Realist House-Husband in Fantasy Land 1 (Patreon)

Realist House-Husband in Fantasy Land - (Sleeping Beauty/Maleficent, SI)

“You disobeyed me.”

That’s not three words that I am quite eager to hear when the one uttering that is the very individual that flung me from my lovely bed to the medieval times. Fantasy medieval times at that since magic is a thing, my boss is supposed to be some sort of dark-fairy and I was holding the cutest child this world has and clearly doesn’t deserve.

“I did not.”

I smartly replied, and I saw the woman behind my current ‘trial’ currently providing me with a most perplexed and irritated look.

“You brought her here, when I specifically told you to just spy on that thing.”

“The correct word is ‘baby’, lady,” I mumbled, my smile widening as the little blonde cutie was currently wrestling her tiny chubby hands against my index finger, gurgling happily as she was ‘winning’ that battle. “And I am quite sure that you didn’t forbid me to carry her here.”

“You were sent out to spy on the child- to see where she was being kept and then report to me.”

“...Well, she is here now. So I guess I can report she is quite well and within our reach.”

The woman, who had been sitting in her throne under the shadows, slithered down the staircase and then presented herself with an unamused scowl. Maleficent was not the individual I expected to be summoned by but… I have to say that things could be worse.

Since it’s medieval time and I could tell from the three fairies’ bs that I was within the Remake movie timeline, death is a certain thing for those lacking the means to have cash to dodge drafting or be killed by sicknesses.

Under Maleficent’s care I was given some blessing to avoid illnesses, food here was ever-present and I was meant to be the loyal minion doing good stuff for my boss’ plan. Hence why, despite her growing disappointment, I was quite unfazed by the possibility of punishment as…

I was doing her a favor.

“Do you really think you are in a position to jest? Especially by kidnapping that thing?!” She snarled, her dragon-like features slightly intensifying under that brief bout of rage. Her gaze turned to my ‘ravenous’ fellow that was standing by the doorstep with a flat look. “What about you? What do you have to say for disobeying me?”

“...He has a plan. He is just playing with you.”

Maleficent’s rage was instantly gone, her interest doubling and her patience thinning as she glared back at me.

“What plan? Speak, mongrel!”

“So, lady, remember when you told me your story on why you hate this king and why you cursed this child?”

“I do. And? Do you think I am wrong?”

Man, I would give her some tea but I doubt this even existed in this fantasy era. But I preferred the hard truth.

“To some extent. Revenge is fine in my books, but I think you… may have been kept away from some key details that make your curse kind of… unimportant to your enemy.”

…

“Explain.”

“This guy, Stefan, did all he did to become the old king’s heir, obtain the throne and then produced Aurora, yes?”

She nodded. “So?”

“So, Aurora is actually not the heiress to the throne, and her value is far less than what you may think.”

“She is… she is the only child he has!”

“But that doesn’t stop him from finding himself a new wife, getting himself a proper male heir and avoiding issues. You see, lady, the circumstances of his rise to power are already stormy. He was a commoner until he married his queen, and now he produces a daughter? I can tell nobles would throw a fit against him if Aurora was to be the only child he got.”

“But he- he involved the three idiots. Why would he go so far to-”

“Pressure.”

“...What?” Maleficent seemed incensed, but slowly catching up to my logic. “What pressure?”

“The nobles, as I mentioned, would be paying extra attention to Aurora even more. First, she is born a girl which is not a fitting position to be in society even as a royal member. Second, she is now ‘cursed’, which means that if Stefan doesn’t get to work to bed some reliable wife he is going to be screwed big time and his kingdom will collapse in a civil war. The third reason is a bit sillier, he feels desperate to try and put your attention on Aurora rather than him.”

She scowled. “I-I am just…” Maleficent paused, her eyes widening. “He wants me to put my full attention on the brat!”

“Yep. So, Aurora may be his firstborn, but she is not the heiress. Heck, if you didn’t involve yourself, lady, he would have her sold off to the first rich bastard noble as a trophy wife, just so she could have a ‘worth’ to the kingdom.”

The dark fairy was silent for a while, pondering on what she could do about this and how she failed to notice how she got screwed by her own murderous feelings.

“So… I have this plan. And I have a feeling you’ll like it, lady.”

The woman perked, then frowned as she nodded silently for me to go on.

“First, the kid remains with us and I take care of her. You use some spell to spread the news that the sole female heiress to the kingdom, who has been entrusted to dumb fairies that had no understanding of parenthood, has been killed by a beast.”

“We planted fake blood on the crib, I bet the fairies will think she is dead,” Diaval added to my explanation, and I saw a lightbulb lit up within Maleficent’s mind.

“Second, you produce a special curse for the King to drink-”

“He has a food-sampler,” She argued, but I smiled and she frowned at my reaction. “I have a feeling you knew that.”

“I am not asking for you to poison him. I want you to give him something that will make him unable to feel aroused by women but by men. And maybe cause impotency towards ladies.”

She opened her mouth, frowning, then closed it as she valued my idea. “It could be… possible, yes. Yes, that- that could be a good way to enforce revenge!” The Dark Fairy was grinning widely at this, and now she was pestering me. “What else? You have something else, don’t you?”

Man, she is getting off about this revenge-cursing bit more than I had expected. Still… I am willing to enable her a bit more.

“Third and last addition, you make the food at the castle rot away and you bless the peasants with a good yield for the upcoming harvest season. You add to the twist how you are a ‘Natural Spirit’ and that you will always give them perfect harvest seasons if they protect themselves from the evil greedy king that wants to steal their grain and you have yourself a broken kingdom.”

Maleficent was beaming. The Dark Fairy Maleficent was beaming like a child.

“T-That would be perfect! It would destroy him, make him suffer and- and…” She paused, then realized she was squealing a bit which caused her to flinch and look away, coughing and regaining bearing of her situation. “And that’s all for now. G-Good work, servant, but remember that you still have to clean the castle, cook us food and be our scout. Understood? No more disobedience.”

“Y-Yes, lady,” I muttered, and the woman looked puzzled by my embarrassed look as I was still struggling over how cute she looked just now.

Man, the drussy has me doki-doki’d.

She let us be, with Diaval getting carried around to do ‘deliver some items around’, while I started with my chores and taking care of lil’ Aurora.

“Life will be a bit weird, Rory. But you hold up, ‘kay?”

Aurora merely gurgled happily, having possibly soiled her makeshift diaper as I could perceive the smell of poop emanating from her happy self. Ah yes, adorable in this shitty mess…