Bellflower Part 40 (Patreon)

In this 40th installment, Holly tries to maintain the upbeat (albeit concealing), chipper attitude that's gotten her through life. But things are becoming overwhelming & forcing a smile might not be enough as they come to a head. Even in her own head. And we check in oh so briefly with an old friend.

I've been drawing a lot when I have the time & unfortunately slacked on this for longer than I should have. I had the initial sequence written & liked it a lot, but the rest was a bit tougher to bring together.

I also still like writing from Holly's perspective. It's fun to switch into that mode every now & again. The conclusion might be a bit much. And maybe I might call an audible, do a little retconning to walk it back a little as I push on further. But it doesn't necessarily mess with any of what I have written ahead & keeps it a little fresh & exciting. I have full outlines too for the next three & a neat thing to explore so hopefully there won't be so big of a wait in between. But things are so crazy these days. Please just know that I am trying my best, & deeply appreciate your continued support!

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40

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"You got this, Hol!" Allison willed.

"Keep going! You're almost there!" Her old crush of at least two years CJ cheered.

She was having that dream again. The one where she was back in high school. On the track team. In the middle of a meet. Holly didn't know what it said about her really, her subconscious still sort of dwelling on moments like these. But they were some of her happiest & most vivid memories. Just running. Sweaty. Exhausted. Her own heartbeat pounding in her ears. And all usually around the same drab oval of varsity track too. But maybe it was that consistency over all those years that it really helped paint things so accurately in her mind's eye. At least a lot more than some of her other dreams.

And though she was in the last leg of what felt like a grueling competition against their storied rivals, Holly could feel a faint smile plastered on her face automatically. Part of her? Deep down? It seemed to miss times like these. Running. Being with her friends. Competing. And as she approached the tape across the finish line? She remembered the thrill of victory. She felt the tape synch across her tight, upper tummy, grow taut, & abruptly snap. Her arms went up & she her knees ached a little as she began to break her momentum. She did it. She won.

It might’ve been vapid. It definitely was narcissistic. But Holly loved reliving the glory of these moments in her dreams. As always, her fellow runners rushed out to surround her, looking to celebrate their victory. All while she did everything she could to catch her breath. And it looked like some of them had hit up the PTA’s concession stand! They were approaching her with plump hot dogs & gooey, cheese-drenched nachos. Carb-reloading wasn’t too far out of the question. And hell, not only had she earned it, she was starving! CJ scooped a nacho for her, saving her the work. She opened her mouth like a baby bird, but with the corners pulling into a bit of a beleaguered smile. Just as she took a bite, she felt a pat on her back.

“Coach said we’d go for pizza if we won!” Allison chortled. “So now we’re definitely doing it! All thanks to you, Hol!” Allison immediately started bouncing in place to celebrate. Then two of the other girls seemed to be getting down low. It looked like they wanted to hoist her up on their shoulders. To carry her off. CJ handed Holly the rest of the nachos, looking to assist. Good thing she was already bright red. Him, getting in close to lift her would’ve made her blush.

“Ready?” He prompted the others.

That’s when Holly looked off to the side & saw Rachel, just beyond the chain link fence just outside the track.. Fat, wannabe goth, high school Rachel. With a devious little sneer on her round face. 

This was notable for two reasons. For one, Holly had these track meet dreams pretty regularly. And, sort of echoing real life, this was the first one where Rachel was ever present. And secondly? Something about that dastardly look on her face? It made Holly suddenly feel super uneasy. As if things were about to take a sudden turn. She could see chubby edgelord Rachel pull out her phone, as the sunny afternoon suddenly seemed to grow a bit more overcast in almost the blink of an eye. 

As Holly’s teammates started to lift, Holly’s worried eyes stayed transfixed on her sister off in the distance. But things suddenly became a blur. She only saw what looked like a flash, emanating from Rachel’s direction before she started getting lifted off the ground. Like Rachel had decided to snap a picture. But just before Holly could reach the full arc of actually steadying herself on their shoulders, Holly & her friends all crashed back onto the ground. Hard. And heavily!

“Aaaah!”

“Aaaiiieee!”

“Wha…?” was all Holly could feebly muster. She felt like she was laying flat out, in the grass area inside the track, on her friends, looking straight up at the darkening sky. But she couldn’t really move. It was as if it was suddenly way too exhausting for her to even lift a finger. She could still see the bib from today’s meet pinned to her track gear, but it seemed to jut upward, way more than it ever actually had in high school.

