Sanzang's Workshop (FGO Brainwashing/Purification) (Patreon)

Hi folks!

Alrighty, two things today! First up, an extra short, so there's a story this week! I hope you enjoy - and I'll continue talking over in the next post!

-

“Sure. Why not?” Da Vinci shrugged. ”You can use one of the workshops.”

“Yes!” Xuanzang Sanzang cheered, clapping her hands brightly. “You won’t regret this! Soon all the evil in their hearts will be a distant memory!”

“Uh. Yeah, sure. Good luck with that…”

The problem was undeniable. Chaldea had long had something of an open door policy in regards to Servants – no matter what their deeds had been in life, no matter how grave the sins they had committed, they were welcome in the Grand Order. The foes that Chaldea faced were too powerful to be picky about allies – and, quite frankly, the last Master of humanity had a pretty soft heart, always willing to offer anyone the chance at redemption.

And by and large, this had worked out! Many Servants long thought evil to the core had proven to be steadfast and loyal people, willing to offer their power to save the world. The Knight of Treachery was surprisingly principled, and the Witch of Betrayal shockingly devoted. No one would have thought the redhead in the kitchens once burned down cities, and Tamamo was really behaving herself these days! Mostly.

But even so, some Servants refused to rise to the occasion. Oh, sure, they’d help out – but that didn’t mean they were going to stop with their ‘mischief’ either. Evil wasn’t always something someone was forced into – sometimes, it was something someone had chosen. And the Servants who proudly wore that badge were the cause of, like, half the non-singularity/lostbelt issues that Chaldea encountered.

(The next time one of them kidnapped their Master in their dreams they got a free soda.)

This was obviously unacceptable. It was an expenditure of resources that Chaldea just didn’t have. The end of the world was not a great place to order in more supplies! But the power of these Servants was undeniable, and it was power that Chaldea needed. They couldn’t just get rid of them. Though the problem was undeniable, the solution seemed impossible…

And here was where Sanzang jumped in! “Oh, is that an issue?” she’d said on day. “Then leave it to me! I know just how to fix them!”

“You mean with those weird gold headbands of yours to squeeze their heads when they step out of line? Well I guess that might work…”

“What? No! I mean Buddhism! Buddhism! I’ll give them proper lessons and redeem them through the teachings of the sutras! It’s what I did with Wukong and everyone, I’m sure it’ll work here too!” Very optimistically overselling her abilities, the monk threw herself before Chaldean management. “Please, just give me a place to teach them and I’ll show you!”

“Oh.” And that had been that.

“Are you. Sure. About this?” Nezha was waiting for the triumphant monk outside of Da Vinci’s office when she finally emerged. “It sounds. Problematic.”

“I’m certain! It’s definitely what the Buddha wants!” And of course, the dark haired beauty just gave her a bright smile. “It’ll go great! Now, which way was it to the workshops…”

The Third Lotus Princess watched her stride confidently away – in completely the wrong direction, something she felt no compulsion at all to correct – and sighed. “She is. Such a troublesome monk. This will get. Out of hand.”

But there really was no stopping Sanzang once she got an idea into her head.

-

“Why the hell do I have to be here?!” Two voices cried out in mutual indignation. Stood beside one another, equally in a huff, were two Servants who would deny being similar at all if asked, but really could be easily mistaken for each other. BB and Kama were, for reasons best explained elsewhere, women with the same body (albeit one had purple hair and the other silver). They did not get on. It was a case of being far too similar and far too different for either of their tastes. But if they agreed on anything, it would be simply this: Causing trouble for everyone around them was absolutely the best use of their time.

That was why they were the first pair to be signed up for ‘Rehabilitation’ classes.

“Why is anyone anywhere?” At the head of the room, already practicing her stances, hands clasped together and one leg off the floor, Xuanzang Sanzang was smiling serenely, the very image of a perfect monk. Or, she was if you didn’t know she’d managed to get lost in the storage cabinet half an hour before her first lesson. “Because that is where the will of the world and the cycle of karma has led us to learn.”

“…” Both Sakura-faces looked at one another. Despite their many, many differences (or so they’d insist), both had the same expression.

“Oh sweet me, she’s one of those,” Kama was the first to break away, striding over to the door and giving it a solid kick. “I get more than enough of this crap from Parvati, thanks! You can take your words of wisdom and shove them back down your throat!” Alas, the door remained tightly shut.

