The Journal of Khazak Uzi'lag, Chapter 3 (Patreon)

Solisday,  Leus 20th, 4623

I apologize for not writing for some time, but the past few days have been stressful to say the least.

Things started simply enough. The morning after the day of the hunt, I awoke with Vakesh to begin our usual morning routine. He seemed a bit sluggish, but I chalked that up to him not having slept well the night before. Then Vakesh informed me that he was not feeling well as we completed our morning calisthenics, but I again brushed him off and assumed he was just trying to get out of work.

I wish now that I had listened to him.

That afternoon, just as we were sitting down for lunch, it became apparent that Vakesh was not faking anything. As I sat down, I noticed how pale his skin seemed, right before he shot up from his seat. At first I thought this might be some bizarre escape attempt, but as he threw up the contents of his stomach onto the forest floor, I realized he was simply trying to avoid making a mess.

As soon as he was able to stand, I brought him to the infirmary so my mother and the other healers could assist him. I was worried that this may be the first signs of an illness running through the camp, fears that were later founded as more people in camp became sick in the same way. However, as the fifth person was brought in, I noticed that everyone sick was one of our recent captives from the Rageblood clan. What if this was something they brought with them - a plan to get us all ill, and then attack when we are at the weakest?

“Food poisoning.” My mother allayed my fears as soon as I walked into her tent to report my suspicions. “All of them. Probably from whatever they ate last night.”

“But, we all ate the same thing last night...” My hand covers my stomach. That means it is only a matter of time before the rest of the tribe becomes sick.

Except...no one else did. I checked in with just about everyone in camp all throughout the day, but the only cases of anyone getting sick were the Ragebloods. I could not understand how that could happen, and neither could my mother.

And with all of our magical healers gone, my mother and her subordinates were stretched thin. Without the benefit of any healing magic, there was little for them to do but watch over their patients, keeping them hydrated and monitoring their temperatures. I really have to commend them. Regardless of their feelings for who these prisoners were, they were treated the same as any other patient.

As long as those who are sick are kept isolated, my mother said we should be fine with some basic hygiene, but I need everyone to be aware of what to do as more people become sick. Still unsure as to what happened, I called a meeting of my captains: Riktal, Tress, Yurga, and Hrogun. I informed them of the current situation, and of my concerns for it spreading to the rest of the tribe. Most of them react to my news looking somber and equally concerned, but I could not help but notice the smirk Riktal was wearing.

“Why are you smiling?” I had to ask. “Is there something funny about this?”

“A little,” he answered between chuckles. “I do not think you need to worry about this spreading to the rest of the tribe.”

“Why not?” I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

“Remember yesterday, when your new bitch told us there was something wrong with one of the kills we brought back?” Riktal starts.

“Yes. Why would that matter?” I could already feel my blood pressure rising. “I told you to get rid of it.”

“You also told me to feed those dog Ragebloods,” he said with a smirk. “I guess the little shit was right.”

“Riktal... Tell me you didn’t...” A wave of nausea passed through me.

“Do not worry, I made sure no one from the tribe ate any.” He waves off my concern. Around us, the other captains can sense my growing unease and begin to slowly back away from the two of us.

“Why would you do that!?” I tried to keep my volume steady, my anger reaching a boiling point.

“Because I thought it would be funny?” He looked taken aback by my tone. “Why are you so angry about this?”

“Because you poisoned five people!” I shouted, no longer able to hold it back.

“Not people, Ragebloods.” He rolled his eyes.

“Are you serious?” I grit my teeth and stomped toward him. “They are our prisoners. They were no threat to you!”

“The only good Rageblood is a dead Rageblood.” He spit on the ground to his side. “I was doing the honorable thing for our tribe.”

“Oh please, enlighten me as to what honor there is to be found in poisoning a captive!” I took another angry stomp forward. “How does this benefit the tribe?”

“Are you hearing yourself?” Riktal narrowed his eyes. “Is that new pet of yours starting to make you go soft?”

“Are you challenging me, Riktal?” We were now standing almost chest to chest. “If you have a problem with the way I am leading the tribe, by all means, say so,” I dared him.

Riktal glared at me, ready to say something, but finally seemed to notice the silence around us. Looking to the others, he could sense that none of them had his back and deflated. When he finally turned back to me, he looked recalcitrant.

“No, Khazak,” he answered with a small sigh, not meeting my eyes. “I apologize. I...let my anger over the attack get the better of me. I should not have fed them rotten meat.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” I took a step back, my tone less angry but no less serious. “With all of our healers gone to help our other camps, the ones that remain are already stretched thin.”

“I...did not consider that, Khazak.” Though I bet he was also wondering why our healers were bothering at all. “I am sorry.”

I do not share his feelings. Even if they are our enemies, deceiving them into eating poisoned food is barbaric. He had better hope they survive, and I had the perfect punishment in mind for him in the interim.

“You can apologize to my mother personally while you spend the next several days helping her and the other healers care for their new patients.” His eyes went wide as I told him his penance. “For however long it takes for them to all recover.”

“You cannot be serious!” He seemed offended that he might have to stoop to actually care for any of them.

“Entirely serious,” I told him with crossed arms. “Otherwise, you can spend that same amount of time in a cage being treated like a prisoner yourself. Let us hope no one decides to feed you any rotten meat.”

His face pulled tight at that, clenching his hands into fists before he spoke again. “Yes, chief.”

“Good.” I turn to the other three captains. “I will take over running our combat drills for the time being. The three of you can divide up his other responsibilities until he is able to return to his regular duties.”

“Yes, chief,” they all responded.

If you had told me when I woke up that morning that I would get into such a fight with my best friend, I would not have believed you. I also would not have believed that he would have been behind a poisoning plot, but I suppose people surprise you. Still, I already knew he and I were going to have to have words about this, not as chief and tribesman, but as friends.

