Apocalypse Tamer 74: Woman vs Sword (Patreon)

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The undead Great Sphinx of Tanit collapsed, the hole in its chest bleeding ice spikes all over the marble floor.

Vasi allowed herself a breath of relief. The remains of a mummy warlock burned against a dark stone wall close to her, the smell of roasted flesh and smoke rushing to her nose. “I think it’s over,” she said. “Good shot, Shellgirl.”

“That was a close one,” Shellgirl admitted as she emerged from behind a stone sarcophagus. Her last ice bomb, thrown from behind her cover, had slain the sphinx before he could finish charging up his beam attack. “Are you okay, Bugsy?”

“I’m fine, thank you for asking,” the centimagma replied atop a mountain of dead scorpions, each of them the size of a pony. His entire body was covered in sting wounds, though his innate resistance to Ailments had spared him from poison. “I wouldn’t mind a healing potion though.”

“I’ve asked Neria to send some through the Guild Inventory,” Vasi replied before examining the sphinx’s corpse. It was the second time they had killed the creature. First, it attacked them as a living statue, and then in the shape of a monstrous undead seconds after they slew it. Same with the scorpions. “Just in case…”

It cost her some of her precious SP, but Vasi incinerated the sphinx’s corpse to ensure it would never rise again. This time a message appeared to confirm the battle’s final end.

Your party earned 200,000 EXP (20,000 for you).

So many deaths, and it didn’t even earn them a level.

Dismaker Labs wishes you a happy apocalypse!

Vasi was starting to understand her boyfriend’s frustration with the System’s customer service.

“Here, Bugsy,” Shellgirl said as she poured a potion down the centimagma’s throat, healing his wounds. “Ready to continue?”

“Yes.” Bugsy nodded and pointed at a hieroglyph-covered wall with his antennae. “I sense stairs behind it.”

Yet another secret passage? Vasi was growing tired of them. Her group had entered the pyramid after leaving the UNESCO HQ, ascending one floor after another; it started well, with the Reception Hall being a strangely peaceful sanctuary guarded by weak monsters easy to dispatch.

The situation worsened as they climbed further. Although the Louvre Pyramid held surprisingly few defenders—Vasi assumed most were fighting the Apocalypse Force outside the dungeon’s walls—she couldn’t say the same for the traps and puzzles. Poisoned darts fired inside corridors, hidden pits full of spikes, dead end tunnels, hidden passageways, and of course, the ever-popular rolling boulder… Vasi thought she had seen it all.

The witch had been almost elated to be confronted by an actual sphinx when they reached the Egyptian wing instead of yet another contraption. At least she could hit monsters back.

“Let me check,” Vasi said as she examined the walls. The hieroglyphs on the surface formed a nine-per-nine series of tiles and flipped when touched, revealing different symbols underneath. However, they returned to normal whenever she touched two at once. “These signs form a sequence somehow.”

“Oh, let me try!” Shellgirl started flipping the tiles, and Vasi started to see a pattern in the symbols. “Some of them are identical!”

“I believe we must memorize the location of each symbol and then pair them up,” Vasi guessed. She usually loved riddle games, but they were too pressed for time to enjoy this one. “Perhaps we can force our way in like with the previous puzzles.”

“Can we avoid it, if possible?” Bugsy pleaded. “Skipping the last puzzle almost caused the ceiling to fall on top of us!”

Unfortunately, it seemed dungeon designers didn’t take visitors breaking through closed doors well. “We can try,” Vasi said with a shrug. “This one doesn’t look too hard–”

The sensation of new power infusing her bones, and a worrying System notification, interrupted her.

[All for One] applied [Mirage] and [Death’s Banner] to you.

All for One? A glance at her allies confirmed to Vasi that they were all affected. She opened the status screen in alarm and checked Basil’s stats.

His HP bar was no longer full.

“They’re fighting,” Vasi realized in panic. “Basil and Plato are fighting.”

“Must be Pluto,” Shellgirl voiced the most likely possibility. “Big B finally pissed him off.”

