Nanowrimo 2020 Day 16 - Word Count and Favorite Bit (Patreon)

Today I added 2239 words to Match.God, bringing my current total word count to 33,484!

Death nodded, wandering off towards the kitchen and the menus that cluttered the counter. Hannah rubbed at her arms, wishing she had her cardigan on her. Death had been smart enough to not put her to bed with it on, but she felt unnaturally exposed in her simple white tank top. She grabbed the blanket that lay over the back of the loveseat, hiding the neutrally colored tie-dye of her leggings underneath the warm fabric.

Death reappeared a few moments later, sitting next to Hannah on the couch. “I have placed an order for you. It shall hopefully be here soon.”

Hannah nodded, pulling the blanket up higher over her chest. “Okay.”

Death watched her, his face unreadable. Hannah didn’t normally feel like a frog set for dissection under Death’s gaze, but this time she did.

“Do you wish to speak about what happened today?” Death asked, his tone gentle and uninsistent.

“No,” Hannah said flatly, eyes focused on the expanse of red fabric that hid her legs.

“Very well,” Death said, yielding to Hannah’s wishes like he normally did.

Hannah glared at the blanket, feelings she couldn’t quite name warring in her mind. Why was he so willing to just accept everything Hannah said? Why didn’t he argue just a little? Why did he treat her so gently? She’d been through what had to be akin to at least one circle of hell, so why bother with the kid’s gloves?

More questions she’d never get an answer to, because she’d never ask them.

“What is on your mind, Ha-yun?”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, sharper than she meant to.

“I do worry about it,” Death said. “But I will not press if you do not wish me to.”

“Why?”

The question left her mouth before she could stop it. She felt like biting her tongue off the moment it was out in the air. Heat burned her cheeks even as ice flooded her veins. Nails dug into her palms as she clenched her hands into white-knuckled fits.

“Ha-yun…”

“Forget I said anything,” Hannah snapped, the words barely leaving her throat around the lump in it.

Death leveled her with a look Hannah couldn’t describe. Pity? No, that wasn’t it. Sorrow? Closer, but still not it. Compassion? Possibly. That was as close as she was likely to get.

Hannah turned her own gaze downwards. She wasn’t used to being looked at that way. It was uncomfortable, leaving a strange itch under her skin. It almost felt like something was trying to break free, but couldn’t manage it.

“Forgive me, Ha-yun,” Death said, his voice soothing in its even keel. “But I cannot simply forget what you said. You ask me why? But I do not understand. Why what? Please, Ha-yun. Tell me what you wish to know.”

Hannah hesitated, biting at her lower lip. It was chapped, and Hannah worried mildly that she might accidentally bite it hard enough to bleed. She turned her gaze upwards to look Death in the face. As cold as his eyes seemed, they looked at her with a distinct warmness. It thawed the ice in her veins, giving her bravery – if not confidence – to speak.

“Why do you care so much about me?” she asked. “You called me important to you, when you asked if you should call me your baby. Never mind that I’m not the least bit qualified to be anyone’s baby.”

Death looked like he wanted to argue, but Hannah didn’t let him.

“You treat me so gently,” she continued. “And you told me to treat myself the same way. I don’t…I don’t understand. Why are you so concerned about how I treat myself? At best I’m a guest you’re stuck with for the next six or so months. I’ve only known you and the girls for less than a month so why…

“Why are you so kind to me?”

“Because you are deserving of kindness,” Death said. Hannah stared at him, unsure if she heard him right. Was…was it that simple? He was kind to her…just because?

“I don’t understand.”

“I am kind to you, Ha-yun, because you, as you are, are deserving of kindness,” Death repeated. “And do not misunderstand, Love would never have matched the two of us if I had not wished to be matched. Your grandmother signed a contract, but I am under no such obligation.”

Hannah had to stop herself from physically jerking back in surprise. “You…wanted to be matched?”

“At the very least I was not opposed to the idea,” Death clarified. “Though, I will admit, I did not think Love would ever find someone who she thought would be a good match for me. Mortals have a complicated relationship with what I represent. I did not think any mortal would care to be in my home.

“But here you are. Even if you are in my home for just a short while, Ha-yun, I wish to treat you preciously. Because you are precious and important, if only because Love thought I would adore you.”

That was it? That was the reason? She was precious simply because she existed? That…that didn’t feel right. Why would she be precious just because she existed? The only thing her existence had ever been was a nuisance. She was Stupid and Useless Ha-yun. She gained begrudging acceptance from her father in exchange for being out of the way. She gained adoration from the faceless masses on the internet in exchange for decent art.

Everything was conditional.

A cold hand brushed against her cheek, startling Hannah from her thoughts. She looked up, staring Death in the eye as he tucked her hair behind her ear. He smiled at her, the upward curve of his lips barely visible.

“I hope you will come to comprehend my words eventually,” he said. “I would be very disappointed to have you leave my care without understanding.”

He stood, and walked away, leaving Hannah feeling very cold and suddenly very hungry.