“My back!” a muffled CJ moaned. “I… I… I can’t feel my legs!” Oh god! Mortified, Holly realized he was somewhere underneath her. And it felt like she was crushing him. Mostly because it felt like there was suddenly just a whole lot more of her. And a lot of that felt like… just ass!

“The picture!” Holly gasped as it dawned on her. While still in her dream, well, nowa nightmare, she remembered the real life text she got from her mother yesterday. And the candid photo Rachel had taken. 

“Holly!” Allison cried, pinned beneath Holly’s suddenly massively flabby back. “Get off! You’re… cr-crushing... me!”

“I-I…” Holly tried to rock a shoulder forward. It took every bit of remaining energy she had. But trying to build the momentum only made those trapped beneath her cry out more. She could feel the seams of her uniform straining & splitting with any movement. One of the other girls screamed in agony. Holly wanted to stop their suffering but it was far too difficult to move. “I’m… tryin’...” Holly winced. But only it seemingly only made the situation worse. In her utter exhaustion, her fat body went limp again. That’s when Rachel with her devious sneer wandered into her line of sight, blocking out a portion of the now stormy sky.

“I tried telling you,” She seemed to chide while shaking her head. “You just didn’t want to listen, did you?” It was almost sing-songy. 

“He-hel...” Holly tried lifting her cartoonishly swollen arm in her sister’s direction. It was clearly too heavy. And so round, there was little chance of bending it.  Besides, Rachel alone wouldn’t be able to help much. But Holly was at a complete loss. Meanwhile, Rachel just kept shaking her head.

“What part of “I TRIED” don’t you get, exactly?” Rachel growled. Just then, Holly did suddenly feel the slightest bit of movement. Just, not in the direction she was hoping.

“What…? No!” She cried, as the voices underneath her grew more agonizing, & yet more muffled at the same time. It seemed as though she was so heavy, she was actually sinking deeper into the ground!

“This is entirely on you, Butterball!” “Butterball” being one of the names Holly always teased Rachel with back then. But this time, Rachel gave Holly’s enormous, nearly spherical gut a light little tamp downward with her shoe, almost sending her off. Deeper into the earth, as the sod seemed to buckle & crumble in ways that didn’t entirely seem physically possible.

“NO!!” Holly cried, as more & more dirt seemed to encroach on her line of sight around the edges. The muffled cries of her flattened friends beneath her started echoing. Things slowly got darker. At the top of the “shaft,” was Rachel waving her off with a seriously smug, “I-told-you-so” look. As Holly, helpless & heavily, sank ever further into the darkness.

In reality, there was just a little too much boob & belly happening to allow her to easily bolt all the way up from her pillow as one would. Still, she jerked forward with a gasp. But Holly could only make it as far as lifting her shoulders off the mattress. What the fuck?! Her mind raced, wedging her meaty elbow underneath for a bit of support as she regained her breath. Beads of sweat on her forehead.

“Something the matter, Miss Holly?” Penny chimed, whirling to life, it seemed as the lights kicked on, but only to their gentlest, dimmest setting, as the window’s interior “shade” mechanism went from opaque to translucent. It seemed overcast outside. Of course.

"Uh... I'm..." Holly muttered, blinking the crud out of her eyes & remembering she was asked a question. "I'm fine. Just... just sort of a rough dream." She punctuated it with a long, deep exhale.

"I am always here to listen if need be..." Penny followed immediately.

"No, no." Holly waved off, mostly in her fingers than involving her whole hand. "It's... It was just a... a stupid dream, y'know...?" Holly tried to pull the corners of her mouth into a smirk. But in her head, she was still a little shaken. After all, her running dreams were always her favorite. Her "happy place," if she were to put it bluntly. And if the anxieties about Rachel & that other stuff? If all the things on her mind that she was fighting to keep at bay? If now they were all going to start leaking into her "happy place?" Well... Ech. But in typical Holly fashion, she ratcheted up the intensity of the smirk & pressed on. And the first thing she needed to do was get up.

After a few attempts of trying to rock forward from her half leaning slouch, suddenly a cold, ceramic surface gave the slightest, encouraging nudge along her shoulder where she seemed to need it the most, helping her along.