Worry seized Vasi’s heart as she stared at the wall. She briefly considered completing the puzzles in quick succession, before realizing that she didn’t have the patience for it. “Bugsy, please break the wall,” she all but ordered. “We do not have time for puzzles anymore.”

“Ugh, okay… for the Boss.” Bugsy groaned. The centimagma pushed dead scorpions out of his path, took his distance, and gathered momentum. “Step aside, girls! Agility Up!”

Vasi and Shellgirl moved out of the way as the centimagma charged through the hieroglyph puzzle, shattering stones and uncovering a hidden staircase beyond it. The ceiling trembled in response, but the trio rushed through the steps before it could collapse on them and ascended to the next level.

The floor above the Egyptian exposition began with a crossroad leading to two different wings of the dungeon. The room, unlike the tomb-like levels the group had struggled with before, espoused a medieval theme familiar to Vasi. Fortified walls of stone bricks and chiseled pillars held the gray ceiling over a floor of polished wood.

Rows of wondrous items occupied the room, each of them encased in shells of glass. Golden statues of saints and holy virgins stood next to silver chalices, ancient swords, enchanted tapestries, great armors of steel, and kingly crowns of jewels. Each of these items exuded magic, to the point Vasi couldn’t resist examining a few. These century-old relics radiated power, almost as much as the legendary weapons in Walter’s exhibit.

One of them, however, inspired awe and wonder above all others: a sword with a golden pommel stood in the middle of the exhibit, its blade radiating like the sun itself. The sheath was encrusted in jewels each more precious than the last.

Joyeuse, Sword of Charlemagne

Family: Weapon Artifact (Sword).

Quality: S.

Power: +15 SKI.

Crit: +20%

Accuracy: 100%

Effect 1: [Royal Privilege]: Joyeuse can only be wielded by an individual with royal blood. Joyeuse will strike down unwelcome wielders with holy wrath.

Effect 2: [Sacred Sword]: Inflicts an additional 30% [Light] damage piercing through Resistance.

Effect 3: [Dragonslayer]: Inflicts Dragonslayer supereffective damage against the [Dragon] Type (x3 damage).

Effect 4: [Longinus]: Inflicts the [Brand] ailment on a successful hit, preventing the victim from recovering HP until the ailment is removed.

Effect 5: [Song of Roland]: when Joyeuse lands a killing blow, it sings for one minute; the wielder and his allies inflict 50% additional damage so long as they can hear the song. Each killing blow renews the song’s duration. The song’s duration is increased if Joyeuse is within ten meters of [Durandal, Sword of Roland] and/or [Curtana, Sword of Ogier].

The mythical sword of Emperor Charlemagne, who truly needed humor in his life. Paraded by French Kings and used in the famous Song of Roland to slay Baligant, Emir of Babylon and dragon of the east, Joyeuse has unhappily gathered dust for the last several centuries. Somebody gives this murder weapon a hug!

Charlemagne? The name sounded like the Holy Kingdom of Gardemagne, a mighty nation of Vasi’s world once ruled by a paladin god. Did this artifact come from her homeworld?

“Who is this Charlemagne?” Bugsy whispered in awe as he joined Vasi, utterly entranced by the sword’s radiance. “Was he the Boss of this place before Pluto?”

“I’ve heard of him,” Shellgirl said. The merchant was more well-versed in the lore of this world than her friends. “He was a great paladin king who ruled the continent of Europe in ancient times.”

“So a Superboss?” Bugsy guessed.

The story felt familiar to Vasi. She had heard Earth and Outremonde were mirrors in many ways, and this sword reminded her of representations of All-Sun, the sword of the light god Mithras. She wondered how good Basil would look with a weapon such as this.

Shellgirl shattered the glass protecting the sword without warning, startling Vasi. “Shellgirl, what are you doing?” she asked. “We don’t have time to grab everything shiny!”

“Are you kidding?” Shellgirl replied with a grin, her hand greedily grabbing Joyeuse’s pommel. “We’re going to fight a living shadow and a holy blade falls in our lap! It’s the perfect sign–AHH!”

