ready. (Patreon)

181222

1:20 am

awake for hours now.

my body hurts so bad.

i feel it feel it feel it.

i breathe breathe breathe.

i know i know i know.

i’ll raise the money to buy my house in cash by the end of february.

i just have to not be afraid.

no, i need to let myself be afraid and still

i need to do everything im afraid of

i need to make tiktok videos.

i need to ask for help.

i need to talk on the fucking phone.

i need to go to churches.

and car shops.

and gas stations.

i need to talk more

i need to voice what i want

and what i am excited about

and what i know the world can be,

will be.

i need to explain my philosophies

and dreams

and how it all stems from mothering.

mother the world

i say

and i will.

be afraid,

feel afraid,

and know that what i am afraid of

is what i need.

just be honest meredith.

just be yourself.

you have nothing to fear in being yourself.

maybe you have contradictions.

maybe you are a hypocrite.

so what.

we all are.

and you always want to learn to be better.

you want the accountability.

you want to be called out.

well?

open yourself up to really being called out.

i believe that you truly only want good for the world.

i believe you truly only want good for yourself.

which is why you only want good for the world.

you create it.

you create the goodness, from goodness.

it is

all

only

good.

everything.

every great thing

on the great green earth.

so name it.

name it loudly.

name it proudly.

you want to ask for $160,000 from the world, and you want to only receive anything from those who want to give. and you want to receive so that you will be able to give.

AND

in order to receive,

you must ask.

you know this.

you fucking know this.

ask loudly.

ask proudly.

you have nothing to hide.

you have nothing to be ashamed of.

what are you afraid of?

i’m ready.

i have no choice but to be ready

even though i am not ready.

no rush

and no fear.

be calm,

be steady.

and be excited.

you are excited.

you are ready.

you can face it all.