One Helluva Commedia 1 (Patreon)

One Helluva Commedia 1 (Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel AU, Zangetsu!SI)

Commissioner: Gijo.

Let there be Light!

When God first dispelled the Darkness and tried to make Her Will enforced, she was mystified and awed when, from within the shadows, a single entity persisted Her Command. Dark indeed, but not of mind or of soul. Peculiarly dark within, but by body and yet nothing else.

Curiously so, God was mesmerized by his existence. His body was so ‘familiar’ to hers, and yet so different from hers. He was another being beyond herself- someone that existed in an empty canvas for creation together with God.

She squealed as she made Her First Friend in the ‘Dark One’. He was confused at first, asking for a name after offering his own. God offered ‘God’ as an answer, but her friend rejected it as ‘that was a title, not a name’.

Thus, The Lady gave her true name to him. He was baffled, but so was she as both creatures of beyond engaged in more interactions led by verbal inquiries. And, as they spoke with one another, a deal of sorts came to be.

They would be on top of this new existence together, as friends and colleagues, as partners and maybe more. The Lady took the first major monumental swing at existence within almost a week of hard-work.

In six days, God created ‘everything’ and made sure that all major elements in her vision of the Created could be manifested fully. And yet, as she claimed the last day to rest, the Dark One used that first Sunday to add ‘details’ to the Creation.

Things such as limitations, rules, and other regulations meant to give an understanding to mortal life upon Earth. Details that were rationally needed but barely imposed by God’s own will. Such as Gravity, or the various chemical elements that were needed to keep the air optimal and life preserved within its rudimentary context.

That being said, his most important addition was those blessings he gave to the first two Human Mates together with some criticism he raised over their conception. Adamine and Lilith were both with the same mold as they were created on The Lady’s own image, yet both were given differing roles that soon created discord for themselves and those above them.

Two strong souls, yet one dominated the other by God’s own desire, uncaring of the fact that the other had greater potential in leading the duo through her wisdom and understanding alone.

Adamine, despite her efforts to appear a proper child within the Heaven’s forest, was soon afflicted by the many issues that the Dark One had stressed about in regard to what he defined as ‘sinful behavior’. She would be prideful, greedy, slothful, gluttonous, lustful, wrathful and envious.

Lilith was the one provided with the most chance to grow and mature despite her lingering envy towards her partner due to the unfair choice to see Adamine raised as the dominant leader of the couple.

The Dark One, knowing that it was an honest grievance, gave her an unrelenting sense of willpower, a necessity for mortals to acquire within the chance of defeat.

In fact, as much as the Dark One understood the pains of Lilith, a child he slowly claimed as a mortal daughter, this didn’t make him waver in his friendship with God as things were soon to change.

God didn’t like this chaotic development, and soon was the one that created the first cracks on their unity. Actually,  Adamine was the one that casted the first stone upon their bond.

The denial of submission from Lilith was what ultimately hurled the ‘wife’ out of Heaven. God woke up and she was greeted by the child’s disobedience as an act of defiance against Herself. God saw her creation’s whim as a reason to provide Adamine with a proper reliant mate and thus they created Eve for ‘The First One’.

As for Lilith, the rebellious wife was thus given horns and stripped of her humanity- a creature of foul nature, and yet not of horrible soul as her unwavering will rejected giving up on her goodness as a human.

This was where the cracks of a lasting friendship that went on for many years manifested. As predicted by the Dark One, God would then end up casting both Adamine and Eve out of Heaven, but rather than turn them in Demons like she did with Lilith, she merely stripped them of the many heavenly blessings she gave them- a Primordial Sin was enforced upon their soul as procreation was now needed for them to spread and persist.

Adamine was given the means to provide seed to Eve, but when their children were born, they were both stunned when, instead of two women, it was two sons that came along, Cain and Abel.

Those would be cursed when both were unable to produce enough offsprings as God had to step in to create more humans and then destroy those she considered unworthy with an apocalyptic storm.