Shellgirl let out a scream of pain as the sword burst with light, burning her hand. The mimic dropped Joyeuse in pain and Vasi, acting on instinct, caught the sword before it hit the ground.

Vasi realized the danger only after her fingers closed around the pommel. Her fear, however, quickly turned to surprise. The gold felt warm to the touch, like a gentle hearth’s fire. Her fingers didn’t burst into fire as Shellgirl’s did. She raised the one-handed sword as easily as a feather.

“Ouch,” Shellgirl complained as she massaged her sticky fingers. “Vasi, be careful!”

“I’m fine.” Much to her own surprise, in fact. “How strange. Why am I not affected?”

“Could you be…” Bugsy held his breath. “A princess?”

“Of course not,” Vasi replied with a shrug. “I’m a witch, not a noble brat in her tower.”

But Bugsy, always the innocent mind, wouldn’t let the idea go. “Maybe you’re a king’s secret bastard, hidden at birth for your own safety because of an ancient prophecy!”

“Or not to split the inheritance!” Shellgirl suggested with a pained grin, a suggestion which Vasi thought equally unbelievable.

“Well, they do call my mother the Queen of Witches…” Vasi mused. She imagined bequeathing the sword to Basil, like a lady with her knight. That would be amusing.

A green glow surrounded the group, wiping away their fatigue and healing Shellgirl’s wounds.

[Monster Cure II] healed you!

“Oh, nice!” Shellgirl rejoiced. “Looks like Basil sent us help!”

Vasi didn’t share her friend’s joy. Basil should have no way of knowing how his allies were faring, so the only target for his spell should be his cat.

“Basil is healing Plato,” Vasi guessed in alarm. “Which means whatever is fighting them is a credible threat to both.”

With time working against them, Vasi examined signs on the walls pointing at various wings. The one on the left was called European Paintings, and the one on the right was titled European Arts. The group moved towards the former, with Bugsy scouting at the front.

As per the sign, this wing of the pyramid contained a gallery sprawling as far as the eye could see. The exhibit showcased countless paintings on white walls, under a dusty ceiling of hardened multicolor glass. Each picture looked more twisted than the last; the frames grew roots into the walls like parasitic trees, while the painted works’ lines were ever-shifting like troubled waters. First came images of wars and tragedies, then foul beasts and demons. Others were drawn in an abstract style, showcasing maddened, bent figures screaming in silence.

“That’s a lot of priceless paintings,” Shellgirl noted as she examined the closest painting, ‘The Coronation of Napoleon.’ The picture showed an assembly of skeletons watching the ascension of a crowned ghost in a dark, gloomy castle. Shellgirl brushed her hand against the structure, the painting shifting at her touch. “I can enter this one!”

“Each of these paintings must lead to a different room,” Vasi guessed. “Don’t touch any of them. One could trap you inside itself.”

“Well, according to the map, the Mona Lisa should be further up ahead,” Shellgirl replied as she pulled out her hand. “We can’t miss it, it takes up an entire room.”

“Girls, beware!” Bugsy shouted a warning. “I sense movement coming from the walls!”

Vasi gritted her teeth and backed off as some of the portraits started to bleed paint. Humanoid figures of solid black paint walked out of the portraits by the dozens, each of them with nimble legs and unnaturally long arms. A vicious grin full of sharp fangs formed on their hideous, eyeless faces.

Painted Sorrow

Level 26 [Demon/Elemental]

Faction: Metal Olympus (Psychopompos).

“Go help the chief!” Bugsy declared as he faced the creatures, fire building up between his mandibles. “I’ll hold them off!”

“Very well,” Vasi said with little hesitation. By now, she knew her friend’s valor and abilities. “Hasten!”

“Motivate,” Shellgirl added.

Their buffs swiftly empowered Bugsy, with the Centimagma charging into the fray at blinding speed. He crashed into the quickest target in a flash, turning it into inert paint spilled all over the floor. Vasi and Shellgirl advanced into the gallery as their friend covered their rear.

