Update, Apology and Moving Forward (Patreon)

Those of you who follow me on twitter know I'm not doing too well.

For the few of you who don't know, I have ASD. One of the many things that this means is that I have trouble coping with sudden change. Of course, no one's happy about sudden negative changes but in my case it can lead to freezing up, melting down and in the worst cases actual trauma. When a large earthquake pretty much destroyed my home city of Christchurch in 2011, it took me years to realise how much it had effected me and my sense of security.

Now my sense of security is shaken even further than it was in that horrendous month, and it only took a single day.  I always felt that if nothing else, I at least lived in a relatively safe country and that's just been shattered. That coupled with the fact that I feel nasty survivor's guilt is messing with me pretty badly.

If that wasn't enough, in the ensuing month I also lost my financial security as a miscalculation on our part meant that we had to spend all of our savings on taxes, and Jess threw out her back, meaning I had to step up and take on more responsibilities. I'm feeling crushed by everything, and it's taking way longer than I thought to get better.

I've been trying so hard to get back in the saddle and I'm actually about halfway through the script for a new Calling It Now, but the fact remains that I haven't felt this out of control in a very long time, and because of that I haven't been able to make as much content as I would like, and I apologize for that.

Please know that as I charge for a couple of let's plays in the coming day to pay the bills (Higurashi and another Uranium) that I am working as hard as I can to get back on my feet. I'm seeing a counselor, I'm not pushing myself to breaking point, but as I move forward please don't hesitate to approach me or Jess with concerns that your money isn't going where you thought it would. It was very hard for me to write this, as though I don't want to be one of those creators who put on a cheerful facade and just doesn't keep their fans updated I also don't want to be a sob-story dispenser. I'm amazed at the generosity you guys continue to show me and one of the reasons I haven't slipped into the abyss is because I know that I at least have some value to you.

Please take care of yourself and those around you and as I work toward full recovery we'r going to come back better than before, I just know it.