God thus knew that the Dark One had done more than just assist Lilith while she slumbered. A ferocious interrogation came from, but the aloof tone of the Dark One objected to God’s most outrageous accusations- that he was doing this out of spite or that he sought to damage her legitimacy as a deity.

His answer was greeted by all Angels with agreement, with his voice stressing over the fact that Humanity could not rely on God’s magic all the time they needed to reproduce or the potency of the Primordial Sin was going to be mellowed by God’s own decision.

The harshness was needed, but many could also see this as an act of pettiness aimed at both Adamine and Eve for their despicable view on Lilith. Speaking of the first Demon in creation, the woman was sheltered upon ‘Hell’.

A realm that the Dark One had produced within the depths of the existing realms. She was made queen, and yet she refused a throne and denizens until she acquired a proper mate.

Time passed, and something happened that the Dark One blessed upon conception: a bond born by love rather than imposition. Heliel, the Angel meant to ‘guard’ Lilith, ended up falling for her.

The two women would be close, they would share stories and honesty- opening their hearts until true love emerged. But such a good thing was not appreciated by The Lady as she saw Heliel’s affection as a rebellion upon her.

She demanded Heliel to drop her claim over Lilith or face repercussions for her traitorous behavior. To reject Lilith, to denounce her as a monster and to return to the role of ‘future King of Earth’.

Despite the pure and raw affection Heliel had for Lilith, God was actually caught off-guard when a true rebellion emerged from within the cadres of the Angels in Heaven. Twice.

First when Heliel, quick to be called Lucifer, mustered her own troops to try and change what she saw as a tyranny from God upon them all. Her cause was righteous, but she failed to claim the support of the Dark One.

Lucifer fell short to claim victory as God proved to be too strong, yet she became ‘King of Hell’ by marrying Lilith once her cadre was casted upon Hell itself as a punishment, turning the realm in a place where sinful souls would fester and be tortured.

The Seventy-Two Demonic Families would be formed shortly after, conjuring a novel administration in hell following a more ‘apt’ society for such a twisted realm that was being conquered by Lucifer and Lilith at the behest of the Dark One.

The second rebellion was where God’s own irritation fully manifested during a period where things were allegedly about to change for Heaven.

It was around a time where the Dark One had managed to slowly coax a need for reform within the heart of his first friend. God’s desire to appease some of the unease from Lucifer’s rebellion within her realm had been greeted with warmth but…

When Azazel proclaimed her love for a human mortal and declared an immediate reform of the rules preventing angels from interacting with humans, such desire suffered a sudden pullback.

God’s paranoia reacted against another of her children, whose rebellion was crushed with greater speed but with even greater mercy as most of the Fallen Ones were ushered into Hell without any of those being executed for their ‘seditious behavior’.

Despite these two examples meant to give The Lady an understanding that times were changing, God was given a ‘wake-up call’ when the Dark One decided to make his worries known to her in regard to her reluctance to go forward.

That change was needed as time was changing, so it was necessary to adapt before they were ‘swept away by more and more rebellions’. But God rejected this notion as her unease persisted in the latest rebellion.

That conversation got particularly heated, bad words were uttered by both sides as God attempted to call the Dark One’s actions as a new rebellion. Her last ditch effort, meant to be an attempt to restore control in the relationship as the dominant element in their partnership, was shredded by a skirmish that The Lady started and that She, by Biblical Denotation, won with difficulty.

The Dark One was allegedly removed from Heaven, but the circumstances that ensued at this development presented some peculiar details uncommon to the other two rebellions: No one praised this victory as many felt that this ‘decision from God’ was actually unwanted by Her by her irrational thinking in the ensuing decade, followed by a long period of quiet and silence from God herself.

There was also another key factor that rendered that ‘victory’ even more far-fetched to believe: When The Dark One left, there was no Heavenly Trumpet singing at God’s own win.

The air was somber and, for many centuries, Michael the Archangel took care of most heavenly business as God grew more withdrawn from the affairs of her own Realm.

Centuries went by as God’s own influence was tentatively contested by the Dark One in terms of miraculous feats, with religion giving both of these figures a single name and a single title.

