"Sick Day" Post: Season 1 Marathon and update (Patreon)

I'm sorry that I've been unable to upload very much lately. There's been some personal trouble that prevented me working for about a week, so I have to call in a "sick day" and charge for this post. I'll go into that below, but for those just looking for the content: Here is the Easy-binge version of the entire first season, part one of two. Part two won't be charged and it'll be up soon, it's just that the entire season takes about 16 hours and YT caps it at 12 these days. Episode 86 is nearly done and should be up by the end of the month.

As for why I had to call in a sick day... I've been having some real troubles with anxiety lately. I'm incredibly grateful for the success I've been receiving, and so far I've had a routine that has worked for me very well and I've been able to push through it. But lately I've been having real trouble starting a script, even though I enjoy it when I do and have a wonderful sense of accomplishment when I finish. It's incredibly frustrating to me, as I'm lucky enough that I can pound out a script in less than a day, but when I sit down to do so, I just... freeze. 

It seems like the more successful I've gotten and the larger the audience, the more my anxiety comes in to say "Yes, this is great, but if for some reason you miss THIS one, you're going to fall behind, and you won't be able to support your family, and you'll miss out on a job others would kill for, and..." then I freeze up, I don't break through the wall and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and an unhealthy feedback loop. I'm usually able to push through with hyperfocus caused by extreme stress and stay on track, but it's been happening more and more often, to the point that it's starting to get worrying. Before all I needed was to have you guys join in with the Watch Me Script sessions so that the live expectation helped me break through the barrier, but recently I've been freezing even in setting that up.

So I discussed this with the my ASD peer-support group, and they recommended I try SSRIs (a form of anti-anxiety meds), so I did, and for a while it worked great! I had less trouble breaking the starting barrier and I had a couple of scripts done on the Monday. I even found myself feeling less stressed in general, it was great. However, it didn't last, and I crashed last week, unable to do much other than sleep and pry a script out of my skull over the course of several agonising days. I don't know whether this means I have to up my dose, cut myself off or let it metabolise further, but while I'm getting it sorted out I'll do the best I can. Thank you for understanding and allowing me this sick day, and as I said the actual next episode should be out soon. I apologise if I've been quite inactive on any of my channels, but that's the main reason. I'm still planning the next script on the usual day, and I'll hope to see you then!