Chapter 244: 4-D Landmarks (Patreon)

By the time Gareth had bounced back, Sera was finished being thrown in the air, and Perry guided both of them around the party, generally steering them towards people he knew would behave themselves.

All the while, Perry was digesting what he’d just seen:

Solaris acting weird as hell. The look he’d gotten from the powerful super for witnessing the slip had been so ominous that he’d bailed from that particular possibility.

Perry narrowed it down to a handful of causes.

Some outside force was influencing Solaris.

A Minder capable of getting inside the man’s brain? Solaris was able to literally turn his brain into light, so it was almost impossible.

Almost being the operative word.

Even if someone could get a hold on the photon-brain, could they keep up with it while he was moving at light speed?

Again, almost impossible.

Stress?Unlikely, Solaris seemed to thrive on high-stakes situations, given his former life as a successful drug kingpin.

Perry cocked his head to the side.

Sudden onset dementia? It would fit with the loss of memory and the tremors. But…

Solaris’s body hadn’t physically aged since he’d first gotten his powers, as a hale and hearty man just north of fifty for the last…nearly sixty years. If anything, he’d gotten healthier, seeming to have complete control over his body.

At least enough to fill out that hyperweave.

So it seems like something is causing memory loss and loss of motor control…and it shouldn’t be. Solaris is practically immune to…pretty much anything that could affect him.

A particularly strong curse might be able to do it if they got a piece of him to bind it to, but Solaris was, again, made of light. He didn’t even bleed anymore. Cut a lock of hair and it would explode into light, no longer bound into physical form by his will. Same with blood or…pretty much anything else.

How does he shave? Perry wondered.

Cutting Solaris’s hair would be a dangerous proposition. So did Solaris go off-planet to cut his hair, where the conversion of matter to energy wouldn’t cause devastation in his local area?

Off-topic, but interesting.

Perry cut out what he believed could or couldn’t happen and narrowed it down to only what he saw.

It lookedlike Solaris –the man singlehandedly safeguarding the human race– was suffering from brain damage as a result of an extremely potent curse of some kind.

That was…no bueno.

We need to dig deeper on this. Perry thought, glancing to the side as he saw Gerome and company approach the party from the outer dimensions.

Ah, crap.

The four of them landed in the bodies of their Character Sheets, and Perry tracked them down before they could play any more D&D…or rewrite the world as humans knew it. Six of one, half dozen of the other.

“Hey this isn’t the same city, is it?” Mars asked, the living pile of tentacles glancing around at Chicago laid out around them. “They’re constantly shifting around, and all the cities from this era look the same, so I have a hard time.”

“Nah, this is a bit further west.” Clank said, downing a drink. “The android one.”

“Oh yeah, they arerobots, aren’t they? Neat.” Mars said.

“Oh, Hi Reggie!” Jocelyn said, the ‘sorceress’ inhabited by an unspeakable eldritch being said, seemingly noticing the super whose arm she clung to.

“…Hi?” Reggie said, frowning at Jocelyn’s sudden change in track, not noticing the absolutely mind-boggling size of the creatures moving through the dimensional fabric around him.

It evoked the image of a gerbil in the middle of a nest of oversized boa-constrictors. The creatures were so big the gerbil mistook them for the scenery.

Of course, Reggie couldn’t see that, but Perry could.

“Hey guys,” Perry said, approaching, making sure to keep Sera and Gareth close at hand. “You…doing something here today?”

“You sent them an invite?” Reggie asked, still not quite understanding what was going on.

“If you must know, we’re headed in a ----- direction,” Gerome said, pointing in a direction that hurt to look at.

“This party is a landmark of sorts.” Jocelyn said, nodding. “If you think of causality as an endless oceans of knots of cause and effect, this party is a bigger, more tangled one. So many powerful people meeting tends to spark a lot of different outcomes based on what happened, so we meet up at this knot to all gather at the same place, then we figure out where and when to go from there.

“We’re going surfing in Hawaii in the early sixties,” Mars said, seemingly excited. “I’m even gonna be a human this time ‘round. I’ll be born and grow up and everything. I saw myself on the way by and it looked like a blast.”

“You might wanna steer clear of Pearl Harbor. Perry said. “But, if you want to avoid the war, and being drafted for Vietnam, try being born about…twelve years before America joins World War Two, say…nineteen twenty-nine…”

That’s the beginning of the great depression…shit.

“You know what, Mars? Just make sure that at least one of your parents is a high-paid professional, they’re both kind, and that you’re born a man, and you’ll have an easy ride your first time as a human, alright?”

“Okay!” Mars gave him a thumb’s up.

