Supper Mario Broth: Special Zone, Issue 37 (Patreon)

Welcome, everyone, to the 37th issue of Supper Mario Broth: Special Zone.

Today, I will showcase the entirety of the content pertaining to the randomly generated passengers on the Excess Express in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.

Randomness in Excess

Like many other players who enjoy the worldbuilding in video games, I prefer to read all NPC dialogue when I play a role-playing game. Often, this is as easy as simply talking to each NPC in each area once; in more complex games, the NPCs change their dialogue whenever the story progresses past certain points and the player needs to walk around the world and talk to everyone again to see new dialogue. As time-consuming as this is, at least it is relatively straightforward.

However, there are special cases that make the endeavor extremely time-consuming and nearly impossible to know for certain to be complete without external guides: NPCs that appear randomly in certain places. Luckily, there is only one such place in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door - the Excess Express.

During the game's story, Chapter 6 takes place on a luxurious train called the Excess Express. The actual plot playing out during the chapter is straightforward and contains no random elements, being a mystery (based on Agatha Christie's famous Murder on the Orient Express novel, only without any murders) that plays out linearly by progressing every time Mario finds the next required clue. However, this all changes once the chapter is complete.

The train can still be taken an unlimited amount of times after the chapter is over, as it is the only way to reach Riverside Station, and (at first) the only way to get to Poshley Heights from Rogueport, at least before the player finds the shortcut Warp Pipe in Rogueport Sewers. As the passengers from Chapter 6 are story-relevant characters who go on to have their own small subplots, most of them (discounting two that physically are unable to leave the train) no longer ride the Excess Express as it would make no sense for them to do so. Instead, the train is populated by a set of random passengers.

There are 40 different passengers that can appear on the train, with 9 being randomly chosen every time Mario boards the train. Each of them has their own unique dialogue, with some even giving Mario multiple-choice questions. Here is why a single player is astronomically unlikely to ever encounter all of them:
1. The train ride takes up a significant amount of time. Every ride consists of having to talk to the conductor at the station, watching the train depart, needing Mario to play two "going to bed" animations, watching the train arrive at Riverside Station, watching the train depart from Riverside Station, and finally watching it arrive at the destination. Finally, it cannot even be ridden again immediately as it is facing the wrong way, and the player must exit and enter the area for the train to be usable again. As such, even at the fastest speed, this entire ordeal takes up 2 minutes.
2. As the passengers mostly spawn in their own cabins that are out of the way to enter, it is entirely possible for a player to take the train ride several times and not even realize that the passengers are randomized, much less that they have unique dialogue.
3. Even if the player knows that the passengers are randomized, every location has a different number of passengers that can spawn there, with no indication of how many there are. A player may see that after riding the train several times, Cabin 6 only has two different passengers, and assume all places have only 2 possible characters to fill them. In reality, some spots can have up to 13 different characters spawning there.

Prior to the  publication of this article, there existed no guide showing every passenger on the Internet that I could find. The closest was a list by the Super Mario Wiki that only contained the passengers in the cabins, but not in the dining car (covering only 20 of the 40 characters), and only listed the appearance of the passengers, not their dialogue (making it less useful as it would still require anyone wishing to see the dialogue to actually play the game and hope for the correct random seeding of passengers). As such, this guide is the first one of its kind.

First, about my methodology. Obviously I could not be certain I actually got all characters if I try riding  the train even hundreds of times, as the game's random number generator updates on every frame and there would always be the chance of me being unlucky enough to keep missing a certain character. To truly be certain I am covering the entirety of the passengers, I used text extracted from the game and kept riding the train until I encountered every line of text that is loaded for that area. In the end, to write this article, I had to ride the train 81 times.

Now, about the presentation. I will showcase every character with this scheme:
[Number] [Descriptor]
[Location on the train, sorted by cabin]
[Commentary]
[Screenshot of the character saying their first line of text]
[The rest of the text, extracted from the game's files, with the original formatting]

In addition, Goombella has several unique Tattles for the passengers, but not one per character, but rather one per spot, for a total of 9 Tattles, which I will include when reaching that spot. Now, without further ado, here is the full comprehensive list of all passengers:

1. Blue adult male Toad
Cabin 1

Here I am again, getting on
this train just to try to
approach the waitress...

How many times is this,
I wonder...

At any rate, I've developed
a fondness for trains.

That waitress and this train...
I love them both!

2. Orange adult female Toad
Cabin 1
This Toad refers to the events of Chapter 6, where Zip Toad, a Toad movie star, turns out to have been the villain Doopliss in disguise.

Yeah, I heard Zip Toad
was definitely on this train
really recently...

And yeah, I bought a ticket
just to see where he
stayed, and maybe ate...

