Chapter 235: Confidence Man (Patreon)

“Care to explain what you’re doing in my domain, human?” A man asked, clad in what appeared to be a roman at-ease uniform, holding a pilum, a helmet resting on the stone throne beside him.

Not to imply romans were the inventers of war. The Demon Lord of War probably just felt like looking that way at the moment, or his appearance was based on the viewer’s mind.

Whichever the case, Perry didn’t have time to admire the view. He should probably start talking, and fast.

“I seek an audience,” Perry said, dropping to one knee and lowering his head as far as he could without losing sight of the god-like entity in front of him.

Power radiated off the avatar of war, and Perry was fairly sure the pseudo-deity was reeling it in so as not to snuff Perry and his retinue out. If he sneezed too hard, he might annihilate everything in the room.

“You brought not one, but two invasive species into my domain, violated my design, and consumed one of my favorite generals?”

“You’re the Demon Lord of War,” Perry said, measuring his snark to be exactly cocky enough to be funny without insulting his audience. “Would you have preferred a gift basket?”

“Hah!” Perry stifled a sigh of relief as the demon barked in amusement. Amusement was good, but he could probably shift his attitude on a dime.

“It has been entertaining. The first interesting problem I’ve had to deal with in a millenia. And you did bring me a gift basket…” he said, gaze drifting towards Gna’kis, who shuddered. Despite having power in the upper ranges of what a Greater Demon might possess, she still came far short of the astronomical power in front of them. There would be no fight.

“What do you want?” He asked, turning his gaze back to Perry.

“You were recently sold an immortality contract regarding one William Kline. I want it.” Perry said.

“William Kline…” the Demon Lord muttered, rubbing his chin. “Suzy! Get me my ledger!”

A chained woman clad in similar robes emerged from the stone of his chair and placed a leather-bound journal in his palm.

“It’s sorted by date,” She said, flipping to the end and pointing it out before returning to the stone throne.

“Kline, Kline…” The Demon Lord muttered, sorting through the last page. “Aha! My broker purchased the account…three hours ago.” He glanced up at Perry, raising a brow. “Impressive speed, young man.”

Perry shrugged.

“He’s an enemy of mine, and I need to make him mortal in order to win,” Perry said with a shrug.

“Do you know what William is providing us in exchange for immortality?”

“The souls of his people, I presume?” Perry asked.

“You presume poorly.” The Demon Lord said, clearing his throat and reading from the ledger. “…In exchange for the residual worship of no less than ten million humans, adjusted based on annual population growth.”

Perry’s brows rose.

Snap.

The demon lord snapped the book shut and peered at Perry. “For your speed and the skill with which you’ve made a mess of my realm, allow me to educate you.”

“As you will.” Perry murmured.

“The worship of mortals is a power all its own, but only someone or something with a Portfolio can use that power: Gods, Demon Lords, Avatars, that sort of thing. This is strong evidence that Alkush was planning to betray me, likely when your friend William sold him the key to unlock its potential.”

His gaze shifted meaningfully over to Gna’Kis.

I see. A two-part deal. Interesting.

“As it stands right now, though, you have eliminated a potential threat and moved a rather valuable contract into my possession. Why should I sell it back to you? You have nothing that I need, nothing that I couldn’t take if I wished it.

“I have a juvenile Demon Lord,” Perry said, motioning to Gna’kis. “I would be willing to trade her for the contract, conditionally.”

“Hah!” the roman general gave another bark of laughter.

“You perhaps don’t understand the nature of Norgosh as well as you think you do. I consume thousands of fledgling demon lords every century. I don’t even have to seek them out. They get eaten by my subordinates, then those subordinates convince themselves they have a chance at destroying me, and attack, inadvertently feeding themselves, and their newfound portfolio to me.”

A filter feeder, then, Perry thought.

“These portfolios are always some small variation of my own, limited in scope, only pushing the boundary of my domain a hair’s breadth. Incredibly valuable to ambitious lesser demons as a ray of hope that they might one day rise above their station…but to me? nearly useless.”

So he can’t see her portfolio? Perry thought. That was strong evidence that his hustle might work. He didn’t allow any of it to show on his face, but the Demon Lord seemed to pick up on some subtle change in Perry’s demeanor.

“What is it?” He asked, peering down at Perry suspiciously.

“May I introduce you to Gna’kis,” Perry said, motioning to Gna’kis, who knelt beside him. “The Demon Lord of Sinful technology.”

The Demon Lord of War sat up straight in his throne, the previous easy slouch no longer present.

“An original portfolio?” he mused, his gaze cutting straight through them.

“I don’t think I need to tell you that Technology and War go together like peanut butter and jelly,” Perry said with a thin smile. “Absorbing Gna’kis could result in the single largest increase in power you’ve experienced in the last thousand years. Maybe even enough to achieve godhood.” Perry said with a shrug.

The demon Lord’s aura became crushing, forcing Perry to the floor as he took control of the room.

“Give her to me.” The Demon Lord said, reality warping around them as Gna’kis began to be dragged through the air towards the man in the chair, whose features began to take on a monstrous air.

