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Alice 42 (Patreon)

Published:
2016-03-29 07:04:13
Imported:
2020-10

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Content

The girls are back together again -- now that they've made up, Alice, Jen and Laurie get together for a good, old-fashioned sleepover. And all the gorging and hedonism that entails! How much can these girls eat? Read and find out...

Comments

Samster

Another fantastic update...and damn those girls can eat!

Anonymous

Nice Molly, was wondering when this one would sneak in. :) Very groovy chapter!

Chumlee99

At some point those three girls are gonna get so fat they fall through the floor

Phat94

Absolutely fantastic chapter, best I've read in some time. I can' t tell you how overjoyed I was to see Laurie release some gas again, not to mention Jen. Personally I felt the last chapter a little tame, I've been really hoping for Laurie to let go. And Jen even got stuck briefly! In addition, I must say the dynamic between Alice and Laurie at the end there was really fascinating. Could go someplace interesting.... Do have a few minor quibbles though, firstly at one point you say they are "on the way to obesity" , whereas I'm pretty sure they are way past it by this point. Secondly the document has a lot of formatting issues like changing fonts, type size, and even colour. Already fixed mine but just a bit odd. And finally, I think that around the end of the story you used the effects like "dialogue *burp*" a little too much. I understand that you wanted to really emphasise the gaseous-ness, and I do appreciate that, but it's so much more enjoyable to read when you give each one a little description as you did before and earlier in the fic. Hope this doesn't sound too negative, I adore Laurie so so much! Can't wait to see more of her, hopefully being teased for her gas and fetish.

mollycoddles
>>1571564

Thanks for the feedback! I'll try and keep the in-dialogue burps to a minimum in the future :)