Crimson and Clover (Patreon)

By Candlestick’s Dilemma

For PatchBarnes

Contains: Black Widow, She Hulk, gods behaving badly, misuse of a car, perfect use of a curse, conjoinment, well built women, shared control.

“You’re kidding, right?” Jennifer Walters, the Sensational She-Hulk and Lawyer-at-Law, pushed back her mane of messy hair, a thick strand falling right back in her face, earning it a defiant blow. A few more failures like that, and the Green Bean herself was going to put in an appearance.

“Look, I’ve seen them fight Thor, Captain America and Iron Man at the same time and hold their own. I know that having them train us is a bit… Unorthodox.” Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, checked her gun a third time to be sure it was empty before putting it in its holster and locking it in the armory, leaving her as so rarely happens unarmed. “But they’ve been making great strides lately, and after the last mission with you and I…”

Jennifer gave a shiver. “Look, I said I was sorry.”

“No no, it’s fine.” Natasha started stretching her muscles, her skintight outfit creaking as she got effortlessly in positions that few could. “I dodged the dump truck.”

“Not what was coming out of it.” Jennifer pouted. “Drinks are on me tonight, really. But seriously, asking… HIM of all people to help us train?”

“ARE MY EARS BURNING?!” A booming, smooth as velvet voice belted out as the double steel doors boomed open, smacking the wall on either side of the door frame. Despite their quick movements, and the number of super muscled team members including Jen herself, this particular person, dressed all in emerald green, made no motion as if they themself had been the one to push the doors open. “If so, then fear not, for the Heroic Loki is here!”

Jennifer gave a meaningful glance at Natasha, who in turn gave her a placating hand wave.

“L- Loki. How good to see you. I was just explaining to Jenni- I mean, She-Hulk how you’ve turned over a new leaf.”

“Oh, of course, Natasha!” The Norse god leaned forward, giving a wide grin to both women. “Why, in fact, I can even lift Thor’s hammer now.”

As if to prove it, they swung their hand into view, holding a familiar looking hammer. Jen’s quick eyes caught the inscription on it and started reading it aloud. “Whomsoever lifts this hammer, be they smexy enough, shall be-.”

“Ahem.” With a swish of Loki’s hand, the hammer vanished. “I didn’t say THAT was Thor’s hammer, merely that I could lift it. Now, I believe there was a request on the board about helping you two with some teamwork?”

“Y-yes.” Natasha, already doubting her plan, rolled her eyes at Loki’s over the top nature. “She-Hulk and I are looking to be better coordinated on the battlefield and were hoping you could-.”

“Ah, say no more. Sweet Að unna.”

“What?” Jennifer dead panned.

“Oh nothing, nothing… Though the Spiderling does ship you two.” Loki tapped a finger to their chin, muttering that last comment under their breath. “In fact, that reminds me of a fanfic I was reading about just this kind of scenario. It was quite a lovely idea involving the two of you twisting and dodging thousands of traps, finding your centers and how the two of you balance with each other.”

“Yes! That!” Natasha pointed at Loki. “We’re looking for just that.”

“Ah but that’s the boring, mortal way of dealing with things. You didn’t ask for another human, not that we have many on this team, you asked for Loki, God of … Well, webs and looking after children, but no one ever talks about that. I’m also really good at eating contests but they don’t give out godly titles for that.”

“Loki…” Jen growled, her skin starting to turn green.

“Oh, getting into uniform already, are we? I can help with that.” Loki snapped their fingers, Jennifer Walters finding her body suddenly popping into her She-Hulk persona, even her workout outfit, spandex, replaced by her hero costume. “See? Assisting you two in training already.”

“I’m starting to get why my cousin likes to Smash him.”

Loki had the nerve to look hurt, a little pouty lip and large puppy eyes dominating their face before their laugh broke the illusion. “Okay okay, the training. The kind only a god can provide. Hmmm… and I am trying to push on people knowing I’m the god of entanglements… which is a form of teamwork, right? Right. So let’s try…. Oh… Oh no, this won’t work at all.”

“What won’t work?” Natasha, so rarely flummoxed by anyone or anything, found her head spinning a bit at keeping up with Loki. They had been spending a lot of time around Peter lately, and the Spider’s habit of talking fast about things few people could follow seemed to have rubbed off on the Norse God.

“Well, I think a big component of teamwork is knowing how the other will react, and right now, the two of you are far too disproportionate.” Loki gestured to Natasha’s well muscled, within the bounds of what a human could achieve, and proportioned body; to She-Hulk’s muscles and height that a green tinted Greek god might be jealous of. “First off is to even you two out a bit.”

“I don’t want to get any weaker.” She-Hulk put two hands up, Loki offering a shrug.

“Wasn’t planning on it, besides how could being weaker make you a better hero? No, I was thinking of offering Natasha a temporary power up.”

“I don’t think I-.” Natasha started before Loki cut her off with a finger snap. With a swirl of golden and emerald dust, Natasha shot up in height to match She-Hulk’s over six and half feet tall. She had a chance to blink for with a flush, each of her limbs and core bloomed in powerful feminine muscle, leaving the world class assassin with a body on par with her teammate, and a bustline that left each of her breasts larger than her head, her outfit struggling to contain them, even though it had somehow sized up to match the rest of her body’s new dimensions. “Oh… wow.”

“Now, that will balance the two of you out, temporarily, but it doesn’t really help with the team-work part.” Loki started, stroking a long finger down their chin. “How about this?”

With another snap, the two women found themselves tugging towards each other, as if an invisible force had grabbed the front of She-Hulk’s leotard and hooked a finger into Black Widow’s plunging neckline and yanked them towards each other. In a sudden flash of light, the two women came together, face to face, breasts symmetrically docked together and even their hips knocking together before the light blinded them both.