His skin darkened, jaw growing wide and slavering as he opened his ever-expanding mouth filled with teeth, drawing Perry’s pet Demon Lord in.

“Gna’kis, show him your soul.”

“Jeez, making a girl show that to a stranger,” Gna’kis said, unbuttoning her blouse. “You’re such a perv.”

“Before he eats you, please,” Perry said, tone edged with urgency as he struggled to rise.

Gna’kis rolled her eyes and drew her shirt aside. rather than flesh, what was revealed was the roiling mass of her soul, cut and scarred from years of modifications stacked on top of each other, with a multitude of intricate modifications to her behavior and personality.

Thousands upon thousands of modifications clumped together in an intimidating snarl that only the most advance soul-reader could make heads or tails of.

Perry was wagering everything that the Demon Lord of War was not the most advanced soul-reader.

Gna’kis halted halfway towards the demon lord’s mouth.

“What…is that?”he asked.

“A little insurance policy. You wouldn’t want to eat it, trust me. It might…upset your stomach, so to speak.” Perry said with complete confidence as he was allowed to climb back to his feet.

“Hah. Hah. Hahahahaha!” the Demon Lord of War began cackling in his throne, allowing Gna’kis to fall back to the floor as he slapped his knee in amusement, his features returning to those of a human.

“Alright, I’ll bite, little creature. What are your terms?”

“Give me ownership of William Kline’s immortality contract and I’ll remove the ‘insurance policy’ from Gna’kis’s soul.” Perry said. “You may then absorb her Portfolio at your leisure.”

“A fair bargain,” the demon lord said, holding up his palm. A mote of light formed into a tightly wound Orduun scroll. The scroll unfurled, and The demon lord seized one of the names on the contract and squished it into dust before making a ‘pulling’ motion.

“Paradox Zauberer.” Perry’s name was ripped from his lungs as if he’d been subjected to a vacuum and the only way to release the pressure was to speak his name.

Perry’s name floated across the gap between them and alighted gently on the contract, searing into the magical script.

A moment later, the toga-clad demon casually tossed the contract across the room to Perry, who caught the heavy scroll with a slight stagger.

“You’ll have to read the fine print, but be aware that you’re now responsible for keeping Mr. Kline alive until he violates the terms of the agreement. Should you default…”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Perry said with a smile before turning to leave.

The door behind them no longer existed.

“And where do you think you’re going?” the demon spoke from his throne.

“Back to Earth.” Perry said, turning back to face the godlike being. “Did you think I brought the tools to remove Gna’kis’s modifications with me?” Perry asked, with – in hindsight – perhaps a bit too much snark.

“Insolence.” The demon lord of war spoke, rising from his throne and tapping his pilum against the stone floor. The simple act pancaked Perry and Gna’kis to the ground. Perry might’ve been able to put up some token resistance if his System had still been there, but alas, he was completely mortal in front of this immortal perversion of human nature.

“I have upheld my side of the bargain, and given you an object of great value. It would be the height of foolishness to simply let you walk out of my domain without some kind of collateral. You may leave Gna’kis here and retrieve your tools.”

“No.” Perry grunted into the floor, inhaling the fine layer of dirt on the stone.

“No?” the Demon Lord asked cocking a brow before stepping off his throne and squatting beside Perry, so they were face to face.

“And why not?” he asked in a quiet tone.

“While I’m gone, you’ll feed her to a subordinate, who will absorb the brunt of the insurance policy. Once its been spent mutilating their soul, you will absorb the subordinate, bypassing the protection entirely. Once that has been done, my side of the agreement will have been breached, having failed to remove the insurance policy in Gna’kis’s soul, and you will repossess the contract, leaving me with nothing.”

“Done this before, haven’t you?” The demon lord spoke with a faint smile before standing and returning to his throne, the pressure on Perry easing up as he sat down.

Perry gasped, sucking in a lungful of air as he pushed himself up to his knees.

“You’ll understand if I need…collateral.”

“My word.” Perry offered.

“Not quite good enough.” The demon retorted.

“My soul,” Perry said between panting breaths, tapping his chest. “Collateral. Put your mark on my soul. If I don’t come through on my side of the agreement, you can take the entirety of my soul as it is.”

As in, a tiny, soap-bubble thin surface whose loss would be equivalent to a night of hard drinking.

“Your soul? Paltry compensation for the worship of millions and the loss of a Portfolio.”

“Not to sound…arrogant,” Perry said. “But do you even know who I am?”

“No. Suzy!”

‘Suzy’ emerged from the throne and handed the demon lord a dossier.

The toga wearing demon grumbled, flipping through the ‘Paradox’ labeled folder.

The demon lord’s brows gradually climbed as he read, glancing up at Perry. For a long moment he seemed to weigh his decision, stewing on Perry’s file.

“Yes, that will be sufficient collateral.” He said, handing the dossier back before stepping off his throne and poking Perry in the chest.

Perry muscled down a reaction as searing black script spread outwards from the demon lord’s finger.

“Renounce our bargain, and this spell will tear your soul from your body and deliver it to me. Or if I grow impatient. When I have the Technology portfolio, it will unravel on its own. Understood?”

“Understood.” Perry said through gritted teeth.

“Good.”