"Allow me, Miss Holly."

"Thank you, Penny" Holly beamed, trying to not think about it more than she needed to. Still in a bit of a sleepy stupor, Holly awkwardly shifted to hang her heavy legs over the side of the bed, as the mechanical arm twisted to pass over her head & position itself in front of her.

"Should you need a hand." The machine chimed, the claw giving a reactive, but gentle pinch. "But please, do take your time."

"I'm... fine. Really." Holly scoffed at Penny's overbearing nature, shooing the arm with the back of her hand. After a second of mental preparation, she suddenly shifted forward. And it took a lot more work than she was anticipating. But eventually, she was standing. And as she did her usual big stretch of the morning, her eyes looked over & became immediately transfixed on the mirror across from her.

There was really no denying it. And she wasn't too thrilled to admit it. 

Yeah, she was getting kind of big. Maybe. Probably just on account of how damn hungry she seemed to be all the time lately! Even now, she felt a hollowness grumbling for breakfast deep within her soft-ish belly. But still! She wasn't really as fat as she was in her nightmare! Or even as big as um... uh... fuck what's her face? Her one friend. The one that just recently moved away? Fuck, they were friends. Like really good friends! How the fuck could she not remember her name right now?!

"Penny," Holly cooed, not taking her eyes off the mirror as she seemed to take a bit of dismay in the wideness of her hips. But she didn't let the displeasure affect her chipper, albeit confused tone. "It's early. I'm having the worst, most terrible brain fart right now. Who was it that just moved away again?"

"Moved away?" Penny sought to clarify. "I am not quite sure I know what you mean. The Bellflower is quite a large complex after all. People move in & out all the time." Holly's eyes narrowed in the mirror.

"Yeah but my friend? The girl I was close with. Really... heavy set. I wanna say... dark... hair...?" she trailed. "That one time, I mentioned she had that door trouble? Fuck! I'm such a horrible person."

"While I am still not quite sure whom you mean, the one thing I am quite sure about, Miss Holly? Is that you are not a terrible person. You are just not fully awake yet. And that is okay." Penny spoke in the calmest, most reassuring voice. On the one hand, Holly wanted to call bullshit. Penny HAD to know who she was talking about! She just had to. But on the other? She was seriously distracted by the loud noises her tummy was making. Only for Penny to take note of that. "I am starting breakfast now. I forget though, are you partial to hash browns?" Faintly, Holly could hear things beginning to sizzle from the other room. A noise that suddenly made her very, very happy.

"Aw-hawww, this morning?" Holly shut her eyes & let her jaw slack a little. "That sounds SO good." But as she reopened her eyes, she remembered... something. "Wait. What was it I was even just asking you?" She was filled with this overwhelming nagging feeling that she was forgetting something... about forgetting... something...?

"To be honest, I am not quite sure. Like I said though, I do not think you are fully awake yet." Penny's soothing voice came back. "Take your time though. There is no rush."

Holly looked back to the mirror. Whatever her train of thought had been, that train didn't seem to be coming back to the station any time soon. She was still haunted by her dream though. And none too pleased with exactly just how wide & round, & fuck, sort of flabby her ass seemed to be looking. But she told herself she didn’t have all day to worry about trivial stuff that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It was a few pounds. Here & there. All over, fine. But she could lose the weight. If she wanted to. She just had bigger concerns right now. Like... life. And her job. Sure, she might’ve gotten pretty out of shape, but at the end of the day? It wasn’t like she was necessarily in poor health. So whatever. Right now? She needed to get ready. Apparently there were hash browns waiting!

“Breakfast is served!” Penny cooed.

“Ohhboooiiieee.” Lazily emerged from between thick lips set deep within the roundest cheeks. It was a mostly happy, excited noise. Then again, she really only seemed compelled to make the two distinct kinds of noises any more. Most of the time it was the excited ones. Because it meant she was getting fed. But occasionally, she made the sadder, more disappointed noises. For the rare occasions the feeding stopped. Or even rarer, when she started to remember where she was. Then again, she didn’t quite like thinking about that all too much in general. So it was happier to focus on the happy times. And the happier she seemed to be, the more she even seemed to get fed! So it was kind of a win-win.