And so then I was like,
yeah yeah yeah YEAH!
I got my ticket!

........................................
But then, the worst thing...
Someone said it was a fake...

What a huge bummer...
A total, stinking bummer...
You know?

3. Red adult female Toad
Cabin 1

The beginning of a voyage is
so full of excitement...

But the end of a voyage is
always beset by such a
lonely sadness.

Excitement then sadness...
Travel is so much like love
that way... You know?

Characters 1 through 3 have the following tattle by Goombella: 

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

I wonder how much tickets
for this train really cost?

4. Light blue child Toad
Cabin 1

BING! BONG! BING! BONG!

This train will soon arrive
at Poshley Heights...

When I grow up, I wanna be
a conductor! Actually,
I wanna be one right NOW!

5. Light green child Toad
Cabin 1

Hey, Papa!

Huh? Whoops! Wrong person!
Super-sorry about that,
Mr. Mustache-Person!

Characters 4 and 5 have this tattle by Goombella:

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

I wonder what all these folks
are gonna do when they get
where they're going?

Hey, you know what else is
cool about train travel? You
can just sit and space out!

6. Green adult male Toad
Cabin 2
This character asks Mario a yes or no question, but has the same line for both options.

Hey, um... Where's the
bathroom on this train?
Do you know?

Selecting both options gives this reply:

I can hold on a little longer,
so I'll keep looking...

7. Goomba
Cabin 2
Interestingly, this Goomba mentions "Goombsley University", which is a different one from the one Goombella attends (and Professor Frankly teaches at), University of Goom. There must be a thriving higher education scene for Goombas in this world. He also mentions the Smorg, which are fought as a swarm as the Chapter 6 boss on top of the train.

I am a professor at
Goombsley University.

I am researching the feeding
habits of the wild Smorg...
But I just cannot find any!

You, er... You wouldn't know
where I could find any,
would you?

8. Koopa
Cabin 2

Ahh... The rocking of this
train makes me so sleepy.

Even just talking to you right
now... I feel myself drifting
off...to dreamland...

9. Blue adult male Toad
Cabin 2
This one also poses a yes or no question with the same reply to both options. 

Hey. Are you enjoying your
train ride?

Selecting both options gives this reply:

Once a train voyage is
under way, you can't get off.
Whether you want to or not.

Hey... You're making a face
like you just don't care...

10. Purple adult female Toad
Cabin 2
For an unknown reason, she mentions the "human heart" despite being a Toad.

The scenery from a train
window is ever changing,
like the human heart...

But some things don't change.
Like the endless flow of
mushroom dishes here.

Characters 6 through 10 have this tattle by Goombella:

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

Boy, I just LOVE train travel!
The scenery whipping by right
in front of you...

It's so much better than
planes and boats, y'know?

Cabin 3 is always occupied by Heff T., an original passenger from Chapter 6, due to him being too overweight to exit the cabin and being forced to ride the train forever. Cabin 4 is always occupied by Ghost T., a ghost character from Chapter 6 who is bound to the train. Finally, Cabin 5 is always Mario's own cabin. As such, none of these contain randomized passengers.

11. Blue adult male Toad
Cabin 6

DEEEEEEEEE-LICIOUS!
Oops, sorry, did I say that
out loud? How embarrassing.

I had heard the food here
was really amazing, but...

I'm gonna have to learn new
words to convey how good
this meal is. Join me?

12. Green adult male Toad
Cabin 6

I'm trying to muster the
courage to write a note from
the road to the girl I like...

There are so many things I
want to say... I wish I could
get into the spirit!

Characters 11 and 12 have this tattle by Goombella:

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

Everyone has a different
reason for traveling, in case
you didn't know.

Business... Pleasure...
Honeymoons...

Boy, I guess our reason for
traveling is one of the
weirder ones, huh?

13. Orange adult female Toad
Cabin 7

When I look at the scenery
outside the window...

I feel like sometimes things
don't have to have special
meaning to be beautiful.

14. Light green child Toad
Cabin 7
This Toad child is unique in that he gives Mario a quiz, and not just a regular quiz, but one referencing the game's prequel, Paper Mario for the Nintendo 64. This is definitely one of the most unique pieces of content that players who do not spend excessive amounts of time riding the train would never get to experience.

Prepare for a sudden quiz!
But first, let's say "Koops"
ten times quickly! Ready?

Koops Koops Koops Koops
Koops Koops Koops Koops
Koops...

Koops!

All right! Now, here's the
question! What did Bowser
nab in the last Paper Mario?

(The options are "The Star Cookie", "The Star Rod" and "Someone's Lunch". The second one is correct, the other ones are not. Selecting the correct option gives this reply:)

Ding ding ding ding!
You are correct, sir!