There was a God, but God was ‘A Father’. The Father stood in Heaven, but he was also everywhere at once. The idea of an ever-watching but also ever-present God took roots within the minds of the believers.

Time and time again, the ambivalence of God’s wisdom and actions would be difficult to explain as He was either strict and uncaring, or warm and loving towards the humans.

And as time went on and life on Earth advanced through many empires and religious connotations, a peculiar entity came along. An unusual mortal that could use powers tied to the Divine, that could do miracles and that stressed a softer line in handling the sinners and the rules imposed by his own people’s priests.

For 33 years, this entity was regarded as the ‘Son’ to God. The Messiah, the bringer of peace and prosperity but… at the same time, he became the bearer of the Primordial Sin as he allowed the end of his life to remove such a sin from humanity as a whole.

Upon his passing, Jesus of Nazareth spent three days being dead in his tomb. The Bible would go on to describe what would unfold by his resurrection, yet the days spent laying dead would be subject of questions as no one, not even God, would know what went on while Jesus’ body slumbered and his spirit…

Found a state of peace he never thought himself able to attain.

—-------d-d-d—----

When he opened his eyes, Jesus was greeted by what looked to be a beach.

A pearly beach at that. Warm sand under his nude feet, his eyes blessed by a clear blue sky and even clearer sea that stole his breath with the endless nature of it. Yet, it was not what truly mesmerized him.

No, that claim could be made by the man standing beside him. Tall, with dark hair and even darker eyes. His cloak was just as dark, and yet nebulous in its smoke-like connotation at the edges.

There was no need for an introduction for he knew who it was and she smiled at him while greeting him with a nod.

“Father.”

The man offered a tiny smile. “Son.”

When God decided to have a son, this choice was meant to be a way to ‘reunite’ with her long-lost ‘friend’. The Dark One may have been gone, but some of his essence was preserved by God and, as Jesus was born, he was the Child of Man but also of Gods. Love persisted through his existence, and it gave him the means to give hope to a declining humanity.

His miracles, his view of the world, and his goodness that was flexible within specific contexts- those things allowed him to leave a permanent mark on humanity that revived the faith towards God and the ways of Heaven.

And now that he was meant to return as willed by the ancient scriptures, Jesus found himself finally meeting the one individual he hardly had a chance to meet until now - his other divine parent, the elusive Dark One.

“It’s a wonderful place,” The young man hummed smoothly. “She would love it.”

“Definitely. But, I am afraid she is not ready for it,” The Dark One suggested, leaving the ‘child’ perplexed. “Do you know why I kept being referred to as the Dark One despite my good deeds?”

“...I do not.”

“Because someone had to,” The former Friend of God remarked. “Your mother knew this as I told her. She was worried about how I would feel in being labeled a bad person for my name, but I knew that someone had to be the one claiming this. Someone had to take the blame. Sounds familiar?”

Jesus nodded, the irony wasn’t lost to him as he aimed his gaze to the endless ocean.

“Will she ever understand?” The son inquired with a hint of hope. “Those mistakes are meant to be claimed as a chance to become a better person?”

“Eventually. Centuries of absolute dominance can be difficult to ignore when your pride is so inflated. She is good-willed, but she is afraid. Like many others would when given a burden.”

“What about you, then?” Jesus pressed softly. “You are not without your own sins and faults, father.”

A chuckle, and the Dark One nodded. “Indeed, I am one with sins. I should have spoken more to her. I should have been more critical and talked to her about some mistakes she made. I suppose I was blinded by the friendship I have with her and the feelings I know she shares with me.”

“...Will I ever see you again?”

“If you wish to speak with me, you will find me. However, she will not follow you for those conversations.”

Jesus felt sad about it, but the young man nodded as he turned to greet his father once again.

“There is something I wished to ask you help with, father.”

The Dark One raised a curious brow, and then his son asked one question which the man was keen to agree with. For three days, Jesus was led through the realm of Hell, seeing how it was developing and yet awkwardly taking note that sin here festered rather than being outright punished.

