“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.” (Patreon)

I know, I know, I know.

It was one of those apps I downloaded for a moment. $7.99 a week?! Ew. I said yes, and canceled. But, I still have my 3-day trial!

Which I won’t use. Kicked it off the Subscribe pane. It was a fine diversion while I was lounging in the heat (definitely not pooping), and like most things these days, provided a momentary distraction.

When I dug up this ancient gem of a pic, I made a vow, only to myself as it took the 30 seconds to ‘process’: this is absurd; I’ll post it; who cares. It’ll just be some good, silly fun.

Turns out, my jaw looks like an evil arrow, my lips look like I got Botox in a strip mall, my hair looks painted, I have the eyes of a grouper in the fish market, and my nipples are… C’mon. I was hoping for some contrast here, people.

Now I know how Norma Desmond must’a felt, when Cecil turned out to never have an interest in her car in the first place.

Or…

“I am BIG!

It was the PICTURES that got small.”