But there's no reward.
Unless you consider the
experience alone rewarding!

(...while selecting the wrong ones gives this:)

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HISSSSS!
You are completely...WRONG!
The answer's the Star Rod!

(After the quiz, the Toad child will say this:)

I'm thinking of the next
quiz question...

15. Light blue child Toad (Fitting)
Cabin 7
Characters 15 and 16 are very odd. Both appear identical, as a light blue child Toad. However, one of them says dialogue that fits a child, while the other says a line more fitting for an adult. This raises the possibility that the other one has been incorrectly assigned that model.

Awww, I'm so hungry. 

(This is in fact the full extent of the line; the character says nothing else.)

16. Light blue child Toad (Unfitting)
Cabin 7
This one acts like a homeowner, which does not fit the character model. However, there is also another child Toad later on who also acts like an adult, so perhaps this is an intentional joke on part of the writers.

Hmm... Did I lock the door...
when I left the house?

This completely bugs me...
I really can't even enjoy the
trip... Should I go back?

Characters 13 through 16 have this tattle by Goombella:

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

Y'know, sometimes when I'm
on a train, I just stare out
the window and spaaaaaace.

17. Red adult male Toad
Cabin 8

I finally agreed to a train
trip once my kids had kind of
pestered me into it...

But seeing their innocent
joy now that we're here
makes it all worthwhile.

18. Koopa
Cabin 8

Feeling a train sway makes
me forget all the troubles
in my life, you know?

Like, there was something on
TV that I wanted to watch,
but who really cares, right?

Characters 17 and 18 have this tattle by Goombella: 

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

I guess you have to have
money to be here, right?
...Hard to tell just by looking.

19. Green child Toad
Cabin 8

The scenery outside the
window rushes by just like...
FAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

You know, like, FAZOOOOOOM!
It's awesome!!!

20. Red child Toad
Cabin 8

A conductor or an engineer.
I'm going to be one of those
when I grow up, but which...

Hmm... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Maybe I can decide when I
grow up?

Characters 19 and 20 have this tattle by Goombella:

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

Riding trains is awesome,
no matter how old you are!
Who WOULDN'T like it, huh?

This has been half of all randomized characters. The other half is situated in the dining car. The dining car loads with one character standing on the right and another on the left. There are 7 characters that can load on the left and 13 on the right, and not, as may be expected, 10 on each side. First, the characters on the left. I am saving the two most special characters, the Yoshis, for the end; if you are looking for them specifically, scroll to the bottom of the article.

21. Green child Toad (1)
Dining car

KACHAK-KACHUNG!
That's the sound of the
train! ♪ Movin'! ♪

KACHACK-KACHUNG!
It's so darn fun! ♪
Choo-Choo! ♪

22. Green child Toad (2)
Dining car
This is another child Toad that talks like an adult, either by mistake or as a joke.

Whenever I face anything
sad or hard...I just want
to get far away.

Now, why is that? Is it
because time and distance
solve all problems?

Do we want to put the hard
things far away and behind
us, like yesterday's sunset?

Hey, that was a pretty cool
line, right? I think I'm
going to use it in a novel.

23. Light green child Toad
Dining car
This one refers to Mario's stage name used during Chapter 3, The Great Gonzales.

Ka-BLOWIE! Pa-KOWWWW!
I'm a wild gunman! Yeah, like
a sheriff or somethin'!

And I've got Gonzales, the
super-villain, in my sights!
Freeze, sucka! Ka-POW!

24. Red adult male Toad (1)
Dining car

Ugh... This is the worst.

Double ugh... Business trips,
I tell ya.

Those angry stares from my
wife and daughter... Yikes.
But Dad's gotta work!

25. Green adult male Toad
Dining car

The food here is all
mushrooms, all the time...

And I don't even like
mushrooms... What do I do?

26. Koopa (1)
Dining car

People see train enthusiasts
as obsessive freaks...
You know, kind of geeky.

But I don't care at all.
I really, really like it.
Why should I care?

27. Goomba
Dining car
This Goomba has the most dialogue out of any random passenger, asking Mario a question and then having different responses.

I'm an expert traveler.
Wanna know the three
secrets to a good journey?

(Saying "no":)

All right, then.

(Saying "yes":)

Here we go... Number one!
Leave the ordinary behind!
That includes the cell phone!

Number two! Try to see
farther than usual. And I'm
not just talking scenery...

Number three! Shop after
five for saver specials!
Deals come out at night!

Wait, no, that's the promotion
at the local supermarket...
Yeah, sorry about that.

But, hey, there you have it.
Now you'll have more fun
than ever when traveling!