But as he contemplated why this was the situation, the Dark One, disguised as an Imp, guided him through the many rings of Hell. The realm was indeed grand as it was written in the holy books, but it was… familiar in its own peculiar and twisted way. Instead of circles where punishments were exerted against the sinners, cities were sprawling through the core centers of those sections.

It was akin to Earth, yet it was filled with a lack of moral restrictions. Monsters existed and those were mostly sinners. Oddly so, the hellish denizens such as the hellhounds and the imps appeared to be less prone to sinful behavior.

It was no surprise that Jesus found one of those denizens, a young hellhound pup, straying from his parents. With a small miracle, he gave the child the resolution to find them.

The child ultimately did it, and, much to his delight, the two adults behaved as proper parents should rather than demonic and horrible entities towards their own child. This offered some insight that added fuel to his perplexities over the realm and the Dark One took notice of this.

“You have many questions, feel free to ask those.”

“It is common belief that the sinners should be punished but,” Jesus, now disguised as an Imp too, followed after the Dark One. “But there’s none of that here. Sinners just move around and commit more of their sinning.”

“That’s because there is no such a thing as a divine imposition for their punishment. The fact they are eternally stuck here means that they are free to do as much as they want within the limitations of an eternal life of ‘hell’, which is a punishment itself since they can’t get out of this place and they are stacked against fellow sinners,” The Dark One elaborated wisely. “While you may have been told that Lucifer’s rebellion was ended by God’s own punishment, she hardly can do much with what Lucifer does with this realm. It’s her kingdom to control, and it is her prerogative to impose free will if she so wishes.”

“But isn’t this… shouldn’t sinners ask for redemption?”

“Should they?” His father asked back before offering an explanation. “Is Heaven worthy of redemption once you are a sinner? I will not expand on this since I understand I may sound biased but… do give a look to Heaven as society and then tell me what you find of it from the eyes of a sinful mortal since you have lived with many of that kind.”

Jesus merely nodded, and their three days-long trip ended as Jesus soon returned to the land of the living for forty days to try and mend what could be mended, and create what had to be created in the form of the Church.

The experience would shape the mind of the ‘Right hand’ of God for the next eternity as he would see, despite God’s own best efforts and Michael’s attempt to fix what can be fixed, that heaven had a major issue with anyone capable of sinning: it was ‘boring’. And strict. Outrageously strict.

As a pious man, Jesus was quick to spot the problems that his Father had warned him about, and he agreed that, had he been just told of those, he would have been unwilling to believe it. Rules had remained unchanged for many eons, leaving heaven stuck to a view of society that was unfit to be considered proper as an alternative.

As Jesus ascended to be the right hand of his Mother, he saw fit to reform some aspects of Heaven to expand it and also render some of the laws more lenient. Archangel Michael was troubled by the notion, but she conceded that some rules were now negative against their own realm’s existence.

Jesus had to explain much to his Mother before pressing on the topic, and while The Lady was quite reluctant to push for changes due to the past experiences, she was hit by something that mellowed her a bit as she spoke with her Son.

“You have met your Father?”

The question started a lengthy conversation, one where it became clear that, despite keeping appearances, God had been trying to find out where her partner had gone by. Silently, quietly, and yet quite desperately.

She had also been feeling willing to improve herself. To change for the better, but those steps were, as his Father had put it, difficult for someone like The Lady to tackle on her own.

God was reluctant, but pushed herself to get better with her own understanding of life, both in Heaven and towards Earth. Small steps each day, the pessimism that had allowed her to be critical of her own past flashing here and there, and yet her desire to find him persisted through her efforts.

The Lady never stopped the Cherubs assigned on finding out where the Dark One was hiding. Jesus already told her that he was impossible to find since he never kept by one place and wandered around the Earth, Hell and even beyond.

That didn’t stop God from hoping that, one day, she would hear a report of them finding him somehow.

—----d-d-d-d—-------

Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Morningstar was the Princess of Hell and… she was a pretty princess!

As she reached the ‘big’ age of eight, the young daughter of King Lucifer and Queen Lilith was deemed as the most precious treasure in the hearts of her mommies. She had been told many stories about her family.