As Shellgirl guessed, it didn’t take them long to find the Mona Lisa; or at least, a painting titled as such. The frame stood embedded in a black wall of thorns at the exhibit’s center, so small Vasi doubted she could fit through it. The ghastly picture represented the shadowy form of Pluto staring at onlookers, one dark hand over the other. A fantasy background stretched behind his blackened hood, all under a crimson sky.

“That’s not what it should look like,” Shellgirl noted, disgusted by the sight. “How outrageous, to ruin such a fair piece of art!”

“This is the right painting,” Vasi said. The portrait radiated as much oppressive power as Tamura and Hypathia. “This artifact is the source of Pluto’s powers.”

Most importantly, she sensed the same aura that once surrounded Hypathia coming off from the portrait. Plato, who had inherited her essence, was fighting for his life inside it.

“Basil, I’m coming,” Vasi said as she applied her hand to the portrait. The oily paint felt disgustingly slimy to her fingers, and yet harder than diamond.

Entrance denied by [Pluto, Lord of the Netherworld].

“Damn it,” Vasi cursed. “Pluto won’t let us enter it!”

“We’ll just have to force our way in then!” Shellgirl suggested. She raised her tentacles at the portrait. “Let’s see if this painting’s got insurance!”

Vasi stepped away as Shellgirl fired half a dozen ice spheres at the corrupted Mona Lisa. The projectiles bounced off the wooden frame and thorn wall without inflicting damage, but also melded into the cursed paint when they touched it.

You cannot destroy: [Mona Lisa].

Vasi had vaguely hoped that damaging the painting would free her boyfriend trapped inside, but the notification shattered her hopes.

“Do I keep firing, Vasi my, dear?” Shellgirl asked in dejection. “What if I painted something over the portrait? Wipe off that silly black hood with white streaks?”

“At this point, we might as well try,” Vasi whispered with a frown. “But you gave me an idea.”

Pluto could prevent the living from entering his painted lair, but Shellgirl’s ice projectiles entered it just fine.

Since Vasi couldn’t send reinforcements… she would have to send supplies.

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Leroy rained down fiery stones from the sky.

The beach had long been transformed into a wasteland of smoking craters and fuming holes, one projectile at a time. Basil struggled to run across the minefield to dodge the latest bombardment, his hands sweating from the heat and relentless pressure. Plato ran after him, his tail having caught fire from a previous attack.

“Elemental Orb: Water!” Basil snarled as he materialized a liquid projectile in his free hand, throwing it at Leroy. The false god blinked out of existence in a burst of blackened smoke and reappeared a few feet away in the air. Basil took it as a good sign; if Leroy felt the need to dodge attacks, then whatever Field effect canceled damage in his paradise was gone.

Leroy retaliated with a shadow orb of his own. The projectile, as large as a small house, fell down towards the Bohens at incredible speed and exploded on the ground in a cataclysmic blast. Plato managed to dodge it by leaping away, but Basil was thrown back by the blast. He rolled on the sand and nearly fell into the boiling waters along the shore.

“Basil!” Plato shouted in alarm. “Get up!”

“What’s wrong, Bohen?! Off your game?!” Leroy snarled, his eyes burning with fury. “Dark Calling!”

Basil rose to his feet right as the ground began to tremble beneath his feet. Sensing the danger, he leaped away right as a ghostly hand larger than him emerged from the sand. Its bony fingers closed on empty air.

Unfortunately, Leroy reappeared next to Basil before he could regain his footing. “Thanatos Ray!”

The false god’s eyes lit up and two beams of energy burst from them. The lasers hit Basil in the chest, pierced through his armor, and burned the flesh underneath. Eldritch energies consumed his skin and exposed the ribs underneath to the air outside.

369 [Soul] Damage! [Insta-Death] negated by [Death’s Banner]!

Basil snarled in pain as the blow threw him backward; his Perk spared him from a quick death, but not from the searing pain.

