A Little Emperor's Fixing 1 (Patreon)

A Little Emperor's Fixing - or ‘When in doubt, use the Gulag to flush the Trouble’ (Akame Ga Kill, Emperor!SI)

Akame Ga Kill. Wonderful show, but also a political mess.

A large big-ass empire that was built by a Gigachad of a man that had the right ideas and forged a dynasty that lasted for a long time. Lots of expansion, lots of powerful weapons and…

Civil War happens.

Lots of those powerful weapons are lost, the main branch of the dynasty gets gutted and a mini-GoT situation happens with some trolling ultimately leading to me becoming the little Emperor.

My name is… well, the Emperor. I don’t even remember my fucking name as it was common for the Emperor to be just known as ‘The Emperor’, but I know my purpose. Well, my original purpose.

Be cute and naive so that the fat man that is the Prime Minister can rule in my stead.

This genuinely clever plan came to be because my ‘new’ parents (which sadly died at the hands of the fat PM) thought that a man with a creepy look and clearly a bigger ambition than his belly was going to be their best choice to riches. Sadly for them, they were killed. And the man that went by the name of ‘Honest’ became the ultimate Statesman of the Empire.

Now, this should not be… Well, bad. After all, if you are smart enough to get there, you can hardly be insane to make a big fuck-ups.

You can hear it? I bet you already guessed- the fat Bastard is an insane politician that would make the Nazis ashamed up to some extent!

Now, now, now. It’s not a matter of ideology. It’s a matter of lack of ideology. Where many humans would try to justify their madness and inhumanity through the means of religion or radical political views.

But no. This guy had no fucking justification in any of the fucking war crimes he was behind to. Sure, the military wasn’t clean at all, but some of them were just ‘following orders’. Were they clean? Nope. But they were, in most cases, listening to ‘the Emperor wills it’ sort of shit.

The thing is… I have not signed shit! I am not the one giving out these orders.

I refuse to die a Stalin!

So, a plan had to be conjured. In fact, a plot of sorts was established. With the fat bastard too deep into thinking the next genocide, I had one big advantage: he didn’t suspect a coup from within. At least, not from those above his head.

And I can already hear the big sexy question: how would I, a little Emperor, conjure a way to screw with Honest’s little plans of world-fucking?

Well, I am the fucking Emperor, and the leader of the Imperial Defense Officer is a man of the old lineage of the military. He had dirtied his hands, but it was always within the belief I was the one writing this kind of heinous shit.

“Grand General Budo at your service, my Emperor!”

The booming voice of the Leader of the Imperial Guards was enough to wake me up from my all-nighter-induced narcolepsy. I had been plotting this visit for a few long days, and I had been drawing plans ensuing all potential outcomes of this conversation. But I think I got the right tone to use to gain what I want from this interaction.

“Grand General, you are a great general, you know that? One of the most faithful and loyal to the Empire. To me.”

He nodded. “Always, my Emperor.”

I nodded back, then leaned more on my comfy throne.

“Remind me, Grand General. In a situation where I have to give some emergency order to purge a dangerous element within the government which has been spreading dangerous roots through the bureaucracy, how would you handle it?”

Surprise flashed by the eyes of the muscular man. “Depends on the circumstances. How rooted is this… ‘problem’?”

“Very. One would say that this one had been around for almost as old as I am, if not longer,” I answered calmly, then proceeded to drop a few more clues. “Within proper circumstances, I would like to know how you would remove the Prime Minister if I so ordered you to take action against him.”

Surprise turned into… realization. And delight. “I would require a month to secure an investigation, set loyal guards on the case to stalk him and his loyalists and then prepare guarantees to suppress his son.”

I nodded a few times to his response. The general points felt fair, but I wanted to add some more to that.

“And what if I also wanted him to disappear for a week without no one knowing what is going on so I can use his stamp to issue emergency laws?”

“It can be done also within that month, my Emperor,” Budo assured with utmost confidence and strong voice. “If I may ask, however, how come this interest, my Emperor?”

Why are you going after him just now if you looked to be part of the corruption?

“You may, Grand General. And, to put it in simple words, I learned a few days ago that Honest has been behind my parents’ death to secure himself as a regent while also using my name and my reputation to produce legal works and massacres I was mostly unaware about. You can see why this kind of lese majesty can be problematic to this extent.”

Budo was actually stiff, eyes wide open and wrath rising up as he was close to frothing from his mouth. “M-My emperor, if I knew-”

“You would have acted accordingly, and I am very thankful for your loyalty, Grand General. Your family and you have served this Empire for a long time, carving an important part in its full expansion. However, this situation has also stained it with what I define as War Crimes. I am not upset at you as you followed orders as a proper officer should, but I think it’s time to fix this wrong at once. I want Honest to be properly detained, interrogated as intensely as possible in that week and be forced to give out all names of this conspiracy. Then, I want those supporting him or those he supported into political and military positions to be put on trial. All in due time, obviously.”

The Grand General nodded solemnly. “In due time, yes.”

“I will leave you with this task. I will instruct you once the man is detained to what else has to be done. Let’s not overwork this already complex situation.”

Another nod, and the man left with a new task at hand.

Much had to be plotted, but first I had to get the Empire’s main issues handled at once. I could purge the big fishes because they were too visible to be ignored, but it was going to be a nightmare to deal with the smaller bastards.

Likewise, that was just the beginning as I will have to entertain a diplomatic effort to secure the end of the insurrection from both the Revolutionary Army and the Path of Peace. I could see the latter being the easiest considering I had a few bargaining chips to get them to become part of the Empire and aid my efforts to support the Commoners.

The Revolutionary Army was another can of worms I was, truth be told, very unsure on how to tackle. I could start making shows of good deeds, but a good part of their members were not pro-Monarchy. And this was going to be a bit of a difficult negotiation to handle. Either that or I was going to defeat them and… plot armor is scary.

Still, one step at a time.

A month was all I needed to get all the papers I required to be compiled for the new amendments to existing laws and new ones. And when the coup unfolded, I was given a single signal to confirm it had unfolded.

One of Budo’s trustworthy men had been sent as a messenger. He carried a small box which, upon opening, revealed a familiar stamp. I smiled at the sign, nodding and thanking the soldier before pretty much starting to milk this week-long advantage of ‘the Prime Minister going for a holiday trip’ to secure myself a few major laws passed through. Starting with…

The formation of a National Salvation Conference and Government.

—------d-d-d-d—------

AN

Shota Emperor prepares to commit Authoritarian Reforms and impose the Prussian Glory Theme as the main Imperial March. Time to acquire a harem (despite having no plans for that.).