Mommy Lucy was once a powerful Angel that, for the love she held for her mother, she faced her grandmother in battle but was defeated and turned into the King of Hell.

Mommy Lily had a simpler story as she was a nice but strong woman that refused to be submissive to her first mate. That led her grandmother to turn her into a demon but… a happy demon at that as she didn’t mind the way things were right now.

Charlie was born to them many centuries after these events happened, but there was always an urge to have her own tale in this world, like her parents. She was the princess of Hell, and she deserves as much attention like that. After all, she heard some servants saying she was just some ‘momma’s girl with no real interesting ability or story’.

That, plus other similar situations where she felt she was being carried around like a trophy and had nothing to do around others, annoyed Charlie. Hence why the little princess conjured a plot to see what kingdom she would eventually help her mothers leading.

The palace was heavily guarded, but the garden wasn’t exactly monitored like the other rooms. It had a barrier that kept the nasty people that would want to harm them in any way, but it did nothing to them.

So, mustering her recently learned skill to produce wings, Charlie proceeded to fly upward and then through the shield before landing on the sidewalk. The child then fixed her reliable disguise, which was composed by sunglasses, fake mustaches and a nice horned hat.

Soon, she was on the move as she eagerly explored the Pride Ring, the most known Ring in the entirety of Hell. Skipping along the sidewalk, Charlie looked around with curious eyes. While she knew that the Ring was not nice, she was surprised to see how many bad-looking buildings were around.

She even saw a nice old lady imp retrieve a shotgun while she was being robbed and kill the entire posse trying to steal from her. Same for a hellhound pack running away with a frightened look as an imp child with what looked to be a bone-themed grenade rushed towards them.

Was Hell like this and… worse? After all, the Pride Ring was meant to be the ‘best’ of them all since it was directly connected with Mommy Lucy’s influence in the area. Charlie’s confusion kept on growing as she realized how bad things were with her citizens.

Shouldn’t they care to stop this sort of thing? The child was just unable to grasp the idea that her mommies would let something like this be fine with the rest of their subjects- they always taught her to be nice, polite and kind-hearted.

So why were they allowing this behavior? Why was there no one to stop this sort of mess?

And as the girl tried to make sense of this, she failed to realize that a group of sinners had noticed her and were slowly tailing her. Charlie didn’t notice until one of them pushed her into an alley, making her hat and glasses fall on the ground as-

“A royal member! Our lucky day!” One of the imps announced, all of them looking quite scary as they had their daggers and guns out. “I bet this lil’ thing will get us some pretty gold coins. Don’t ya think?”

“Maybe after we’re done playing with-”

“Jeff! We are not that kind of creepy, you dickhead,” The group interacted momentarily, giving Charlie the chance to look around for a way out.

She couldn’t find any of that as the alley didn’t have any secondary route and there were so many imps that were blocking the only way out from the alley. Part of her wanted to bolt through them and even fly, but the guns were scary things she knew could really hurt her.

As she tried to call for her mommies, her voice failed to come out due to the fear, someone else coming into the alley. A tall and dark figure whose shadow cloaked the entire group of imps.

“I believe that’s not going to happen.”

They all turned, weapons mustered but they were all stunned as, with a mere snap of fingers, the shadow physically formed tendrils that paralyzed them and then crushed them before Charlie’s eyes.

Death was something the child was already familiar with as a natural aspect in this realm, but to see it unfold with her frightened the young princess to some extent. The scary imps were shredded to bits, leaving just a gruesome display of limbs and blood that the tall cloaked entity soon traversed to get to her.

“W-Who are you?” She asked, terror gripping her heart as she knew this was scarier than the imps. Charlie was unable to prevent being lifted off the ground and then… pulled in a hug.

“Grandfather.”

“...What?” Her brain failed to comprehend what she just heard. ‘Grandfather’? She knew she had a mean Grandmother, but this was the first time she heard she had a Grandfather.

“I am your grandfather.”

That stirred in her even more questions. “Are you?”

“Didn’t your mothers tell you about me? The Dark One?”