“Dwarf tiger to the face!” Plato shouted as he flanked Leroy. Blades of wind swirled around his claws and sword both. “Windfang!”

Leroy let out a shriek as he failed to teleport in time. The cat’s magical wind shredded through his cloak of shadow and left marks in the false god’s body of insubstantial darkness. He retaliated with more beams, but the feline adroitly leaped around to dodge.

Basil charged back to help his friend, swinging his halberd with the strength of a possessed man. His weapon hit only sand as Leroy teleported away above the boiling sea. “Coward!” Basil snarled. “Come here and fight!”

Leroy responded by expanding his shadowy wings. “Night Reign!”

A humongous flock of shadowy, bloodthirsty bats erupted from his body and flew straight at the duo. Basil formed an elemental orb of fire and threw it straight at the incoming enemies. His attack exploded in a burning blast of flames on contact and killed the flying rodents.

Warning: You have exhausted half your SP!

“I don’t know how long I can keep this up!” Basil warned Plato, before gritting his teeth as fiery stars materialized in the sky above them. “He’s tough!”

Not only was Leroy better at using his abilities than his colleagues, teleporting to dodge attacks and unleashing attack after attack with no time for breathing room, but the absence of two-thirds of Basil’s team complicated matters. He hadn’t realized just how much he had come to rely on their buffs and support in battle until today.

“He’s got to slip up at one point!” Plato replied as the duo started running for their lives to avoid a bombardment. “Distract him! Invisibility!”

Leroy reappeared right in front of them in a shadowy cloud of smoke, before Plato could fully vanish from sight. “Hecate’s Disruption!”

A blast of blue light washed over Basil and Plato, turning the latter visible and stripping the former of magical protection.

Your buffs have been lifted.

God Jesus Marie Joseph! Basil thought in abject terror as Leroy’s eyes shone with eldritch power. With no Death’s Banner and the Field effect active, a direct hit might be fatal. Time slowed down, his heart pounding in his chest as Leroy followed through with his instant-death attack. “Death’s Ban–”

“Thanatos Ray!” Leroy snarled first.

“–ner!”

The beams surged from the false god’s eyes at lightspeed right as Basil activated his Perk. One laser hit the sand, but the other narrowly pierced through his left shoulder right as Death’s Banner spread through Basil’s bones.

180 [Soul] damage! [Insta-Death] negated by [Death’s Banner]!

A close call!

“You will not escape!” said the false god as his eyes brightened like Hell’s fiery heart. “Heca–”

“You’re the one fleeing!” Basil snarled as he swung his halberd before his foe could complete his spell. The coward teleported away, and Basil had to split from Plato to avoid a falling fireball afterward. “You would rather kill us than admit your wrongs!”

“Lies!” Leroy roared as he reappeared in the sky, looming over the beach; and far away from Basil’s range. “I can hear Celia’s voice! She is everywhere in this world, in my world! You are the ones who understand nothing!”

Basil prepared to utter a clever retort, when a blinding light obscured his sight. He half-expected another sneak attack from Leroy, only for the false god to turn his eyes at the sky in surprise. He appeared as confused as Basil himself.

A blinding blade of sunlight fell from the heavens and straight at Leroy. The false god moved away in surprise, the sword falling into the beach. Basil didn’t bother picking it up. Instead, he immediately used his enemy’s distraction to blast him with an orb of water. The projectile hit true, blasting Leroy and forcing him to teleport out of sight once more.

Warning: you have exhausted two-thirds of your SP.

“Plato, I can’t fire more projectiles,” Basil warned. With his SP so low, he needed to focus on keeping Death’s Banner up to protect them from instant death attacks. “Plato?”

Basil glanced at his best friend in alarm, worrying he might have been ambushed… only to realize the feline had decided to trade his fencing sword for a fancier weapon.

“Now, foul villain!” Plato declared, his golden sword raised towards the corrupted sky. It didn’t matter that the blade was longer than the tiger cub; in that moment, he still managed to look utterly badass. “Bow before your king!”

For the first time in his life, Basil was tempted to become a monarchist.

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