(Talking to him again after this:)

You want more travel tips?
OK, let's see...

Number one! Travel alone!

Striking out on your own can
remind you how important
friends and family are.

Characters 21 through 27 have this tattle by Goombella:

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

The food on this train is
so good, I bet people overeat
while traveling.

Then they have to go on
diets as soon as they get off!
That'd be weak!

Finally, here is the largest group of characters that are randomized: the right spot in the dining car, which can contain 13 different characters. A player wishing to see all of them would have to take the train at least 13 times with perfect luck; in reality, the number of times would likely be close to my 81 attempts.

28. Blue adult male Toad (1)
Dining car

I'm on business here, unlike
all these giggling tourists!
Or so I thought...

To be honest, I feel kind of
like a giggly tourist now that
I'm here!

29. Koopa (2)
Dining car

I just want to stay on this
train forever... What sort of
magic's possessed me?

30. Koopa (3)
Dining car

Everyone here seems happy,
but travel is not all fun
and games, is it?

Sometimes you get sick or
pickpocketed, or worse!

31. Red adult male Toad (2)
Dining car

You'd better back away!

Why? Because I think I might...
...BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARF!

32. Blue adult male Toad (2)
Dining car

I'm a pretty serious guy.
But I think I've fallen for
the waitress here...

What should I do? They never
teach you the answer to
that question in school...

33. Purple adult female Toad (1)
Dining car

The sight of the ocean from
the window of a train is so
very beautiful!

I just find myself exclaiming
about its beauty without
even realizing it!

34. Purple adult female Toad (2)
Dining car

I boarded this train after
saying a teary good-bye to
my boyfriend.

I wonder if he ran after the
train as it left?

Yeah, right... It's nice to think
about such romantic things,
but they never happen.

35. Red adult female Toad (1)
Dining car
She is likely talking about Ghost T. from Cabin 4, providing a possible explanation for his death.

I heard that a long time ago,
a guy ate a Poison Mushroom
in the food on this train...

...But I heard he passed on
with a smile on his face.
I guess I understand that...

36. Koopa (4)
Dining car

I wonder how long it takes
to just walk from Rogueport
to Poshley Heights...

And if a train shaves off time
from your voyage, does that
make it like a time machine?

37. Red adult female Toad (2)
Dining car
She asks a question of Mario that has nonstandard answers instead of "yes" or "no", with different replies to each.

Journeys bring such joy and
such sorrow. But they are all
valuable memories. Right?

(Choosing "Yeah, I agree":)

Hmmm... You're a good person.

(Choosing "No, you're nuts!":)

I suppose... All memories
do fade with time...

But I don't want to lose this.
If only the memory of this
conversation right now...

38. Lakitu
Dining car
He asks a question with unique answers but has the same response to both.

You think all my people back
home worry about me while
I'm off traveling?

It always freaks me out to
think that I might get in
an accident and scare them.

Think about it: accidents
happen. And you're telling
me you still like to travel?

(The options are "Get over it!" and "I hate travel." Choosing either gets this reply:)

You travel at the risk of
your life, sir!

Finally, the last two passengers are adult Yoshis. This is unique as nowhere else in the game do adult Yoshis appear as NPCs; the only time they are seen is briefly when Mario's Yoshi partner uses his Stampede attack. For the longest time, I have believed there is only one Yoshi that can spawn (and online sources also say it is only one) - however, there are actually two Yoshis with different dialogue that happen to spawn in the same spot in the dining car instead. 

39. Adult Yoshi (1)
Dining car

Which do you prefer, curry
or stew? Sorry, I guess that's
a weird question to ask...

Anyway, me, I like curry.
It took a while, but that's
the conclusion I've come to.

40. Adult Yoshi (2)
Dining car
This one actually mentions his wife, which (assuming she is also a Yoshi) would be one of the very few allusions to the fact that female Yoshis actually exist, as there has never been any Yoshi directly referred to as female and the other allusion is Naval Piranha referring to Yoshi's mother in Tetris Attack. Of course, given how inter-species marriage seems to be common in the Mario universe, it is also likely that this Yoshi's wife is some other species.

Ugh... Why do I have to travel
for work and get shook on
every plane, train, and boat!

I should be at home with my
new bride! I need to get back
home! Oh! My lovely wife!

Finally, characters 28 through 40 have this tattle by Goombella:

That's a passenger on the
Excess Express.

Not to change the subject,
but watching your health
abroad is super-important.

You wouldn't want to get
sick and spoil the whole trip,
would you?

I hope this guide will be useful for those who wish to experience all this content without needing to sit through many dozens of train rides, as I did. 

Thank you very much for reading.