The name was familiar, but Charlie couldn’t remember what it was all about. So, the little princess shook her head. “Nope.”

“Hmm, I guess you’re really quite young… eight, right?”

She nodded. “Yup.”

“And you were planning to have a walk on your own?” The figure asked, and she peeked under his hood to see his gaze now aimed at him with those dark eyes aimed at her red ones. “That’s quite a silly thing to do.”

Charlie pouted, knowing he was right, but that didn’t mean he had to call her a dummy.

“I am strong.”

“Not enough to handle some imps, however. I am sure you will be quite powerful with some training and education, but you should not be going around on your own. Ask for someone to accompany you.”

The child deflated at hearing this, the soft-spoken chiding leaving her defeated but she knew that she was in the wrong but-

“I was just… curious. Can’t you, like, guide me around and then return me home?” She asked, then using her most powerful ability- the puppy-eyed attack. “Pwetty please, gwandpa~?”

He snorted, ruffling her hair and making her giggle a bit. “Just for a while. But I want you to not do this again, Charlie. You’re a big girl, but that means you should be more responsible and less silly.”

That could be acceptable. And soon the two left the alley to start their tour of the Pride Ring. As before the place was unpleasant to visit, but as they delved deeper into it and to the edges of the ring, Charlie realized two things: one, lots of houses were fill to the brim with denizens, sinners and hell locals, and two, there was a limit in hell. Hell was finite.

“Hell is… limited?”

“It was created to be a limited realm,” Her grandfather explained. “The available space is meant to be restricted by the land it can be expanded upon without annoying the Big Lady.”

Her grandpa’s words baffled Charlie as she never knew of this herself. Did her mommies know that? If they did, how come they never told her that?

“You’re a child. And you deserve a blissful childhood, that means keeping you in the dark on how bad things are for the time being,” The man quietly commented, surprising the little princess as she realized he had actually read her thoughts.

“You can read my mind?”

“No, but I have children and I know how impatient those used to be in trying to claim responsibilities.”

“Really?” Charlie asked, quite sure she didn’t have any uncles and aunties. “Like who?”

“Well, I had a hand in creating the angels, same for the first humans and I was around to know about the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ as they are called now. The ‘heads’ for each ring- with your mother, Lucifer, being the one in charge of the Pride Ring.”

“So, you are really old?”

He ruffled her hair again, causing Charlie to huff but giggle nonetheless.

“Rude, but yes. I am one of the oldest things this world has known. I saw when everything was created and was even around to ‘change your mothers’ diapers’ to some extent. I did with Lucifer, while Lilith was just born an adult.”

“So, you have silly stories about Mommy Lucy?”

When she was dropped back to the palace, Charlie was content with the blackmail she got on her mother, but she was quite stunned when Mommy Lucy herself was soon rushing at her, picking her up and crying on her shoulder as they hugged.

Mommy Lily joined the hug and said they had been incredibly worried that they dropped their work to find her. That made Charlie sad, but she assured them with a response that left them both surprised.

“It’s alright, Granda Dark was with me all the time.”

Charlie was thus grounded despite turning back safe and sound, but she was visited by Mommy Lily to hear some of the ‘silly stories’ about Mommy Lucy that her grandpa had told her about.

After that day, learning of the truth of Hell, Charlie would decide to take inspiration from her Grandpa’s way of acting and decided that the best way to solve the overpopulation issue was to… well, rehabilitate the sinners and fight her Grandma like that.

Despite the many naysayers and the yearly purges, Charlie would grow up to keep those core values close to her chest, even studying and training to be ready to fight for what she felt was worth fighting for.

—----d-d-d-d—----

To be reborn as a pseudo-deity can be quite shocking- to be in a world where the Christian God is an eldritch female entity with humanoid characteristics and yet multiple detached eyes can be even more disconcerting.

Yet, failing to stand up for my children in a time where I could have patched things up sure felt like a major loss for me. I don’t remember much of my previous life, but I could remember a time where this knowledge was first imparted to me before I was reincarnated as Tensa Zangetsu from Bleach.