BB, on the other hand, remained cool – folding her arms and developing a smug smile. Real danger signs for anyone that knew her. “Oho, the hopeless monk thinks she can teach me, the pinnacle of knowledge, something? That’s adorable!” She giggled for a moment – and then her eyes flashed red, all good humour vanishing. “No, wait, it’s just disgusting. A worm that thinks it can teach a lesson to the bird about to eat it is nothing more than a pathetic joke. And if you don’t let me out of here right now, I’ll show you the punishment for bad comedy in the Moon Cell.”

You can see why these two had been shoved into the first slots for Sanzang’s class. Worst case scenario, it was going to get them out of everyone else’s hair for a bit.

But the monk herself seemed oblivious to their hostility – and to their out and out threats. “No, you misunderstand me,” she said, releasing a deep breath and slowly changing her stance. “I do not believe I can teach you anything. That is the place of the world around us, not me. The Buddha is always trying to teach us what we need to learn – it’s just a matter of knowing how to listen. And today, I will help you to empty your minds so that you may receive his guidance!”

There was another disbelieving look between two thoroughly evil Servants.

“And first things first, a little Yoga to help us get in the right mindset!” Sanzang smiled brightly once more, sliding one leg forward while pushing her hands into the air above her, clasped together. “Just follow my motions as best you can, and we’ll soon empty your heads of all those evil thoughts!”

“That just not happening.” Kama did not mince words, even as she stormed away from the door which refused to budge. “What’s going to happen instead is you let us out of here, or I start setting you on fire.”

“Oh, you can’t do that,” BB protested smugly. “I have much worse things to do to her than just burning her~”

But the monk remained determined – or just determinedly oblivious. “Come on girls, it’s not too hard. We can start slow – Mountain to Warrior, just like this, see?” She stood up straight, head square, hands at her sides, before gently lunging forward, bringing a leg out in front of her bent at the knee, with her hands pressed against each other over her head.

“I’m soooo impressed,” the love goddess snorted. “Look out, evil-doers! The idiot knows-”

As Sanzang reached full extension, her robes pulled tight around her very full chest, bouncing proudly as she came to a stop.

Kama blinked. “Knows… Knows, uh…” Then shook her head. “Stretching exercises. Yeah. Terrifying.”

Weird. Why had she lost her train of thought for a second there?

“I’m capable of thousands of yoga positions that you couldn’t even dream of,” BB was rolling her eyes. “And I’m well aware that there’s no-”

The monk was stretching out her arms on either side of her now, and as the AI spoke she began to lunge forward on her extended leg, moving her torso forward and back – and sending that tightly wrapped chest of hers bouncing with every repetition.

“- No… Uh… No way that…”

Bounce

“That… Um… There’s no way you could…”

Bounce

“… That… That you could, uh, affect… us?”

BB’s brow wrinkled. Why was it so hard to focus all of a sudden? That wasn’t like her.

“Don’t worry, it’s not as hard as it looks,” said the monk, interrupting both of them in their consternation. “Just give it a try.”

“I’m not going to…” Kama started, already firing up for another rant – only to find her stumbling again. She shook her head again. “I mean, you say that like it looks difficult. I could do it in my sleep if I wanted! I just don’t want to.”

“W-well, yeah…” BB folded her arms, trying to look away – though her eyes kept sliding back to watch as Sanzang moved with such grace and bounce. “I- I could do this easy, i-it’s not like it’s… Um…”

She trailed off, licking her lips. The monk had returned to standing upright and was now rotating her hips, shimmying from side to side, and that somehow made everything she was trying to say completely unimportant.

In fact, since both Servants had fallen silent, it was Sanzang who spoke next – still seemingly quite oblivious to their distraction. “Then why don’t you?”

The question jolted a little sense back into their brains.

“Because I… I… Uh…”

“B-because… Um…”

But not much.

Kama swallowed. “Um, I… What was I saying?” She looked desperately to BB for support, but the malicious AI was staring at their ‘teacher’ helplessly with a slack jaw – and before long, so was she. In the end, it was Sanzang who answered her.