Standing in the place of their meeting was a close to 9 foot tall woman, her exposed skin, of which there was a rather large amount, was swirl’s of delicious looking cream colored and inviting, somehow healthy looking green, giving the overall effect of an opal. The normal amount of limbs were beefed beyond even She-Hulk’s usual strength level, leaving not inches, but feet of feminine muscle on display, which the woman possessing promptly posed and examined as she audited herself.

Powerful calves and feet? Check. Thighs that could break concrete blocks? Double check. An ass that’ll keep everyone’s eyes glued, especially since it’s at most of their eyelines, check. A trim waist with exposed feminine abs that you could grate cheese on? Check. A pair of breasts that could shade a small village, firm and round, one pale, one green? Check. Two powerfully built arms that simultaneously wanted to flex and also to squeeze those new boobs? Big Check. Two heads that…

Wait, two heads?

Jennifer turned her head to look at Natasha, noting the other woman’s head looked more or less normal, perhaps a little more muscular, her red hair blending into black curls. A hand reached up, it was hard for Jen to tell if it was a decision she was making, or Nat, as it reached up and pulled a curl of Jen’s own raven black hair in front of her face, finding it had red streaks in it, different from how Natasha’s just ended in her own black, but still telling in how the two women had become one.

“There, that should do it.” Loki clapped their hands together, drawing both women’s attention to the small, now much smaller seeming, Norse god. “Now, as I said, this is a temporary power up. More of a curse, really. The two of you are stuck powered up, and together, until, say… you achieve something that only two women working in perfect concert can achieve. And with that-.”

Loki snapped their gloved fingers and vanished in a swirl of green, an echo of, “Time to teach the Spiderling how to drive. I’m sure Mr. Stark won’t mind us borrowing the porsche…”

The two women blinked again, before once again looking across their shared shoulders to each other’s head.

“So…” Natasha felt their right hand brush a spec of nonexistent dust from the top of their left breast. She’d been busty beforehand, but was having trouble wrapping her mind around how she was going to keep track of their lower half with these two beach balls. “To get the awkward part out of the way first, are you always this horny, or was it something Loki did?”

“Oh thank god you asked that.” Jennifer blew out in a puff of air she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. Their shared body took a few steps before sitting down on a stack of wrestling mats that had been stacked as high as a mini-van. She grinned, enjoying how their body seemed to work on a ‘what they wanted’ rather than the twitching mess she was sure it was going to turn into when she realized what Loki had done. “Bit of column A and bit of column B on that, I think. Being She-Hulk, feeling all that feminine power? Huge turn on. We’re even bigger and stronger together, so I’m sure that’s part of it, but I’m betting having our sex drives combined by our little norse teammate is what’s really giving us… new heights to reach for.”

“Oh. Good.” Natsha said nonchalantly as their legs absently crossed, a move she’d done many times in a separate body from her teammate, but both their hands lacing out sit, one atop the other on their knee? She’d only ever seen Jen do that before, and marveled again at how well the two had mixed together. “Then you won’t mind my next question.”

“Should we work out first, or blow off some steam first?” Jen grinned, anticipating it.

“Got it in one.” Natasha grinned back. “Normally, I’d say ‘race you to the bedroom’ but-.”

Giggling, the two felt their shared body leap up and the two belted out of the workout room at top speed.

~

Loki and Peter stared at the wreck of what had once been a precision machine, Loki trying to keep the grin off their face at the wanton destruction not just the car, but the half mile of chaos behind it offered to the eyes.

“Do you think Mr. Stark will mind?” Peter asked, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I can probably fix the car, maybe even upgrade it, but the rest…”

“Oh, don’t bother, Spiderling.” Loki patted the young man on the head. “Though in retrospect, perhaps you should have asked someone who’s from this planet before to help you with operating one of its vehicles, like Mr. Rogers.”

“Oh Steve?” Peter said absently, picking up part of a side view mirror, before webbing it to close to the appropriate spot on the car. “That didn’t work out well.”

“Yeah.” Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, fearless assassin that even the Widow organization held in a certain amount of awe, looked up at the sky, still trying to control his heart rate after having agreed to ride in the back seat. “Steve was too short to reach the pedals before the war, and after he got the super soldier serum, no one WOULD let him drive, chauffeuring him everywhere, and then he got frozen in ice so… he has less road experience than even Parker.”

“We did make it a whole block.” Peter sheepishly tried to justify the attempt.

“Yes well…” Loki started before a pair of fair depowered women, panting, sweaty and disheveled came dashing out of the Avengers building, spotting the God in Green, and sprinting over to them.

“Loki, curse us again.” Natasha said, grabbing Loki by the lapels. “Now. Just like last time.”

“I-.” Loki blinked, looking past Natasha to Jennifer Walters. “Ladies? I didn’t expect to see you separate for quite a while, let alone figure out the little loophole in the curse.”

“Maybe tweak that bit too.” Jennifer’s lawyer senses kicking in. “‘Something that only two women working in perfect concert can achieve together’ three times? Maybe four? Once was NOT enough.”

“F-four?” Loki blinked, looking back to Natasha, putting together what had happened.

“NOW!” Natsha gave the skinny god a shake, the green and gold boots a good foot off the ground.

Loki’s fingers issued a loud snap, and both women vanished in sparkles, Loki visible only after it had cleared, dusting off the long black jacket that had been conjured up.

“What was that about?” Peter asked, glancing between Bucky, who had put his palm over his face and was slowly shaking his head, and Loki. Loki shook their raven hair, running fingers through it a moment later.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older, Spiderling. When you’re much… much older.”

~Fin.