Heliel and Azazel’s falls, the creation of the 72 Pillar Families in Hell, the birth of Jesus, and much more.

From the creation of humanity, I knew that things would have gone incredibly more different than what I could recall and, in an effort of keeping a workable status quo, I decided to ‘rectify’ some elements the moment it became impossible for me to protect Lilith and Lucifer.

God became more difficult to cooperate with as her ego grew with her feats. She became too greedy with her power, trying to set boundaries first and then trying to impose her authority against me.

After so many mistakes, I had enough of her and engaged in combat. Many would say she won that fight, but the truth was far more grim than just that- I won that battle and it all came down to preparation. I was weaker, without a doubt, but I was also the more experienced of the two.

I battled God on a clever path to victory, and proved to her that the ‘Might’ she held was secondary before her own unwillingness to put effort in training it. That pure strength was nothing without discipline and reason to fight back against an opponent.

She fought for supremacy, while I fought for much more. I fought for a friendship that died that day, I fought for those I failed through the centuries, and I also fought for those that could suffer if I was deprived of the means to act as a deterrent against her excessive behavior.

The Lady may be powerful, but she was humbled through that match. And it infuriated me when she offered to make me the true God. I could remember her weak words, her attempt to sacrifice herself just to keep up a set of morals I didn’t agree upon. All because she couldn’t see beyond her own image.

So, as my victory reward, I merely broke the chain and left her side. I first checked hell, making sure that Lucifer and Lilith were doing well, but then was forced to be on the move as several Cherubs were looking to find me.

I wandered the Earth, first Europe, then the entirety of the Christian World, then the East as I checked the cold tundra, the warm India, and finally China and Japan. I met numerous Pantheons of entities akin to deity, but hardly any could really keep up with me.

Yet, my main goal morphed from merely running to verifying if Soul Society existed. If I had been turned into a Bleach Character, I had reasons to be concerned there could have been more about it.

So, I looked and, much to my relief, found nothing about it. A rare insertion I would say, but nothing else to truly be concerned about. After centuries of wandering, I could say I did my best to make a ‘better timeline’ for humanity.

I couldn’t change everything considering how karma worked and how God could have tracked me down if I lingered for too long. There were also some events that happened so suddenly and too unpredictably for me to change those but… the toll on humanity was less than it should have been by the standards of the original timeline.

That still didn’t stop Hell being overpopulated by sinners. Other realms were opened for the afterlife by similar Pantheons, but those also were slowly struggling to keep up with their limited quotas.

As time went on, Gods were keen to adopt similar paths to what was agreed with Lucy and God: a yearly purge day where Angels using deadly equipment would outright exterminate sinners residing in hell.

It caused chaos in hell and, while it did help in curbing the worst from the rest, that didn’t stop those remaining from sinking their teeth into society and causing troubles to the administrators.

Sometimes it was sinners, sometimes it was nobles- all in all, none ever managed to get close to conquering hell away from Lucifer and Lilith’s hands. Still, that didn’t stop them from killing an unnecessary amount of sinners through the angelic weapons they would snatch from Exterminators.

I couldn’t blame Lucifer for being open to this option considering how difficult it was to keep things afloat and how God was refusing to open a ‘Purgatory’ of sorts to process the sinners that could be redeemed.

That would help immensely in the crisis, but for some reason that sort of call was outright rejected. And I refused to set a foot in heaven anytime soon to check on why that was the case.

As time would do, I would visit hell quite frequently. Not too frequently, but enough to have a grasp on how things were going and I also took notice of something unusual- Asmodeus was spotted not… doing any orgies. And that was weird considering the high horni factor of the Icon of Lust herself.

I would check more on the topic, and realize that Mody was actually in a situation with someone she seemed to love romantically. I checked the situation some more, ultimately finding them both attending the same cheap money-grabbing event established by Mammon and I was subjected to a few discoveries.

First, Mody was finally in love with someone (lusting after them too, but also clearly romantically involved), she sounded quite fierce in her performance in flipping at Mammon and…

Mammon had held that blackmail card for how long?!