“By the way, Miss Courtney,” Penny chimed in with a voice lacking most of her usual pretense. “Miss Holly says “Hello.” And she hopes to see you real, real soon!”
“Mmmmhmmmmhmhm.” Courtney affirmed with a hazy, nostalgic sort of chuckle, even in spite of the tube that was being brought to her lips mechanically.

Penny had been sweet enough to peel open this month's subscription box & set out today's outfit for her. 

Holly always looked forward to the days she got her new clothes in the mail. More often than not, they seemed to fit pretty okay. Too bad none of it seemed to keep its shape in the wash. It was almost like most of it shrank. Cheap material she surmised. She held up the dark pants from this one in front of herself, giving them a flick to unfold them to the floor for a full inspection. There must've been some sort of mistake. A screw up at the warehouse before they shipped. Objectively? Just looking at them on their own? They seemed... enormous. Way, way too big to be for her. Even with her big ass!

Just then, that’s when it clicked. The dream had sort of superseded everything in her mind. But she had forgotten the very thing that seemed to weigh on her for most of yesterday. Probably, the very thing that caused her dream to sour in the first place. That damn camera photo she saw yesterday. The one Rachel sneakily took of her on the couch. The fuckin’ sneak.

Speaking of things souring, Holly’s struggling, but generally upbeat mood seemed to suddenly shift to reflect more of the overcast day it was looking to be outside. She was willing to ignore the bad dream as nothing but a silly dream. But thinking about howher & Rachel still needed to have a little chat? Instant dark clouds. She couldn’t just force the smirk any more, settling hard into a resting scowl.

Holly tried to let the fact that the pants she thought looked too big off of her barely seemed to stretch over her thick legs & pull up over her round hips. She did the buttons up on her new olive green blouse. She personally thought it was a little drab, & objectively, it was a little tighter around the middle than she had hoped, but something about the tone seemed to make her blonde hair stand out. But the smell of greasy, fried potato started to leak in from the kitchen. She stepped into her sensible flats, pulled her hair into a ponytail, & prepared to step outside of her bedroom, ready to confront her sister if she was awake.

She wasn’t.

In fact, Rachel was dead asleep. Snoring a little even. 

Feeling a bit worked up over nothing, Holly let out a bit of an angry exhale.

“It is getting a bit late.” Penny asked quietly, “Should I-?” Instead of responding, Holly just waved her hand & shook her head.

“Don’t want to really… deal with her right now, to be honest.” She added a little giggle to it, hoping to regain some of that chipper feeling back. But it was clearly just a ploy. “She’s an adult. Let her do her thing.”

“If you insist, Miss Holly. Breakfast is served by the way.” A mechanical arm pulled out one of the stools quietly at the pub table. Holly lowered her wide rear onto it, spilling a bit out to the sides before scooting forward. “Blueberry pancakes with a side of rosemary hash browns.”

“You… You always outdo yourself, Penny!” Stammering slightly at the photo shoot quality presentation. To Holly, the robot’s every meal was a masterpiece.

“It is my pleasure, Miss Holly. Now be sure to dig in before they get cold.”

Between the buttermilk of the pancakes & the grease of the potatoes, it was ultimately a blessing Penny had only made three or four servings worth. With a charitable half serving left in case Rachel ever got her act together.
In one of those rare, fleeting instances of finally feeling a bit sated, Holly’s mood seemed to be picking up slightly. Even if she was uncomfortably a bit full. Fuck, she really hoped no one brought donuts. But of course someone would’ve. It being a Monday? Stepping off the elevator towards her department, Holly tried to preemptively start laying down ground rules. Trying to restrict herself to maybe one. Not that she was hungry now. Just… that plus breakfast…? Ooof. Walking past the mural, the halls seemed a little darker given the quality of the natural light bleeding in from outside. Just then Veronica emerged from the office seconds before Holly could reach for the door.

“Heh. Morning, Hol’.” Veronica acknowledged. Holly had no idea what that little ‘heh’ was about necessarily. But Veronica seemed to be looking a bit… chunky herself this morning. Maybe it was the light, but her natural hourglass wasn’t so tight in the middle. With the curves just stretching the fabric to her ‘pencil’ skirt & pink blouse to their limits. She held a coffee mug in one hand & an instant coffee cup thing from her desk stash that she very vehemently never shared.

“Vee.” Holly nodded, smirking but belying a bit of her own contempt in her eyes. At least until the two of them had to make way for one another. Weird. Since when was this hallway this tight, Holly wondered to herself.

