Week 6 Lecture: The Kkatlyns (Patreon)

“Hello Class! I see we have rather a lot of new members this term – and a number of recently promoted Majors! Given the lack of available seating, some of you may have to double up… yes, Captain Sameer? Just sit on Captain Taylor’s lap, for Alpharia’s sake! I don’t care if something is sticking into your back! Oh for… Just get some tissues!

Right… well that’s not exactly how I expected to start the session… especially as the High Moderatrix of the Haardnoks Trust and Safety Council is currently moderating our sessions… For the love of One, please stop licking her face, Major Umbreeyoree! No, it’s not her people’s custom! She’s from Utah!

Sorry, Sylvia – they can just get a little enthu… Yes I understand... Yes, class control is very important to me… No, I could do more to teach them about consent… I agree, totally unaccep… Could someone get Mz Torquemada something to wipe her face? NOT THOSE TISSUES, CAPTAIN SAMEER!

Oh dear.

Right – if everyone’s quite finished sabotaging my career, we’d better get on with the lesson. Today, we’re looking at the Fourth in our series on the Seven Felinoid Races of Rowwwl – the Kkatlyns.

BIOLOGY

The Kkatlyns are by far the least studied of Rowwwl’s native species – and the slide you see is one of the few we have of this elusive race. Most closely related to the Chitara, the Kkatlyns are nocturnal creatures built for speed and stealth, and live in the narrow ecological niche of the Southern Continent’s Laydee Forest.

Although slighter in build than their Felinoid cousins – rarely exceeding five-foot in height – the Kkatlyns are both immensely strong and utterly savage. Few travellers realise that they are in the presence of a Kkatlyn until it drops from the trees above and begins mauling their back and throat with their razor sharp claws and teeth.

Yes, Captain Einfach? Completely… very much like an Terran Cougar – but one which giggles hysterically through the entire ordeal. I highly recommend that no-one watches the unpleasant videos of it circulating on InstaTube.

As you can see from the slide, Kkatlyns have developed stripes suitable for camouflage in the lower canopy of Laydee Forest – almost disappearing amid the foliage. Typically tree-dwellers, their enormous feet and steel-strong claws allow them to climb trees like I might walk across a floor, and hang upside-down from branches while they observe their prey…

Why has Captain Einfach fainted? He watched the video, didn’t he? Even after I specifically warned him not to… Thank you, Major Dirheim – it’s very kind of you to cradle his head in your lap… Oh. Oh dear… 

Keep your eyes on me, Mz Torquemada! Nothing untoward to see on that side of the room! Just keep looking at me!

SOCIETY

Kkatlyns have little in the way of formal society – apparently just as happy to hunt alone or in prides. As you can see from the slide, they do appear to engage in some rudimentary body-art – inking themselves with the oily sap of the Khurabaar Tree and their own sharp claws – but the meaning of their symbols is unknown. Although they lack the technology to make clothing and jewellery of their own, they do scavenge and wear items from their prey – apparently as trophies. You might notice that these two are wearing several Khumon artefacts, and the female somehow appears to have come into possession of a Fawnic House Collar. 

Their sexual practices are just as vicious as their other habits – often involving an unpleasant amount of biting and clawing. Their primary interest to Xenobiologists and Pornographers alike comes from their lengthy ‘three-dimensional’ sexual sessions – copulating while hanging from branches or clinging to trunks or swinging between vines. Often all are involved, and an area which has just seen Kkatlyn’s mating often looks like it’s been hit by a small tornado – with a devastation of torn branches, stripped bark and uprooted undergrowth.

The participants frequently take up to three months to recover from the experience.

What? That’s not the same thing, Captain McGuire! They fixed you up in days after our… Well, obviously therapy doesn’t count! You’ll be in that for yea… Ahem. And just to clarify for Mz Torquemada, I accept no liability for anything that may or may not have happened to Captain McGuire. I don’t even know what he’s talking about! Or what the Ritual of Unwelcomed Entry is – apart from a vile anti-Alpharian slur. No Comment! I deny everything!

CITIZENSHIP

Moving swiftly on… and could you please do the same with poor Captain Einfach, Major Dirheim? That would not be a pleasant way to wake up! Yes… um… Kkatlyns have been impossible to integrate into either SpaceCorps or Union society, and are officially designated as Pests subject to immediate termination outside their territory in Laydee Forest. There was once a SciCorps operation that involved crashing a cargo-ship of Kkatlyns into a Cervaxian farming colony – but the appalling pictures which emerged didn’t reflect terribly well on SpaceCorps and the program was dropped.

Okay, class – we’ve overrun a little on this lecture, and it looks as though Mz Torquemada is rather eager to speak with me. As usual, please ask any questions you might have about the Kkatlyns below, and next week we’ll be looking at the Fifth in our series on the Seven Fe…

You’re certain we won’t, Mz Torquemada? Oh… I see… Um… Well, I’m sure that the Fifth Species can wait while I have a little chat with the Trust and Safety Council. Of course I take this seriously, Sylvia! I’ve got two mortgages on my… Yes, immediately...

Guest lecturer next week, then, class! Just until we get this all straightened out…"