A hard update to share (Patreon)

Hi peeps,

So far I've always tried to update all of you once a week. Until now that was also a very motivating thing for me to do, but I must admit that with the whole quarantine going on, my motivation has dropped below zero. If you are not up for a more heavier post, you might want to skip this one.

I tried focusing on home work-outs, but I have to admit I really don't like them. The weather is getting a lot nicer, so during outside runs it's hard to avoid people, which I'm also not really up for. I notice that it's a lot harder to eat healthy during the day, or avoid evening snacks, during a time were you cannot get food easily or are in general more sad so you have more cravings.

My goal was to be disciplined and steadily lose a little bit. Then I changed my goal to at least stay stable, but none of that seems to be happening. I tried the workouts, I tried the runs, not eating too excessively, but my weight is super inconsistent.

I started the first wednesday of April at 77,9 kg (which is basically where I've been at since the lockdown, so that weight was already the same for approx 10 days). A few days later I was at 76,6, since then it went up, and up, and up and now I'm at 77,9 kg again. It's so discouraging when you feel like you're trying hard in even harder conditions, but it just doesn't make a difference. It's even worse because you think: with all this effort the weight is still going up for days on end, what if I didn't do this effort? So... basically you feel like you NEED to force yourself to not give up, because otherwise the results would be even worse.

This is the reason why I've been struggling to update you all. Every morning I get on the scale (Yes, I know a lot of people discourage that, but I want to do that) and where I always saw that my efforts were enough to steadily make the weight go down, now I've seen a worse number every day for over a week, while I did daily runs/long walks/home workouts.

My goal for this week, until next monday, is to not give in to cravings and manage my portions a bit. No chocolate/chips/alcoholic or sugared drinks (except my one morning coffee :)). If I get some better news, I might post an update again, but for now I don't want to promise a new one, until I get a little bit back on track.  I don't want to set goals, but in my heart I know I'm gonna be really sad if I go back over 78 kg because it would mean I actually might end up 100% where I started 6 weeks ago... and I don't know if I can do this all over again.

Sorry for the downer, I hope you understand and don't mind. These posts are to give you a little bit of an insight in my brain and heart, so it is what it is sometimes.

Stay safe, and hopefully I can post a better update soon again. 

Big love,

Mary