The tempered, cloudy light from outside really made their usually bright office murkier & more oppressive this morning. But Holly kept the corners of her lips curled up. Still nursing her full tummy, she made her way to her desk. It looked like no Deidre yet. And that empty seat next to her in her pod. From… what’s face…? But also Camille on the other side. And Camille seemed to have an uncharacteristically huge smile on her face. With her round cheeks a bit rosier than normal. 

“Morning, Cami.” Holly perked, trying to channel an iota of her mousy friend’s joy into her greeting. “Have a good weeken-”

“That sister of yours?” Camille seemed to want to gush. From completely out of nowhere. “She is SO rad.” Oh great! She had to be reminded of her here too? Suddenly, whatever Holly was using to force her smile collapsed like an avalanche.

“Yeah, well…” She didn’t necessarily slam her purse down, but didn’t quite set it down gently either. She did rip her chair back a little. “You just don’t know her very well.” Holly argued, lowering herself into her chair maybe just a bit too fast. “Not like how I know he-”

“CRACK!” A loud noise echoed through the dim office for everyone to hear, cutting her off.

Mortified, & realizing she had completely frozen, the first thing she did was blink. On the plus side, her ass wasn’t on the floor. But she was sitting substantially lower than normal. Something in the chair had failed mechanically, but not catastrophically.

“Looks like… your chair’s dropping some pieces.” Camille very mousily put in the most diplomatic way possible. But Holly, beet red with embarrassment knew that everyone who noticed, which practically everyone in the room, knew exactly why her chair was losing pieces. She didn’t want to lean too much. After all, shifting her weight too much might end up with her on the floor. But she saw a piece of what looked like plastic. Or metal maybe. Whatever it was, there was a very clear stress fracture.
“I see that thanks.” A humiliated Holly snapped softly. With a bit of effort, she lifted her butt off the chair & reached for the lever to raise it back up. With luck, the chair seemed to raise, meeting her soft butt back at a much more comfortable sitting height. She suddenly had a flash of relief, kicking the broken shards of whatever chair bits further under her desk & nestling her butt back into the chair. For two seconds. Until slowly, steadily, with very soft pneumatic hisses, she dropped lower & lower. Camille, now also beet red, looked to be struggling to hold back laughter. To the point where tears were beading in the corners of her eyes & she had to jerk her body 180’s in the other direction. Holly was back at her lowest position. Which somehow even made stubby little Camille even sit taller than her! The blonde’s lips quivered with building rage.

“Who swapped out my chair?!” Holly bellowed, jumping awkwardly to her feet, causing her gut to knock over her purse, which in turn almost dominoed into sending her laptop off the desk. After freezing momentarily to catch things if needed, she ripped the chair out & swapped it with the empty one that was next to her. People slowly looked to try to divert their attention, but seemed to still peer out of the corners of their eyes.

“Holly. Easy.” Camille mousily tried to calm her, but seeing her choking back a laugh only made Holly angrier. She tried to curb her volume, so it was just between her & Camille, but most eyes were already on her anyway.
“Easy? EASY?!” She seethed in frustration. “Oh. I am SO easy right now. In fact, I’m the goddamn easiest!” A soft “heh” suddenly seemed to come from the direction of Creepy Dan’s pod. “Not fuckin’ now, you gross pervert!” That's when she noticed the three tchotchke Hailington branded globe-shaped stressballs she had at the corner of her desk. But instead of using them the way in which stressballs were always intended, Holly instead picked them up & hurled them wildly in Creepy Dan’s direction, punctuation each fragment of her preceding sentence. “Stop making all of us feel so damn uncomfortable all the goddamn time or god fuckin’ help me, I will end you!”

If the office wasn’t at a standstill before, it was frozen now. With all eyes on Holly. Who was bright pink, huffing & puffing.

“Well what’s… goin’ on here?” Veronica seemed confused, returning with her grossly plastic scented coffee. A somewhat bewildered Holly, angry, partly ashamed, partly righteous, & deeply embarrassed, used the momentary distraction to make for the door in haste. Which was a bit difficult, given how unused to stepping quickly she had become. As she passed by, Veronica nursing her cup, the southern girl scoffed in disgust, stepping back. “Tsk, ech. Why is it I always miss the real drama ‘round here?”