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Conflict prevention is an evergreen topic in polyamory (or dating of any kind), especially when navigating more complex relationship dynamics. What is our business? What is important to omit or disclose?

Today, I explore the role of Hinge partners (a person who dates 2 or more people) in Metamour conflict. If we're the Hinge, and our partners don't like each other, how can we avoid getting in the middle, feigning impartiality, or fanning the flames to make it worse? If this struggle resonates with you, hopefully today's video can be of service!

Chapters:

00.00 Intro
01.57 When the conflict is the structure itself
07.09 Can we avoid passivity without meddling?
12.17 When a hinge’s fear pits metamours against each other
17.03 Can we avoid minimization?
20.16 Can we avoid withholding / omission?
21.57 What if we fear a partner’s reaction?
22.57 Outro

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Video captions generated by Vimeo

Automated transcription attached at the bottom of this post, via Otter AI

xx

Morgan

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Hinges and Metamour Conflict

Comments

Lia Marie Eckhart

Thanks for the video! What's on my mind now after watching it: Is comforting and letting my partner vent about conflicts with my metamours to me ok though? I usually either don't know them personally or get along well with them. Like.. when does the meddling begin?

Genevieve King

Sure, it’s pretty context dependent. But generally if receiving specifics could pit me against a meta, dislike or resent them, I ask for fewer details and focus just on my partners emotions. unless it’s dangerous or directly impacts me. It goes back to not being impartial too, e.g. badmouthing them could easily be interpreted as trying to break them up, for example. Can get messy

Suzie Baer

When I asked my partner how he was doing, because his other partner was moving away, he told me he told her that he'd be open to her moving in with him. The subject of cohabitating had never come up with me or with her. His and my time together over the 4 yrs we were together often involved his home renovations and gardening (which I love). We both know I have feelings of territoriality regarding his home. When I expressed my feelings of hurt by him telling me this, he said I guess we're not as open as I thought. It took weeks of couples therapy before he could see my pain. That was two months ago. I ended things yesterday.