The Ballad of Gluttony - Greed (Patreon)

GREED’s influence on humans has always been high 

But now she’s an Influencer, capital I.

 She’s pretty and rich and she knows all the tricks 

To drive up her likes and engagements and clicks

She was just hitting send on her new sponsored post

 (“Saudia Arabia – What A Nice Host!”) 

When Gluttony tracked her down for the reveal

 Of an even more lucrative sponsorship deal.

“I represent,” she said, “Succula’s Sweets

 And we’ll pay you each time you eat one of our treats. 

Just snap a quick pic eating candy or cake— 

The more often you post, the more money you’ll make!”

Greed’s eyes lit up. She was instantly sold. 

There was no limit now except what she could hold. 

And she posed and she posted and posted and ate 

Piling up piles of both money and weight.

“Hastag delicious!” she posted, “so #yummy!”

 As she vamped for the camera and sucked in her tummy. 

It’s all in how you angle and filter and crop— 

Hiding how all those muffin meals muffined her top.

Now her wallet’s the fattest that you’ve ever seen 

And GREED herself barely can fit on her screen.

But does her blubber bother her? She doesn’t mind! 

She’s now selling ad space across her behind.