“If you wanna try hard mode, be born as a girl,” Heather said, butting into Perry’s conversation with the near-omnipotent individuals capable of making life very difficult for everyone.

“Why’s being a girl hard mode?” the walking pile of tentacles asked.

“Too much to go into right now,” Perry said, stifling a sigh. “Just make sure your dad’s a high-paid professional, okay?”

“Why his dad?” Heather demanded. “Why not his mom?”

“Because they’re going to the freakin’ early thirties!” Perry said, shaking his fist at Heather, who danced away with a laugh. “One of these days, Heather! Pow! Right across the kisser!”

“Not in a million years!” she teased as she retreated.

“You two have fun,” Jocelyn commented, snuggling closer to Barrel of Monkeys. the fedora-wearing super looked like he’d just realized there was a radioactive tarantula on his arm and was trying to stay calm. “Why can’t we have fun like that?” she glanced up at him.

“Because you’re an eldritch being of wisdom and power that outclasses me in every conceivable way?” Reggie said, his posture stiff.

“But also,your seventeen-year-old girlfriend.” Jocelyn pointed out.

“You’re a lot of other things too.”

“Doesn’t stop her.” Jocelyn said, nodding toward Heather, who was fading back into the party, cackling. “Please?”

Reggie, A.K.A. Barrel of Monkeys, glanced skyward and unleashed an exasperated sigh tinged with mortal dread before raising his hand.

“If you call yourself my seventeen-year-old girlfriend again, I’ll…give you such a spanking.”

“Kyaa!” Jocelyn, the fourth-dimensional being who effortlessly traveled through time and spent entire human lives to pass the time, flinched away from Reggie’s ‘spankin’ hand’ with exaggerated fear.

“So you guys aren’t staying then?” Perry said, eager to move things along.

He still had Solaris issues to worry about.

“Nah, this is just a good landmark to meet up at,” Gerome said, the dark-haired, self-proclaimed god of angry hornets snagged a drink off a tray carried by a serving robot before downing it.

“Is your grandmother around?” He asked. “I was hoping to erase her entire existence before we move on.”

“Dude, reign it in, you know if you do that, we wouldn’t be here in the first place.” Clank said, flipping through dimensions like pages in a book, his expression contemplative until he seemed to settle on one that he liked.

“Fiiiiine. You guys ready?”

“Let’s do it!”

“I’ll join you boys in a moment.” Jocelyn said.

“I did see you spending a lot of time with that mortal on the way into this timeline,” Gerome said sourly as Clank ripped dimensions open and left his body, jumping through the distortion only Perry could see.

“I’ll catch up, don’t worry,” Jocelyn said, waving dismissively. “There’s a part of me that wants to indulge in him. I guess he’s in touch with my inner seventeen year old girl.”

“Would you please. Stop doing that!? I’m thirty four! It’s not okay for me to be with seventeen-year-olds!”

“Kyaa!”

“Well, have fun, Jocelyn,” Mars said with a slimy shrug “We’ll meet you in Hawaii, umm…”

“Nineteen thirty-three,” Clank offered from the dimensional rip, offering his hand to Mars, who stepped out of his body and took it. A moment later, Gerome did the same, the three leaving Jocelyn there by herself.

Needless to say, only Perry saw this side of the exchange.

“What just happened? Gerome’s ‘character sheet’ said, glancing down at the drink in his hand. “I was just over there…and my religion forbids drinking.”

“The godlike entities that created you for fun passed through our timestream for a moment on their road trip to surfing in Hawaii during the Great Depression.” Perry offered.

“I understood about a quarter of that.” Mars’s Character Sheet, a tentacle monster Rogue said.

“You guys are fine, enjoy the party.” Perry said.

“Will do,” Clank’s Character sheet said, unflappable in the face of weird. Then again, he was a Bard.

“Jocelyn,” Perry said, turning his attention to the last remaining eldritch abomination. “How long were you planning on staying?”

“Oh, until Reggie dies, then I’ll take his soul.”

Reggie tensed.

“I’ve got this lovely place in ancient Greece picked out for us. A quiet little village that goes completely untouched by war and famine for a hundred years. I’ll reincarnate us there. As a ‘thank you’ for being such a nice boyfriend my first time as a human.”

“That…does sound nice.” Reddie admitted.

“And did you know…” Jocelyn leaned over to Reggie’s ear and whispered, Reggie’s eyes gradually widening as she continued.

“Okay. I’m in.” Reggie said. “Kill me now.”

“Oh, you kidder.” She said, lightly punching his shoulder.

“Seriously.” Reggie said.

“Please don’t kill any of my guests,” Perry said. “No matter how much they ask for it.”

