defeated and depleted (Patreon)

141222 5:01 am

in the bath at moms.

completely defeated and depleted.

but i’ll regain; somehow.

i want the water as hot as it can be.

this doesn’t really make sense.

having yet another house to fix up and clean up and sewage to deal with.

and yet.

i’m not sure what else to do.

i will create the world to be a place that just houses and feeds people.

beautiful comfortable housing.

delicious nutritious food.

love all around.

no more working for money.

no more working to make needs met.

no more exhaustion for mothers.

it will be here.

in lock haven.

in lackawaxen.

and in lancaster.

i will create a new school system.

nothing that exists is good enough for nalcoah.

nothing that exists is good enough for any child.

i will learn how to guide and teach and create plans that feels possible for those who hear about these dreams.

my body WILL heal.

whatever is wrong with my stomach, i will figure out and i will get healthy.

by next winter.

i WILL make sure every human is housed and fed good things for their body.

i will.

there is no other choice.

if i have a place and people in all three of these spots to help me implement these ideas, not cookie cutter ideas. but unique to the place that they are. unique to them and yet all the same needs met - food, housing, creativity, knowledge, healthcare, and travel?

travel maybe will be last. but by next winter food and housing and creativity for everyone.

we can not heal ourselves without also healing the world.

otherwise it will just be coping.

it will just be a bandaid.

what if

we ALL decided that by next winter we would do anything we can to make sure everyone is housed.

what if we ALL decided to stop allowing harm into our bodies. and made meals of the earths goodness for everyone.

what if we ALL decided to stop separating families, and instead came along side them, lifting them up in whatever they need.

what if we ALL realized our own capitalistic mindset in wanting more more more of things that don’t matter and instead actually put our time and effort and money and energy and love into every single thing we came in contact with?

it’s not someone over there that needs to change.

it’s me.

fuck.

it’s me.

how? how do i change?