I brought Riktal over to the healers tent myself and explained the situation to my mother. She was of course less-than pleased to discover that he was behind the food poisoning, but was grateful for the help nonetheless. Still, as she and the other healers did not feel Riktal could be trusted to care for the patients themselves, he was relegated to more basic and frankly demeaning duties -  washing soiled linens, cleaning bedpans, and emptying vomit-filled buckets. A fitting punishment, given he was the cause of the issues.

With nothing left to do but wait for their recovery, I assumed that would be the end of it. I went about the rest of my day, picking up some of the extra slack caused by Riktal’s absence but my mind kept coming back to the sick Ragebloods, and more specifically, Vakesh. I wish I had listened to him that morning when he told me he did not feel well. Perhaps that would have helped with some of the guilt I was feeling.

Unable to get them out of my mind, I made a number of visits to the infirmary throughout the day, checking with my mother as to everyone's conditions. After a while I could tell that I was starting to annoy some of the other healers with my presence, doing little more than getting in their way. Still, no one, not even my mother, ever told me to leave.

Eventually, she found some work to keep me busy, fetching them fresh buckets of water from the river. It was not much, but it kept my mind occupied. But that only helped sometimes.

That first day, Vakesh was unwell, but still coherent. While I kept my distance at first, it eventually became too difficult to avoid him seeing me. And of course seeing him only made the guilt stronger, until I felt as though I had to tell him the truth. So I took a seat and sat next to his bed.

“How are you feeling?” I asked the stupid question.

“Like shit,” he answered honestly. “I must look even worse if you are in here helping.”

“It is not that, I just...” I started searching my mind for a reason.

“Felt guilty that your friend poisoned us?” he finished without making eye contact.

“How... How did you know?” I was still trying to figure out how I would tell him.

“It was not hard to figure out,” he answered flatly. “It was only my brothers and I who got sick, and it explained why that prick has been cleaning up my vomit all morning.”

“Yes, that is part of his punishment.” I admitted guiltily. “I swear to you, I didn’t not ask for this. He acted alone.”

“I thought not,” he croaked. “It did not seem like your style.”

“It is not,” I could not help the small laugh that escaped my lips.

“You better hope that I survive this,” he told me with a small smile. “Or else I am going to haunt you for the rest of your life.”

Journal...that was the last time we spoke. When I returned to check on him and the others the next day, he was incoherent, and when I checked this morning, he was practically delirious. His fever had only gotten worse, and he could not even recognize me when I approached. The same had happened to all of the Ragebloods. It was not looking good.

I found myself angry and irritable all day, nearly biting Tress' head off when he asked when Riktal would be off duty. I told him it would be soon, as the Ragebloods would either get better or die in the next day or so, and stomped off. I know he did not mean anything by it... I am not sure why I got so upset.

Towards the end of the evening, my mother came to get me. Two of the Ragebloods fever had broken, and it was looking good for two of the others, but Vakesh was only doing worse. She wanted me to see him.

“What... What do you want me to do, mother?” I asked, unsure of why she brought me there.

“Sit with him, son.” She guided me to the seat next to his bed. “I have heard your name from his lips more than once, whether he knows it or not. Just let him know you are here.”

Dumbfounded, I took the seat, looking over the sick man in bed next to me. His skin was pale, his cheeks sallow and sunken. He was sweating and shivering at the same time, despite being covered in a blanket of furs, and he never made a sound other than the occasional groan.

“I am so sorry, Vakesh,” I started talking, as my mother asked. “I never meant for something like this to happen. You did not deserve this.”

I would like to believe that I saw his body relax when he heard my voice, but that was likely just wishful thinking. Still, I sat there and continued to talk, telling him about things that had happened in camp the last few days. The weather. Camp gossip. Anything I could think of.

My mother would visit, periodically changing out the cool rag laid over his forehead and checking his temperature. But still he did not improve. As the night dragged on and more of his compatriots began to recover, he only seemed to get worse. With all of my other options exhausted, I did the only thing I could think of: I prayed. I begged for the Earth-Mother to heal him, for the River-Guardian to soothe him, for the Sky-Father not to take his spirit. I sat there and I prayed to the Three until I was exhausted.

At some point, I began to nod off. I tried to fight it, but once my mother noticed, she sent me off to my tent to get some sleep. She said I would be useless the next day without it. That was almost an hour ago, and try as I might, every time I close my eyes, I still see him, and find myself starting to pray again.

Lunaday,  Leus 21st, 4623

His fever broke! He is awake! The first thing I did after waking up was rush to the infirmary, where my mother happily informed me that Vakesh’s fever broke overnight. I cannot describe the relief I felt at the news.

He was still sleeping, and I had no intention of waking him, but I went through the rest of my morning with my steps feeling much lighter. I visited again just before lunch, happy to see he was awake this time. He and the others were being fed some soup and bread, their first solid food in days.

My mother told me they should be cleared for release the next day, but they were not to engage in any heavy labor for at least two days after. I had no problem with that, though Vakesh did his best to get her to agree to three. I was so happy he was alive that I could not even bring myself to reprimand him.

I let Riktal know he could go back to his regular duties the following day, and could tell he was equally relieved. I did not stay very long after that, satisfied that everyone would make a full recovery. In fact, after eating my lunch, I came right back here to write this entry.

The truth is, I am feeling very unsure of myself. The emotions I experienced the past few days have been unexpected to say the least. It would be simple to chalk it all up to guilt over Ritkal’s treachery, but something about this feels different.

The anger at the poisoning, the worry over Vakesh’s condition, the fear of his demise... I have not prayed like that since I was a child. Perhaps not even then. This feels like more than guilt. But then what is it? And why with him?