Human Excellence 1 (Patreon)

Human Excellence - or ‘In a world of acting, falsities, and space furries, a Human tries to survive as the Employee of the Month’ (Rishan Galaxy Furry, Human!SI)

Let’s start with an introduction! This is the Kaltrician Imperial News and we shall start our yearly interview through our military’s most prized piece - the Battlecruiser Sevneka. And we shall start with the commanding officer of such a wonderful flagship, Kavkor Vikna Ramenskaya. Commander, it’s been a long time since we visited, how are you?

“I am doing well, same for the Sevneka, Comrade Pavel.”

Now, like last time, I believe you have a presentation to the ship. It is important to emphasize its historical importance.

“Yes. The Sevneka is the finest creation of the I. H. Kaltag, the main provider of ships for the Katrician Military. This is actually the first of its Battlecruiser class and it has a special role due to this. It is heavily armed with Hyperlasers Weapon Platforms, numerous Fighter Bays, and Kinetic Guns meant to shatter enemy ships’ shields.”

What about its ‘history’, Kavkor?

Vikna opened her mouth and… faltered a little. She appeared a bit forgetful but then her eyes widened in remembrance.

“Y-Yes! The Sevneka was created with the purpose of being an evolution of the Gunboat Katokna as the bulky ship was too slow and it didn’t allow for rapid incursions. As a response and as a means to produce a ship capable of also acquiring further specializations, the Sevneka was created as an Assault, a Flanker and a Research ship.”

True. The Sevneka constitutes the ‘crystallization’ of what our Emperor, the Techmage Radoslav Kovsai, believes in- a strong military and a strong search for knowledge.

Vikna nodded at this, and then the interviewer hummed while looking at his notes.

Good, good. Now, from what I remember from last time we were here, the ship was doing optimally too and yet it had some negligible issues. I suppose those still exist.

“N-Not really,” Vikna hummed, the Kavkor leaning back on her chair as she looked elsewhere. “There are still a few misunderstandings but-”

Has the ‘paranoid soldiers’ issue been solved?

Footage cuts to a compilation. Soldiers within all around the ship are seen panicking over some loud noises, with them rushing for guns and starting unnecessary standoffs to try and ‘defuse the situation’.

“It’s a work in progress,” Vikna assured flatly, appearing particularly unwilling to entertain the topic. “It’s the sort of trouble that requires time and dedication to root out but… the main source, as mentioned last time, is the excessive push from the military academy to be ‘too vigilant’.”

One can never be too vigilant, Kavkor. Still it’s fair to say many troops in the military can be quite tedious and… yet, there are some rarities. Like these few months’ news employee of the month.

Vikna perked up at this. “Oh? You are referring to Photor Bukharin?”

Yes, Photor John Bukharin. He had been enlisted after passing his exam five months ago and being commended for his ‘incredible adaptional ability’.

“That’s how the reports put it, yes. But John- Photor Bukharin is a bit more than just a good test or not, he is–”

—--------d-d-d-d—-----

Would it be correct to say that you cheated to pass the exam, Comrade Photor?

“Yep,” A fully armored soldier relayed, the tag on his chest saying ‘Photor J. Bukharin’. “Truth be told, I didn’t expect to be caught. I had done this a lot so… I was surprised when I was found in my ‘not-so legal business’.”

That’s an understatement. Many would say it is unfair for a comrade to be able to pass the initiation test with that sort of assistance.

He shrugged. “Had it been a normal work test, I would have agreed. But we are talking about the military- soldiers and officers are meant to use dirty tactics when needed. And, when I told the instructor that I had only ‘retaliated’ against an obstacle I was barely prepared for in terms of standard readiness so I had gone around to increase my odds.”

You also helped others cheat. Would it be fair to say that the rest of the classroom scored the maximum score due to cheating?

“Hmm, I don’t feel like I can tell. First, if it was the case then telling would be like snitching. Then there’s the fact that it would really create issues for the military conscription centers and… luckily for us all, this is all baseless assumptions.”

Yes, thank you for rectifying such a mistake, Comrade. Still, going back to the main topic. You have been reported as the Employee of the Month for the Sevneka’s crew. Any particular reason?

“I am not one to brag, but I think it has to do with the fact I do my job right, I do many jobs at once and… I heard I have an ‘air of mystery’ or something like that.”

It has been reported that men and women around find your strength, your voice and your peculiar interest to hide your body as a reason to ‘fantasize’ what kind of mate you could be.

“Yes… about that, I suppose my condition-”

Your skin condition is known and we will abstain from questioning more in that regard- or even push to see your face, Comrade Photor.

The O-2 sighed in relief. “Thanks. It’s just… It can get frustrating, but I understand the curiosity. I just don’t like to speak about it.”

A fair request from a fair warrior of the Katrician Empire.

—-------d-d-d-d—------

It’s been a while, Artificial Relay Administrator.

“Ara is fine, Comrade Pavel Igorevich,” The floating AI hummed, smiling at the interviewer. “Last time you were keen to inquire about ‘juicy’ matters, but I warn you to moderate the potential questions over the topic of today.”

You already are aware of that? Well, we have taken this into account and made a list that shouldn’t be too intrusive towards Photor Bukharin. Let’s start with a rather simple one: are you and the other AIs aware of his appearance?

“Since he takes regular solo showers and he has a need to eat, obviously,” Ara answered calmly.

And would you say that his skin condition is that bad?

“It’s… not too bad, but I wouldn’t go to say that it’s enough to call his behavior excessive. It’s rather subjective, and this decision of his has merits.”

Good to know. How does he interact with you AIs? Many low officers hardly seek to interact with any of you, but you have reported a bit over interactions with him.

“It wouldn’t be right to say we all have interacted with him frequently, but we do keep track of him at times. He is… a refreshing addition.”

How so?

Ara’s lips twitched. “He is a cordial individual and tends to be fairly pleasant to talk with. Plus, he has this… ‘tendency’ to pat our heads whenever a good job is done. It’s mostly Warning as she is always within reach.”

We have been told that Warning is keen to ‘avoid’ him rather than pursue interactions.

“That’s what she is keen to say and I did believe as much too, but… I believe it is ‘Actions speak louder than Words’.”

They sure do, but what about you? How do you feel about this rookie Photor?

“I… It’s complicated. I would say I like him, but it’s weird. No comment,” Ara hummed, a little red hue flashing through her eyes. “Is there anything else to ask?”

Actually yes. Is Kavkor Vikna favoring him over others or is she actually-

“STOP!” A loud voice erupted from the other side of the room as a certain Kavkor was slamming her way through the rest of the interview crew. “Pavel, I told you specifically that you shouldn’t be going around asking that question!”

A-Apologies, it seems we will have to cut this bit short and- NO, NOT MY TAIL! I AM SORRY- I AM SORRY–!!!”

The program shall resume shortly after this quick advertisement~.

—-------d-d-d-d—--------

AN

This is a bit of a prologue, but next time I shall go through my usual format. To summarize the situation, Human John ends up getting enrolled by the military and he successfully pulls an ‘Impastar’ by keeping his face and overall body hidden from most of the crew. Those that know the truth? The AIs and the Emperor. Why? It will be clear quite soon.