“You were just going to show me how good you were at these exercises~”

“O-oh, right…” That didn’t sound like her, but for some reason she just couldn’t deny bounce the monk’s words…

“But I…” BB tried desperately to focus and break out of this strange haze. She didn’t want to play this stupid game! She didn’t want to shimmy j-join in with these shimmy nice… seductive… shimmy… “Ooohhkay…”

The two found themselves shambling over to a pair of floor mats prepared for them like sleepwalkers, still unable to tear their eyes away from the show in front of them. And Sanzang, for her part, looked delighted.

“Okay! Awesome! Then let’s start you off with something simple to warm up!”

Saying that she spun around, exposing her back to them, and bent over at the waist, bringing her hands palm down on the floor and turning her body into an arch. “Downward facing dog is a classic – remember to keep your toes pointing forward!”

For a moment, life seemed to repair to the evil duo’s eyes as their gaze was finally freed from the monk’s heaving bosom – but only temporarily. Because before they could capitalize on their suddenly clear thoughts, they found a much greater threat in front of them.

“A-aren’t you supposed to hold still doing this?”

“Hm? What do you mean? I am holding still.” She most assuredly was not, as both Kama and BB could confirm – their eyes locked on her swaying hips swinging back and forth, back and forth…

B-b-back and… forth…

The monk giggled. “Honestly, I was never very good at this one. Maybe you can show me how it’s done!”

“Uuuuhhh…” Drool was starting to drip onto BB’s chest now as Kama’s eyes fluttered. Neither had a response to her, their heads to full of bouncing buns.

“Now go on – give it a try~”

Unable to resist, the pair bent forwards, their arms hanging limply down from their shoulders for a moment before trying to touch the ground, trying to mimic the woman at the front of the class. But even while they tried to pull off the stance, neither could bring themselves to lower their heads and look away from those wonderfully meaty thighs…

“Go gently, you’re just beginners after all. That’s it, feel it start to streeetch…”

Kama was definitely feeling in. In fact, she was feeling a lot of things – and the biggest thing was weird. Each exercise stretched her muscles, yes, but she could feel it stretching something else inside her. Something hard and firm in her core was becoming soft and malleable. Starting to melt as she felt the burn…

“That’s good. Now gently rise up…” Sanzang lifted herself back upright, waiting for the others to obediently follow after. “And let’s stretch those leg muscles with a few Garlands~”

With that, she squatted down, her ass pressing against the back of her heels, before smoothly rising back up again – sending her student’s heads nodding up and down furiously, even as they started to copy her.

BB was starting to sweat, her breath growing hot and heavy, and getting hotter and heavier with each squat. She could feel something slipping away from her – her passions and drive slowly dulling away. It was like it was all evaporating out of her, steaming away out through her pores as she stumbled her way through these exercises. It was something she should do something about, but she couldn’t seem to find the will to make herself care – and every time she tried, she’d see her teacher’s ass slam down and squeeze those thoughts right out of her head.

By the time the holy woman stopped, both evil Servants were openly drooling, their shoulders slumped, their eyes half-lidded. The effects these lessons were having on them were quite obvious – and yet still, she didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay, that was a good start,” the monk said instead, rising back to her feet and then turning to face her new disciples. “And now that we’re all warmed up, it’s time for some nice, calm mediation. So…” She sat down, years of experience allowing her to practically slide into a cross-legged seating position without difficulty, her hands held out on either side of her. “Cobbler’s pose. Make yourselves comfortable, girls.”

They did, sinking to the floor in complete sync, their hands shaking as they held them up at their sides. Unable to look away, unable to close their ears, they could do nothing but listen and obey as their teacher began to guide them through the final steps.

“Take a deep breath… Let your lungs swell… Take in as much as you can…” Sanzang’s soft voice carried through the room. “And now, just slowly, gently let it go… Let it all go… All those worries and troubles… All that stress and hate… Let everything leave your body as the air leaves your lungs… And let your mind become empty and still…”

“Nuh… Noooo…” Kama whimpered, gaze focused on her teacher’s proudly presented chest. “I d-dun wanna be… empty…”

“Hhhhave t’fight…” BB mumbled, her chest rising as her lungs filled. “Gotta… h-hhhollddd…”

But they couldn’t resist, and as one, they found themselves breathing out – releasing the air in their lungs with a gentle sigh. And with that air, everything seemed to flow right out of them. Their dark desires. Their fiendish schemes. Their very sense of selves. Everything flowing away, leaving nothing but empty, hollow heads, filled only by bouncing boobs and shaking asses…

Two pairs of eyes slid closed, slack, drooling jaws hanging open just beneath them, as BB and Kama utterly surrendered to the irresistible pull of inner peace.