“Of course. Besides, I don’t have to wait long, since everyone’s gonna die in the next six months or so anyway,” She said, idly stirring a cocktail with a straw, trying to nudge a bit of blackberry off the bottom of the glass.

“What?” Perry asked.

“What?” Jocelyn asked, glancing up with a frown.

“WHAT!?” Perry demanded.

“What!?” She asked, backing away from Perry’s intensity.

“What do you mean everyone’s gonna die in six months!?” Perry demanded.

“Well, you know…landmarks in the dimensions are usually marked by…”

“You said a lot of powerful people in one place.”

“And then dropping like flies. Yes.” Jocelyn said with a nod.

“You did notmention that part.” Perry said.

“We didn’t? Huh.”

“What is going to kill everyone in six months!?” Perry asked.

“Can’t tell you that and have it do any good.” Jocelyn said.

“Explain.”

“If I told you what the threat was and you prevented it, this would no longer be a landmark, and I wouldn’t be here explaining it to you. It’s what you would call…a Paradox?” She gave him a cheeky smile.

“Paradox is my name. I can handle it.” Perry said.

“You literally can’t. let me demonstrate. Cast the Probability Dodge.”

Perry didn’t bother asking why she knew about the spell and just cast it.

Paradox’s Probability Dodge.exe (2).

Perry’s possibilities split into four.

The four of them deliberately stepped away from each other, creating distance between them.

“Okay, four’s a bit more than we needed, but it’s fine.” Jocelyn said, splitting into four as she followed Perry’s four possibilities.

One of Jocelyn’s probabilities began speaking.

“So, for the purpose of this demonstration, this version of me went back in time and created an asteroid on a collision course with earth that will destroy all life in abou-“

That version of Jocelyn stopped existing, along with the Perry listening to it, disappearing in a flash of light and a splitting migraine.

“What happened?” Perry asked, wincing.

“That version of me never came to your party because you went on to stop the asteroid she warned you about. The headache you’re feeling is the backlash of a possible future twanging like a guitar string. It’s very rare for… the dimensionally impaired to be able to perceive those, by the way. Congratulations.”

“So is there an asteroid?” Perry asked

“Not for you,” Jocelyn shook her head. “Let me clarify. There was an asteroid heading towards Earth at the beginning of our conversation, but because I told that version of you about it, it no longer exists, and in order to maintain my presence here, I by default had to shift to a Landmark, which means that in this possible present, where we’re still talking…there is something else about to happen, and it always has been. If I were to warn you about that something, I would either remove myself from the equation or cause that somethingto wiggle around and become something else that was always going to happen. Again. Time is weird like that.

She thought for a moment. “Or, if nothing at all happened after I told you about it, that would mean there was absolutely nothing you could do and you were doomed to fail and die. Which…wouldn’t really be something you’d like to know anyway.”

Jocelyn shuddered. “That’s never fun.”

“We really are like insects to you, aren’t we?” Perry said, digesting the sheer scope of her perspective. She was literally seeing (and experiencing) all possibilities at once and mix-and-matching dimensions on the fly, causing everything that had happened up until this point to change retroactively as a demonstration of a concept.

It was like the Probability Dodge raised to the infinite power…and including time travel.

“Eh,” Jocelyn shrugged and took a drink. “You’re getting there, Paradox. Your eyes are open. Still clouded like a baby’s but maybe…one day.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you?” Perry asked.

“Not really. Infinite means infinite. I see everyone joining our ranks…and no one. The actions of those of us who ascend…are difficult to perceive. Although surviving the next something would probably be a good first step in your case.

“I’ll bet,” Perry said drily. “Well, thanks for the heads-up, in exchange I’ll give you some relationship advice, on the down low.”

“Oh?”

“Tone it down a bit with Reggie, alright? You’re stressing him out.”

“I am!?” Jocelyn asked, eyes widening.

“He’s been dating your character sheet for a couple years now, so you’re kind of stealing her spot, and weirding him out even more in the process.”

“Oh.” Jocelyn glanced down in thought. “Huh.”

“Missed the forest for the trees, huh?” Perry asked.

“Have you ever been jealous of yourself?” Jocelyn asked. “It’s a strange feeling.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Try just talking about it with them in private before doing anything drastic.” Perry said, as he began collapsing the Probability Dodge. “You may know time, but I know humans.”

Perry returned to his primary probability. The one that hadn’t done anything but watch the conversation unfold.

“What was that all about?” Reggie asked. “You guys just stared at each other for a moment.”

“We just had had an enlightening potential conversation that didn’t actually happen,” Perry said, tapping his nose.

Jocelyn nodded sagely. “Indeed.”