Gainer Poetry (Patreon)

As I mentioned in my comment on Riptoryx's most recent musing (www.patreon.com/posts/awkward-early-of-42001435) I'm a bit embarrassed how much of my adolescent creativity was inspired by my burgeoning sexual compulsions.  Between the age of 12-18, most of my drawings, short stories, roleplaying games, and even GI Joe battles featured weight-gain elements.   (I once pretended GI Joe's 'Cover Girl' gained so much weight during peacetime she was cut from the squad.)    

My parents thought I was right-brained, but the truth was my little head gripped my creative hand (and, when the mood was right, vice versa).   So much so that I even wrote weight-gain-themed poetry!  Here's one I recently discovered in my archives that I wrote when I was around 15.  Be gentle.  It's basically a bunch of extended limericks with dubious rhyme schemes, but I'm sure it seemed like Shakespeare to my younger, hornier self.    

THE GAINER

Give me a burger with fries.

I need some more fat on my thighs.

Then peanut butter and jelly

To increase the size of my belly.

And you can’t beat a Snickers or two

When turning your rear-end to goo.

It started way back when

When I used to be a “10.”

I used to be terribly thin

Then decided to give up on men.

I went straight to the couch

Watched TV, ate, and slouched

And it started to show in my figure.

My parents and friends

And the rest of my kin

Soon noticed I was getting bigger.

I’m not too bad now

But I’ll soon be a cow

So hand me that turkey and dressing.

I want to gain weight

So I won’t have to date

‘Cause men they just leave me guessing.

Now I sit with a grin

‘Cause I’m no longer thin

In fact, I’ve grown downright tubby.

But I really don’t care

I’ve got my éclairs

Truth is I enjoy getting chubby.

Whoops! I just outgrew my belt

And my ice cream is starting to melt.

So I’d best resume eating

My beauty is fleeting

I can’t even fit into a kilt! 

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my weight-gain vault that Riptoryx inspired.   I may occasionally post stuff from it here.  Most of it is pretty rough, but it's sometimes fun to look back on how this whole journey started.  

Best--

Maverick