-

“And that concludes another session! Great job, disciples!”

“Thank you, Teacher~” Two happy, cheerful voices answered Sanzang’s announcement.

Life in Chaldea had been oddly peaceful of late – which, to the more experienced members of its organization, human and Servant alike, meant a certain amount of dread as they waited for the other shoe to drop. But despite their doomsaying and misgivings, everything seemed to be rolling along just fine – better than normal, even. Granted, that didn’t mean all that much, considering the crises that Chaldea was always wrapped up in, but still, things had grown much more harmonious in the recent months – ever since Xuanzang Sanzang had started her redemption classes, in fact.

The results had been hard to argue with. Ever since even the first lesson, the two biggest menaces to the world saving organization had been… Well…

“Oh, can I help you carry that, Sir Gwain?”

“I’d be happy to stay late and help you clean up the simulator, Lady Tomoe.”

“Thank you and all the kitchen staff for all of your hard work, Mr Emiya~”

“Of course I’ll help you with your homework, kids!”

“We were out farming for resources for you, Master, and we found this Holy Grail lying around! Here, it’s all yours. Don’t worry, you don’t need to pay us back – the act of giving is its own virtue!”

Kama had given up her veils and BB her flamboyant jacket and ribbons – both exchanging their outfits for the humble robes of Buddhist monks. And more than that, they seemed to have given up their evil ways entirely, swapped for lives of meditation and virtue. They were happy to assist with any request, and would follow any order given without a second thought. Sure, they were a little – or a lot – dumber than they had been before, their intelligence having melted away with their evil natures, but overall, the change seemed pretty positive.

Honestly, if you’d known them before, it was more than a little creepy – hence the waiting for the other shoe to drop. And yet no matter how long they waited, it didn’t seem to be coming. In fact, according to the readings Da Vinci had generated in her workshop, the pair’s new attitudes seemed to be seeping back into the Throne of Heroes, converting the records saved there and ensuring that now any summoning of these two Servants would get these cheerful, helpful, ditzy monks in training…

It was a dazzling difference – but not everyone was impressed.

“Hey, get out of the way, idiots!” Jeanne D’arc Alter was on the warpath. She’d had a bad day, and the last thing she had time for was a pair of suspiciously busty ditzy monks blocking the corridor she was storming through.

“Oops! Sorry, didn’t mean to get in the way!” Kama’s smile was sunny and bright, with not a trace of her former sadism anywhere in sight.

“Is there anything we can help with to make up for our mistake?” BB’s wasn’t a single shade dimmer, her hands clasped before her chest hopefully.

“Piss off!” The dark saint shoved past them, glaring all the while. “There’s nothing I need from a pair of dumbass weirdos like you.”

The two Sakura-faces blinked and looked at each other, before smiling. “Well I don’t know about that…” Said Kama.

“You know what I think would help?” Suddenly, BB had zipped around in front of the corrupted Saint. “Our master teaches these wonderful classes, they’ll really help with your stress!”

And just as suddenly, Kama was behind her. “All those nagging doubts and fears and dark thoughts, they’ll all go away~”

The pair giggled and spoke in unison. “It worked wonders for us!”

Jeanne jumped at their sudden closeness. “What the– get away from me, creeps!”

“Oh, we can’t do that.” BB seized her left arm.

“Not when you’re so clearly in pain!” Kama got her right.

The two nodded to each other, and then spun her around and started marching her down the corridor. “Here, we’ll take you over right now!”

“Our master will be delighted to help you work through all this stress…”

“And help you live your best life~!”

They were a surprisingly strong pair, as the Alter soon learned, being dragged off despite her struggles. “H-hey! Lemme go! Get off me, you- Hey!”

Alas, there would be no escape – even as the trio struggled past an annoyed looking brunette. Nezha stared after them blankly as they vanished off towards the workshops, and then slowly sighed.

“Told them. It would get. Out of hand.”

Chaldea had definitely solved its evil Servant problem. Though, it may have picked up another, just as difficult one in the process…