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Episode 580 - Blood for the Vampire Dead (Patreon)

Published:
2022-01-20 14:58:19
Imported:
2022-01

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Content

The pulpy action rolls into the Ozarks with Blood for the Vampire Dead by Robert Leslie Bellem (available in the Pulp Fiction Megapack).

Special thanks to reader Owen Elliot!

Next up: Bat Man by Lew Merrill

And a MANIMAL (in which we ended up talking about anything but Manimal)

Comments

Anonymous

Early morning strange tales. Life is good

Anonymous

Wait, "father?" Chad, the old guy in Let the Right One In isn't Eli's father. He's a pedophile.

Jeremy Impson

Manimal Minus Manimal is my favorite fan-made genre

Anonymous

"Forget it, Jake, it's the Ozarks."

Anonymous

Man, I enjoyed that time in the Ozarks.

Ben Gilbert

I think "Lige" is short for Elijah.

Anonymous

Doc Croft makes him sound old I agree, and just “Tim” doesn’t sound right is also correct… sooo Dr. Tim? Dr Nekked Guy?

Steve

I recently bought the first 8 issues of Occult Detective Magazine. So I guess I'm a binger.

Steve

I was also laughing at Junior. Of course you're younger than me, so it was a hollow, bitter laugh - the best kind!

Steve

I'm sure you meant "It can't get much batter than that."

Anonymous

This was... OK for "spicy" pulp fiction? I think anything titled "Blood for the Vampire Dead" should be more awesome, but that's the problem with the pulps. Some of it really is awesome, but in a field where so much was written for a relatively long time (and generally written at great speed for little money or acclaim), it's a numbers game. You have to read through a lot of pure garbage to find the few gems. So, like most pulp stories, there were some striking images and a few good ideas, but the whole was kind of "meh," and unpleasant to modern eyes, too boot. Now, I kind of don't see why you don't realize that Manimal is actually below this in quality....

Anonymous

I wonder if Owen Elliot is from Nova Scotia's evilly shadowed seaside town of... Dartmouth.

Avlin Starfall

I'm sure someone mentioned it but Chad, you are remembering Let the Right One In completely wrong. The vampire is a child but it's a boy who was castrated and lives as girl and the "father" of the vampire is a random pedophile the vampire let's take care of them.

Anonymous

With the exception of Anne Rice’s contribution to this month, I’d almost call this the Pulped Fiction month. Though entertainingly bad, both Dr. Satan and this tale may have been better served as kindling or as papier-mâché. Also, I have a colleague who calls people by their first and last name. I always thought it was a weird quirk but now you guys have made me think they’re really a body snatching imposter! Guess I’ll have to test them to see if they understand modern banking (ATM __machine__?!), have fake hands, or start talking about topics they couldn’t possibly know…

Anonymous
>>76123162

Chad might be confusing the Swedish original “Let the Right One In” with the American remake “Let Me In” which does have a young girl. In the remake it is revealed that her companion used to be a young boy she befriended.

Anonymous
>>76100126

"You have to read through a lot of pure garbage to find the few gems." I have always thought that described basically everything, though I seem to have always been more tolerant of the printed schlock version as opposed to the film, music, food or dating versions.

Anonymous

Big motivation to write everyone’s first and second name if you’re paid by the word and you’re already bored of your story…

Anonymous
>>76111865

Though I’ve on occasion laid my head down to rest in that shady harbour town I’ve never tarried long. I live in a far smaller and far older town. There’s a great sushi place there though!

Anonymous

I can well imagine that reading this atrocity was a lot less fun than the joy you guys provided us with your conversation about it. Still, I hope you might dip your toe (naked voluptous upside hanging toe) back into the pulps from time to time. What about (just for something completely different) one of the detective stories that Bradbury did as a young struggling writer? I haven't read any in years, but I imagine thaey are at least competently written with his flair for autumnal twlighty metaphors and little lost boy/men being thrust into a noir world where they clearly don't belong. While nothing really weird in them, the contrast could be at least strange.

Tom Král

I hope Marches for Dracula is still happening this year and once again I'm recommending "I am Legend" an amazing, Weird and strange story that I am sure you will love!

Anonymous

We wear clothes in the Ozark’s, unlike Dr. Tim Croft. It’s nice to hear a story that takes place here. It certainly presents itself as a perfect setting for gloom and doom. So much untouched land and rich with lore. It’s too bad the story was terrible, “I’m so frightened”.

feedergoldfish

...her curvesome body...? That's not a word, is it? And I agree, there's a pretty high creepiness factor in this tale.

Anonymous

I was really hoping that the last line of the story would have been something like, "As her lips pulled back to reveal bright sharp teeth against his neck." Or something like that. That's what we'd get if this was in a modern horror show anthology and it would be a cheesy nod to the audience.

Richard Horsman

Blood for the Vampire Dead could be the name of an overpriced cocktail. But what it first made me think of was beers from Asheville North Carolina's Burial Brewery. Some past and current names include: The Continual Spectrum of Human Introspection The Beginning Is After the End A Final Space For Lost Souls Massacre of the Innocents A Modern Ballad of Self-Torture I'm imagining Blood for the Vampire Dead as maybe an imperial red ale, or a surprisingly understated amber.

Anonymous

Half-Dracula is definitely a D&D 3e racial template.

Anonymous
>>76141519

Especially when you're turning out a hundred (💯) stories a year for three decades. Working full time, that probably means writing around 125-175 words an hour, 9 to 5, 50 weeks a year, for 30 years. Those last names add up...

Anonymous

Wow, that was some of the worst phonetically rendered dialect since the days when this podcast covered nothing but H.P. Lovecraft.

Anonymous

Not at all surprised to learn Bellem wrote a lot of TV scripts. "Spiciness" aside, this story sounded an awful lot like an episode of Tim Croft: Ozark Doctor. No supernatural stuff (not in the budget), a murder mystery to unravel, some bland protagonists, and a little stinger at the end. Its stuff like this that makes you appreciate writers like Robert E. Howard who could insert the bid for the cover image and make it seem like an actual part of the story, rather than blatant manipulation of the editor.

Anonymous

It's funny you should mention binging, for as of this show, I have completed all 580 episodes, as well as all bonus and comment shows, in under four months. Is this healthy? Should I seek help? And for god's sake, why am I naked?!

Anonymous

I was really hoping this was going the Carl Tanzier route. I'll just make a few edits in my head and enjoy the story that way.

Anonymous

I listened to this today not long after reading a friend's Facebook post lamenting that until relatively recently, whenever a female character appeared in a science fiction story by a male writer, you could usually start taking bets for how long it would be until the author mentioned her breasts, often for no reason but to focus our attention on a reminder that she has them, whereas men's bodies are rarely mentioned or described (Conan's mighty thews aside). Incidentally, the running joke about Dr. Tim Croft's alleged nudity reminds me of the recent HBO series Beforeigners, a Norwegian police procedural / time-travel show that I recommend despite--or is that because of?--its bonkers premise (he's a worn-out junkie cop; she's a Viking shield maiden; they fight crime). A character living in modern Oslo but originally from 10,000 years in the past spends his whole time naked, even when, say, the police come by to ask questions. Not even slippers.