her collection. Moxxie was quite sure he would have been alone with his thoughts but-

“You’re not going home?”

John was odd. He was a human, but he seemed to have adapted to hell’s landscape and society just fine. It kind of made sense since Hell was conceived originally to be ‘sinner-centered’ rather than giving much to the original denizens. Yet, the way he just got a job with I.M.P. and was rumored to have a girlfriend also left Moxxie confused on this kind of person.

The man was writing on his laptop, taking a seat at his usual chair at the long table of the office-room, glancing at him with a flat look.

“Blitz’ order was for all of you, not me,” He argued flatly, the response leaving the imp frowning. “And yes, it’s been a while since he did that.”

That wasn’t fair nonetheless. He thought Blitz was just being mean-spirited and nothing else with some of the snark comments aimed at the only human in the group, but for him to do the full job hours despite him and Loona sharing a similar burden with this mission… yeah, it was weird.

“How come?”

“I think Blitz is upset I keep on ‘lying’ about my girlfriend.”

“...You have one?” Moxxie asked, taking a seat right beside the human.

“Yes,” He dryly remarked, eyes back to the screen. “He just refuses to accept that I got a succubus girlfriend with a musical career.”

…It sounded a bit far fetched, but the dry honesty felt too compelling to ignore. While part of him wanted to also press on this, Moxxie also had his own thoughts to contemplate.

The Imp sighed and he looked away for a moment, just for long enough for an idea to come up to his attention. “John, can I ask you something about the mission?”

“This mission?” The human inquired, and Moxxie nodded. “Well, I don’t know much just yet as I leave reading the report after the accounting bit, but… sure. What’s up?”

“Do you think it was… wrong? Like, that it wasn’t just the target that died but her family too?”

There was a lengthy pause between the question and the ensuing answer, but it was mostly because John moved to check the report that Blitz had ‘written’ (which was more like doodling some loose lines) and then a few newspapers that came up on the topic.

“I will just say… that it was fair to have them all killed.”

Moxxie appeared shaken by this. “W-Why?”

“Why not? They were cannibals, the wife was a serial cheater, the husband was a serial killer and the kids were pretty much following that path.”

“But they could have been redeemed. The kids, I mean,” Moxxie argued strongly, yet he frowned as he saw John shook his head instinctively. “You don’t believe so?”

“I think you are a good person, Moxxie. Good and kind. But you’re putting a lot of faith in a system that relies heavily on the view of society and a cynical one at that,” John explained his point, stunning the imp with his words over the ‘flawed’ view he had over the system. “We are talking about a system that lets insane people parent their kids on technicalities. That it barely checks on them, and that it barely makes sure the kids are fine. Trust me when I say the kids were not fine.”

He opened a page and showed it to Moxxie. It was a ‘breaking news’ sort of article and it detailed what the police were able to find in less than a day. Years and years of criminal records from the family, and a serious indoctrination effort as they were part of a cult.

The kids had been heavily manipulated by the cult and had killed people themselves for the sake of some initiation test. The ‘furniture’ displaying dead humans were victims that had been brutalized by the family as a whole.

The real-life ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ case as many were quick to call it. Then reports about the school deeming the children too violent, with the girl cutting on fellow classmates’ hair, while the boy was seen killing critters when he thought no one was looking.

It was quite clear they were deranged… but that the police got involved once things got ‘too loud’ in their properties.

“Trust me when I say this: if the killcount had been lesser, and the kids had not been exhibiting psychotic traits, I would have been more understanding. But the kids were fucked- if they were to survive that, they would have made more victims.”

“They- he promised me-”

“That he would have not done that?” John interjected correctly, causing Moxxie to tense up at the prediction. “Mox, that was a psychopath. They will lie for the sake of survival, their body language and their mind gearing to appear as slimy pathetic things just to win some victim points. They are just habitual monsters that have no integrity. Never think those people are serious- they saw you as a threat and they knew lying would have gotten them out of that bad spot with you. That’s all.”

A silent nod came from the Imp as the conversation ended there, but just for that topic. John seemed to remember something as he swiftly checked something on his laptop and… he sighed.

“Moxxie, I have something to tell you. And it’s important.”

“Hm?”

“You know that Millie’s family lives in the Wrath Ring, right?”

“Yeah?” The imp asked. “What about it?”

“Well, I just noticed something in the shit that boss gave me- his owl fuckbuddy is planning to preside at the next Harvest Moon Festival there and we will be hired for that job.”

His eyes widened as saucers. “What?!”

“That means one thing- you will meet Millie’s parents.”

“C-Crumbs, I am- I am not ready-”

“Relax, it’s not going to happen anytime soon,” The human assured, Moxxie’s panic subsiding at that. “Still, I have to tell you this for two reasons. First, you need to tell Millie.”

He slowly nodded-

“Second, you need her to be quiet about this and make it a surprise for her family.”

Moxxie frowned at this second point. “Why?”

“Mox, you are a posh little thing and they are ranchers. You are a threat to their standing as rural imps,” John answered flatly, causing the imp to just frown even more. “Let me put it like this- have you ever done hard work in that regard?”

“No, but-”

“Have you ever done it under the heavy scrutiny of your hillbilly father-in-law and numerous brothers-in-law?”

Moxxie paused as his mind grasped the gravity of the situation. His father-in-law was a hard-working imp that would gauge his capacity to do things right and Millie told him that she had a lot of brothers so…

“Crap.”

“Yep, crap. You need to work with Millie. I bet she would love the ‘date prospect’ of whipping you into proper shape for the event.”

He shuddered at the new mental image, but Moxxie couldn’t help but blush at the idea of Millie treating him like a- N-Nevermind!

“That would be nice but… why are you helping me with that?”

John shrugged. “Two reasons. One, you are my colleague, same for Millie.”

Aw, that’s nice of him and-

“Also, we would be astronomically fucked if we are to mess up during that event.”

Moxxie’s smile died a bit at that. “What?”

“The Harvest Moon Festival is a big thing in the Wrath Ring. It’s that time of the year where Prince Stolas uses his grimoire to let a Harvest Moon shine upon the Ring. And while that shit doesn’t do anything else beyond being fancy, the people there believe it actually makes their harvest more bountiful. If we fuck that up-”

“We are so dead,” Moxxie gulped nervously. “I-I see your point. I will bring this up to Millie and we can work on that.”

That was nice and all, but Moxxie had one last thing to say as John returned to his work.

“And… John?”

“Yes?”

“We can organize a double-date, you know? So that Blitz-”

“Will not believe us at all,” John assured with a loud sigh. “Trust me, I have some hard evidence that I showed him, but he just says she is some ‘AI shit’ or stuff like that. But… I can ask her. Wouldn’t hurt to have more ‘allies’ in that regard.”

Moxxie smiled at this, feeling a bit happy that he could return some of the favor back already. Truth be told, John wasn’t that bad of a co-worker. He was relatively more social than Loona was, but he was also… a bit distant, just like her.

Nonetheless, this cleared his mind and it gave him some new stuff to work with. And while he was happy to give the news to Millie through the phone, he was soon regretting having not waited to tell her that when she was not around shops.

Especially when she came with a few ‘custom whips’ to get him to shape.

—------d-d-d-d—----

AN

RIP Possum-looking thing. Next time, John meets Via and… these two have a serious talk with a most surprised Stolas.

Also, big question: should the M&M be poundable in this story?