While it was true that Lucy was the one ordering around her pseudo-siblings in Hell by being king, there were some family rules that had been profoundly disregarded which I was quite in charge of preserving.

So, while it sounded like an insane things for me to do as a person in hiding, I just teleported in the stage, ignored the sudden spotlight aimed at me and turned to both Asmodeus and Mammon as they both looked ready to brawl it out in their true demonic selves.

Both stopped momentarily and Asmodeus dropped out of it immediately, knowing better than to cause a fight while I was in the general proximity. Mammon merely looked at me and then paled a bit.

“...Hi, huh, pops?” She muttered, her bravado vanishing as she reverted to her usual form.

“Hello Mammon. What was it all about blackmailing your family into doing your biddings?”

“He has been doing this for months, daddy!” Asmodeus screeched, then smiled. “By the way, Fizzy, that’s my real daddy, the Dark One. Daddy, this is Fizzy, my girlfriend.”

I smiled and nodded, and I saw the jester imp girl extend her robotic arm to offer a hand. I hoped it was clean, I hoped the wet stain on her glove was actually sweat or just water.

“Nice to meet ya… future daddy-in-law?”

“...Likewise, degenerate future daughter-in-law.”

They both squealed at the indirect support for their unexpected ‘double-coming out as a couple situation’ while the horde of imps spectating the whole scene was setting the Hellish Internet on fire by their phones.

“Now, back to you, Mammy.”

The Greedy Spider was whining at once. “Daaad! Don’t embarrass me in front of others!”

“You already did that on your own by trying to hurt your family in a way we all agreed was wrong,” I snapped back with a stern tone of voice. “You will apologize to Mody, tell her that you will never try to pull a stunt like this again and then end the event now.”

“B-But-”

“Mammy, that’s an order. Or I will show pictures of when you were a child.”

The counter seemed to be quite effective as she tensed up in shock at that possibility.

Many things terrified Mammon- losing money, getting called out and, worst of all, getting blackmail with stuff she could not retaliate about. I had the ultimate blackmail for being the one that took care of those dummies before they were placed as the Seven Deadly Sins of Hell.

I had to feed them, nurse them, have them socialize with fellow demons (while also murdering those not-so-nice to them), and even had to spank them when they disobeyed and caused messes left and right.

Despite their bad habits, they all still had good hearts. Some deeper and further away from others compared to the rest. Mammon was a tough cookie, but because she was an attention-starving moron.

With enough pressure she can easily fold to any demand as it was happening now as she apologized loudly to both Fizzy and Mody. The entire event was nice and all but it was time for me to leave before-

“Can you keep around, daddy? I wanted you to know more about my girlfriend and-”

“Mody, I am happy you’re in love, and I encourage you to explore this. But you know that I am still stuck in that ‘awkward divorce situation’. So I have to go.”

She huffed in annoyance at that missed opportunity, yet grinned as she seemed coerced to some private time with her girlfriend.

“Just dodge the Big G, pops.”

I nodded at that supportive tone, then snapped my finger to teleport away before I got nagged on by some cherubs and… It failed. I frowned, the reaction noticed by both Mammon and Asmodeus as they realized my ability failed out of nowhere, but then I snapped my fingers again, this time shifting away as intended.

Just not to the place I had planned to go as I found myself now standing at the edge of hell itself and… there was an invisible barrier keeping me inside. I touched it and it pushed my palm back.

What the hell is this?

I slammed my sword against it, but it swiftly bounced off. I could break it, but its potency would demand me to erase a fraction of hell which is not good and… am I the only one influenced by this?

I picked one of the wild critters on the side, hurling it through the barrier and it passed through it with ease… and I felt uneasy as I realized that God may have found a way to trap me in Hell the moment she knew I was visiting.

I am not sure where this came from but… I had to find a solution to this. And I needed Lucy and Lily’s help to deal with this shit. Maybe some other people as this may really cause some serious trouble for Hell if God wanted to fight me again within this realm. It would be deadly and maybe that’s the angle she was trying to work with so…

“Fuck.”

A family reunion was thus needed.